Inexorable Consequences

[Wirey]

If you tell him you want to chew the fat, he'll bite me.

 

[4consideration]

If he bites you, he may get rabies.

 

[Wirey]

If he bites you, he may get rabies.

May.

If he gets rabies, he'll use you as a bridge to cross streams.

 

[4consideration]

If he uses you as a bridge to cross streams, you will get all wet.

 

[BSM1]

If you get all wet, you will wonder why.
If you wonder why, you will contemplate your navel.

 

[4consideration]

If you contemplate your navel, you will also contemplate the idea of the umbilical cord and its function.

 

[BSM1]

If you contemplate the idea of the umbilical cord and its function, you will find yourself in past life regression mode.

 

[4consideration]

If you contemplate the idea of the umbilical cord and its function, you will find yourself in past life regression mode.

If you find yourself in past life regression mode, you will realize that the role you were playing in each of them was only an momentary experience of the authentic you.

 

[BSM1]

If you realize that the role you were playing in each of them was only a momentary experience of the authentic you, you will realize you aren't really you.
If you realize you aren't really you, you will grow a Yosemite Sam moustache.

 

[4consideration]

If you grow a Yomesite Sam moustache, you will have a new experience of being the being who thinks he's you.

 

[BSM1]

If you have the experience of being the being who thinks he's you, you will not be able to look into a mirror and keep a straight face.

 

[4consideration]

If you are not able to look into a mirror and keep a straight face, you will develop the habit of looking at your reflection with a wink and the sly smile of a secret known only to the two of you.

 

[BSM1]

If you develop the habit of looking at your reflection with a wink and the sly smile of a secret known only to the two of you, you will discover that the mirror is not trustworthy.
If you discover that the mirror is not trustworthy, you will find that the mirror ratted you out to other household items.
If you find that the mirror ratted you out to to other household items, you will find yourself being mocked by the toaster in the mornings.

 

[4consideration]

If you find yourself being mocked by the toaster in the mornings, you will promise the coffee maker a position of prominence on the counter and will conspire with it to take out the toaster.

 

[BSM1]

If you promise the coffee maker a position of prominence of the counter and conspire with it to take out the toaster, you will become paranoid.
If you become paranoid, you will believe there are household conspiracies against you.
If you believe there are household conspiracies against you, you will no longer confide in your vacuum cleaner.

 

[4consideration]

If you longer confide in your vacuum cleaner, you will feel sad over the loss of a confidante.
If you feel sad over the loss of a confidante, you will look for a new one.
If you look for a new one, you will begin baring your soul to your telephone.

 

[BSM1]

If you begin baring your soul to you telephone, you will forget that you are on a party line.
If you forget you are on a party line, you will wonder why your neighbors laugh and point when you walk by.

 

[4consideration]

If your neighbors laugh and point when you walk by, you will think that you forgot to zip up your pants.
If you think that you forgot to zip up your pants, you will look down to check.
If you look down to check, you will realize that you did, indeed, forget to zip up your pants.
If you did, indeed, forget to zip up your pants, you will feel embarassed and wish to avoid that embarassment in the future.
If you wish to avoid that embarassment in the future, you will walk around with your hand on your pant's zipper to make sure it is closed -- and stays that way.

 

[BSM1]

If you walk around with your hand on your pant's zipper, you will lose your scout master position.

 

[RitalinO.D.]

If you lose your scout master position, you will end up working at White castle.