FlyingTeaPot
Irrational Rationalist. Educated Fool.
I LOVE Bill Hicks. Thanks!
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Jokes!
- Thread starter FlyingTeaPot
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FlyingTeaPot
Irrational Rationalist. Educated Fool.
"Why is abbreviation such a long word?"
Boycott shampoo! Demand REAL poo!
~ Steven Wright
Boycott shampoo! Demand REAL poo!
~ Steven Wright
Last edited:
Viker
Your beloved eccentric Auntie Cristal
I went to the bank to make a withdrawal and all they had were deposit slips.
I called the IRS and asked them when was I going to get all of it back. The lady laughed and referred me to the proctology department, nothing but a dial tone.
I wrote this little poem I call 'Once'....Death only comes once so be sure to look your best, don't forget to wash your face and freshen your breath.
I called the IRS and asked them when was I going to get all of it back. The lady laughed and referred me to the proctology department, nothing but a dial tone.
I wrote this little poem I call 'Once'....Death only comes once so be sure to look your best, don't forget to wash your face and freshen your breath.
I read this in a Reader's Digest years ago.
A Priest, a Rabbi and a Baptist Mininster were friends. They loved to compete with each other.
One day, they decided to meet in the woods and see who could do the best job of converting a bear to their own religon.
A week later, the group met to compare results.
The Baptist Minister said, "I was on fire. I was so filled with the Spirit that the bear begged me to baptize him right then and there -- in the stream."
The Priest said, "Well, I was so effective in relating the catechism that, not only did the bear ask me to baptize him, but he has already completed his First Communion, as well."
They looked at the Rabbi, who was bandaged from head to foot -- and laying on a gurney.
"Well..." said the Rabbi "I guess I probably shouldn't have started with the circumcision..."
A Priest, a Rabbi and a Baptist Mininster were friends. They loved to compete with each other.
One day, they decided to meet in the woods and see who could do the best job of converting a bear to their own religon.
A week later, the group met to compare results.
The Baptist Minister said, "I was on fire. I was so filled with the Spirit that the bear begged me to baptize him right then and there -- in the stream."
The Priest said, "Well, I was so effective in relating the catechism that, not only did the bear ask me to baptize him, but he has already completed his First Communion, as well."
They looked at the Rabbi, who was bandaged from head to foot -- and laying on a gurney.
"Well..." said the Rabbi "I guess I probably shouldn't have started with the circumcision..."
A man is seeing his doctor. His wife is in the waiting room. After the examination the doctor asks the man to wait while he speaks with the wife.
The doctor tells the wife that her husband's condition is serious, could be life-threatening, but fortunately it can be controlled with careful attention to two things.
1. He must have 6 home-cooked, all natural, well balanced meals each day.
2. He must have sex on demand, and on a daily basis.
The wife returns to the waiting room. Her huband can see tears welling up in her eyes.
"Oh, honey, what is it? What did the doctor tell you?" he asked.
"You're gonna die."
The doctor tells the wife that her husband's condition is serious, could be life-threatening, but fortunately it can be controlled with careful attention to two things.
1. He must have 6 home-cooked, all natural, well balanced meals each day.
2. He must have sex on demand, and on a daily basis.
The wife returns to the waiting room. Her huband can see tears welling up in her eyes.
"Oh, honey, what is it? What did the doctor tell you?" he asked.
"You're gonna die."
FlyingTeaPot
Irrational Rationalist. Educated Fool.
FlyingTeaPot
Irrational Rationalist. Educated Fool.
FlyingTeaPot
Irrational Rationalist. Educated Fool.
FlyingTeaPot
Irrational Rationalist. Educated Fool.
A man and his friend were leaving to go duck hunting in the marsh.
The friend says, "Hey, is that your dog? Let's take him with us."
"No" says the man, "that dog's no good for hunting."
The friend calls the dog, anyway, and let's him into the truck.
Out on the marsh, the man shoots a duck. It falls into the water.
The dog takes off running, and runs on top of the water -- gets the duck, returns, and drops it at the man's feet.
The friend is amazed. "Wow. I never saw anything like that!"
"I know, me neither." the man says, while staring at the ground and shaking his head. "Try as I might, I never could teach that dog to swim."
The friend says, "Hey, is that your dog? Let's take him with us."
"No" says the man, "that dog's no good for hunting."
The friend calls the dog, anyway, and let's him into the truck.
Out on the marsh, the man shoots a duck. It falls into the water.
The dog takes off running, and runs on top of the water -- gets the duck, returns, and drops it at the man's feet.
The friend is amazed. "Wow. I never saw anything like that!"
"I know, me neither." the man says, while staring at the ground and shaking his head. "Try as I might, I never could teach that dog to swim."
FlyingTeaPot
Irrational Rationalist. Educated Fool.
FlyingTeaPot
Irrational Rationalist. Educated Fool.
FlyingTeaPot
Irrational Rationalist. Educated Fool.
so much stupid in one sentence xD. Another religious themed joke.
"Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish"
FlyingTeaPot
Irrational Rationalist. Educated Fool.
