My son has joined islam

[Autodidact]

As a father, i am not required to approve of his religious choices, or any other choices he makes. I am also permitted to correct him and give him consequences based on his behaviors.

I initially did not mention the magnitude of his issues in any detail. I did not think it was necessary. As this thread has unfolded, I have shared more and more. My first post was lengthy enough, and I was not comfortable sharing ALL the details of his actions at that point. Hopefully some among you can understand this. So sainnhu, you stand corrected. I did not conveniently leave these matters out so that I could bash islam. I left out the DETAILS because I did not feel they were relevant at that point. As this thread grew, I felt a need to share more.

I even had a person tell me beheading was "humane." That's where the worm turned for me. That's ludicrous. MOST muslims here have been respectful. Those who have been respectful have been respected by me as individuals. However, I must point out that there is more denial going on(not by ALL muslims, but by a few in this thread) than in a rehab clinic.

Hey, you asked for advice. You're not required to do the effective thing, and you're permitted to screw up your relationship as much as you want. What I am saying is that I think you will regret these choices.

Of all the problems your son has, converting to Islam seems the least of them. By asking him to choose between his religion--even if it's his religion of the month--and his family, you have, IMO irreparably damaged your relationship, his respect for you, and your chances of having any positive impact on his future choices.

I could be wrong. Let us know how it goes.

For the record, I would not be happy if one of my children made this choice. I would, however, respect it.

 

[Autodidact]

Yes it is. And I sincerely hope someone reports you to the proper authorities for it. Trying to obstruct anyone else's freedom of religion is illegal.

Nah. Parents get to control their children's religious education; it's their right. I just think it's a bad plan.

 

[Storm]

Nah. Parents get to control their children's religious education; it's their right. I just think it's a bad plan.

Earlier, it was suggested that he control the kid by withholding food. He responded favorably.

 

[Kathryn]

I understand that your son has some major problems, but it seems that you are focusing on a religion you don't like and using that to ostracize your son. From what you've posted, it seems that his problems were there long before he turned to Islam and are independent from his new views.

Unfortunately, people who already have emotional problems often latch onto a religion with a fervor that is FUELED by their emotional issues.

This is a potent, potentially catastrophic combination. Considering the attention that radical Islamic violence gets (which is deserved attention considering that radical Islam is wreaking havoc in a lot of places throughout the world) and the boy's obvious pre existing emotional issues - I'd be alarmed if I were his parent also.

I used to be an art therapist in a maximum security unit for the criminally insane. Most of my patients were fixated on some religion or religious ideology - to a very unhealthy degree. I am a Christian and I can assure you that the insane violent offenders who were there were NOT good examples of most religious values - but they spouted off all day long about Jesus or Muhammed or whoever they were fixated on that week.

And the most disturbing case there was a mother who had cut her baby's heart out, and laid the heart on her husband's car seat for him to find the next morning. She told me over and over again that demons had made her do it - or that Jesus had made her do it - it varied.

Christianity didn't make her do that - but her mental illness was fed by her irrational application of random Christian teachings.

This happens. This father has a right to be concerned about the effect of random, possibly inaccurate, Islamic teachings having a negative effect on an already troubled young man.

He should visit the mosque - several times - and not only meet with the imam, but also check out his website, his writings, etc.

Not necessarily because the imam is suspect -but because his SON is so easily swayed - and doesn't seem to apply common sense.

 

[Shredmeister]

I understand why you're addressing religion; it's the unfounded animosity you seem to have for Islam that I find surprising.

And I asked you 3 specific questions. Please answer them. I want to know if you apply the same criticism to Christianity as you apply to Islam.

Coming here to find information, different points-of-view, or advice from Muslims are all understandable reasons to post you situation on a religious education forum. To come here to bash a religion is not.

Very well, my redundant new friend.

I condemn the act, and do so further if they claim the act was in the name of WHATEVER religion. Moreso with people who use Christianity as a justification for ANYTHING wrong: from the multi-million dollar televangelists to the phony "faith-healers" who bilk the poor, old, and down-trodden, to those who commit horrendous acts of violence and claim it was in any way, shape, or form done in the name of God or Christianity.

So, to be succinct, YES.

And I do apologize that I did not answer sooner. You have to recognize that I have been pelted with questions and criticisms from many in this thread. I am trying to keep up with all the brotherly love.

Truthfully, those who feel bashed are also bashing, are they not? But I'm not crying about it.

That said, there are many here who have been helpful, courteous, and compassionate. This is true of people across the varied religious spectrum. I genuinely thank those people, and hope that certain others can take a cue.

 

[Father Heathen]

OP is an obvious "Poe".

 

[Shredmeister]

OP is an obvious "Poe".

Your contribution was most helpful. This is the sage wisdom I sought when I joined here. Now this thread is complete. My son is no longer a concern thanks to your keen insight.

 

[Father Heathen]

Happy to be of service, sir.

 

[Shredmeister]

I admire people who know what they're all about. I must say, you do seem authentic.

 

[Father Heathen]

He's actually my son. Sorry you had to find out this way.

 

[Breathe]

As has been pointed out Shredmeister, go to mosque with him. See what it's like. Chances are you will find your fears unfounded and you will see that there are plenty of nice people. Not every Muslim is a kuffar-hating extremist after all, as I know you are aware.

Buy yourself a copy of the Quran. Read it, see what you think. This is your son's current religion and it would do you good to see what the faith teaches itself. Don't rely on anti-Islam sites, consider things from all sources, especially the source of sources.

If your son wants to be a Muslim, then make him be a good one. We will know soon enough if he's playing around when he has to wake up for fajr (morning prayer) every morning and can't eat or drink during daylight hours on Ramadan (which starts 11th August to 9th September).

Chances are that those at the mosque will help him with his lying and anti-social behaviour. Islam prohibits casual lying (40:28), after all.

Mostly, just relax and ease up a bit.

 

[Shredmeister]

As has been pointed out Shredmeister, go to mosque with him. See what it's like. Chances are you will find your fears unfounded and you will see that there are plenty of nice people. Not every Muslim is a kuffar-hating extremist after all, as I know you are aware.

Buy yourself a copy of the Quran. Read it, see what you think. This is your son's current religion and it would do you good to see what the faith teaches itself. Don't rely on anti-Islam sites, consider things from all sources, especially the source of sources.

If your son wants to be a Muslim, then make him be a good one. We will know soon enough if he's playing around when he has to wake up for fajr (morning prayer) every morning and can't eat or drink during daylight hours on Ramadan (which starts 11th August to 9th September).

Chances are that those at the mosque will help him with his lying and anti-social behaviour. Islam prohibits casual lying (40:28), after all.

Mostly, just relax and ease up a bit.

What is casual lying?

I want to relax, but this is eating at me. It's not any one thing: it's a combination of many. The fact that this troubled young man would join a religion whose reputation has put it into damage control, in the past decade especially(come on now, you know it has.), is of particular concern to me.

I know my son well. He does things for a variety of reason. Among them:
Shock value
To impress a girl
To try to fit in/belong
To rebel
To survive

One hardly needs a religion for any of these reasons.

 

[Luminous]

It always shames me to see people deny their agnosticism...perhaps you should remind your son that he was born agnostic and that everyone is agnostic even if they deny it.

 

[Shredmeister]

It always shames me to see people deny their agnosticism...perhaps you should remind your son that he was born agnostic and that everyone is agnostic even if they deny it.

Wait....what?

 

[Luminous]

Wait....what?

well, i guess you wouldn't understand.
in anycase...im only 18 and i would assume that your son (if anything like me) is trying to find the truth. Islam is a far less paradoxical religion than Christianity, and its follower appear less hypocritical and more revelent of God. If he is truely inquisitive and spiritual, my guess would be that the Buddhist religions might suit his favor...but you have shown that he shows a total disrespect for animals and nature, so perhaps the logic and truth of the Agnostic stance might better suit his choice for life style. Again though, If it is his complete desire to become a Muhamudist muslim and worship idol scripture and such...you can't really change that, maybe reason with him calmly to make him a good person (which he sort of shows he already is)...Stop punishing him for his choice of anti-agnosticism and be involved with him and his Immam and such as has already been stated. If he has stated before that he is Atheist, than that shows he might move favorably to Agnosticism and move away from the propaganda being fed to him by the muslims. If its just for a girl than they'll soon part ways and with her will go the religion. idk much about the situation though.

 

[Luminous]

With my original statement... I was in a way trying to refute the Muhamudist stand that babies are born submitting to the will of God and are thus Muslims already. It is clear that babies are born agnostic, and if anything, Agnosticism is the Will of God and the Only Ultimate Truth...philosophically speaking. He can't be sure that Muhammudist Islam is God's true religion, and why would it be? Perhaps the logic against a basic tenent of Islam (original religion) will allow him to move away from any involvement with the muslim apologists. {edit: or atleast be more skeptical of their claims}

 

[Shredmeister]

well, i guess you wouldn't understand.
in anycase...im only 18 and i would assume that your son (if anything like me) is trying to find the truth. Islam is a far less paradoxical religion than Christianity, and its follower appear less hypocritical and more revelent of God. If he is truely inquisitive and spiritual, my guess would be that the Buddhist religions might suit his favor...but you have shown that he shows a total disrespect for animals and nature, so perhaps the logic and truth of the Agnostic stance might better suit his choice for life style. Again though, If it is his complete desire to become a Muhamudist muslim and worship idol scripture and such...you can't really change that, maybe reason with him calmly to make him a good person (which he sort of shows he already is)...Stop punishing him for his choice of anti-agnosticism and be involved with him and his Immam and such as has already been stated. If he has stated before that he is Atheist, than that shows he might move favorably to Agnosticism and move away from the propaganda being fed to him by the muslims. If its just for a girl than they'll soon part ways and with her will go the religion. idk much about the situation though.

You seem pretty rational, though. Seriously.

 

[Breathe]

What is casual lying?

Casual lying.
In other words, you can't just make things up as much as you like, but you can lie about what your religion is to save your skin (in other words, you can say you'e not a Muslim when you are, if being a Muslim means you risk death, torture, or other unwanted things). Not all Muslims believe you should be permitted to even do that, however.

I want to relax, but this is eating at me.

That's probably part of his wish.

The fact that this troubled young man would join a religion whose reputation has put it into damage control, in the past decade especially(come on now, you know it has.), is of particular concern to me.

I know Islam has a bad reputation around the world, but Christianity has bad people in it, too. Look at the Lord's Resistance Army: murder, abduction, sexual enslavement of women and children, use of child-soldiers. Does that mean if one of my children has problems later on in life and becomes a Christian, I should lock him or her up in his or her room and prohibit familial interaction?

You know as well as I do religion can be used for good or for evil. A large number of people use their religion for good.

The fact that many people are showing such outright hostilities to Muslims has, in some ways, created a growth in fundamentalism, just show your son love and let him make his own mistakes, but make sure you go to the mosque.

The vast majority of Muslims consider suicide bombing and the murder of innocents to be inhumane and to lead one into Hell, so chances are this is what the mosque your son is going to will teach. How can you know what they teach without going there?

I know my son well. He does things for a variety of reason. Among them:
Shock value
To impress a girl
To try to fit in/belong
To rebel
To survive

Teens are teens. You making a fuss is definitely giving him attention and reward for shock value.

One hardly needs a religion for any of these reasons.

I agree. But suppose for a second it's not for any of these reasons?

 

[Luminous]

You seem pretty rational, though. Seriously.

I haven't read much of the Thread...so I would like you to clarify if he has specified the reasons for his lean toward Islam and the specifics of his dealing with the muslim apologists...If you are not sure, perhaps you should talk more with him about how he makes his choices. {edit: not specifically about his religious choices, as he may subconsciously enjoy the attention he gets from you in rebelling in this way}

 

[Shredmeister]

I haven't read much of the Thread...so I would like you to clarify if he has specified the reasons for his lean toward Islam and the specifics of his dealing with the muslim apologists...If you are not sure, perhaps you should talk more with him about how he makes his choices.

He's been very vague and covert about it. He didn;t tell his mother or me until after he was confirmed. We only knew he was dating a muslim girl. Ironically, he had described her as a friend only to later say she has been his girlfriend for a few months. I suspected she was, as he was always talking about her. His girlfriends have always been accepted into my home. This was odd behavior.

His mother found a quran in his room, but he told her it was part of a school project.

My son is a liar, a deceiver, and a con artist.

All the potential and smarts you could want. It's sad really. Almost as if he resents his gifts.