"I Heard You Mormons...."

[angellous_evangellous]

Those pamphlets most likely looked something like this: www.chick.com. John Chick is a fundamentalist Arminian cartoonist who has produced a whole line of animated tracts. His tracts aren't funny. They pretend to be historicaly and theologicaly accurate, and many Christians use his stuff as the tracts are widely available in Christian bookstores. He attacks everyone.

This one attacks Masons: http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/5022/5022_01.asp

Mormons: http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0061/0061_01.asp -- We find some myths here - connecting Mormonism to Baal, blood oaths, etc

Abortionists - http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1009/1009_01.asp

Catholics - this is really bad stuff - http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0071/0071_01.asp

Masons http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0093/0093_01.asp

Islam - http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1004/1004_01.asp and http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0042/0042_01.asp

I know that he has tracts on the KJV but I could not find them this morning.

Happy reading

 

[jonny]

Someone gave me one of those cartoon tracts before. In the back there was a place for me to sign if I believed in Jesus Christ and I would be saved. I never realized it was so simple. I signed it - so any of you who are worried about my soul can quit worrying.

 

[angellous_evangellous]

Someone gave me one of those cartoon tracts before. In the back there was a place for me to sign if I believed in Jesus Christ and I would be saved. I never realized it was so simple. I signed it - so any of you who are worried about my soul can quit worrying.

Next time someone gives you one, set it on fire and give it back.

Or you could have some real fun and pretend like you're gay and you like them (or worship Satan - "yeah, this tract is right!"). The person holding the tract is likely to be a real hard-nose conservative. Most people just get angry with them.

I prefer to have as much fun with them as humanly possible - or throw firey darts from my powerful intellect. Depends on the mood.

 

[idea]

"...worship a version of Jesus who captains a starship Galactica, along with his twin brother Lucifer."

"...can't eat food that's been cooked on Teflon."

"...think non-whites who accept Christ will turn white."

"...can't drive cars. (i.e. If I join your church, do I have to sell my car and ride a bike everywhere?)"

"...have horns (or tails)."

"...think that only Americans will go to heaven."

"...think black people are devils."

"...have to stay away from the ocean."

I've heard all these. How about all of you? Care to add to the list? This thread isn't for resolving these ideas, only collecting them. It's supposed to be funny, if perhaps a little sad. Anyway, anyone care to add to my collection?

Wait, almost forgot one because it didn't fit the format:

"I heard Joseph Smith made a prophecy about tree-men walking around on the sun."

LOL! :clap

 

[Smoke]

"...have to stay away from the ocean."

I've never heard that one before.

 

[Sententia]

...believe in prophecy.
...wear magic underwear.
...believe homosexuality is wrong and/or a disease.
...believe god, the mormon god, talks to many people and personally guides the church.
...derive the basis of their faith from a book translated from gold plates that dont exist on this planet.
...believe marriage is eternal beyond death and this life.
...believe in the gift of tongues and the ability for some to interpret tongues.
...can not drink alcohol.

 

[stacey bo bacey]

It sounds like people are getting you guys confused with Pentecostals, the Amish...and some Scientology.

 

[tomspug]

Whenever I use religious terminology that someone doesn't understand (for example, I was speaking of "elders", because my church is Presbyterian (presbyteros = elder)), and I get asked if I'm a Mormon.

 

[Katzpur]

...believe in prophecy.

You're right!

...wear magic underwear.

You're wrong!

...believe homosexuality is wrong and/or a disease.

Misleading.

...believe god, the mormon god, talks to many people and personally guides the church.

More or less.

...derive the basis of their faith from a book translated from gold plates that dont exist on this planet.

Correct!

...believe marriage is eternal beyond death and this life.

It can be.

...believe in the gift of tongues and the ability for some to interpret tongues.

Yes, although most of us have never witnessed this.

...can not drink alcohol.

Should not drink alcohol.

Actually, this thread was supposed to be something of a joke, Balance. Maybe you didn't get that.

 

[Apex]

Actually, this thread was supposed to be something of a joke, Balance. Maybe you didn't get that.

I am sure he got it. Some people just like to crap on other peoples fun.

 

[Sententia]

I am sure he got it. Some people just like to crap on other peoples fun.

LOL

That is why I posted? What I like about you Apex is your very predictable in how you interpret those that disagree with you. Its typically a response of disgust tinged with superiority and possible an ad hom thrown in on occasion.

 

[Sententia]

You're wrong!

Because the name I used is wrong? Temple garment that is worn close to the skin and normally under other clothes.

Undergarment?

 

[Katzpur]

Because the name I used is wrong? Temple garment that is worn close to the skin and normally under other clothes.

Undergarment.

No, because there's nothing magical about it. If there were, Mormons who wear them would live forever, never set sick or injured. We'd get all the best jobs, drive the nicest cars, win the lottery. (Well, maybe not win the lottery, since we don't believe in gambling. ) As it is, we just muddle along with the rest of you folks in your Hanes, or Fruit of the Loom or whatever.

 

[Sententia]

No, because there's nothing magical about it. If there were, Mormons who wear them would live forever, never set sick or injured. We'd get all the best jobs, drive the nicest cars, win the lottery. (Well, maybe not win the lottery, since we don't believe in gambling. ) As it is, we just muddle along with the rest of you folks in your Hanes, or Fruit of the Loom or whatever.

Ahh... Perhaps magic is a bad word to use. (I call it the Maher influence as I watch his show every week. Esp now that its back on!) Special or Blessed under garments? I'm not sure they are blessed per se no more then say a nuns clothing.

But they do have special meaning to the individual and are normally worn in place of underwear which is why people call them underwear. (Close to the skin and all)

I think most mormons would have this view. Its a special garment and sacred to them and it doesn't hold any intrinsic power per se. However I have read that other mormons believe this garment to be Armor of God. That it will protect them from harm if worn properly and diligently and not removed at the whims of circumstance.

Some say it will ward off evil... much like a crucifix or holy water.

So if it was actually capable of warding off evil that would be a type of magic and while not as powerful as the magic you describe it could still be described as magic. It does seem silly to do so since we dont describe crosses and crucifix as magic... or prayer beads... Holy maybe. Holy undergarments?

 

[Katzpur]

Special or Blessed under garments? I'm not sure they are blessed per se no more then say a nuns clothing.

I don't know that I've ever heard them referred to as "blessed" (at least not by members of my church). I can tell you for sure that there is no "blessing" said over them or anything of that sort.

But they do have special meaning to the individual and are normally worn in place of underwear which is why people call them underwear. (Close to the skin and all)

That's right. "Underwear" is a good word.

I think most mormons would have this view. Its a special garment and sacred to them and it doesn't hold any intrinsic power per se. However I have read that other mormons believe this garment to be Armor of God. That it will protect them from harm if worn properly and diligently and not removed at the whims of circumstance.

Garments are worn as a reminder of the covenants made in the temple. The protection they offer would be more spiritual than physical. In other words, if a member of the Church is wearing his or her garments, he is less likely to end up engaging in activities that are not spiritually or morally appropriate.

Some say it will ward off evil... much like a crucifix or holy water.

So if it was actually capable of warding off evil that would be a type of magic and while not as powerful as the magic you describe it could still be described as magic. It does seem silly to do so since we dont describe crosses and crucifix as magic... or prayer beads... Holy maybe. Holy undergarments?

I suppose there are Mormons who would say that (maybe FFH , I don't know), but that is definitely not what the Church leadership would say or what we are taught.

 

[Apex]

LOL

That is why I posted? What I like about you Apex is your very predictable in how you interpret those that disagree with you. Its typically a response of disgust tinged with superiority and possible an ad hom thrown in on occasion.

Ok, then enlighten us as to why you posted it. The thread was started with a humorous tone. Where was the humor in your post?

 

[Sententia]

Ok, then enlighten us as to why you posted it. The thread was started with a humorous tone. Where was the humor in your post?

I will not enlighten you Apex. I can only state why I posted. It is not meant to instruct or spiritually guide you. Its just a reason. Perhaps you will take that reason and somehow become enlightened hehe. Which would be humerous. To me the post was started with some things that were funny but confusing but kind of sad. Not being a mormon or sharing your sense of humor and noticing it was posted in the general debates section and not either the humor section or the mormon only section I thought I would post things that I found humerous or rather sad. Besides it is the general religious forums and honestly these are what I have heard about mormons.

Now why is it funny? Well like I said not everything is funny but as an atheist you have to admit I might have a bit of a different sense of humor then you. A guy walks into a bar, OW!!! is just not that funny to me but other people might crack up.

Holy Prophecy passed down through a living prophet direct from the mouth and thoughts of god is hysterical to me and to many others.

Its such unproven superstitious nonsense that I find it hard to believe anyone can look anyone dead in the eye and claim to have spoken or to be in some way guided by god. I have gone into prophecy before and understand it may be unique to me that I find it humerous. Others may not get it or take offense while still others would just find it kind of sad.

Magic underwear I thought was a fairly productive and entertaining correction. I have heard other nicknames for them as well but Temple Undergarments seems to be the proper way to refer to these sacred clothing items.

Homosexuality is a taboo no no in the mormon church. Those who are gay often suffer mental anguish from their church and their family or live a life in the closet til they can run away. This is sad to me. Characterizing someone who is gay as having a type of disease or mental disorder is like trying to talk people with blue eyes into just changing their eyes brown.

Believing their god specifically guides their faith and religion is just standard faire really. All religions believe this to some degree. Their god is the god. They each have special attributes their religion implies god has and know their god will give them eternal life or what have you. Its fairly ridiculous to me. What proof do any of the 1000s of religions have that Thor is any more the true god then say Ao or Yahweh. (Allah? Ra?) See my signature.

The gold plates thing is so funny Southpark dedicated an episode to it and it hits the MSM at least a few times a year.

Sealing for all eternity would be a hysterical concept for some of my friends with fears of normal commitment, let alone supernatural forever eternal commitment.

Tongues... If you have ever heard Free Thought radio the male host is an ex pastor who used to speak and can still speak in tongues. Tongues: The not so Obvious Fraud was a great book as well. But speaking tongues is one thing what really keels me over is the suggested ability to interpret tongues.

Last was not being able to drink alcohol when many like me at the time, were actually drinking alcohol while reading the forums. Further the whole idea behind abstaining from alcohol and coffee etc is (And correct me if Im wrong) to treat thy body like a temple. Knowing that there might be significant benefits from imbibing both substances in moderation is indeed humerous. :angel2:

 

[challupa]

First I would like to say I don't know how you guys live with these incredibly weird beliefs others have about your religion. I do have a question though. Do you believe Lucifer and Jesus are brothers? Also I have heard that your God actually has a "Goddess" which I think is very interesting indeed. If these are just more of the same idiotic myths forgive me and let me know.

 

[Luminous]

What is up with being a Mormon but not being an book of mormon kind of believer? doesn't that book say many things? don't mormons believe them all?

 

[Katzpur]

First I would like to say I don't know how you guys live with these incredibly weird beliefs others have about your religion.

It's hard, believe me, but you do get used to it, and forums such as RF give us an opportunity to clear up misconceptions. The unfortunate thing is that a lot of people would actually prefer to believe the myths, even after having heard the truth.

I do have a question though. Do you believe Lucifer and Jesus are brothers? Also I have heard that your God actually has a "Goddess" which I think is very interesting indeed. If these are just more of the same idiotic myths forgive me and let me know.

Two good questions. There is actually an element of truth to both of these beliefs, but they are less "weird" when you understand them.

Jesus and Lucifer's relationship: We believe that although Jesus Christ is the Only Begotten Son of God, he is the Father of the spirits of each and every one of us. We believe that we lived, as spirit beings, in God's presence prior to being born to earthly parents. We believe that Lucifer, too, was one of God's spirit children. In that respect, he was not only Jesus' brother but our brother, too. (Keep in mind that we do not believe in the Trinity. We believe that Jesus Christ and God the Father are two physically distinct beings. Consequently, Lucifer was one of God's spirit sons; he was Jesus' spirit brother.) Unlike Jesus, who was fully supportive of His Father in every respect, Lucifer was rebellious, eventually being cast out of Heaven, along with a third of God's other spirit offspring who sided with him in the War in Heaven described in Revelation. Once this happened, he lost all rights to his heavenly inheritance. He lost the right to be born on this earth, to experience mortality, and to return to God's presence someday.

God's "Goddess": We do believe that in addition to having a Father in Heaven, we have a Mother in Heaven. Throughout the Bible, we see how much God values the husband-wife relationship. Unlike other Christians, we believe that both Jesus Christ and His Father have a physical form in which image and likeness mankind was created. So, to us, God is male; He is not an invisible essence but a divine being with a body that resembles ours, but which, unlike ours, is perfect, immortal, and incorruptable. We believe that He has a female counterpart -- a "Goddess wife," I suppose you might say. We believe this much, but we don't know anything more about her. We don't worship her, pray to her or really even speculate about her. We simply believe that she exists and is God's eternal companion. She would be the perfect example of womanhood.

I hope this answers your questions. Please feel free to ask any others as they may come to mind.