Is Waiting Until Marriage Foolish?

[Sunstone]

In general, is waiting until your marriage night to have sex with your partner foolish or ill-advised? Why or why not?

Are there significant benefits to waiting until one's marriage night? Are there significant risks to waiting until one's marriage night? If so, then generally speaking, do the benefits outweigh the risks, or the risks outweigh the benefits?

Please note: This is not intended to be a discussion of whether one has a right to wait until his or her wedding night to have sex. Of course one does. Nor is this intended to be a discussion of outliers or exceptions to the general or usual case. Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule. That is so obvious as to need no mention. But the topic here should be limited to whether the benefits/disadvantages of waiting generally or usually outweigh the benefits/disadvantages of having premarital sex.

 

[Brinne]

As long as both parties are well educated in sex (they know the dangers, precautions to take, ect.) and their partner's health I don't see it as 'foolish' or 'ill-advised.' Just a personal choice really.

 

[Sunstone]

As long as both parties are well educated in sex (they know the dangers, precautions to take, ect.) and their partner's health I don't see it as 'foolish' or 'ill-advised.' Just a personal choice really.

I assume you're not saying that, because it's a personal choice, it is somehow immune to being wise or foolish, well advised or ill advised?

More importantly, is it generally a good idea to wait until one's wedding night to have sex?

 

[LuisDantas]

Generally it is indeed foolish. It is a good thing to be aware of how at ease both feel when intimate.

 

[Brinne]

I assume you're not saying that, because it's a personal choice, it is somehow immune to being wise or foolish, well advised or ill advised?

More importantly, is it generally a good idea to wait until one's wedding night to have sex?

What I'm saying is that it's completely up to the person. Like I said I see no danger in waiting / not waiting as long as you're educated enough to understand contraceptives, dangers, and the health of your partner.

I don't think anyone can come to the decision that it's well advised or ill advised for everybody. It's different for each person which is why I said it's a personal choice. Some people might feel it has some emotional or spiritual benefit for waiting, other's maybe feel the the opposite.

I hope that made sense? My brain is kind of everywhere today. Just a few hours ago I paid for groceries, took my changes, and left my groceries on the counter in the store. So again I apologize if I'm not making sense

 

[Sees]

I think waiting to have sex until you are in a relationship with a person whom you wouldn't mind being married to is the best of all worlds.

 

[Estro Felino]

it depends on how much the engagement will last.

 

[dawny0826]

In general, is waiting until your marriage night to have sex with your partner foolish or ill-advised? Why or why not?

I think it depends on the couple, personally.

I know a girl who waited until marriage to kiss her husband. The relationship was established on their definition and understanding of Godly principles. It was no issue for them to wait. Their first moments of intimacy were experienced as husband and wife, which is what they wanted and believed to be right. Their mindset, going into the marriage is that they will spend their lifetime with their spouse as this is the spouse that God has chosen for them.

I don't believe that such a marriage could be without trials, either. I think that such a couple doesn't consider it an option to stray from or end the marriage, as God is their counselor.

I'm not a Christian of this brand. There's a part of me that does see appeal in such a relationship and I think that I can understand it, even though it's not reflective of my choices.

Waiting until marriage could be foolish, if you aren't like this girl, who has already made your mind up that you're going to live according to your convictions regardless of the obstacles that may come, with perhaps divorce, separation, cheating and perhaps varied degrees of exploration being out of the question.

From a fiscal perspective, it might be less foolish to wait until married, assuming that marriage yields greater financial and emotional stability and perhaps a better grip on challenges that could result from sex - pregnancy, disease, etc.

Again, I think it's contingent upon the couple. Desiring a healthy sex life is important to a lot of people. If sex isn't fulfiling - physically and/or emotional, it can be the recipe for disaster in some relationships.

Marrying someone with the intent that they will be something that they aren't can have devastating consequences on a relationship. But, then, so could anything else - habits that weren't discovered prior to marriage - immaturity or overall incompatability that isn't fully realized, understood or accepted until after time together.

My advice to any couple is to know yourself first and to live in honesty. If sex is an incredibly important part of your life or you have heavy expectations for this part of your married life to flourish - premarital sex may have useful benefits and waiting could be irresponsible.

 

[Sunstone]

What I'm saying is that it's completely up to the person.

I agree, but I would suggest that is irrelevant here.

Like I said I see no danger in waiting / not waiting as long as you're educated enough to understand contraceptives, dangers, and the health of your partner.

So, if I understand you, you're saying that neither waiting nor having premarital sex makes much difference?

I don't think anyone can come to the decision that it's well advised or ill advised for everybody. It's different for each person which is why I said it's a personal choice. Some people might feel it has some emotional or spiritual benefit for waiting, other's maybe feel the the opposite.

Of course. I was speaking in general terms though. But if I understand you, you're asserting that there is no rule or policy which would apply in most cases?

I hope that made sense? My brain is kind of everywhere today. Just a few hours ago I paid for groceries, took my changes, and left my groceries on the counter in the store. So again I apologize if I'm not making sense

Yikes! I've had days like that! My sympathies!

 

[Sunstone]

I think it depends on the couple, personally.

So, you would not expect to find that most couples benefited more than were hurt from waiting or that most couples benefited more than were hurt from premarital sex, but rather that there was something of an even mix? Such as 50% of couples found x, while the other 50% found y? Remember, we're talking about what is generally or usually the case here.

 

[Sunstone]

Generally it is indeed foolish. It is a good thing to be aware of how at ease both feel when intimate.

What do you see as some of the advantages/disadvantages of waiting as opposed to some of the advantages/disadvantages of engaging in premarital sex?

 

[dawny0826]

So, you would not expect to find that most couples benefited more than were hurt from waiting or that most couples benefited more than were hurt from premarital sex, but rather that there was something of an even mix? Such as 50% of couples found x, while the other 50% found y? Remember, we're talking about what is generally or usually the case here.

Edit: Likely a mix.

I can't answer for the next person as to whether or not sex before marriage was something they regretted or not.

In terms of benefit, there's a 50% chance that your marriage is going to make it or fail. How premarital sex fits into the equation is again, contingent upon the individual.

 

[LuisDantas]

What do you see as some of the advantages/disadvantages of waiting as opposed to some of the advantages/disadvantages of engaging in premarital sex?

In some social environments it is possible that waiting enables an enhanced sense of commitment and mutual dedication, which is of course a very good thing for a couple.

On the other hand, finding out that you hate the smell or personal habits of your spouse after the fact is a very bad thing.

 

[Sunstone]

I'm not sure that I have an answer, save what I've provided.

I can't speculate for the masses. I can't answer for the next person as to whether or not sex before marriage was something they regretted or not.

In terms of benefit, there's a 50% chance that your marriage is going to make it or fail. How premarital sex fits into the equation is again, contingent upon the individual.

I can understand your position, but the topic of this thread is basically to take your best guess about what may or may not be the usual or general case.

 

[dawny0826]

I can understand your position, but the topic of this thread is basically to take your best guess about what may or may not be the usual or general case.

Then, my guess is that people are less foolish to have premarital sex as a generality.

 

[Sunstone]

Then, my guess is that people are less foolish to have premarital sex as a generality.

What would be some of the advantages/disadvantages of waiting as opposed to some of the advantages/disadvantages of having premarital sex, if you don't mind?

 

[Buttercup]

I've tried to think of a generalized answer to this question and I keep coming back to the thought that I can't give a general answer to this question. For me, it would be foolish, absolutely to wait until marriage to have sex. But, to my youngest son who got married a year ago, it wasn't foolish to wait. He and his bride are very devoted Christians and they take pride and had security in the decision to wait until marriage. Both of them were virgins on their wedding day. They would never agree that it was a foolish decision. They are enormously happy.

So, if you want to generalize down to asking if most Americans think it's foolish to wait until marriage to have sex, I MIGHT be able to say that it's quite possible that most of us would find it foolish. But, I still can't say that. I can only say that for me, it would be foolish.

 

[Alceste]

I think it's foolish in this day and age. That custom was invented before we had birth control, as a way to give children a known father (cuz otherwise you can't have patrilineal inheritance, a building block of patriarchy).

I have a friend who waited, but didn't get married until she was in her 30s. Along the way she was raped by a boyfriend and stayed with him for months due to her immense guilt and shame vis a vis over-valuing her virginity and romanticizing the concept of one sexual partner per lifetime.

So there's one pitfall.

Another pitfall was persistent sexual frustration (both felt and caused) making a complete mess of her twenties. She literally could not relax.

She is married now, but didn't sleep with her husband until the wedding night, for which she bought a hilarious kit of ill fitting sexy lingerie and absurd props. We have never discussed how their sex life is, but her husband was as inexperienced as she was and did not strike me as a natural talent in that department.

The last time I saw them, he was pretty relaxed and she was still extraordinarily high strung, so I have suspicions that she is a sexually frustrated but dutiful wife.

 

[Sunstone]

I've tried to think of a generalized answer to this question and I keep coming back to the thought that I can't give a general answer to this question. For me, it would be foolish, absolutely to wait until marriage to have sex. But, to my youngest son who got married a year ago, it wasn't foolish to wait. He and his bride are very devoted Christians and they take pride and had security in the decision to wait until marriage. Both of them were virgins on their wedding day. They would never agree that it was a foolish decision. They are enormously happy.

So, if you want to generalize down to asking if most Americans think it's foolish to wait until marriage to have sex, I MIGHT be able to say that it's quite possible that most of us would find it foolish. But, I still can't say that. I can only say that for me, it would be foolish.

Do you consider your son's experiences typical?

 

[Buttercup]

Do you consider your son's experiences typical?

To wait or to think it's not foolish?