if your girlfriend/wife contacts her ex-boyfriends, and inverse

[Godobeyer]

As long as it's not like they're dating each other I think it's fine to be friends. Is it like they're dating each other behind her husband's back?

sorry for reply by a question

If they still contact each other , what is the waranty they will not (recall the memories) , so they back dating each other (in security way ) ?

 

[Godobeyer]

No, not most.

I do however feel slightly envious of that peace of mind.

but certianly high percentage Westerns reject this , is i am right ?

 

[LuisDantas]

but certianly high percentage Westerns reject this , is i am right ?

Yes, while I certainly do not disapprove of that situation, I feel safe to say that many or even most "Westerners" would just not feel all that well if it happened with them personally.

It is not wrong, but it may be difficult to accept for many people. There is not much of a good reason for that, though.

 

[Marisa]

People no more need to be unfaithful just because they have the privacy that would make an attempt possible than they will be faithful, loving and respectful just because they are rarely out of each other's view.

Here's my personal take on it. If your significant other is going to cheat on you, there isn't a damn thing you can do about it. So you have a couple of choices. You can punish your significant other for a "crime" that they haven't committed, so long as you understand that sometimes people get tired of being punished for something they didn't do. And often times when they are tired of it, they decide that if they are going to live in a perpetual state of being thought guilty of something they haven't done, why not do it? So it's possible that you can "drive" you significant other to cheat on you when they probably wouldn't have otherwise.

Or, you can choose to trust, knowing that it's still possible to get hurt. But when you trust someone, often times they repay your trust in them tenfold with more respect than you knew was possible. They recognize you for the wonderful person that you are because you allow them to explore their potential without constantly trying to keep them in their place.

When you choose not to trust, there is nothing that your significant other can do to make you trust them. You can keep that person chained inside your home, and you still won't trust them. Your inability to trust isn't someone else's fault, it's your own personal inadequacy. It's fine not to trust someone who has given every indication that they aren't trustworthy. But you should understand the difference between someone proving themselves untrustworthy, and you having unreasonable expectations of how another personal should behave.

Respect is a two-way street. You can overpower and force someone to be respectful to you because they fear you. But you can't force someone to respect you unless you respect them.

 

[Marisa]

Honesty is key here.

If you aren't comfortable with your wife/girlfriend going off to meet an ex, explain to her that you don't trust her not to cheat on you first chance she gets, because you're insecure. She can then consider, and may decide to not meet with them alone to spare your feelings, or may decide to continue to meet with them because it's a valuable relationship and it wouldn't be fair on her ex to break up the friendship. In the latter case, she would hopefully find ways to put your mind at ease over the nature of the relationship.

I will never understand why someone would stay with a person they felt will hop into the sack with someone else the moment their back is turned. If you said "I don't trust you not to cheat" to me, I would return with "I'll help you get over that. Pack your crap and leave". I can't solve someone else's trust issues through my behavior, and it's pointless for me to try.

 

[Marisa]

sorry for reply by a question

If they still contact each other , what is the waranty they will not (recall the memories) , so they back dating each other (in security way ) ?

Because people break up for a reason. Of course there are fond memories, no relationship is 100% bad or 100% good. But recalling fond memories isn't enough to rebuild a relationship that's already failed. I have many fond memories of my ex, but I'm not about to rekindle the relationship that failed for a reason.

 

[Godobeyer]

Because people break up for a reason. Of course there are fond memories, no relationship is 100% bad or 100% good. But recalling fond memories isn't enough to rebuild a relationship that's already failed. I have many fond memories of my ex, but I'm not about to rekindle the relationship that failed for a reason.

that's your experience life and opinion, that i respect that but don't agree with happened to me .

honestly you are lucky that you are not married a man had same jealous that i had .

EDITED to add :
for my opinion most of time with most people , failed love is end of relation , so it's rare to continous as friendship .

i meandiscrease the degree of relation from lover to friend , is rare

 

[Marisa]

that's your experience life and opinion, that i respect that but don't agree with happened to me .

honestly you are lucky that you are not married a man had same jealous that i had .

I would never have married you. Honestly, I probably would never have dated you. I certainly would have told you where to go with yourself the very first time you "requested" I not see my friends because you found them "dirty". You wouldn't have been attracted to me, anyway. I'm not in any way subservient nor will I change anything about myself to flatter your self appointed position as "head" because of your anatomy in relation to mine.

EDITED to add :
for my opinion most of time with most people , failed love is end of relation , so it's rare to continous as friendship .

i meandiscrease the degree of relation from lover to friend , is rare

It's probably very true that fewer couples manage to go from lover to broken up to friend. Boyfriends I broke up with under bad terms I don't have any contact with. But the one I do maintain contact with I simply grew apart from. We parted on mostly friendly terms, as friendly as can be expected when a romantic partnership is being severed, and took time for us to remember how to be "just" friends.

 

[Godobeyer]

I would never have married you. Honestly, I probably would never have dated you. I certainly would have told you where to go with yourself the very first time you "requested" I not see my friends because you found them "dirty". You wouldn't have been attracted to me, anyway. I'm not in any way subservient nor will I change anything about myself to flatter your self appointed position as "head" because of your anatomy in relation to mine.

good step , you don't use " none of your damn business " for this one

that's just a suppose would not never happaned ,as i said before it's very possible that i will never marry a Western girl , because we had opposite value of marriage and culture and traditions , and plus i will never date you or any girl (because it's Major sin in Islam) .

Note :

0 Jealous in marriage is could be cucklod couple ?

a cuckold husband is become a farvorite type man for manysome women in West .

It's probably very true that fewer couples manage to go from lover to broken up to friend. Boyfriends I broke up with under bad terms I don't have any contact with. But the one I do maintain contact with I simply grew apart from. We parted on mostly friendly terms, as friendly as can be expected when a romantic partnership is being severed, and took time for us to remember how to be "just" friends.

it's good that you get my messages , inspite of my decent English langauge .

 

[Kirran]

Godobeyer, if you don't trust a woman not to sleep with someone else, why would you be with them?

And if you trust them, why would you curtail their movements like this?

 

[Marisa]

good step , you don't use " none of your damn business " for this one

that's just a suppose would not never happaned ,as i said before it's very possible that i will never marry a Western girl , because we had opposite value of marriage and culture and traditions , and plus i will never date you or any girl (because it's Major sin in Islam) .

I disagree that the east and west value marriage differently. We define respect much differently. You expect your wife to submit to you in ways that do not allow for individuality. That does not mean that western women do not value their marriages.

Note :

0 Jealous in marriage is could be cucklod couple ?

A cuckold is the husband of an adultress. I'm not sure what that has to do with jealousy, which is more like a fear that something may happen whether it has or not. In order for a cuckold to exist, both partners have to agree that the marriage has specific boundaries and the woman steps outside of those boundaries. If you have agreed that you may each sleep with other people, then it becomes more difficult for you to complain of being a cuckold. Regarding jealousy, fear that your wife will have sex with someone other than you does not make you a cuckold. It makes you either married to a woman that has given you reason to suspect that she will cheat on you, or simply guilty of projecting your own emotional inadequacies onto someone else irrationally.

a cuckold husband is become a farvorite type man for manysome women in West .

Don't know where you got that. But I suppose if you want to go around insulting western men because you can't get hold of your own emotional baggage, go ahead.

it's good that you get my messages , inspite of my decent English langauge .

The longer the conversation goes on, the easier it gets.

 

[RedDragon94]

sorry for reply by a question

No that's fine.

If they still contact each other , what is the waranty they will not (recall the memories) , so they back dating each other (in security way ) ?

I think people know that if something is in the past it's probably there for a good reason and it needs to stay there. I have faith that they will do the right thing even though I don't know the situation personally.

 

[Godobeyer]

I disagree that the east and west value marriage differently. We define respect much differently. You expect your wife to submit to you in ways that do not allow for individuality. That does not mean that western women do not value their marriages.

what is value of marriage, when you stay on contact with your ex-bodyfriend ?

is not suppose for someone open new page his/her partner , without his ex- ?

A cuckold is the husband of an adultress. I'm not sure what that has to do with jealousy, which is more like a fear that something may happen whether it has or not. In order for a cuckold to exist, both partners have to agree that the marriage has specific boundaries and the woman steps outside of those boundaries. If you have agreed that you may each sleep with other people, then it becomes more difficult for you to complain of being a cuckold. Regarding jealousy, fear that your wife will have sex with someone other than you does not make you a cuckold. It makes you either married to a woman that has given you reason to suspect that she will cheat on you, or simply guilty of projecting your own emotional inadequacies onto someone else irrationally.

I am not sure if we share the same meaning of "cuckold" , in Arabic langauge it's the man who don't jealous at all , even if his wife get harassed or sex with someone .

Don't know where you got that. But I suppose if you want to go around insulting western men because you can't get hold of your own emotional baggage, go ahead.

that's misunderstand , and deviation of my meaning , cuckold is in every society .

 

[Godobeyer]

No that's fine.

I think people know that if something is in the past it's probably there for a good reason and it needs to stay there. I have faith that they will do the right thing even though I don't know the situation personally.

sorry

I don't get your point , do accept that your partner say on contact with his ex ?

 

[Akivah]

Hi all

I discuss this subject with RF member in other thread , she told me that she is on contact with her ex-boyfriends , and her husband knows that .

so do you agree that your girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife stay on contact with her/his EX ?

I mean she/he get in privet together or visit each other in privet....etc

I'm grateful to my wife's ex. He was so emotionless that he drove her into my arms. The ex is friendly with my mother and we see him around every so often. He is no romantic threat to either of us.

 

[RedDragon94]

sorry

I don't get your point , do accept that your partner say on contact with his ex ?

I see no problem with them being friends.

 

[Marisa]

what is value of marriage, when you stay on contact with your ex-bodyfriend ?

Because my marriage and my friendships are not the same. My marriage, and only my marriage, is my marriage. If it can be threatened by my friendships, then it's a ****ty marriage. If my husband is jealous of my friendships, then he is a weak minded idget that I'm not going to suffer over the loss of.

is not suppose for someone open new page his/her partner , without his ex- ?

It's actually kind of offensive that you assume that I'm having sex with my friends, most especially the one who used to be my boyfriend. It tends to say more about you than it does about me, in case you were wondering. You may lack the ability to hop into the sack with someone just because you can, but I don't. I control my sexual urges, they do not control me.

I am not sure if we share the same meaning of "cuckold"

I looked the word up to make sure I was using it correctly.

, in Arabic langauge it's the man who don't jealous at all , even if his wife get harassed or sex with someone .

If your wife is being harassed by someone, the emotionally correct response is anger at the harasser. Not the assumption that your wife is in some way encouraging the harasser, because as a women let me take this moment to assure you that we do not go out into public asking for men to harass us. They harass us because they feel they have society's permission to do so, and they are confident that they will not be held responsible for their actions by a society that says if a woman gets harassed, it's her fault.

that's misunderstand , and deviation of my meaning , cuckold is in every society .

My husband is not a cuckold because I have male friends. You won't be a cuckold if your wife has male friends, either.

 

[Akivah]

what is value of marriage, when you stay on contact with your ex-bodyfriend ?

The point of a marriage is to have a life partner. But a marriage doesn't require a spouse to sever all their previous relationships. Obviously, they should sever all sexual relationships except with their spouse, but friend and family relationships should be okay to maintain.

 

[Godobeyer]

Because my marriage and my friendships are not the same. My marriage, and only my marriage, is my marriage. If it can be threatened by my friendships, then it's a ****ty marriage. If my husband is jealous of my friendships, then he is a weak minded idget that I'm not going to suffer over the loss of.

so your are against that someone get jeolous for his/her lover

It's actually kind of offensive that you assume that I'm having sex with my friends, most especially the one who used to be my boyfriend. It tends to say more about you than it does about me, in case you were wondering. You may lack the ability to hop into the sack with someone just because you can, but I don't. I control my sexual urges, they do not control me.

yesterday you make me in doubt
by reply "none of your damn business" .

I can't imagine my wife contact her ex .

I looked the word up to make sure I was using it correctly.


If your wife is being harassed by someone, the emotionally correct response is anger at the harasser. Not the assumption that your wife is in some way encouraging the harasser, because as a women let me take this moment to assure you that we do not go out into public asking for men to harass us. They harass us because they feel they have society's permission to do so, and they are confident that they will not be held responsible for their actions by a society that says if a woman gets harassed, it's her fault.


My husband is not a cuckold because I have male friends. You won't be a cuckold if your wife has male friends, either.

I don't mean by you , it's not personal issue , i am discuss in general , and you seems a special case or it's about different in cultures , i don't know .

Even i trust my wife , should i trust her ex-boyfriends ?
NOWAY .

we men , suppose marry/accept a wife with her ex-boyfriends , or accept wife alone ?

 

[Marisa]

so your are against that someone get jeolous for his/her lover

Okay, I'm not completely sure I understand you, but I'm interpreting what you said to mean "am I against my husband being jealous because I'm friends with my ex boyfriend?" The answer to that question is yes.

yesterday you make me in doubt
by reply "none of your damn business" .

I can't imagine my wife contact her ex .

That might be because you assume she will have sex with him. My question to you would be what, other than the fact that she used to date him, would make you think that? Has she ever said "I want to have sex with my ex boyfriend"? Just the fact that she still talks to him isn't enough for you to make unflattering assumptions.

I don't mean by you , it's not personal issue , i am discuss in general , and you seems a special case or it's about different in cultures , i don't know .

With all the responses you've gotten in both of these threads, you think I am the special case? I'm not saying anything that vast majority of the men responding to you aren't saying, I'm just saying it while in possession of a vagina.

Even i trust my wife , should i trust her ex-boyfriends .

Are her ex boyfriends your property, too? Is it possible they could offer sex to her and her say no to them? That's how you trust your wife.

we men , suppose marry/accept a wife with her ex-boyfriends , or accept wife alone ?

Everyone has a past.