if your girlfriend/wife contacts her ex-boyfriends, and inverse

[Marisa]

good

IF she enjoy with his harassement , and she try to contact him personally ?

Then he's not harassing her. The word "harassment" has a meaning, you know. It means aggressive pressure or intimidation. What you are describing is NOT harassment, as harassment is an unwanted form of attention.

 

[Godobeyer]

Then he's not harassing her. The word "harassment" has a meaning, you know. It means aggressive pressure or intimidation. What you are describing is NOT harassment, as harassment is an unwanted form of attention.

maybe you missundertand me :

let imagine that your husband call unknow call " sweety , you have beatiful body " , and she smile to him and she said to him " thanks, can i get your number " ?

what will be your reaction ?

 

[Godobeyer]

Do you mean when I said that I do not accept a jealous man as my husband?

yes

I guess you agreed that mariage required 0% jealous .

Do you not see your own hypocrisy? You've gotten very angry at me for making what you feel are untrue assumptions about you. Why do you think that your wife would not be angry with you for making assumptions about her, especially if she isn't engaging in the behavior you erroneously assume her to be engaging in? When you accuse people of doing things they aren't doing does that generally go well for you?


No, you misunderstood me. You've made comments which suggest you feel that to some extent your wife will be your property by virtue of you having married her. What I meant by my comment is that you cannot control how anyone else views your wife. People aren't going to stop finding her attractive simply because you claimed her as yours. If you can't trust her reaction when someone expresses their attraction for her even though she has given you no reason to distrust her, that is YOUR problem. YOU are the deficient one, not her and not the people expressing their attraction for her.


She can do that without losing all her connections to her previous life. She can love you, be married to you and keep her friends. The only problems I see are the problems you are imagining in your own mind.

that's probably in first place could be a condition before the marriage ,
so woman make her conditions and he make his condition , so they may avoid problems .

for sure everyone had emotional past , i am with make new clean page .

 

[Marisa]

maybe you missundertand me :

let imagine that your husband call unknow call " sweety , you have beatiful body " , and she smile to him and she said to him " thanks, can i get your number " ?

what will be your reaction ?

That is flirting, not harassment. My husband does not flirt, but I have dated flirty men before. I'm Not offended by it.

 

[columbus]

sorry for your lost , may God will give you better

Thank you.
It was a long time ago. I'm not sure it was a tragedy. God had already made me gay. So the obvious solution to our problems, getting married, would likely have been a disaster.
Including for the child.

did try to to make her pregnant again or with other woman ?

No.
After that I was super careful. I knew better than to take that chance again until I was ready to do the best job I could raising a new human being.
Tom

 

[Godobeyer]

That is flirting, not harassment. My husband does not flirt, but I have dated flirty men before. I'm Not offended by it.

thanks for correct the meaning to me
EDITED

let's suppose (imagine) that your husband start flirting other woman ,afront of you , what would be your reaction ?

 

[Marisa]

thanks for correct the meaning to me
EDITED

let's suppose (imagine) that your husband start flirting other woman ,afront of you , what would be your reaction ?

I've already answered this.

 

[Godobeyer]

I've already answered this.

that's not clear answser, can you please details ?

I am talking when you were married :

1) you meant that you don't offended : if you had been flirted afront "your husband" ?

what would be his reaction ? (1-no reaction ,2- angry for that man , 3- husband enjoy with his flirting to you )

+If your husband reaction : no reaction , what is your reaction ?
+if your husband reaction: angry for that man , what would be your reaction ?
+if your husband reaction : your husband enjoy with his flirting to you , what would be your reaction ?

2) and you had no problem if your husband flirting girls "afront of your " ?

what suppose your reaction against your husband ? (1-no reaction ,2- angry from him , 3- you enjoy)

 

[illykitty]

"lock your spouse in a box" , or "trust" THESE issues , comes after precautions , THEN if your wife cheat on you that her fault .

I mean you can't be partner to her fault then blame her alone or even be sorry .

for some reason in many cases (the overtrust) that turn to cuckold and cheating .

then If we give a space to your wife to cheat on you , could you blame her ?

I know this wasn't a question for me, but I feel it would indeed be his/her fault. It's personal responsibility. You don't have to have sex with other people, it's a choice. Even if there's the opposite sex in the same room, and you're both alone, you still make that decision. No one forces you to. So I think it's the person's responsibility.

All you can do is find a good partner and trust them. I can't control my husband's life, and likewise, he can't control mine. If someone cheats, of course the other person would be hurt but it's better to trust than being jealous and paranoid all the time, that's unhealthy. I'm not saying someone has to be 0% jealous, but if you're suspicious of your partner just because they go out, to me, that's too much.

---

As for your original question (post #1), I don't know. I don't really have any ex and my husband only has one and he hasn't stayed in contact with her. If he had though, well I would be a little uncomfortable, given the circumstances... I don't think anyone would stay friends in such a case (I don't want to go into details).

Though I don't feel that being friends with an ex always means it's bad, like you still have romantic feelings for them. Sometimes people were friends before they were in a relationship, tried being a couple and found out it just doesn't work and would rather just be friends. They find out that they don't love each other in that manner.

Maybe that situation wouldn't bother me, as long as they didn't spend a lot of time together alone. I mean, I'm not perfect, I would get a little jealous then.

 

[Godobeyer]

I know this wasn't a question for me, but I feel it would indeed be his/her fault. It's personal responsibility. You don't have to have sex with other people, it's a choice. Even if there's the opposite sex in the same room, and you're both alone, you still make that decision. No one forces you to. So I think it's the person's responsibility.

All you can do is find a good partner and trust them. I can't control my husband's life, and likewise, he can't control mine. If someone cheats, of course the other person would be hurt but it's better to trust than being jealous and paranoid all the time, that's unhealthy. I'm not saying someone has to be 0% jealous, but if you're suspicious of your partner just because they go out, to me, that's too much.

IF i make someone make his/her partner in situation that he could cheat on him , so that their both fault.

for exemple if i bought a bottle of win , and take it to home , then my wife drunk , so i blame her for being drunk ?

so same thing with Ex . so if she/he cheating on you , you already gave her/him a big space to cheat on you by bring back the EX in your personal life .

---

As for your original question (post #1), I don't know. I don't really have any ex and my husband only has one and he hasn't stayed in contact with her. If he had though, well I would be a little uncomfortable, given the circumstances... I don't think anyone would stay friends in such a case (I don't want to go into details).

Though I don't feel that being friends with an ex always means it's bad, like you still have romantic feelings for them. Sometimes people were friends before they were in a relationship, tried being a couple and found out it just doesn't work and would rather just be friends. They find out that they don't love each other in that manner.

Maybe that situation wouldn't bother me, as long as they didn't spend a lot of time together alone. I mean, I'm not perfect, I would get a little jealous then.

for my opinion :

cheating is could be with EX , or with other person , just EX are more advanced , because they had a sexual/emotional experience with my partner and backup memories, could be not restart over ?


you know that's true , in many stories end by cheating , the "trust" is become nightmare word .

 

[illykitty]

IF i make someone make his/her partner in situation that he could cheat on him , so that their both fault.

for exemple if i bought a bottle of win , and take it to home , then my wife drunk , so i blame her for being drunk ?

so same thing with Ex . so if she/he cheating on you , you already gave her/him a big space to cheat on you by bring back the EX in your personal life .

No, because she didn't have to drink. She's a grown up adult and should use her own judgement.

We have the concept of responsibility. An individual is responsible for themselves, you can't always rely on others and you can't expect someone to hold your hand your whole life. You make decisions, good or bad, it's your choice but you have to take responsibility for your actions, admit it's your fault and that's what a mature person does. You can't put blame on others. Whether it's drinking or having sex, the person doing it is responsible because they made the decision (of course unless it's forced on them but that's another subject).

for my opinion :

cheating is could be with EX , or with other person , just EX are more advanced , because they had a sexual/emotional experience with my partner and backup memories, could be not restart over ?


you know that's true , in many stories end by cheating , the "trust" is become nightmare word .

I don't necessarily disagree, but life often isn't black and white. An ex could simply be someone who used to be a friend, that they were together for a short while but realised they get along better as friends, then became friends. I guess someone has to use their own judgement and be honest. If it bothers you so much, then don't be with that person. Like I said, I'm not in this situation, so I can't speak from experience. I'm using my imagination.

I'd still rather trust and be hurt than to be paranoid and tormented. Because if you are paranoid, you might end up ruining a good relationship because you imagine things when there's nothing really. The person will get sick of your accusations, jealousy and paranoia, and leave you. If you trust someone, and they break that trust, it's their fault, not yours. They're the irresponsible person and there's nothing you can do about that.

 

[Marisa]

that's not clear answser, can you please details ?

I am talking when you were married :

1) you meant that you don't offended : if you had been flirted afront "your husband" ?

what would be his reaction ? (1-no reaction ,2- angry for that man , 3- husband enjoy with his flirting to you )

+If your husband reaction : no reaction , what is your reaction ?
+if your husband reaction: angry for that man , what would be your reaction ?
+if your husband reaction : your husband enjoy with his flirting to you , what would be your reaction ?

2) and you had no problem if your husband flirting girls "afront of your " ?

what suppose your reaction against your husband ? (1-no reaction ,2- angry from him , 3- you enjoy)

You're beating a dead horse. "Not offended" is an answer.

 

[Kirran]

I'd take it as a bit rude if somebody I was with flirted with someone else. But we could agree that that was or wasn't OK beforehand so we knew where we stood, then it'd be cool.

Either way, no forbidding. Equality.

 

[Marisa]

IF i make someone make his/her partner in situation that he could cheat on him , so that their both fault.

for exemple if i bought a bottle of win , and take it to home , then my wife drunk , so i blame her for being drunk ?

so same thing with Ex . so if she/he cheating on you , you already gave her/him a big space to cheat on you by bring back the EX in your personal life .

Unless you strapped your wife down and poured the wine down her throat and forced her to swallow, it's her "fault" for getting drunk. You may bear some responsibility of your wife is a recovering alcoholic and you know this, but contrary to your culture's belief simply over indulging is not a massive moral crime.

 

[Kirran]

If I buy a knife and bring it home, and my housemate kills me with it, are they innocent because I provided the means? Are they even the slightest bit less guilty?

I would say no.

 

[Marisa]

I'd take it as a bit rude if somebody I was with flirted with someone else. But we could agree that that was or wasn't OK beforehand so we knew where we stood, then it'd be cool.

Either way, no forbidding. Equality.

This is an excellent example of a couple setting their own boundaries. Most people manipulate others, and sometimes the way people manipulate is through flirtation. Often times those people would never dream of being unfaithful to their romantic partner and for them, flirtation is simply how they get people to do what they want. EVERYONE manipulates, it's what we do, but not every manipulation is mean spirited or emotionally harmful to another person. Flirtation does not equal cheating, and it doesn't mean that cheating will immediately take place. Flirting and cheating are two different things.

Take me and @Wirey , or really @Wirey and pretty much any female on the board. Technically, that's flirting. But I know Wirey's kidding, and Wirey knows I'm kidding, and apparently the only one who wasn't able to tell the difference was you, @Godobeyer . That ought to suggest to you that there may well be some social cues you aren't picking up on, and as far as I can tell it's because of your harsh personal position on how other people are supposed to behave to best respect you. You have the absolute right to expect to be respected, but when you obtain that respect through unhealthy manipulation of others and irrational demands, you aren't much more than a tyrant.

 

[Marisa]

If I buy a knife and bring it home, and my housemate kills me with it, are they innocent because I provided the means? Are they even the slightest bit less guilty?

I would say no.

 

[Godobeyer]

If I buy a knife and bring it home, and my housemate kills me with it, are they innocent because I provided the means? Are they even the slightest bit less guilty?

I would say no.

this not good enough exemple .

If you bring a gun and let's the kids play with it , that's absolutly your fault , if someone hurts .

the intention is good , the result is not good always .

 

[Godobeyer]

You're beating a dead horse. "Not offended" is an answer.

I know that , i just try to revive it , but i failed

 

[Marisa]

this not good enough exemple .

If you bring a gun and let's the kids play with it , that's absolutly your fault , if someone hurts .

the intention is good , the result is not good always .

That's one of those social cues you missed. The post was mean to be humorous.