Male Rape

[DallasApple]

Due to your agreement, you have his consent, so it's not rape.

Let's say that I wake up in the middle of the night, I feel in the mood, so I start to penetrate my wife. She wakes up after I've started and tells me to stop it, so I do.

The following week, I wake up in the middle of the night, I feel in the mood, so I start to penetrate my wife. She wakes up after I've started and tells me to stop it, so I do.

The following week, the pattern continues. And the week after that. And the week after that.

Would you say that I haven't committed sexual assault just because I stop every time she tells me to?

Texas law assumes that "asleep" implies a lack of consent. It does not make an exception for your spouse. I'm not sure it should.

No that is different because its a pattern /trend that you should of gotten the hint she is not receptive to that.But better yet is for her to communicate "never do that again I feel violated" ..or for him to ask "should I not do that anymore and assume if you are asleep I should not take "liberty" with you ".

Hopefully its settled that way.If you continued after that (if she said don't do that ever again) then you are full blown raping her not just a "sexual assault" .



All I'm saying is when I have done that on occasion (started something when my husband was asleep) he has awakened and was totally O.K with it in fact felt desired.If we go by the strict letter of the law he liked it that I was sexually assaulting him when he was asleep.I do not agree.

If he had ever said "I don't like it when you touch me when I'm a asleep " I would have never done it again.

 

[MrOmega]

A more shocking discovery was that once you accept this, if you also accept the estimates for prison male on male rape which is notoriously hard to find out, then it turns out that men are raped more than women in the USA. I will probably be updating this bit as the sources are escaping me at the moment.

You ever see the difference between two males fighting and two women fighting?

Women mean business.

Honestly, women raping men, is a rather pointless argument.

Rape has occurred with me the victim twice, and they were both males. While I see women as being *** grabbers very very rarely, rape, or getting cornered is rare, and easily walked away from.

So... yes to be fair... sure, there are plenty of males who show low levels of aggression who might be raped, however, where are the males complaining?

 

[Karl R]

better yet is for her to communicate "never do that again I feel violated"

Don't you think it would be better for me to get her permission before I do something that makes her feel violated?

Forget the law for a moment. Do you really think I'm going to have a great marriage if I do things that make my wife feel violated, because it's her responsibility to tell me to stop?

If we go by the strict letter of the law he liked it that I was sexually assaulting him when he was asleep.I do not agree.

You may disagree, but that's exactly what you were doing the first time. It only changed when he woke up enough to consent.

Not "I guess" ..it would be a crime.That's why its better to "assume" you are committing a crime if you sexually "engage" with a person without their permission .

You sure change your tune fast when you're the one engaging with your husband without his permission.

If you were sitting on a jury, would you accept the following excuses from a man?
"She's my wife."
"I didn't think she'd feel violated."
"I thought she would feel desired."

You started having sex with your husband when he was unable to consent. (And the first time you did it, you had no reason to assume that he would consent.) He didn't feel violated. He felt desired. He didn't press charges. Therefore, you got away with it.

The same advice that's good enough for Titanic13 is good enough for you.

If you continued after that (if she said don't do that ever again) then you are full blown raping her not just a "sexual assault".

Did you read the Texas law? I provided a link. The legal statute does not include the word "rape." It's either sexual assault, or it's not.

there are plenty of males who show low levels of aggression who might be raped, however, where are the males complaining?

In many jurisdictions, it's not even against the law. What's the point of complaining?

In every jurisdiction, the laws recognize that women can (and do) get raped. Society has been made aware of this for generations. Despite this, about 9% of rapes are reported. Of those that are reported, only 37% result in prosecutions. Of the cases prosecuted, only 18% end up with convictions.

The statistics are lousy even if the law and society recognize the crime.

If the law and society don't even recognize the crime, which men do you expect to waste their effort (and risk their reputation) complaining?

You're just illustrating Qhost's initial point. You aren't even recognizing that female on male rape is a problem.

 

[DallasApple]

You may disagree, but that's exactly what you were doing the first time. It only changed when he woke up enough to consent.

No that is not true.He had expressed to me in conversations about our sexual life and me initiating ? That he was ALWAYS "up" for sex anytime.And by the way I would not have continued if he didn't wake up...in fact I would have checked his pulse.

Forget the law for a moment. Do you really think I'm going to have a great marriage if I do things that make my wife feel violated, because it's her responsibility to tell me to stop?

That's when INTENT comes into play and LEARNING each other.What we are comfortable with and NOT comfortable with.Including initiating sexual intimacy when one is asleep next to the other.

Based on what you are saying I would have to ask my husband if he consents to me touching him ANY time I did.And vice versa.If the presumption in a marriage is its "unwanted" touch until consent is given ????My husband is molesting me if he touches my boob without asking even if I'm awake.Because he didn't ask for my consent.

Unless you're saying the simple fact I'm awake means that's consent that he can touch me in any way and any situation ?So if I feel violated when I'm awake that's not his problem because because I was awake he had permission ?

In a marriage relationship you have to set your boundaries/have an understanding and sometimes those are set by trying things out .

My husband and I have reached an understanding that either of us can initiate physical/and sexual contact and then we can consent /not consent at that point.

"She's my wife."
"I didn't think she'd feel violated."
"I thought she would feel desired."

I would except "I didn't think she would feel violated" and "I thought she would feel desired" .Unless he had been told already she DID not want him to do that.

You sure change your tune fast when you're the one engaging with your husband without his permission.

What are you talking about? I did not "change my tune.

IF you initiated sex with your wife while she was asleep and she told you DO NOT DO THAT EVER AGAIN and you continued to do it anyway that is SEXUAL ASSAULT.

If I initiate sex with my husband when he is asleep and he told me DO NOT EVER DO THAT AGAIN and I continued to that is sexual assault.

Its your INTENT.

Show me where I said otherwise?

d you read the Texas law? I provided a link. The legal statute does not include the word "rape." It's either sexual assault, or it's not.

Then they changed it .My sisters RAPISTS (plural) were charged with AGGRAVATED RAPE.

 

[Me Myself]

Thats why I dont agree even with the Texas law mentioned here.(no kidding) I dont think I'm "
Sexaully assaulting" my husband if I start to "do things to him" when hes asleep unless he wakes up and says "stop it" ..(and I don't mean if hes unconscious) ..the assumption is he wakes up and "agrees" ..if he doesn't the assumption is I stop.

I agree in some contexts this should not at all be sexual assault.

Having his agreement beforehand as a "general" agreement is the smart move though.

I mean if you are both naked and you wake up and hug him being naked, you ae not sexually assaulting him because he is asleep. You love each other and have a non verbal general agreement that you are intimate enough to do intimate sexua things to each other in this kind of fashions.

If he said he didnt want such a thing while he is asleep or something it would be different, but unless that has happened then it is a reasonable assumption that it is okay. I think it's a cute and sexy way to wake up and your husband is lucky

 

[Me Myself]

No that is not true.He had expressed to me in conversations about our sexual life and me initiating ? That he was ALWAYS "up" for sex anytime.And by the way I would not have continued if he didn't wake up...in fact I would have checked his pulse.



That's when INTENT comes into play and LEARNING each other.What we are comfortable with and NOT comfortable with.Including initiating sexual intimacy when one is asleep next to the other.



Based on what you are saying I would have to ask my husband if he consents to me touching him ANY time I did.And vice versa.If the presumption in a marriage is its "unwanted" touch until consent is given ????My husband is molesting me if he touches my boob without asking even if I'm awake.Because he didn't ask for my consent.

Unless you're saying the simple fact I'm awake means that's consent that he can touch me in any way and any situation ?So if I feel violated when I'm awake that's not his problem because because I was awake he had permission ?

In a marriage relationship you have to set your boundaries/have an understanding and sometimes those are set by trying things out .

My husband and I have reached an understanding that either of us can initiate physical/and sexual contact and then we can consent /not consent at that point.



I would except "I didn't think she would feel violated" and "I thought she would feel desired" .Unless he had been told already she DID not want him to do that.



What are you talking about? I did not "change my tune.
wife while she was asleep and she told you DO NOT DO THAT EVER AGAIN and you continued to do it anyway that is SEXUAL ASSAULT.
IF you initiated sex with your

If I initiate sex with my husband when he is asleep and he told me DO NOT EVER DO THAT AGAIN and I continued to that is sexual assault.

Its your INTENT.

Show me where I said otherwise?



Then they changed it .My sisters RAPISTS (plural) were charged with AGGRAVATED RAPE.

I agree with you 100%

I also think this is quite a common arrangement.

It talks about the degree of intimacy of the couple and that they are comfortable enough with each other they dont have to ask permission, which at the same time does not at all mean you cant remove permission.

You are free to arrange things in your relationship any way you both see good and positive for good bonding and loving and sexy relationship that promotes intimacy and trust.

 

[Titanic]

Don't you think it would be better for me to get her permission before I do something that makes her feel violated?

Forget the law for a moment. Do you really think I'm going to have a great marriage if I do things that make my wife feel violated, because it's her responsibility to tell me to stop?


You may disagree, but that's exactly what you were doing the first time. It only changed when he woke up enough to consent.


You sure change your tune fast when you're the one engaging with your husband without his permission.

If you were sitting on a jury, would you accept the following excuses from a man?
"She's my wife."
"I didn't think she'd feel violated."
"I thought she would feel desired."

You started having sex with your husband when he was unable to consent. (And the first time you did it, you had no reason to assume that he would consent.) He didn't feel violated. He felt desired. He didn't press charges. Therefore, you got away with it.

The same advice that's good enough for Titanic13 is good enough for you.


Did you read the Texas law? I provided a link. The legal statute does not include the word "rape." It's either sexual assault, or it's not.


In many jurisdictions, it's not even against the law. What's the point of complaining?

In every jurisdiction, the laws recognize that women can (and do) get raped. Society has been made aware of this for generations. Despite this, about 9% of rapes are reported. Of those that are reported, only 37% result in prosecutions. Of the cases prosecuted, only 18% end up with convictions.

The statistics are lousy even if the law and society recognize the crime.

If the law and society don't even recognize the crime, which men do you expect to waste their effort (and risk their reputation) complaining?

You're just illustrating Qhost's initial point. You aren't even recognizing that female on male rape is a problem.

What advice was that? You see I have had some many people on here give me ****. So what advice was that?

 

[MrOmega]

You're just illustrating Qhost's initial point. You aren't even recognizing that female on male rape is a problem.

Okay fine... I have this very odd memory of my sister giving me a little blow job when I was a wee child. Honestly, I have no idea if that is a real memory or what.

Women have no issues playing with cat balls, that's for sure...

Now, before I post this, I should mention I have seen, well, I've seen everything except a school teacher having sex with a student. I mean they were doing it. Hardly rape, but perhaps illegal. Where do you draw the lines?

The 50 Most Infamous Female Teacher Sex Scandals - Zimbio

According to an AP study, between 2001 and 2005, 2,570 educators had their teaching credentials revoked, denied, surrendered or sanctioned following allegations of sexual misconduct. While only ten percent of those teachers were women, female teachers who have slept with their students receive the lion's share of media attention.

The other thing is that to catch a predator show, where they entrap mentally handicapped kids. That show in itself is criminal. Legally.

Only an opinion...

Now... ask yourself this. Little tommy decides to have sex with his teacher. And well... everyone finds out. Who is going to lay rape charges?

Now... little Suzie... perfect little suzie, well.... she doesn't want be a ****, so who is going to press rape charges?

Sure... poor argument, but ask little Suzies dad what is going to happen.



Kids are sex machines. Bottom line. It's the God honest truth.

 

[Karl R]

Yes they changed the law.

He had expressed to me in conversations about our sexual life and me initiating ? That he was ALWAYS "up" for sex anytime.

Then he had previously given his consent. If he gave consent, then it's not sexual assault.

That's when INTENT comes into play and LEARNING each other.What we are comfortable with and NOT comfortable with.Including initiating sexual intimacy when one is asleep next to the other.

If a man had sex with an unconscious woman, but later claimed that his INTENT wasn't to have non-consensual sex, would you feel he should be acquitted of the sexual assault charges?

The statute explicitly states when the perpetrator's intent counts. If he's asleep or unconscious, your intent is irrelevant.

Based on what you are saying I would have to ask my husband if he consents to me touching him ANY time I did.And vice versa.If the presumption in a marriage is its "unwanted" touch until consent is given ????My husband is molesting me if he touches my boob without asking even if I'm awake.Because he didn't ask for my consent.

Would you read the damn statute already? According to the statute, groping someone's breasts isn't sexual assault. I could grope your breasts without getting charged with sexual assault. (As I said, there are problems with the statute.)

Your husband explicitly gave you carte blanche to initiate sex under any circumstances. That's why you can assume it's wanted.

So if I feel violated when I'm awake that's not his problem because because I was awake he had permission ?

If you're awake, you can tell him to stop because you can see him attempting to penetrate you (or trying to make you penetrate him) before you actually succeed. He can therefore grant or withhold consent.

 

[Titanic]

I see not even a reply back.

 

[DallasApple]

Thats why I dont agree even with the Texas law mentioned here.(no kidding) I dont think I'm "
Sexaully assaulting" my husband if I start to "do things to him" when hes asleep unless he wakes up and says "stop it" ..(and I don't mean if he's unconscious) ..the assumption is he wakes up and "agrees" ..if he doesn't the assumption is I stop.

If a man had sex with an unconscious woman, but later claimed that his INTENT wasn't to have non-consensual sex, would you feel he should be acquitted of the sexual assault charges?

Please note the bolded.Of course if a man has sex with an unconscious woman I would not acquit him.And I would never "have sex" with my husband if he was unconscious either.

 

[RLightning]

Simplistically, the problems that male rape survivors face stems from the popular notion that rape is a crime of sex, when it never had been and never will be. Rape stems from power and control.

It is why young male survivors of statutory rape by an older woman (and especially if she is seen as physically attractive) is dismissed as any sort of crime, no matter how the survivor feels.

It is why any man who is assaulted by a woman is responded to as if it was consensual sex. It is a deplorable consequence of the misconception that rape is a crime of sex.

I, for one, am very supportive of the efforts by the MRA to bring awareness to this issue of male survivors of rape. Nearly 100% of the time, these survivors have nowhere to go to and no one to turn to and feel they have absolutely no voice.

I really agree with you this is very unfair

 

[Gehennaite]

When a male is raped by an attractive woman (say, he wakes up to a girl riding him) - he is considered by many to be a 'lucky guy' by both sexes alike. When he is raped by an ugly woman, it's considered by many to be 'comedy' and 'funny'.

Yes, I am utterly appalled by this doublethink, which is clearly the byproduct of masculine influence in a heterosexual-normative culture.

Perhaps the reason I am much more sympathetic to the plight of these men is because I do not subscribe to heterosexuality. I do not look at woman as some sacred creature that I am designed to serve & protect.

'He had an erection, so he wanted it' - this statement is as redundant as saying 'She orgasmed, so she must have enjoyed it' or 'she was wet, so she must have wanted it'. Like the involuntary lubrication which can happen when a women is raped, involuntary erections also can happen.

Good point.

 

[Maldini]

Yes I knew this guy, who went home with girls he just met, thinking they are gonna have a playful 4some, and then they tied his hands to a bed and made him ejaculate like 40 times in a single day, they didn't even feed the guy. he had to lay there for 24 hours, the girls would have their dayli life and like every 30 minutes one of the would come to the room and drove the guy's penis.

I mean the guy has been damaged in many ways, but they won't count him as a rape victim since he decided to go with the girls by himself in the first place.

 

[Alceste]

Yes I knew this guy, who went home with girls he just met, thinking they are gonna have a playful 4some, and then they tied his hands to a bed and made him ejaculate like 40 times in a single day, they didn't even feed the guy. he had to lay there for 24 hours, the girls would have their dayli life and like every 30 minutes one of the would come to the room and drove the guy's penis.

I mean the guy has been damaged in many ways, but they won't count him as a rape victim since he decided to go with the girls by himself in the first place.

That's absurd. Just going anywhere with anyone is carte blanche for them to rape you?

 

[Maldini]

That's absurd. Just going anywhere with anyone is carte blanche for them to rape you?

Well the girls claimed he knew there was gonna be sex and they also claimed that he was lying about the rape part, it was their word against his, and the judge went with the girls.

This didn't happen in US.

 

[Alceste]

Well the girls claimed he knew there was gonna be sex and they also claimed that he was lying about the rape part, it was their word against his, and the judge went with the girls.

This didn't happen in US.

My, God, that's awful. Where was it?

 

[Father Heathen]

We don't have "rape charges" in Canada. Only "sexual assault charges". Gender neutral, baggage free and not particularly controversial or titillating. That's what you want IMO. It should be boring, as far as the media, the public and the courts are concerned.

I disagree, as that only serves to downplay the severity of the crime.

 

[Alceste]

I disagree, as that only serves to downplay the severity of the crime.

I don't think we should encourage exaggerating the severity of the crime. Our culture of hysteria about anything involving people's genitals is part of what traumatizes victims and motivates sexual predators.

 

[freethinker44]

I don't think we should encourage exaggerating the severity of the crime. Our culture of hysteria about anything involving people's genitals is part of what traumatizes victims and motivates sexual predators.

Agreed, emotion has no place in a judicial system.

Maybe during sentencing emotion might be warranted, but it shouldn't be used to convict someone.