Opinions on Spanking

[Aquitaine]

I believe the research into this subject. It has repeatedly shown links to aggressive behaviour , self esteem issues and sexual problems in later lives of children who were spanked. If you are going to claim that not spanking kids is a cause for the social ills of the UK you will have to support this theory with some facts linking children who are not spanked to teens who drink and get pregnant. I am going to flat out say I don't believe people don't comit suicide because they weren't spanked as kids.

I appologize if I came accross wrong, but I'm not saying that all this is a result of not spanking, I'm saying that since spanking has been long gone from my and younger generations, then how come our Youth are like this if spanking is linked to all these side-affects?

This is what I'm on about, Alceste quoted some research into the negative affects of spanking (from what they conlcuded anyways), but all those things are evident in children who arn't spanked. The UK youth of today is a perfect example.

You're all talking about how Spanking is the root cause for so many problems in a child's behavour, well then, how come in a society which bans CP in all areas, and takes a much more soft approach, are there (seemingly) worse affects on the youth then?

Spanking in my eyes is just another parenting technique, and like all, they're usefull in some circumstances, and aslong as they're used properly, I see no harm in it.

The UK has had more than a decade of New Labour and their no CP, no spanking, soft approaches. So theoretically, since Spanking is pure evil and causes so many mental issues, then the UK's youth should be better off nowadays than say, 50 years ago right?

Well then, why are they worse off? Why are they less happy? Why is there much more crime amongst them? Of course we all know it's because of the many other aspects of a country/enviroment that affects them, but to me it's evidence that spanking isn't all that bad.

 

[monta]

I don't think spanking has gone from your society, it may be gone from segments of it, but if you think about it you might find that the teens who go on to appear on Jeremy Kyle, are not that segment.

 

[Aquitaine]

I don't think spanking has gone from your society, it may be gone from segments of it, but if you think about it you might find that the teens who go on to appear on Jeremy Kyle, are not that segment.

Of course, there are no absolutes - just because a Government bans something, doesn't mean that every other Citizen follows suit.

However, the majority of people from my generation and younger who I know, weren't spanked.

But then again, if spanking is so bad, how come the people who were never spanked, are all showing the exact same side-affects as these "studies" claim, about spanking?

How come everyone from an older generation I talk to, say that life was better for kids and in general "back then", and they all support the idea of spanking, and say that there were less problems with the youth back then - since Spanking is apparently some horrible evil thing, which guarantees severe side-affects?

I don't think that not spanking is a bad thing, I believe that spanking is not neccessarily a bad thing (providing that it's done properly, and not abused), but the same goes for any other form of punishment.

I believe discipline is important, and spanking is a legitimate and effective way of contributing to it.

 

[monta]

In my opinion when you know better you do better and you should make it your business to know better. I don't believe that every child that was spanked is somehow derranged and the motive behind any punishment is a strong factor.

But there are better ways to discipline your kids. They instinctively want your aproval, and then at a certain age they rebel. This will happen whether you spank or not.

The morals you instil are the same but how can intentionally inflicting pain on a child teach them anything other than the weak must fear the strong, and it is ok to be violent as long as you have a reason for it.

 

[dawny0826]

There is so much conflciting data on spanking as a form of discipline for children.But it seems like more and more its coming out that it does more harm than good.There is even some claims that being spanked as a child can lead to sexual problems as an adult.But just overall that its bad for the childs self eteem and performance and basically thats its not affective.Actually its very affective but temporarlily and in the long run is damaging.

I'd like to get opinions on this.Or anyone who has any reliable information on the topic.

Thanks!

Love

Dallas

I'm not quite sure what type of reliable information is out there on the subject. I can only speak from personal experience. I was spanked as a child as was my husband. Neither of us have sexual disfunctions nor are we damaged.

My sisters were spanked as children. Neither have sexual disfunctions or emotional problems. Though we're all fairly opinionated and outspoken, we're productive, happy people.

I know for my children at least, that spanking is the best form of discipline when other reinforcers work to no avail. I think the greatest damage to them would be to refrain from teaching them right from wrong and for creating an illusion that there are no negative consequences for negative actions.

If studies suggest that I'm in the wrong, fine. I'm still going to do what I feel I need to do to raise good kids. I believe it's true, when we spare the "rod", we spoil the child. The "rod" doesn't HAVE to be physical discipline but if it's the most effective in a specific situation, parents, (using good judgement at all times) should do what they feel is best, when correcting their children.

 

[Aquitaine]

In my opinion when you know better you do better and you should make it your business to know better. I don't believe that every child that was spanked is somehow derranged and the motive behind any punishment is a strong factor.

But there are better ways to discipline your kids. They instinctively want your aproval, and then at a certain age they rebel. This will happen whether you spank or not.

The morals you instil are the same but how can intentionally inflicting pain on a child teach them anything other than the weak must fear the strong, and it is ok to be violent as long as you have a reason for it.

Again, if the child thinks that the sentiment behind spanking is because being big and strong instantly authorizes hitting weaker individuals, or that violence is acceptable amongst adults, then the parents who spank haven't done a good enough job of expaining to the child why they spank him.
It's Tough Love.

Not only that, but unfortunately Humans tend to learn from pain. Take for instance if a child never experienced pain, never bumped his head whilst running, never fell over whilst running or fell off a bike etc, imagine how they'd turn out?

Unfortunately, Humans learn via pain (in a lot of circumstances), by all means, attempt to reason with them first, and give them verbal warnings and lectures, but at the end of the day, if they still disobey, then they could be putting themselves at risk for being careless, and trust me, Nature and consequence give out much harder "spanks" than any parent can.

 

[Aquitaine]

DallasApple, what would you do if your child turned around and hit you in the face?

 

[DallasApple]

DallasApple, what would you do if your child turned around and hit you in the face?

My grandbaby DID hit me in the face.He is 17 months old now.

What would I do?

What I did do was tell him that hurt..You hurt me and you can not sit in my lap anymore.You are not welcome.

His little baby face looked confused..(my son spanks him)...

I looked him straight in the eyes and told the child..If you hit me you cant be with me.

I reject him ..if he hits me..Its a SHAME that his parents have taught him violence works.

Love

Dallas

 

[monta]

My grandbaby DID hit me in the face.He is 17 months old now.

What would I do?

What I did do was tell him that hurt..You hurt me and you can not sit in my lap anymore.You are not welcome.

His little baby face looked confused..(my son spanks him)...

I looked him straight in the eyes and told the child..If you hit me you cant be with me.

I reject him ..if he hits me..Its a SHAME that his parents have taught him violence works.

Love

Dallas

My sister does the same with the children she minds, one of her previous mums was a spanker and the little boy would hit everyone, my sister included, when it happened my sister would hunker down to his level, tell him it was not acceptable in her house and make him sit outside the playroom for 3 minutes ,when he came back he had to apologies to who ever he hit. It took a time and patience but after a while he got the message, but he would still slap and pinch his mums face at home time.

Another little girl she minds saw a father spank his child in the park and was so upset by it she kept saying for days after 'remember the little girl's daddy hurt her' she is a really sweet child, she shouldn't have had to be exposed to that.

 

[Circle_One]

Nabbing a bit of a summary from google scholar -

"Many studies conclude that corporal punishment may temporarily suppress undesired behavior of children, but that physical punishment often has unintended and potentially adverse side-effects. For example, CP has been associated with children's increased aggressiveness at home, at school, and in experimental laboratory contexts. Physical punishment has also been associated with a wide variety of psychological and behavioral disorders of children and adults, including anxiety, depression, withdrawal, impaired self-concept, impulsivity, delinquency, substance abuse and maladjustment, to name a few."

And studies have also shown the same side effects in children of divorce, should it should be illegal for parents with children to divorce.

 

[Circle_One]

As I said, the parent has all the marbles:

"Why yes, I'd love to drive you and your friends to the movies, as soon as your room is clean. Just let me know when you want me to check it for you."

"I'll play frisbee with you after you put your toys away."

Another good technique is called natural consequences. This takes judgment, but goes like this: "I'm sorry you lost your frisbee. No, I can't buy you another one."

"I'm sorry you're not eligible to try out for football because your grades are too low. Want to talk about a plan to improve your grades?"

If that's not suitable, you can look at logical consequences. Not quite as good, but better than just arbitrary punishment. That's like, "I see that you're having trouble playing nicely with your friend. I think your friend will have to go home, and it will be a long time before we invite any other friends over." Or: "I see that you're having trouble putting your toys away. I don't think we'll be buying you any more toys until you're able to do that better.

And even more important, "I see that you got that A in geometry that you've been working toward. Let's go to Baskin Robbins and get a cone."

"Nice job using your words, Zack. Can I give you a hug?"

Catch your kids doing something right, and hit them with the positive reinforcement. Works like magic.

Consequently, not ONE of the scenarios you've listed have/would have led me to smack my son. However other, more severe circumstances have.

 

[DallasApple]

And studies have also shown the same side effects in children of divorce, should it should be illegal for parents with children to divorce.

There is no divorce though ..Only a child being hit.

Why bring up divorce?

Love

Dallas

 

[Circle_One]

My grandbaby DID hit me in the face.He is 17 months old now.

What would I do?

What I did do was tell him that hurt..You hurt me and you can not sit in my lap anymore.You are not welcome.

His little baby face looked confused..(my son spanks him)...

I looked him straight in the eyes and told the child..If you hit me you cant be with me.

I reject him ..if he hits me..Its a SHAME that his parents have taught him violence works.

Love

Dallas

I think there's a massive difference between a 17 month old hitting someone in the face because they don't know the difference and a 10 year old hitting someone in the face because they didn't get what they wanted.

I spanked my son, ask him if he'd ever even dream of hitting me or anyone else.

 

[Circle_One]

There is no divorce though ..Only a child being hit.

Why bring up divorce?

Love

Dallas

Because the "facts" found in the study being used have also been found in children of divorce. It was to prove that those "facts" don't come from children being spanked alone, and if we're going to ban one thing for causing adverse effects on children, we should ban all things that cause those same adverse effects.

 

[DallasApple]

Because the "facts" found in the study being used have also been found in children of divorce. It was to prove that those "facts" don't come from children being spanked alone, and if we're going to ban one thing for causing adverse effects on children, we should ban all things that cause those same adverse effects.

O.K..

But Im talking about spanking in intact relationships.

But I agree though..children that have to go through divorce AND be beaten makes it worse.

Love

Dallas

 

[ChristineES]

My mother only spanked occassionally, but I can honestly say that spanking never taught me anything - it just made me resent my mother. I actually lost respect for her every time she resorted to hitting.

I was belt whipped about once a month until I was 13 (I am not sure at what age it started, though). Each time it was done, I was full of humiliation and resentment. It never helped me in the slightest. I still have problems dealing with it and I haven't been touched in 30 years.
It did me a lot more harm than any good.

 

[Circle_One]

O.K..

But Im talking about spanking in intact relationships.

But I agree though..children that have to go through divorce AND be beaten makes it worse.

Love

Dallas

I wasn't talking the double whammy here, Dallas. I was merely stating that the same effects seen on children who were spanked can ALSO been seen in children of divorce who have NOT been spanked. Why condemn one thing that is bad for children and not the other?

 

[monta]

I think there's a massive difference between a 17 month old hitting someone in the face because they don't know the difference and a 10 year old hitting someone in the face because they didn't get what they wanted.

I spanked my son, ask him if he'd ever even dream of hitting me or anyone else.

At least not anyone bigger than him anyway. Sorry but I just don't see how hitting someone can teach them hitting someone is wrong.

 

[Circle_One]

At least not anyone bigger than him anyway. Sorry but I just don't see how hitting someone can teach them hitting someone is wrong.

Quite the contrary actually. My son tends to be the kid in the school yard that stands up to the bullies who pick on the smaller kids. He's never hit anyone, bigger or smaller, even if they've hit him first. He uses his head, not his fists, because that is what I've taught him.

 

[Alceste]

Because the "facts" found in the study being used have also been found in children of divorce. It was to prove that those "facts" don't come from children being spanked alone, and if we're going to ban one thing for causing adverse effects on children, we should ban all things that cause those same adverse effects.

Right, so now that you've been tipped off to the fact beating your children causes emotional problems, you're going to build a big straw man like "Well, why don't we ban EVERYTHING that can cause children emotional problems?" There are lots of potential reasons for getting a divorce, but only one reason for beating your kids: you think it's good for them. But studies have shown it isn't good for them. It doesn't modify their behavior, except in the short term, and it does far more harm than good in the long term.