I just want a normal boyfriend

[Secret Chief]

 

[JustGeorge]

View attachment 69852

Don't worry, @Secret Chief . No matter how off the wall this guy seems, I can assure you none of us here think you're normal.

 

[Secret Chief]

Don't worry, @Secret Chief . No matter how off the wall this guy seems, I can assure you none of us here think you're normal.

That's very reassuring.

 

[exchemist]

Absolutely not. He probably has done this 300 hundred times. Meets a woman on line, eventually gets them to let him in so he has a place to crash for a few months until he takes a good chunk of your money and time and emotions until you have to legally evict him to get him out of your space.

All you need to do is nicely tell him you have decided a relationship is too much for you at this time, hang up and change your phone number!

Today would be the day to do it.

Not speaking from experience....well.

That's very much the feeling I have about this, too.

 

[Trailblazer]

Others have advised you to end it and I agree. You don't want to get saddled with a nutter. There are ample warning signs. Keep in mind there are a lot of odd people about - and the odder they are the more likely they are to resort to the internet. It seems to me one snag with internet dating, as opposed to meeting people naturally through social contact, may be that there is no filter. When you meet people via social interaction (in the neighbourhood, through work, via church, leisure activity groups, even shopping) is there is an invisible filter operating, that puts you mostly with people who are in some ways not too wildly dissimilar in habits and lifestyle from you. But the internet provides an anonymous outlet for all the cranks and nutcases - not to mention people with ill intentions. So it seems to me you need to provide your own filter and be ruthless in applying it. I think you have to be selective, pay attention to your red flags and not be afraid to act on them promptly.

I think that most of the men on online dating sites are just ordinary men looking for a woman, they are not nutcases. eharmony has lots of 'normal' men but to me they are boring as hell. What most men are interested in I am not interested in, like sports, outdoor activities, traveling, children, grandchildren, and sex. Boring.

It is more likely that I would find a man who is out of the norm on the dating site I found this man on, since it is called Spiritual Singles and it attracts all kinds of unconventional people. The man I am referring to is normal compared to most of the men on this dating site, and that is one reason I picked him out of the crowd.

The whole idea of a dating site is that you find someone you like (appearance and profile description) and then you message them and get to know a few more things about them and then you might talk on the phone and after that meet in person. I am not going to meet a man via social interaction since I don't live in a neighborhood, I don't go to work (I work at home) and I do not go to church or leisure activity groups. I only go to the grocery stores and post office, and I am not going to pick up a man in a grocery store.

After what happened to me early on with the con-men on dating sites I have a filter and I am ruthless in applying it.
I talked to this man on the phone because there was no other way to communicate with him, and I learned a lot about him. That is how one gets to know someone, by writing or talking. The more I talked and listened to what he said the more red flags were raised. However, I also found out some positive things about him. No harm done. Now I just need to tell him why I think this can never work. So far, he is the one who has been telling me the reasons why it cannot work and I agree with those reasons, although there are additional reasons I need to discuss with him.

 

[Trailblazer]

Absolutely not. He probably has done this 300 hundred times. Meets a woman on line, eventually gets them to let him in so he has a place to crash for a few months until he takes a good chunk of your money and time and emotions until you have to legally evict him to get him out of your space.

I love how people jump to conclusions. Give them a little information and then they just add onto that.

Unless he is a liar, he has never done this at all. In fact, he was married once for two years, 43 years ago, and he has only been with one woman since that time, a very short fling he said he regrets, because it was just sex, not love.

Did you read the OP? The problem is not getting him out, it is getting him in. He does not even want to come to my house, and I cannot make him come.

All you need to do is nicely tell him you have decided a relationship is too much for you at this time, hang up and change your phone number!

Today would be the day to do it.

Not speaking from experience....well.

I will tell him the truth when he calls, that we cannot have a relationship since he can never come to meet me and live here and I am not going to live out on public land in a vehicle.

 

[exchemist]

I think that most of the men on online dating sites are just ordinary men looking for a woman, they are not nutcases. eharmony has lots of 'normal' men but to me they are boring as hell. What most men are interested in I am not interested in, like sports, outdoor activities, traveling, children, grandchildren, and sex. Boring.

It is more likely that I would find a man who is out of the norm on the dating site I found this man on, since it is called Spiritual Singles and it attracts all kinds of unconventional people. The man I am referring to is normal compared to most of the men on this dating site, and that is one reason I picked him out of the crowd.

The whole idea of a dating site is that you find someone you like (appearance and profile description) and then you message them and get to know a few more things about them and then you might talk on the phone and after that meet in person. I am not going to meet a man via social interaction since I don't live in a neighborhood, I don't go to work (I work at home) and I do not go to church or leisure activity groups. I only go to the grocery stores and post office, and I am not going to pick up a man in a grocery store.

After what happened to me early on with the con-men on dating sites I have a filter and I am ruthless in applying it.
I talked to this man on the phone because there was no other way to communicate with him, and I learned a lot about him. That is how one gets to know someone, by writing or talking. The more I talked and listened to what he said the more red flags were raised. However, I also found out some positive things about him. No harm done. Now I just need to tell him why I think this can never work. So far, he is the one who has been telling me the reasons why it cannot work and I agree with those reasons, although there are additional reasons I need to discuss with him.

OK, then it sounds as you can both withdraw gracefully before it gets awkward.

Better luck next time!

 

[Trailblazer]

Better luck next time!

If there is a next time. I am really tired of playing this game.
Mind you, I was never looking for a husband the first time, he just landed on my doorstep.

 

[JustGeorge]

If there is a next time. I am really tired of playing this game.
Mind you, I was never looking for a husband the first time, he just landed on my doorstep.

I think people often find what they want when they stop looking for it.

Or, actively strive against it...

 

[Trailblazer]

I think people often find what they want when they stop looking for it.

Or, actively strive against it...

Mike just called but I did not answer the phone. Instead I let it go to voice mail because I have to go out to the grocery store and post office so I don't want to talk to him now since I will never get off the phone.

Here is the voice mail transcript. His voice sounded tasked.

Yeah hi Susan this is Mike. I came to town and the library was closed. So I mailed to you two photos. I already had a few other things and I'm not sure if I gonna call you. Not sure I'm going to be able to call you during it during the next two weeks. Not sure I will be in cell phone range or not because of the weather. So right now you have it and we'll see what happens when I try a little bit later today. Call you calling you back today and then I may or may not moved to work-with-around(?) out of cell phone range this afternoon but I'm still thinking about it. Thanks bye.

This whole thing is just too weird for me. He has to go park his vehicle in a certain location where there is no rain in the forecast, so he will be out of cell phone range for two weeks. I cannot do this anymore. I am tired of trying to help men who cannot help themselves, I did that for the better part of the last 20 years.

My intuition was correct. I am glad I posted this thread to discuss it and get input from other people.

 

[YoursTrue]

I think that most of the men on online dating sites are just ordinary men looking for a woman, they are not nutcases. eharmony has lots of 'normal' men but to me they are boring as hell. What most men are interested in I am not interested in, like sports, outdoor activities, traveling, children, grandchildren, and sex. Boring.

It is more likely that I would find a man who is out of the norm on the dating site I found this man on, since it is called Spiritual Singles and it attracts all kinds of unconventional people. The man I am referring to is normal compared to most of the men on this dating site, and that is one reason I picked him out of the crowd.

The whole idea of a dating site is that you find someone you like (appearance and profile description) and then you message them and get to know a few more things about them and then you might talk on the phone and after that meet in person. I am not going to meet a man via social interaction since I don't live in a neighborhood, I don't go to work (I work at home) and I do not go to church or leisure activity groups. I only go to the grocery stores and post office, and I am not going to pick up a man in a grocery store.

After what happened to me early on with the con-men on dating sites I have a filter and I am ruthless in applying it.
I talked to this man on the phone because there was no other way to communicate with him, and I learned a lot about him. That is how one gets to know someone, by writing or talking. The more I talked and listened to what he said the more red flags were raised. However, I also found out some positive things about him. No harm done. Now I just need to tell him why I think this can never work. So far, he is the one who has been telling me the reasons why it cannot work and I agree with those reasons, although there are additional reasons I need to discuss with him.

What I find amazing is that someone like you is actually glossing over the situation and making like it could be ok for you. Another reason not to see a trained psychologist. But I see now you may terminate the connection. Congrats.

 

[Trailblazer]

What I find amazing is that someone like you is actually glossing over the situation and making like it could be ok for you. Another reason not to see a trained psychologist. But I see now you may terminate the connection. Congrats.

Does it look like I am glossing over this situation? No, I certainly am not.
I am trained in psychology because I have an MA in Psychology and a counseling license, although I don't really need that to see that something is amiss here. It's fairly obvious.

 

[Trailblazer]

I think people often find what they want when they stop looking for it.

Or, actively strive against it...

So below is the voice mail I got later. Looks like I will not have to be dealing with this again for quite a while.
Lots of time to think. I have had some new realizations about this situation so I am going to post a new thread tomorrow.

Yeah hi this is Mike. I called you about 45 minutes ago and explained what it what is happening. So it looks like I might be out of cell phone range for the next 16 days and just wanna go through that and that is also when I will go to the library again but library(?) is closed today I explain that I explain that in the previous message. So have a great holiday. Bye.

 

[JustGeorge]

So below is the voice mail I got later. Looks like I will not have to be dealing with this again for quite a while.
Lots of time to think. I have had some new realizations about this situation so I am going to post a new thread tomorrow.

Yeah hi this is Mike. I called you about 45 minutes ago and explained what it what is happening. So it looks like I might be out of cell phone range for the next 16 days and just wanna go through that and that is also when I will go to the library again but library(?) is closed today I explain that I explain that in the previous message. So have a great holiday. Bye.

I don't understand why he can't stay in one area.

 

[YoursTrue]

I don't understand why he can't stay in one area.

?
Did I miss something? Where does he get money for gas? Car license renewal, etc.? Aside from th fact that when I was dating, after I found out their names, the next question I asked was "What do you do for a living?" One young man told he sold stolen meat -- that was the end of him -- another told me he worked as manager for an amusement park -- again -- that was the end of him. I felt that if he worked as manager for an amusement park he could be involved with some unsavory people. So long to him, although he was very nice. The last one I psyched out had a government job, not rich but worked hard and made enough money. It's been quite a while now that we're married.
Oh, and he liked music, folk music and show music, so -- we were a match.

 

[JustGeorge]

?
Did I miss something? Where does he get money for gas? Car license renewal, etc.? Aside from th fact that when I was dating, after I found out their names, the next question I asked was "What do you do for a living?" One young man told he sold stolen meat -- that was the end of him -- another told me he worked as manager for an amusement park -- again -- that was the end of him. I felt that if he worked as manager for an amusement park he could be involved with some unsavory people. So long to him, although he was very nice. The last one I psyched out had a government job, not rich but worked hard and made enough money. It's been quite a while now that we're married.

I met a guy who was a homeless beach bum, literally tending bar for packs of T-shirts.

I married him.

 

[YoursTrue]

I met a guy who was a homeless beach bum, literally tending bar for packs of T-shirts.

I married him.

OK, whatever works for you. Hope all is well.

 

[Trailblazer]

I don't understand why he can't stay in one area.

He can only stay in one location for up to 14 days, that is the BLM (Bureau of Land Management) rule.
But another reason he keeps moving around is because he has to get out of the weather. He cannot be where it is too cold or too wet, so he listens to the weather report and decides where to go next.

 

[JustGeorge]

OK, whatever works for you. Hope all is well.

We've been married 11 years. He takes care of our kids(three, though one is mine from a previous relationship), my, and our pets, financially. I take care of our kids, him, and our pets through actions(teaching, feeding, attending to).

Sometimes he does boneheaded things that cause problems, but that's to be expected. I was looking for a dumb younger guy. Sometimes I can be a shameless know-it-all, but that's to be expected. He was looking for a smart older woman.

He can only stay in one location for up to 14 days, that is the BLM (Bureau of Land Management) rule.
But another reason he keeps moving around is because he has to get out of the weather. He cannot be where it is too cold or too wet, so he listens to the weather report and decides where to go next.

That seems like a lot of work. Where does he get food/gas money, though?

 

[Trailblazer]

That seems like a lot of work. Where does he get food/gas money, though?

He has a monthly social security check although I don't know how much it is. He also has quite a bit of money in the bank.
He gets his food and water and gas and whatever else he needs when he comes into the city.