Carlita, I'm talking about knowing from experience, not from books. I person who has never had a baby simply can't understand what it's like to have a baby. They can claim to have that understanding, but they really can't. A person who has never faced discrimination because of gender, race, sexual orientation, etc. can never really get it.
So when a Baha'i' says to a Hindu, 'I can understand where you're coming from,' I'm suspicious. If the person, OTOH, had actually experienced Hinduism, by once being one, sure. So for Adrian, for example, I do trust that he understands Christianity. But Hinduism? ... nah.
I think the phrase "I understand..." is saying more I understand enough to follow the conversation. We know they don't understand internally and two or three, can't remember, of them admit they don't, so I'd say when they use the phase it's in a totally different context than how you're understanding it.
I know when I was suffering through depression, one of the tips was never tell the person you understand because no matter if you went through depression or not, the experience is different for everyone. One thing I notice on the Pagan boards is they don't want to "side with people" in their understanding of the same umbrella. They want to keep their individualism even though they may believe in the same gods and theme.
In my point of view, that is where empathy comes from. When you don't understand by experience but you can understand because you both have the same aura and can experience each other's emotions.
Now that I think of it, it is just like that. My two brothers and I (skipped over my sister for some reason) can pick up on people's emotions. My brother says he sees colors around people. That type of thing. It's not completely psychological, though I wish then I could turn it off.
I don't know how to explain it. If I go around certain people I don't need to know them, see them, or talk to them, and I get a buzzer run up my body. Something like a flight and fright response but in a way you know mentally why you responded rather than an automatic response. Having that all day every day is exhausting so I don't go out often unless I need to.
I used to do empathy prayers with my whole body ("pagan rituals", if one likes) and I'd literally break down crying. Of course, online is near but impossible to get to that stage but I'm sure there are words that people can understand intellectually even though they don't understand it internally.
I notice that it's better to connect with people on an experiential level online. Like when loved ones passed away we may have an experiential connection that no "like" can express. Some of us probably stared and figured whether we should say Like, Heart, or Let it be. It's probably a reason I like to write.
But expression by experience-say poetry, Egar Allen Poe's the Raven is a great one-sends more signals than Bahaullah says this or Vishnu means that.
That's why I use a lot of analogies (hint hint guys) because, well, that's how The Buddha taught and even more so, if people don't understand by direct language, there are other approaches to getting your message across--if you want to.
If this was done months ago, I'd hope everyone would have a better conversation and everyone involved.