• Welcome to Religious Forums, a friendly forum to discuss all religions in a friendly surrounding.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Access to private conversations with other members.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon!

Left-hand

M

Meow Mix

Chatte Féministe
Hello,

We at the Church for Really Awesome People fell that there's an important subject that isn't being talked about these days: that is left-handedness. Our lord Skwisquak has told us through His revealed word that left-handedness is a shameful, unnatural abomination. Don't ask me why Skwisquak has a problem with it, who are you to question the Lord?

There is a myth being perpetrated that these so-called "lefties" are born that way, and that they're unable to change which hand is dominant, but that can't be true -- after all, why would God do that to them? Clearly with enough prayer and hard work we can rehabilitate these poor lost souls.

We at CRAP do make a distinction between the sin and the sinner, so we welcome lefties to our church as long as they refrain from ever doing things with their hands. Ever.

---------------

(Dear mods, this isn't a joke so please don't move to the joke section; it's a parody to see how people think this is different from many religion's stances on homosexuality)
 
Circle_One

Circle_One

Well-Known Member
MM, anyone who doesn't make the connection, without the need of your "Dear Mods", is in bad need of a left-handed slap across the head ;)

As someone who is ambidextrous (points for perpetuating the analogy, boo-yah), I've always felt uncomfortable in the presence of members of CRAP, because they tend to make me feel like only half of me is welcome. And that doesn't feel nice at all. I feel for the lefties. Why can't CRAP just accept us all?
 
M

Meow Mix

Chatte Féministe
Circle_One said:
MM, anyone who doesn't make the connection, without the need of your "Dear Mods", is in bad need of a left-handed slap across the head ;)

As someone who is ambidextrous (points for perpetuating the analogy, boo-yah), I've always felt uncomfortable in the presence of members of CRAP, because they tend to make me feel like only half of me is welcome. And that doesn't feel nice at all. I feel for the lefties. Why can't CRAP just accept us all?
Click to expand...

Aha! See? You're clearly making a CHOICE to use your left hand for some activities that were clearly intended for righteous right-handed people. You see that? The word "right" is right there in the word "righteous." Coincidence? We think not!

We at CRAP would further like to urge you to write letters to your senators to stop the senseless legalization of companies that sell left-handed scissors. That sinful abomination must stop, it's paramount to legalizing immorality! Skwisquak says the natural order of things is between one right hand and one pair of right-handed scissors.

(Also, I wrote the note to mods not only so it doesn't get moved but to encourage people not to just read it and go "huh" but to actually respond with why they think what many religions do is any different from what CRAP is doing, or not.)
 
Last edited:
Skwim

Skwim

Veteran Member
Yeah! Well, I chose to be right handed. As a kid I remember when I was told to write with my left hand, like mom and dad, but decided I liked my cursive letters better if I did them with my right hand. Sure I can kinda write, sort of saw boards, shave with only a few nicks, and with some effort play the treble clef on the piano with my left hand , but I simply prefer to do those things with my right. So I choose to be right handed.
tongue-out-2.gif
tongue-out-2-07251
 
M

Meow Mix

Chatte Féministe
monta said:
I am keeping a mental list of all the left handed people or chitogs on the forum, and UV's mom.
Click to expand...

Since your avatar is apparently L humping his way across the screen on a chair, CRAP has you on their "leftie watch list." What does "L" stand for, hmmm? HMMM?? That's what we thought.

(This reply's just being silly folks, still interested in thoughts on the real subject matter... it's just fun to insert the little paranoid/parody bits ;P)
 
Circle_One

Circle_One

Well-Known Member
Meow Mix said:
Aha! See? You're clearly making a CHOICE to use your left hand for some activities that were clearly intended for righteous right-handed people. You see that? The word "right" is right there in the word "righteous." Coincidence? We think not!

We at CRAP would further like to urge you to write letters to your senators to stop the senseless legalization of companies that sell left-handed scissors. That sinful abomination must stop, it's paramount to legalizing immorality! Skwisquak says the natural order of things is between one right hand and one pair of right-handed scissors.

(Also, I wrote the note to mods not only so it doesn't get moved but to encourage people not to just read it and go "huh" but to actually respond with why they think what many religions do is different from what CRAP is doing)
Click to expand...

Let me ask you this, what about those of us who were BORN with ONLY a left hand? What does the Almighty Skwisquak have to say about them?

And to be honest, I don't feel like I am making a choice. Sometimes, my left hand dominates, sometimes my right does. It never feels like a choice, but rather, like a natural instinct. I've had both hands dominate at different times in the same day! I can't seem to control it, it just happens. And as far back as I can remember, I've always been this way. I don't remember ever having a time when I wasn't ambidextrous. Certainly a God as Almighty and all-knowing as Skwisquak can't fault someone for being born a certain way? It's not as if it's my fault. When I was very young, I remember being told that I wasn't allowed to use my left hand, because Skwisquak said it was bad, and I tried to explain to everyone that it wasn't my fault, I couldn't help it, no matter how hard I tried, and in those early years, I TRIED. Why did Skwisquak make me this way if he was just going to ostricize me for me?
 
M

Meow Mix

Chatte Féministe
Skwim said:
Yeah! Well, I chose to be right handed. As a kid I remember when I was told to write with my left hand, like mom and dad, but decided I liked my cursive letters better if I did them with my right hand. Sure I can kinda write, sort of saw boards, shave with only a few nicks, and play the treble clef on the piano with my left hand with some effort, but I simply prefer to do those things with my right. So I choose to be right handed.
tongue-out-2.gif
tongue-out-2-07251
Click to expand...

Clear evidence that it's a choice! Thanks for your testimony, brother!
 
N

Nepenthe

Tu Stultus Es
There's nothing funny about this thread. When genetic engineering becomes advanced enough I hope we will then cull all the left-handers and gingers from the gene pool.
 
M

Meow Mix

Chatte Féministe
Father Heathen said:
Righty always trying to keep us left-handed brothers and sisters down.
Click to expand...

You poor soul, you can join CRAP's rehabilitation program if you'd like... surely after we call you an abomination and disgusting in the eyes of the Lord and society enough, you'll be changed!
 
Yoshieslunchbox

Yoshieslunchbox

Member
What is the Church's stance on right hand amputees who are then forced to use their left out of necessity? I mean, is it their fault that nature is pretty much forcing their hand?
 
monta

monta

.
Nepenthe said:
There's nothing funny about this thread. When genetic engineering becomes advanced enough I hope we will then cull all the left-handers and gingers from the gene pool.
Click to expand...

I seen a Chitog Rua once :eek: I was afraid to leave my house for a week. :yes:
 
M

Meow Mix

Chatte Féministe
Circle_One said:
Let me ask you this, what about those of us who were BORN with ONLY a left hand? What does the Almighty Skwisquak have to say about them?
Click to expand...

Well clearly, regardless of whether they feel like they have some natural inclination they can't make otherwise, Skwisquak is okay with them just never using their hand. The Lord is merciful and obviously there's a difference between thoughts and actions, so as long as you never ACT on your inclination to use the left hand...

And to be honest, I don't feel like I am making a choice. Sometimes, my left hand dominates, sometimes my right does. It never feels like a choice, but rather, like a natural instinct. I've had both hands dominate at different times in the same day! I can't seem to control it, it just happens. And as far back as I can remember, I've always been this way. I don't remember ever having a time when I wasn't ambidextrous. Certainly a God as Almighty and all-knowing as Skwisquak can't fault someone for being born a certain way? It's not as if it's my fault. When I was very young, I remember being told that I wasn't allowed to use my left hand, because Skwisquak said it was bad, and I tried to explain to everyone that it wasn't my fault, I couldn't help it, no matter how hard I tried, and in those early years, I TRIED. Why did Skwisquak make me this way if he was just going to ostricize me for me?
Click to expand...

Clearly the Evil Duck is influencing you and battling for your soul... please, sign up for CRAP's rehabilitation program. They will tell you how disgusting and unnatural you are until you believe it and then you will CHANGE! Praise Skwisquak!
 
M

Meow Mix

Chatte Féministe
Nepenthe said:
There's nothing funny about this thread. When genetic engineering becomes advanced enough I hope we will then cull all the left-handers and gingers from the gene pool.
Click to expand...

*checks skin tone and hair color and freckles*

Um, I just received a revelation from Skwisquak. Gingers and near-gingers are SAINTS, you hear me? SAINTS!! :angel2:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top