Is promiscuous sexual behavior healthy?

[Yerda]

I'm often torn between the notion that women clearly enjoy sex and should be allowed to do it whenever and with whoever they choose and the feeling that my female friends who are promiscuous have self-esteem problems. Or something like that.

 

[Wirey]

No, there isn't. Which is precisely why I reject that judgmental, prudish, and (let's face it) misogynistic concept.

Sorry, we're arguing over definitions. I think we have roughly the same idea on this. Care to discuss it over a bottle of fortified wine?

How you doin'?

 

[Storm]

Sorry, we're arguing over definitions. I think we have roughly the same idea on this. Care to discuss it over a bottle of fortified wine?

How you doin'?

>chuckle<

 

[Wirey]

>chuckle<

That was my best line. Dang!

 

[MysticSang'ha]

I'm often torn between the notion that women clearly enjoy sex and should be allowed to do it whenever and with whoever they choose and the feeling that my female friends who are promiscuous have self-esteem problems. Or something like that.

What am I, chopped liver?

Promiscuous woman here. Don't hate myself. Don't think I'm ugly, fat, or have a hole in my heart. Don't need a man or a woman to confirm for me that I'm valuable or beautiful.

We women who have had multiple partners, who are comfortable in our own skin, who have families that we adore and love, who love our fathers and mothers and have great relationships with them, who don't have alcohol or drug problems, etc.....we exist.

 

[Revoltingest]

What am I, chopped liver?
Promiscuous woman here. Don't hate myself. Don't think I'm ugly, fat, or have a hole in my heart. Don't need a man or a woman to confirm for me that I'm valuable or beautiful.
We women who have had multiple partners, who are comfortable in our own skin, who have families that we adore and love, who love our fathers and mothers and have great relationships with them, who don't have alcohol or drug problems, etc.....we exist.

Well, you do have an esteem problem.....a surfeit of it!

 

[kylixguru]

I recently got chewed out on an atheist blog for a comment where I suggested that "slutty" behavior isn't healthy, normal, and praiseworthy. Any thoughts? Should I be more sexually enlightened?

This is obviously a personal issue as well as a social issue.
Whatever choice you make is going to have an impact of some kind.

I think in general you should make a choice in life to either become a nuclear family and give children as much stability and interaction with their natural biological parents as possible, and ideally with those parents in a committed and loving marriage, which I take to just mean a lifetime commitment.

I think it represents a very grave injustice to the life that is created when people are being irresponsible in their use of our godlike powers of creating life.

In the case of a woman, if she wishes to have herself sterilized and she takes measures to protect herself and she is willing to work and provide for herself then there is far less of a factor to stigmatize her as "slutty".

I happen to agree that sex is a pretty wonderful experience and something many can and should look forward to, but we must take into full consideration the powers we are tinkering with and be responsible about it.

In the case of my wife, she valued her chastity and chose to devote herself only to the man she would marry. She didn't even want to kiss me until she was comfortable that I would be who she would marry. I don't know how to explain it, but my respect for her increased dramatically. I treat her like a queen worthy of praise and honor.

I recognize, if I hadn't been raised with similar values, I probably would have dumped her and went looking for girls who were more "fun". But, my response when I was given the straight arm was: "Well, whoever that man shall be, he shall be a fortunate man." I wasn't even diving in for a kiss then either. We had just seen her sister's date do that to her sister and so my wife just made it clear to me that I shouldn't "go there" on her. I was happy to respect that and very grateful too because it gave us more time just talking and getting to know one another and making a real foundation of friendship that we enjoy to this day, as well as pleasure I never dreamed was possible.

I'm sure sex with a stranger feels pretty nice, but I can hardly imagine it in comparison to the love of my life and best friend.

 

[Storm]

In the case of a woman, if she wishes to have herself sterilized and she takes measures to protect herself and she is willing to work and provide for herself then there is far less of a factor to stigmatize her as "slutty".

Sterilized?! Seriously?

 

[Yerda]

We women who have had multiple partners, who are comfortable in our own skin, who have families that we adore and love, who love our fathers and mothers and have great relationships with them, who don't have alcohol or drug problems, etc.....we exist.

I think that I know this most of the time.

 

[kylixguru]

Sterilized?! Seriously?

Not necessarily permanently. Just the absolute best that can be done. Abortions are not acceptable to me so I can in no way condone the destruction of life for the sake of casual sex.

 

[Zoe Doidge]

In the case of my wife, she valued her chastity and chose to devote herself only to the man she would marry. She didn't even want to kiss me until she was comfortable that I would be who she would marry. I don't know how to explain it, but my respect for her increased dramatically. I treat her like a queen worthy of praise and honor.

I recognize, if I hadn't been raised with similar values, I probably would have dumped her and went looking for girls who were more "fun".

Well golly that's rightly strange. Just give me a £50,000,000 grant, a research team of 500 and 10 years and we'll figure out if there's some sort of relationship between these two statements.

This is obviously a personal issue as well as a social issue.
Whatever choice you make is going to have an impact of some kind.

I think in general you should make a choice in life to either become a nuclear family and give children as much stability and interaction with their natural biological parents as possible, and ideally with those parents in a committed and loving marriage, which I take to just mean a lifetime commitment.

I don't care to have children at the moment, of course, that might change later on. If it does then sticking with only one (male) sexual partner is only needed for long enough to ensure he's the father.

I do agree that people reproducing should be in a committed relationship, but that doesn't mean they can't have other relationships.

I'm sure sex with a stranger feels pretty nice, but I can hardly imagine it in comparison to the love of my life and best friend.

It is a very different experience. I wouldn't say it was better or worse necessarily, but the feelings (mental and physical) are very different in each case.

 

[kylixguru]

Well golly that's rightly strange. Just give me a £50,000,000 grant, a research team of 500 and 10 years and we'll figure out if there's some sort of relationship between these two statements.

It's probably only 99% of an influence, give or take 1%.

And, its one that I am very grateful for. I learned self discipline.

 

[Alceste]

I'm often torn between the notion that women clearly enjoy sex and should be allowed to do it whenever and with whoever they choose and the feeling that my female friends who are promiscuous have self-esteem problems. Or something like that.

Likewise, the most sexually unhealthy men I've banged have had self-esteem problems. In both men and women, there are those who will have sex with anyone who looks at them sideways, whether they're into it or not, because it makes then feel attractive. But there are also those who will only sleep with people they actually want to bang, who have so many opportunities that this still amounts to quite a lot of sex with quite a lot of people.

What am I, chopped liver?

Promiscuous woman here. Don't hate myself. Don't think I'm ugly, fat, or have a hole in my heart. Don't need a man or a woman to confirm for me that I'm valuable or beautiful.

We women who have had multiple partners, who are comfortable in our own skin, who have families that we adore and love, who love our fathers and mothers and have great relationships with them, who don't have alcohol or drug problems, etc.....we exist.

Yup. Me too. If anything, I have too much self-esteem. I just have a lot of opportunities. Or at least I did before I got hitched.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

This is obviously a personal issue as well as a social issue.
Whatever choice you make is going to have an impact of some kind.

I think in general you should make a choice in life to either become a nuclear family and give children as much stability and interaction with their natural biological parents as possible, and ideally with those parents in a committed and loving marriage, which I take to just mean a lifetime commitment.

I think it represents a very grave injustice to the life that is created when people are being irresponsible in their use of our godlike powers of creating life.

I can't agree more. A comprehensive sex education with knowledgeable use of contraceptives, and not institutionalized monogamy, is the key to providing that responsibility.

In the case of a woman, if she wishes to have herself sterilized and she takes measures to protect herself and she is willing to work and provide for herself then there is far less of a factor to stigmatize her as "slutty".

Tell you what, the day I hear male panels tell single men they need to have vasctemoies to prevent the spread of immorality is the day when I'lll even consider female sterilization to be a viable option.

Better yet, if a male panel advocates male chemical castration as a reasonable measure against immorality and irresponsibility, then I'll even be more open to the idea of female sterilization as comparable. But I don't need a male panel to tell me that either options are preposterous.

I happen to agree that sex is a pretty wonderful experience and something many can and should look forward to, but we must take into full consideration the powers we are tinkering with and be responsible about it.

In the case of my wife, she valued her chastity and chose to devote herself only to the man she would marry. She didn't even want to kiss me until she was comfortable that I would be who she would marry. I don't know how to explain it, but my respect for her increased dramatically. I treat her like a queen worthy of praise and honor.

Good for you.

I recognize, if I hadn't been raised with similar values, I probably would have dumped her and went looking for girls who were more "fun". But, my response when I was given the straight arm was: "Well, whoever that man shall be, he shall be a fortunate man." I wasn't even diving in for a kiss then either. We had just seen her sister's date do that to her sister and so my wife just made it clear to me that I shouldn't "go there" on her. I was happy to respect that and very grateful too because it gave us more time just talking and getting to know one another and making a real foundation of friendship that we enjoy to this day, as well as pleasure I never dreamed was possible.

I'm sure sex with a stranger feels pretty nice, but I can hardly imagine it in comparison to the love of my life and best friend.

Sex with my husband is the best. Just like having dinner with my husband is the best experience. Just like creating our home, business, and raising our children together is the best. I share my life with my husband, and he shares his with mine. But I don't own him. He is not my possession. And I am not his possession. We are two individual people who continue creating our home.

With that freedom, we allow messes to happen that we clean up together, we rejoice in the partnership and the camarderie together when we accomplish a goal together, and we understand that marriages and families evolve through the years and decades. And with our freedom, we enjoy and embrace each other's outside friendships and attractions as a natural and healthy part of our relationship. The more we share, the closer we have become, and the more respect WE have toward each other.

As the decades have become to pass with us, our polyamory is not so new anymore, but we don't regret our decision to begin exploring. When we were strictly monogamous, I was aloof and rather disengaged with him. He was inflexible and reactionary. We loved and adored each other, but we accepted our quirks. Through our explorations into outside relationships, he has relaxed and has done a 180 degree turn into being ever more patient, supportive, affectionate and sensitive to my needs, and I have become more attentive to his thoughts and feelings (he does have them, contrary to public opinion that men's feelings don't exist or aren't important).

So my argument within my own marriage.....which is not for everybody, much like monogamy was never for us.....is that promiscuity has been the healthiest approach for us. It's an adventure, and it's one we have been embarking on together. It's brought us closer over the last several years.

 

[kylixguru]

So my argument within my own marriage.....which is not for everybody, much like monogamy was never for us.....is that promiscuity has been the healthiest approach for us. It's an adventure, and it's one we have been embarking on together. It's brought us closer over the last several years.

I think the word "promiscuity" doesn't really reflect things well.
Don't you more mean to say "non-exclusivity"?

I come from a polygamous background that has allowance for sex to extend beyond just one man and one wife. Obviously it yet involves a certain context of commitment rather than just banging around. Thus, the marriage expands to embrace more than just monogamy. My wife has no qualms if our family was to receive a 2nd wife. There are also provisions allowing one woman to have more than one husband, but that gets into a realm of discussion beyond the scope of the OP.

 

[Wirey]

For the record, I'm still a man-trollop.