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My friend is a Born Again and keeps trying to convert me saying I have NO free will

W

willowgirl50

Member
Skwim said:
No you didn't. You are an enabler.

By allowing her to bend your ear you are reinforcing her sense of duty (to convert you). If she was a true friend she would recognize your right peace and comfort in her presence. But she doesn't. She refuses to accept your decision not to do as she wishes, and instead insists that you do. This is not friendship, it's outright bullying. In effect, she is laying down the ground rules on which your friendship will exist: "I get to try to convert you, and you listen." I suggest that the next time she pulls this crap that you tell her to "Shut up. We'll talk about something else now" and in just those words. If she persists, just keep telling her to "Shut up. We'll talk about something else now" This is no more rude than her persistent haranguing. If she can't acquiesce then you haven't really lost anything, because the friend you once had has turned herself into some kind of religious monster.
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I could have stopped her yes. I enjoy her friendship and didn't want to offend her by requesting that she stop. I basically just tuned out and focused on what was on the telly at the time. Then when she was finished reading I promptly asked her if she would like a cup of tea. I should have politely asked her to stop. I could have just said "no its ok you dont have to read that to me"..but I failed. I need to make it clearer and perhaps I am sending a mixed signal.
 
Nada

Nada

#
willowgirl50 said:
I could have stopped her yes. I enjoy her friendship and didn't want to offend her by requesting that she stop. I basically just tuned out and focused on what was on the telly at the time. Then when she was finished reading I promptly asked her if she would like a cup of tea. I should have politely asked her to stop. I could have just said "no its ok you dont have to read that to me"..but I failed. I need to make it clearer and perhaps I am sending a mixed signal.
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Yeah being honest and straight forward is always the best bet.

Ps.I couldn't help but notice your use of the word telly and mentioning having a cup of tea.Are you English?
 
Brickjectivity

Brickjectivity

Veteran Member
Staff member
Premium Member
willowgirl50 said:
I agree...this absolutely amazes me that she continues to do this. Its truly disappointing.
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Morally you aren't responsible for her. You can try to remain available, but Skim makes an important point that she's disrespecting you.

As a graduate of the born-again-believers I recognize the path that your friend has taken, and I have seen others go that way. Its not so much the religion (although that is part of it). I think long-story-short she has always chosen a false-self over her real self and until now you didn't realize it. Her lack of respect for her self is the source of her lack of respect for everyone else, too. Its a bad combination of a strange fundamentalism with probably some personality problems. People have personality issues like this all the time, but you don't always see it as clearly until they have a crisis. Usually they suffer in silence and self medicate in less obvious ways.

Possibly you have never truly known your friend's deep issues. They may have lived their entire life as someone they are not. Probably your friend is self-medicating by wearing a mask, and the inner person is pulled far away into a place you can't reach. I don't think this began when she converted, however. I think it is just that now that she has picked up this religion you are seeing more than you used to.

I'm not a psychologist. This is a lay opinion. Consult a doctor before acting on this information.
 
Skwim

Skwim

Veteran Member
willowgirl50 said:
I could have stopped her yes. I enjoy her friendship and didn't want to offend her by requesting that she stop.
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Yet you let her offend you by her "relentless" attacks on your disbelief.

Obviously you like the bed that you've made, and prefer to sleep in it.

Have a good day.
 
W

willowgirl50

Member
Brickjectivity said:
Morally you aren't responsible for her. You can try to remain available, but Skim makes an important point that she's disrespecting you.

As a graduate of the born-again-believers I recognize the path that your friend has taken, and I have seen others go that way. Its not so much the religion (although that is part of it). I think long-story-short she has always chosen a false-self over her real self and until now you didn't realize it. Her lack of respect for her self is the source of her lack of respect for everyone else, too. Its a bad combination of a strange fundamentalism with probably some personality problems. People have personality issues like this all the time, but you don't always see it as clearly until they have a crisis. Usually they suffer in silence and self medicate in less obvious ways.

Possibly you have never truly known your friend's deep issues. They may have lived their entire life as someone they are not. Probably your friend is self-medicating by wearing a mask, and the inner person is pulled far away into a place you can't reach. I don't think this began when she converted, however. I think it is just that now that she has picked up this religion you are seeing more than you used to.

I'm not a psychologist. This is a lay opinion. Consult a doctor before acting on this information.
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Makes sense!
 
Nakosis

Nakosis

Non-Binary Physicalist
Premium Member
Just tell her the truth. You've no interest in religion at this time.

You are who you are and feel the way you feel. If she still bugs you ask her if she want you to pretend to be somebody else just to make her happy.

That religion makes her happy, you should be glad for her. If she is really a friend she should be willing to allow you to pursue what makes you happy.
 
W

willowgirl50

Member
Nakosis said:
Just tell her the truth. You've no interest in religion at this time.

You are who you are and feel the way you feel. If she still bugs you ask her if she want you to pretend to be somebody else just to make her happy.

That religion makes her happy, you should be glad for her. If she is really a friend she should be willing to allow you to pursue what makes you happy.
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I am very glad for her and I am glad she has found something that comforts her with her disability. She has found peace and so have I. This I will mention in my communication with her.
Thank you!
 
outhouse

outhouse

Atheistically
willowgirl50 said:
I think the only reason she came to visit was to tell me this crap.
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Sounds right.

It is called proselytizing.

Many do it, and it "can be' more important then friendship to newly devoted followers, blindly following something they know almost nothing about.
 
outhouse

outhouse

Atheistically
willowgirl50 said:
Its unfortunate that I feel I will not be hearing much from her after my request. I'm hoping that wont be the case as I wish to be there for her since she is disabled
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Right now she is gods friend, and it doesn't look like there is room in her life for personal friends. Because she is new to all this she doesn't know how to separate the two yet. She may never learn this.

Don't place a burden on yourself because she is not your problem, or even a close friend.

She is an associate by your own definition. She placed that division in the friendship not you.
 
W

willowgirl50

Member
outhouse said:
Right now she is gods friend, and it doesn't look like there is room in her life for personal friends. Because she is new to all this she doesn't know how to separate the two yet. She may never learn this.

Don't place a burden on yourself because she is not your problem, or even a close friend.

She is an associate by your own definition. She placed that division in the friendship not you.
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Yes. I am starting to wonder if our reconnect three years ago was under false pretenses....
 
Ingledsva

Ingledsva

HEATHEN ALASKAN
willowgirl50 said:
...

. She visits and during her visit gives me a "get well card" with some reference to some Psalm in the bible. I thank her for the card and ignore the reference to the Psalm thing. She made reference to it and then asked if I still had the copy of the new testament that she asked me to read. I said yes its on my bookshelf. She retrieved it and proceeded to then READ to me the passage she was referring to. This went on for about 20 minutes. Then she proceeds to tell me that BY GOING TO HER CHURCH I HAVE NOW ACCEPTED THE LORD JESUS INTO MY LIFE AND I NOW HAVE ETERNAL LIFE AND THAT I AM A HEIRESS TO JESUS!!!!! I looked at her and was quite puzzled by that statement. I asked her how can that be? She said by being there I agreed to accept him into my life. I did no such thing. I did NOT accept any "communion" nor did I "drink any wine". I didn't bow my head and pray as I didn't feel comfortable in joining any prayer. I just sat there as a spectator.

HOW is this possible? I had to sit through her preaching about how I will now be able to go to heaven and so on.
This to me is NOT a good example of practicing what you preach. I think the only reason she came to visit was to tell me this crap.

Any ideas on this would be very helpful!!
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That is quite hilarious. No one accepts any God, or religion without personal acceptance, and belief in such.

Perhaps she belongs to a cult?

*
 
Nada

Nada

#
Awoon said:
Their actions show it.
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You assumed they all knew you were home alone because you posted it on FB.They did pray for you but you asked them not to.They respected your request by not praying for you like you asked.So what actions led you to believe they were mad about it? Because they did what you asked?
 
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