Opinions on Spanking

[DallasApple]

There is so much conflciting data on spanking as a form of discipline for children.But it seems like more and more its coming out that it does more harm than good.There is even some claims that being spanked as a child can lead to sexual problems as an adult.But just overall that its bad for the childs self eteem and performance and basically thats its not affective.Actually its very affective but temporarlily and in the long run is damaging.

I'd like to get opinions on this.Or anyone who has any reliable information on the topic.

Thanks!

Love

Dallas

 

[Wookiemonster]

I was both spanked as punishment as a child and abused, and I personally find nothing wrong in using spanking as a form of correction. That being said, it should not be the only form of correction or even the most commonly used one with any child.

 

[DallasApple]

I was both spanked as punishment as a child and abused, and I personally find nothing wrong in using spanking as a form of correction. That being said, it should not be the only form of correction or even the most commonly used one with any child.

Do you "personally" have any other qualifiers for its appropriate use other than not being the most commonnly used form of disipline?

Love

Dallas

Oh and thanks!

 

[T-Dawg]

Well, my dad whipped me occassionally when I was little, and I turned out ok. I've never seen a "spanking" done with the hand, it was always done with a belt, and even then, it's only an effective punishment for a few years. After a while, I realized that the belt didn't hurt anymore. My sister did too XD.

 

[Nanda]

My mother only spanked occassionally, but I can honestly say that spanking never taught me anything - it just made me resent my mother. I actually lost respect for her every time she resorted to hitting.

 

[DallasApple]

Well, my dad whipped me occassionally when I was little, and I turned out ok. I've never seen a "spanking" done with the hand, it was always done with a belt, and even then, it's only an effective punishment for a few years. After a while, I realized that the belt didn't hurt anymore. My sister did too XD.

Thanks Amazing..

The argument could be though that you turned out O.K 'in spite" of being whipped and not because of it.

Also based on your comment do you believe that maybe there is an age range possibly that spanking is most effective?

Also you said it didnt "hurt anymore" after a while.I assume you meant physically.What about emotionally?And what about how it made you view your dad?

And would you discipline your own children in this manner?(the way your dad did) why or why not?

Love

Dallas

 

[DallasApple]

My mother only spanked occassionally, but I can honestly say that spanking never taught me anything - it just made me resent my mother. I actually lost respect for her every time she resorted to hitting.

Im conflicted about whether to NEVER spank under any circumstances at all.But I experienced the same thing you are talking about..I remember telling my mother I hated her while she was spanking me..and I remember feeling angry and humiliated.I also didnt learn a thing except to build up a wall to not let her get the satisfaction of thinking she was hurting me or crying or even telling her to stop.I got to the point I would say "go ahead I dont care".That would make her even more mad.

Love

Dallas

 

[Just_me_Mike]

My opinion is it hurts.

I know that is a simple answer, but that is where the individual opinion should begin to form.

If you subscribe to a belief or philosophy that supports causing physical pain to your child, than it will be OK, if you don't think it is right to cause physical pain deliberately to a child than it won't be OK.

Some draw a more blurry line, by saying "I don't spank that hard" or some say "I got spanked, and look how I turned out"

Me personally, I think it says more about the parent than it does the kid, when a parent feels they have to spank a child.

 

[Wookiemonster]

Do you "personally" have any other qualifiers for its appropriate use other than not being the most commonnly used form of disipline?

Love

Dallas

Oh and thanks!

Qualifiers...Lets see.

Any form of punishment that I use with my daughter is based on the severity of the action that warrents it. For example if she playing with something that she shouldn't be, but the object is something that won't hurt her such as one of my shoes I simply tell her no, redirect her to an approiate toy and put my shoe where she can't get to it. If however the object she is playing with is something that could hurt her (a hot stove, light socket) I give her both a loud startling NO combined with a light pop on her hand then a redirect to an approiate toy. So far this has worked wonders and she actually has not gone back to any of the objects that warrented a pop on the hand.

That being said she has not reached the age where a spanking would be approiate or effective so I can't really lay out my plan of action and clearly define what the qualifers for a spanking would be nor my standards for giving one other than these.

1)Nothing other than a belt.
2)No where other than the butt.
3)Not on bare skin.
4)Never in anger.
5)Never without explaning the reasons she is recieving the spanking.

 

[DallasApple]

My opinion is it hurts.

I know that is a simple answer, but that is where the individual opinion should begin to form.

If you subscribe to a belief or philosophy that supports causing physical pain to your child, than it will be OK, if you don't think it is right to cause physical pain deliberately to a child than it won't be OK.

Some draw a more blurry line, by saying "I don't spank that hard" or some say "I got spanked, and look how I turned out"

Me personally, I think it says more about the parent than it does the kid, when a parent feel they have to spank a child.

Simple is probably what it is.

Im trying to grasp how its ever O.K..and Im trying to grasp how its not uncivilzed barbaric behavior.

Im trying to grasp how its O.K to hit the youngest and the most dependent and defensless of our society in order to teach them how to behave including the fact its wrong to resort to violence against anyone themselves.I guess that is untill they grow up and have children of their own that its O.K to hit.

Love

Dallas

 

[DallasApple]

Qualifiers...Lets see.

Any form of punishment that I use with my daughter is based on the severity of the action that warrents it. For example if she playing with something that she shouldn't be, but the object is something that won't hurt her such as one of my shoes I simply tell her no, redirect her to an approiate toy and put my shoe where she can't get to it. If however the object she is playing with is something that could hurt her (a hot stove, light socket) I give her both a loud startling NO combined with a light pop on her hand then a redirect to an approiate toy. So far this has worked wonders and she actually has not gone back to any of the objects that warrented a pop on the hand.

That being said she has not reached the age where a spanking would be approiate or effective so I can't really lay out my plan of action and clearly define what the qualifers for a spanking would be nor my standards for giving one other than these.

1)Nothing other than a belt.
2)No where other than the butt.
3)Not on bare skin.
4)Never in anger.
5)Never without explaning the reasons she is recieving the spanking.

What about age?

Love

Dallas

 

[DallasApple]

Qualifiers...Lets see.

Any form of punishment that I use with my daughter is based on the severity of the action that warrents it. For example if she playing with something that she shouldn't be, but the object is something that won't hurt her such as one of my shoes I simply tell her no, redirect her to an approiate toy and put my shoe where she can't get to it. If however the object she is playing with is something that could hurt her (a hot stove, light socket) I give her both a loud startling NO combined with a light pop on her hand then a redirect to an approiate toy. So far this has worked wonders and she actually has not gone back to any of the objects that warrented a pop on the hand.

That being said she has not reached the age where a spanking would be approiate or effective so I can't really lay out my plan of action and clearly define what the qualifers for a spanking would be nor my standards for giving one other than these.

1)Nothing other than a belt.
2)No where other than the butt.
3)Not on bare skin.
4)Never in anger.
5)Never without explaning the reasons she is recieving the spanking.

Oh and P.S what about redirecting without "popping" on the hand?

What about sterness of voice..redirection and then praise for the new behavior..Is the popping of the hand really necessary?

Love

Dallas

Im sorry I didnt read all the way ...Why the need to use corporal punishment to redirect her from dangerous objects that might hurt her ?

 

[Wookiemonster]

What about age?

Love

Dallas

As in what would be an approiate age for spanking?

That's a hard one to pin down because each child grows and learns differently. That being said I can't iminage a child under the age of 5, maybe 7 who would be able to understand the reasons behind a spanking, and why a spanking was the punishment as opposed to say privilages being withheld.

 

[Wookiemonster]

Oh and P.S what about redirecting without "popping" on the hand?

What about sterness of voice..redirection and then praise for the new behavior..Is the popping of the hand really necessary?

Love

Dallas

In my daughters case I have discovered that the pop on the hand (so far at least) causes her to not revisit the object that she was poped for. Hence it is only used for objects that could harm her (stove, light socket etc.) If I ever come to discover that the pop on the hand no longer has the desired effect of her not revisiting the object then I would no longer use the pop and would try other punishments until I found what works for her in her current state.

Additionally we make sure to praise her throughout the day when she is behaving well. Using positive reinforcement constantly has lead (so far) to little need for punishment.

 

[DallasApple]

As in what would be an approiate age for spanking?

That's a hard one to pin down because each child grows and learns differently. That being said I can't iminage a child under the age of 5, maybe 7 who would be able to understand the reasons behind a spanking, and why a spanking was the punishment as opposed to say privilages being withheld.

And what do you consider a spanking? YOu mentioned a belt and not in anger and not on bare skin.

You said not under the age of 5...

How is popping a child on the hand which is inflicting "pain" in order to get your point across not a form of spanking..Its definately a form of corpral punishment.How is a younger child supposed to understand the reason why you are hurting their hand?

Love

Dallas

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

It is illegal to strike a child in most of Europe.
In the UK you can smack a child with your hand but if you leave a mark you can be prosecuted.
I was smacked at home and caned at school... It was the norm during my childhood. It was always my preferred punishment, as it was over and done with so quickly. It only hurts if you let it.

Much the same as a wrist lock hurts, till you hit them with the other hand. I don't know why but hurt and pain are proportional to fear.

 

[DallasApple]

In my daughters case I have discovered that the pop on the hand (so far at least) causes her to not revisit the object that she was poped for. Hence it is only used for objects that could harm her (stove, light socket etc.) If I ever come to discover that the pop on the hand no longer has the desired effect of her not revisiting the object then I would no longer use the pop and would try other punishments until I found what works for her in her current state.

Additionally we make sure to praise her throughout the day when she is behaving well. Using positive reinforcement constantly has lead (so far) to little need for punishment.

I agree with the positive reinforcement and redirection to what she is allowed to touch and then praise.

I am "anti-spanking" at this point..But I can see me telling the child "come here" as they run to the street and them deliberately running away from me to the street defiantly and me catching up to them and hitting them out of sheer fear that they could have been killed and me letting them know Its not a game.

I think..no I know..I would to let them know I mean real business here on that one.

But as you metnioned I think if its only on those type occasions and mostly a reaction to trying to keep them form gettign killed or seriously injured and the other 98% of the time reinforment for positives and praise for good behavior and parents remaining calm there woudl be little need to ever hit the child.The children want our approval ..but they want our attention however they can get it is my belief.

Love

Dallas

 

[Wookiemonster]

And what do you consider a spanking? YOu mentioned a belt and not in anger and not on bare skin.

You said not under the age of 5...

How is popping a child on the hand which is inflicting "pain" in order to get your point across not a form of spanking..Its definately a form of corpral punishment.How is a younger child supposed to understand the reason why you are hurting their hand?

Love

Dallas

To me a spanking is being hit on the butt with a belt. However I know the defination vairies from person to person and know of several folks who consider my pop on her hand to be a form of spanking.

When I pop my daughter on the hand I do not expect her to understand that my mind is thinking "Oh, no. That's a hot stove and she shoudl not touch it or she will get burnt". What I expect her to understand is "Oh, I tried to touch that thing and Ima made a loud noise and made my hand hurt, I won't try to touch that again becuase I don't like what happened when I tried to."

With dangerous objects I don't wont their to be any doubt in her mind that she shoudl not ever try and touch them again, hence the pop being reserved for dangerous things.

 

[DallasApple]

It is illegal to strike a child in most of Europe.
In the UK you can smack a child with your hand but if you leave a mark you can be prosecuted.
I was smacked at home and caned at school... It was the norm during my childhood. It was always my preferred punishment, as it was over and done with so quickly. It only hurts if you let it.

Much the same as a wrist lock hurts, till you hit them with the other hand. I don't know why but hurt and pain are proportional to fear.

If you preferred it then how was it the best deterrent to not behave badly?Or I mean was it the best deterrent?

Love

Dallas

 

[Wookiemonster]

I am "anti-spanking" at this point..But I can see me telling the child "come here" as they run to the street and them deliberately running away from me to the street defiantly and me catching up to them and hitting them out of sheer fear that they could have been killed and me letting them know Its not a game.

The situation you describe is exactly why my daughter wears a harness when we go out in public and she wants to walk. Prevents her from running away while in parking lots of while on a sidewalk and from hiding while we are shopping.