Opinions on Spanking

[DallasApple]

I'm speaking now as a parent, not from scientific research, but from my own experience and philosophy. Spanking is counter-productive. Parenting is based on the bond you have with your child. Your child does what you say because they love you, they trust you, and they want to be like you. Spanking undermines all of that.

Further, it's unnecessary. You're the parent. You already have all the marbles. You don't need to spank. You have the candy, the money, the car, the time to play with the child, everything you need to give positive reinforcement. And positive reinforcement is that magic wand that works. With positive reinforcement, you can teach a bear to play basketball.

It takes time, consistency, and conscious effort, but it works. Spanking doesn't.

I agree..

Love

Dallas

 

[Autodidact]

One other thing. One of the things we want to teach our kids is not to hit. The single biggest way we influence our children is as a role model. So how do you think spanking helps teach them not to hit?

 

[DallasApple]

One other thing. One of the things we want to teach our kids is not to hit. The single biggest way we influence our children is as a role model. So how do you think spanking helps teach them not to hit?

UM>..we teach them they cant hit anyone but little kids?(once they are grown)And we hit them to get that through their heads?

Love

Dallas

 

[DallasApple]

One other thing. One of the things we want to teach our kids is not to hit. The single biggest way we influence our children is as a role model. So how do you think spanking helps teach them not to hit?

We want to teach our kids not to resort to violence to resolve conflict..The # one way we do that is to beat them with a belt as parents .(or to smack them)

Love

Dallas

(90% of parents hit kids to get them to be in order in the U.S.A)..

I imagine Jesus taking a child who is lets say ...FIVE ..and he did somethign wrong and Jesus bending the child over the knee and beating him over the "butt" and saying I love you ..and thats why Im doing this.

And it is a beating..People like to flower it up and call it 'spanking".You are being HIT.Against your will.And you are a child.

There is no justification for it unless you admit you cant think of anything else or you have a hot temper.

Love

Dallas

 

[Aquitaine]

Well, if you're far too liberal, then they grow up feral. Hitting children should only be a last resort (again, by "hit" I mean like a spank), if all other vocal warnings and other attempts fail, there is one that will no doubt succeed: pain.

You touch fire <pain> you refrain from touching it ever again.

You constantly bump your head into objects when running at home <pain>, you learn to walk at home.

You disobey your parents verbal warnings, so they hit you <pain> you learn to listen to them.

The excellent thing about spanking is that, it acts as a substitue for the actual consequences of a child's actions that could've been much worse - or even fatal. By establishing a system where if the child disobeys, the get slapped, is like using money to buy goods, rather than trading your own goods for others - it's a "currency" for learning lessons and instilling discipline.

Children could totally disobey their parents when they tell them to look when crossing roads, or to not play with fire, and their actual punishment would be one Hell of a lot more severe than a simple spank (hit by a car, burnt all over the body), and both are fatal. Hypothetically, providing that you establish an understanding in children's heads not to disobey adults/parents, then the "code" of discipline can be extended and used for many other "lessons" that kids can learn.

For example, the lesson not to run with scissors, and not to hold them blade out. Now, if the said child is already used to being spanked if dosibeying their parents/guardian, then I'd imagine they're more likely to listen to them, rather than waiting to find out the actual punishment of running with scissors blades out (i.e stabbing themselves or stabbing someone else).

If the child has been brought up by parents who don't spank or don't discipline, then it's more of like a "let them do whatever they want, untill Nature kicks their arse" attitude, and the child would probably run with the scissors in hand, and stab themselves/someone.

My point is, that spanking is like a "currency" of discipline, that can be used to provide a physical punishment (and therefore lesson) of pain, without having to make the child endure the actual punishment of their actions.

For example, it's much better to slap your child for attempting to cross the road without looking, rather than just letting them run accross without looking and "learn" by being crushed by a vehicle.

Not only that, but you'll instill a sense of discipline, and the kids will then only need a verbal warning, and won't be slapped, because they'll know that if they disobey they will get slapped.

In my eyes, you've gotta keep a balance between nurture and nature, nature is far too heavy-handed and will just get them killed, so spanking and a sense of discipline to me is merely just Tough Love.


However, I only support this idea if it is executed properly, and far too many people just slap out of aggression and just abuse their children.

 

[DallasApple]

A parent should never be a source of intentional infliction of physical pain.That is a step backwards.

Love

Dallas

 

[Aquitaine]

A parent should never be a source of intentional inliction of physical pain.That is a step backwards.

Love

Dallas

Well, in an ideal world.........

However, we are a very flawed species, more so Mentally than Physically.

Unfortunately, pain is the only way Humans learn. The concept of spanking is a way to administer "safe" and "controlled" pain, to substitue for the actual pain a child would recieve as a consequence of their actions, which could lead to them being crippled, burnt, crushed, mentally-disabled, stabbed, starved, drowned, strangled, shot, in jail, or dead.

Nature is the force that kills us, Nurture is Human's intervention. Spanking (if done properly), along with so many other parenting actions/skills, is a form or Nurture, and is Tough Love in my eyes.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think that spanking alone will help raise children to be the best they can. It's like with how a successfull country works, it's not just about the Police, there's 1,000's of other aspects that if done properly can help the situation.

Spanking is just one of them, and one of the most controversial.

 

[Reverend Rick]

Any punishment in and of it's self solves very little. The threat of punishment teaches consequences. Some of the best behaved children learn from their siblings mistakes.

Children want to test boundaries. That is normal. Myself, I've learned violence begets violence.

I've never been big on spanking, but I still reserve that right.

 

[Circle_One]

I'm speaking now as a parent, not from scientific research, but from my own experience and philosophy. Spanking is counter-productive. Parenting is based on the bond you have with your child. Your child does what you say because they love you, they trust you, and they want to be like you. Spanking undermines all of that.

Further, it's unnecessary. You're the parent. You already have all the marbles. You don't need to spank. You have the candy, the money, the car, the time to play with the child, everything you need to give positive reinforcement. And positive reinforcement is that magic wand that works. With positive reinforcement, you can teach a bear to play basketball.

It takes time, consistency, and conscious effort, but it works. Spanking doesn't.

Speaking as a parent, as per the bolded and underlined:

I don't agree with this whatsoever. My son loves me, I KNOW he loves me, but he's also a 10 year old boy with his own mind and his own desires which sometimes happen to disagree with my own. Just because he does something I don't want him to, or doesn't do something I want him to does not, for one instance mean that he doesn't love me.

Children are children, they're stubborn and know-it-alls and want what they want, when they want it, it's called the Id; instant gratification. Just because a child throws a temper tantrum in the middle of the grocery store because they want candy before supper does not mean that child doesn't love, trust or want to be like their parent. It just means they're a child.

Contrary to some beliefs, positive reinforcement doesn't work as well in children as it does in dogs. In children, it's called bribery, which, in my personal opinion, harms the child more in the long run than a good quick swat on the ***.

"Sit quiet while mommy's talking and I'll give you a cookie", soon becomes "Mom, if you don't buy me a car for my birthday, I'll hate you and never speak to you again." In a teenager.

 

[Aquitaine]

Speaking as a parent, as per the bolded and underlined:

I don't agree with this whatsoever. My son loves me, I KNOW he loves me, but he's also a 10 year old boy with his own mind and his own desires which sometimes happen to disagree with my own. Just because he does something I don't want him to, or doesn't do something I want him to does not, for one instance mean that he doesn't love me.

Children are children, they're stubborn and know-it-alls and want what they want, when they want it, it's called the Id; instant gratification. Just because a child throws a temper tantrum in the middle of the grocery store because they want candy before supper does not mean that child doesn't love, trust or want to be like their parent. It just means they're a child.

Contrary to some beliefs, positive reinforcement doesn't work as well in children as it does in dogs. In children, it's called bribery, which, in my personal opinion, harms the child more in the long run than a good quick swat on the ***.

"Sit quiet while mommy's talking and I'll give you a cookie", soon becomes "Mom, if you don't buy me a car for my birthday, I'll hate you and never speak to you again." In a teenager.

Exactly, kids try to get smart with it, so that they can get what they want. They just see through all the "positive reinforcement", and find ways of how they can exploit the loopholes in order to get what they want. With a spank, it sends the message clear, and it cannot be "outsmarted" nor can the child "exploit" it.

Kids will be kids at the end of the day, I was spanked a lot as a kid, and I grew up to respect my parent's decisions for doing so, because I realised the intention behind the act. It's not just to inflict pain.......... it's to use pain so that they can learn.
If you take a namby-pamby cotton-wrapped approach of just trying to use verbal reasoning alone, then they're just gonna ignore you, do what they want, and then Nature/consequence is gonna give them a much worse "Spanking".

 

[DallasApple]

Any punishment in and of it's self solves very little. The threat of punishment teaches consequences. Some of the best behaved children learn from their siblings mistakes.

Children want to test boundaries. That is normal. Myself, I've learned violence begets violence.

I've never been big on spanking, but I still reserve that right.

YES its normal for children to test..They are curious about this new world.New to them anyway..

Love

Dallas

 

[DallasApple]

A smile ..goes a long way.Not a "fake smile"..genuine excitement .

Even with grown ups....

I can not be beaten into submission.Or actually I could.I wouldnt be a happy camper though.Why should a child?

Love

Dallas

 

[DallasApple]

Exactly, kids try to get smart with it, so that they can get what they want. They just see through all the "positive reinforcement", and find ways of how they can exploit the loopholes in order to get what they want. With a spank, it sends the message clear, and it cannot be "outsmarted" nor can the child "exploit" it.

Kids will be kids at the end of the day, I was spanked a lot as a kid, and I grew up to respect my parent's decisions for doing so, because I realised the intention behind the act. It's not just to inflict pain.......... it's to use pain so that they can learn.
If you take a namby-pamby cotton-wrapped approach of just trying to use verbal reasoning alone, then they're just gonna ignore you, do what they want, and then Nature/consequence is gonna give them a much worse "Spanking".

Oh man..Im sorry you feel this way about kids.

Love

Dallas

 

[Aquitaine]

Oh man..Im sorry you feel this way about kids.

Love

Dallas

Why do you say that? Do you not recognise the concept of "tough love"?

We're not living in a Perfect World here, we're only Human, and one of the few ways we actually learn is via pain.
If only you could just "reason" your kids into behaving, however it's just not the case in reality.

 

[DallasApple]

OH and since its a great "learning tool" would ya'll spank(hit slap ) a 15 month old who was disobeying?

And WHAT do you do when that same child hits you in the face?..(let me guess spank them)?

Love

DAllas

 

[DallasApple]

Why do you say that? Do you not recognise the concept of "tough love"?

We're not living in a Perfect World here, we're only Human, and one of the few ways we actually learn is via pain.
If only you could just "reason" your kids into behaving, however it's just not the case in reality.

Beating and hitting chidren doesnt teach them not to hit or beat.

"Tough love" doesnt have to involve being captured and beaten.

Its a different story.

Love

Dallas

 

[Rayne]

I think there are certain things that a child can do that would deserve a good spanking. However, for simple things, another form of punishment should be used. Pain should only be associated to the most severe punishment, and the hardest one to earn.

 

[Aquitaine]

OH and since its a great "learning tool" would ya'll spank(hit slap ) a 15 month old who was disobeying?

And WHAT do you do when that same child hits you in the face?..(let me guess spank them)?

Love

DAllas

The brain of a 15 month old is far too basic to be able to understand the reason behind spanking.

Beating and hitting chidren doesnt teach them not to hit or beat.

Well, I doubt that spanking alone would do it, but regardless, I could say that not spanking a child doesn't teach them not to hit or beat.

And WHAT do you do when that same child hits you in the face?..(let me guess spank them)?

If they were stupid enough to do such a thing, knowing full well what they'd get in return, then I'd hit them for it and given him much longer lectures on why I've done it, along with other punishments like banning certain toys/freedoms for a duration of time.

What would you do if your child hits you in the face? Put him on the Naughty Step?

 

[Humanistheart]

There is so much conflciting data on spanking as a form of discipline for children.But it seems like more and more its coming out that it does more harm than good.There is even some claims that being spanked as a child can lead to sexual problems as an adult.But just overall that its bad for the childs self eteem and performance and basically thats its not affective.Actually its very affective but temporarlily and in the long run is damaging.

I'd like to get opinions on this.Or anyone who has any reliable information on the topic.

Thanks!

Love

Dallas

There is no conflicting data, it's bad for the child. People who spank their child need to be arrested for abuse.

 

[T-Dawg]

The argument could be though that you turned out O.K 'in spite" of being whipped and not because of it.

I don't know what gave you the impression that I was arguing that I turned out ok "because of" it. You're restating exactly what I was saying .

Also based on your comment do you believe that maybe there is an age range possibly that spanking is most effective?

Probably once the child hits second grade (or maybe first or third), he gets too physically mature for spanking to hurt much.

What about emotionally?And what about how it made you view your dad?

Oh, I always viewed my dad as a dishonest, lying idiot. Even when I was little, I could begin to see obvious flaws in everything he told me (for example, when I was little, I would often lose stuff, like most little kids. When I asked my dad to help me find it, he always said something stupid, like "Well, where did you last put it?" I didn't know how to spell it out back then, but I could see even then that his advice was of no use whatsoever, in fact, it was frequently so stupid that I though he was making fun of me. He also tried to tell me when I was 4 that he knew everything, as an explanation as to how he knew a traffic light was about to turn green. And, more recently, as I've said before, when I asked him why Reagan was a great president, his reply was "Because he was great!").

And would you discipline your own children in this manner?(the way your dad did) why or why not?

No, I want to be unlike my dad in virtually every way, and I can think of more effective punishments than hitting my child. Bad behavior does not spring out of nowhere, the child learns it - oftentimes from parents, early in life. Therefore, if I strive to be non-hypocritical, my child will have a foundation of honesty and good discipline, and I will further be able to mold him to look upon the normal children with disgust as they commit bad deeds, instead of my child "learning" from them as most children do.
Or at least, that's what I hope I'm able to do =/.