Vanakkam,
If you are at an extreme, don't seek the other extreme.
It's all about balance. Tame your mind little by little. If you have any drive, be the one in control of it.not letting the drive control you.
Then little by little, seek balance.
When you'll have more control over yourself, you'll be able to choose and seek a path and lifestyle
Aum Namah Shivaya
You and a few others have brought up this point, so I want to address many who made this point in this reply. It is actually a common sense idea. We all must eventually seek some kind of moderation of our desires. We know what happens if you go to extreme with desires, obsessions, addictions etc, or if you go the the way and you suppress all your desires, a host of psychological diseases. However, this deceptively simple idea, is actually the most difficult things in the world --- finding that balance is spirituality itself, finding that balance is in fact moksha itself --- it is epitomised by the Shiva Nataraja, Shiva is poised in a state of perfect balance, with one foot crushing the demon of the ego and the other raised in the air, while carrying an expression of serenity --- Shiva really is the ultimate inspiration for every spiritual seeker. He really is the gods of all gods, because he has through pure effort rose to the highest ranks. He also all too human, he has desires, he gets angry. He is a reminder for the seeker that we all can attain Shiva-realisation.
Vishnu, on the other hand, is always in that lofty, sublime pure sattvic state. He is not for the seeker, he is for the devotee who can surrender themselves to him completely. He is lord. He is God.
I am a seeker, my dominant gunas are tamas and rajas. Sattva is that balance that comes from the tug of war going on between tamas and rajas. That same tug of war that is happening in the gunas of Brahma, and 100 years of his life or 311.08 trillion years they finally resolve. It all started with the guna of rajas, the universe exploded into being because rajas was at the extreme. One day tamas will be at the extreme, and the universe is instantly destroyed and once again 100% sattva is left. The same is happening in my life -- rajas and tamas are fighting it out with each other -- sometimes rajas takes control, sometimes tamas and as they fight sattva increases little by little --- its signs are, says Shankara, more and more viveka, ,more and more vairgaya, more and more sadsampati(6 inner wealth, sense control etc)
But can you just impose a balance? Could I just say "Oh, I need to moderate, maybe drink less, go out less, have sex less" Is it really that simple? If it is, why am I struggling to do it? Why are so many people struggling to do it? I mentioned earlier what Krishna said to Arjuna, and said "I cant help it, I am compelled by my gunas" I was referencing the question when Arjuna asked Krishna "If the path of knowledge(Samkhya) is the highest path, then why do you want me to fight this terrible war" and then Krishna replies "Because you are compelled by the gunas" His gunas are kshatriya gunas, with very strong component of rajas. A warrior needs rajas -- they need to be aggressive, active, strong and kshatriyas even have to eat meat to give them more aggression, strength and bulk. A vegan monk warrior wouldn't be very effective --- that's probably why the Buddhist monks were no match for the marauding Muslim warrior. Anyway I digress a bit. The point is you can't just practice the path of knowledge, you can't just adopt the yamas and niyamas, you are only as good as your gunas. You can only work with your gunas as they are right now -- rather than what you want them be (more sattvik) --- though karma yoga --- through the path of action. It sort of implies you just need to do it anyway, yes or no? If you need to fight, you need to just do it anyway and throw ahimsa to the wind. It is like you need to surf the waves, not fight against it.
It is clear that the pure sattvic path was not itself sufficient, because if it was, why would there be a need for the Tantra path? The Tantra path was formed for people like you and me -- us mere mortals, us humans. Tantra is not about suppressing desire -- it is about channelling desire, it is about playing with desire too, exploring desire, and eventually like Shiva, wearing desire around your neck like a garland of snakes. If you tell a child not put their hand in a fire to stop them from doing it(knowledge) they will probably just do it anyway(action) and they will instantly learn fire burns(viveka) and they will stop doing it(vairagya) We learn by making mistakes, falling over again and again, until we eventually learn. The same is said by the Samkhya isn't it? Prakriti keeps providing the experiences the soul needs(giving it everything it needs and wants) like a nurturing mother, and the dance of prakriti continues until the soul sees her, and then like a bashful woman she stops dancing.
I think my words are wise, but I fear that I am hope I am not rationalising my debauched lifestyle and to keep doing it, in the name of Tantra. I know this is the biggest pitfall on the Tantra path. I know loads of Sadhus in India just use it as excuse to smoke ganja, eat meat and do debauched things. A lot of these Naga Sadhus are more social delinquents than spiritual warriors. The ego can be a very devious devil, maybe this satan of my ego is fooling me into a satanic path. This is why I have asked the question as a philosophical question, and my aim was not to focus more on my personal life and ask for advice, even though I appreciate all the amazing advice I been given(though some, without mentioning which, had a bit of a judgemental tone) but I genuinely want to see whether my current understanding of Tantra is correct, or am I missing something.
In Buddhism and Jainism(the Shramana path, path of ascetics) they do in fact try to follow a pure 100% sattvik life. You don't just gradually work your way up(like in Hinduism) you just do it straight away: Adopt the 5 yamas, panchasheela, become vegetarian, stop all intoxicants cold-turkey, and practice daily meditation and prayer. In Jainism it is even more extreme, even the laity for which the rules are relaxed, have to follow very strict rules, rules that are actually stifling! If it really is that simple --- just be good --- keeping being good --- and you will get there in the end --- then I am unnecessarily putting my body, mind and soul at great risk and creating negative karma for myself -- then surely Tantra is not a good path at all.
Problem is -- OMG IT IS BORING! Jainism and Buddhism bore the hell out of me. I find Buddhist monasteries and Jain monasteries to be most depressing places in the world. There is such a lack of colour, energy, spice, that which makes life interesting. If we really were suppose to live like that, then why would we have emotions and why would the world be such a diverse place ? I remember a friend of mine went to a Zen Buddhist monastery in Japan, he couldn't stick it, it bored the hell out of him and he left. I too, when I tried to live like a monk in the past, as others have noted, rebelled hard against it and couldn't stick it. Should I just be stoic and face all the boredom, in hope that eventually I will learn to love that lifestyle and it will become second nature to me that I will kick myself why didn't I just do it from day one? Is it really that simple -- I wish it was.
It all boils down to knowledge vs experience/action. Knowledge is said to be the highest path, but still Krishna does not advocate it for Arjuna(the seeker) he advocates action. It makes sense to me that we truly learn only from life experience -- it is this knowledge that we can sincerely talk about as our own. Like I am very sincerely talking about what I have learned in my life so far -- it's mine, not somebody else's, not some scriptures. I am learning exactly that which the scripture says though about sense objects and pleasures --- how its limited and temporal, how it drains you, how it makes you dependent, and ultimately how it destroys you. I can see through the veils of maya of wordly human relationships, the universal condition of suffering(as Nanak would say, there is nobody that is not suffering) and yes how the human body as Swami Chinmayananda would say --- is a walking toilet --- made up of filth, blood, bones, mucous, urine, excrement and only the exterior layer of skin covers it all up, otherwise it would be a ghastly sight and nobody would want a human body. It is all dawning on me little by little and day by day just through life knowledge. It just hasn't reached critical mass for renunciation to happen.
