The Emperor of Mankind
Currently the galaxy's spookiest paraplegic
I roll my eyes because the bible contains at least three types of prophecies, maybe more:
1. "Duh" prophecies: "These two very angry nations will fight each other and people will die. Meanwhile, in breaking news, water is wet."
2. "Hindsight" prophecies: I will write in the present day that someone a hundred years ago predicted the very thing I'm going through right now. I will have no original sources to back this up.
3. "Wish fulfillment" prophecies: I don't like that particular group so I predict they will all burn in hell because they cut me off on the highway and now I'm bitter towards their entire population.
I was going to say something but... yeah, this encapsulated it all better than I ever could.