Opinions on Spanking

[DallasApple]

To me a spanking is being hit on the butt with a belt. However I know the defination vairies from person to person and know of several folks who consider my pop on her hand to be a form of spanking.

When I pop my daughter on the hand I do not expect her to understand that my mind is thinking "Oh, no. That's a hot stove and she shoudl not touch it or she will get burnt". What I expect her to understand is "Oh, I tried to touch that thing and Ima made a loud noise and made my hand hurt, I won't try to touch that again becuase I don't like what happened when I tried to."

With dangerous objects I don't wont their to be any doubt in her mind that she shoudl not ever try and touch them again, hence the pop being reserved for dangerous things.

I understand and I tend to agree with you somewhat with resorting to slapping a hand away from fire or something dangerous.

I disagree however with hitting children with a belt.

I also believe that calm and calculated infliction of pain and an explantaion of why you are going to hurt them physically is no better than any other pre-meditated form of violence.

I just cant grasp a nice calm loving beating .I can not imagine the child feeling protected and safe and cared for.

Love

Dallas

 

[Aquitaine]

I was smacked when I was a kid, and I had to eat soap n' all that stuff lol, but practically everyone goes through that as a child - unless your parents are against the idea of punishment like that etc.

Although I'm fairly young, so by the time I was in school, there was no Caning or Corporal Punishment. However, looking back at it I kinda think I wish it was around back then. Because schoolkids (including me) did take the mick sometimes.

I think spanking is good. Obviously not beating the crap outta your child, but if you step out of line, or if you ignore your verbal warning, then a spank is very appropriate.

I also think that Corporal Punishment in schools would actually help reduce bullying, because:

1) The kids are generally more obedient as a result.
2) When the Bully get caned, and starts crying in front of the class, his capablities and "credit" for Bullying are effectivley dismantled.

I think the modern UK society is far to liberal, with the banning on spanking/school discipline etc, and even with adult crominals and jail sentences, but hey that's just my opinion.

^_^

 

[DallasApple]

The situation you describe is exactly why my daughter wears a harness when we go out in public and she wants to walk. Prevents her from running away while in parking lots of while on a sidewalk and from hiding while we are shopping.

Well this happened in my front yard with my grandbaby..We werent on an outing.I was simply walking outside with him and let him down to say goodbye to my son and DIL..He went "deaf"..LOL! at mine and his mothers calls to STOP.We didnt "spank him" and I wouldnt becuase he is only 16 months old.

Its happened with my 3 sons around the pools in our family ...

Im curious about this because I have spanked my children when they were growing up then I stopped..I was spanked with every thing form having to pick my own 'switch' off of a tree to bring to my "spanker" and belts by my mother..and the "fly swatter" her favorite and the back side of hair brushes..and the hand..One time she got really mad and very creative and used a hot wheel track.

We got to the point we would just run and they couldnt catch us anymore! LOL!

Love

Dallas

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

If you preferred it then how was it the best deterrent to not behave badly?Or I mean was it the best deterrent?

Love

Dallas

When you were as pigheaded as a child as I was, there was no deterrant that would change my mind, once I had made it up.
However I would always prefer not to be punished at all.

In my Prep school (junior private boarding school) I was caned ( six of the best) two weeks running for talking to local Girls... It never changed my attitude to Girls, not stopped me talking to them. The head master mentioned my apparent early interest in girls, in my school report ... my mother burst out laughing when she read it.

 

[Aquitaine]

When you were as pigheaded as a child as I was, there was no deterrant that would change my mind, once I had made it up.

However I would always prefer not to be punished at all.

In my Prep school (junior private boarding school) I was caned ( six of the best) two weeks running for talking to local Girls... It never changed my attitude to Girls, not stopped me talking to them. The head master mentioned my apparent early interest in girls, in my school report ... my mother burst out laughing when she read it.

Caned for talking to girls? Did you go to like a Catholic school?

 

[DallasApple]

I was smacked when I was a kid, and I had to eat soap n' all that stuff lol, but practically everyone goes through that as a child - unless your parents are against the idea of punishment like that etc.

Although I'm fairly young, so by the time I was in school, there was no Caning or Corporal Punishment. However, looking back at it I kinda think I wish it was around back then. Because schoolkids (including me) did take the mick sometimes.

I think spanking is good. Obviously not beating the crap outta your child, but if you step out of line, or if you ignore your verbal warning, then a spank is very appropriate.

I also think that Corporal Punishment in schools would actually help reduce bullying, because:

1) The kids are generally more obedient as a result.
2) When the Bully get caned, and starts crying in front of the class, his capablities and "credit" for Bullying are effectivley dismantled.

I think the modern UK society is far to liberal, with the banning on spanking/school discipline etc, and even with adult crominals and jail sentences, but hey that's just my opinion.

^_^

Well there is no evidence to suggest that anyone is more obedient from spankings over the long run.

Also this is what Im curious about..there is some evidence to suggest that children who are spanked will tend to misbehave more once not in the prescnece of the parents over those who are not spanked and the parents use other forms of discipline including much praise for positive behavior.

I serioulsy think its more about positive versus negative .

Interesting studies coming out about this ..

You can train a dog with positive verbals versus negative verbals to obey you on command.

Why not children?

Love

Dallas

 

[DallasApple]

The situation you describe is exactly why my daughter wears a harness when we go out in public and she wants to walk. Prevents her from running away while in parking lots of while on a sidewalk and from hiding while we are shopping.

Oh my...

I had ONE son who hid from me twice in a store..he was "runnaway"(he escaped from my mothers house too when I wasnt there )

I wanted to beat him so badly when I finally found him as I cried in relief that he was O.K.

Fear and relief and anger that they could do that to you.. :sad4:

Love

Dallas

 

[Aquitaine]

Well there is no evidence to suggest that anyone is more obedient from spankings over the long run.

Also this is what Im curious about..there is some evidence to suggest that children who are spanked will tend to misbehave more once not in the prescnece of the parents over those who are not spanked and the parents use other forms of discipline including much praise for positive behavior.

I serioulsy think its more about positive versus negative .

Interesting studies coming out about this ..

You can train a dog with positive verbals versus negative verbals to obey you on command.

Why not children?

Love

Dallas

My best guess is, because the children are Human, and therefore they are more intelligent, which means that they can value their own personal agendas over that of their instinctive, or "family" rules.

Dogs can't be like that, because they're brains appear to be more instinct-driven, whereas a Human's is more Conscience-driven and less instictively-driven. Hence why we have disobedient children, Homo Sexuals, suicidal people etc etc.

As for the evidence in support of my side, I'd say to just look at the schoolkids coming out from schools nowadays, and compare them to how they were when you were a kid. Of course I can't really do that, since I'm only young. But I get the impression that we're less responsible and behaved as we were say 50 years ago - as schoolchildren, as individuals and as a society.

When I swore as a kid, I literally had my mouth washed out with soap, or I was slapped. I don't swear very often as an adult now.
Two of my friends weren't slapped or had the soap treatment as kids, they both swear an awful lot as adults, they also drink considerably more Alcohol than me.

 

[DallasApple]

My best guess is, because the children are Human, and therefore they are more intelligent, which means that they can value their own personal agendas over that of their instinctive, or "family" rules.

Dogs can't be like that, because they're brains appear to be more instinct-driven, whereas a Human's is more Conscience-driven and less instictively-driven. Hence why we have disobedient children, Homo Sexuals, suicidal people etc etc.

As for the evidence in support of my side, I'd say to just look at the schoolkids coming out from schools nowadays, and compare them to how they were when you were a kid. Of course I can't really do that, since I'm only young. But I get the impression that we're less responsible and behaved as we were say 50 years ago - as schoolchildren, as individuals and as a society.

When I swore as a kid, I literally had my mouth washed out with soap, or I was slapped. I don't swear very often as an adult now.
Two of my friends weren't slapped or had the soap treatment as kids, they both swear an awful lot as adults, they also drink considerably more Alcohol than me.

If children are "more intelligent" it seems they could grasp simple concepts.

Like "fire is hot"...I never had to warn one of my dogs not to stick his hand into fire.(or any part of his body for that matter).

The soap thing?

You have got to be kidding me?

Having soap crammed in your mouth growing up will prevent a child from cursing?

And you said "very often"..I want you to force feed your self a bar of dial soap next time the "not very often " fails with you on the cursing matter...Thats what you would do to a child right?Now you are an adult..EAT soap if you curse..YOu deserve it MORE than a child does because you know better .

Shouldnt you be punished as an adult with detergent in your mouth if you break the rules of cursing?

Why or why not?

Love

Dallas

 

[DallasApple]

Oh and have someone bigger than you slap you in the face and cram soap in your mouth everytime YOU curse as an adult who supposedly learned not to "curse very often" form those exact methods..

NO you would call the police and have someone arrested that forced soap in your mouth or slapped you every time you not very often cursed.

Love

Dallas

 

[sandandfoam]

Hi Dallas,
I've never slapped any of my kids and please God I never will. If I slapped them it would be more to do with my frustration than their behaviour and I would find that difficult to live with.
Also any physical punishment I received as a child only made me resist harder.

 

[Mr Cheese]

I got all excited when I saw the topic of this thread

It didnt last long

 

[Aquitaine]

If children are "more intelligent" it seems they could grasp simple concepts.

Like "fire is hot"...I never had to warn one of my dogs not to stick his hand into fire.(or any part of his body for that matter).

In my opinion, it is precisely because Humans are more intelligent that their children are more capable of disobedience, more so than an animal. It's because all the animal thinnks is:
[INSTINCT: Food, Dog need Food.
Human Master gives Dog Food, obey Master.]

With Humans, it's more like:
[PERSONALITY: Whatever I want, even if it's bad for me or hurts others or even if I don't need it, I want it.
I could be obedient, or I could try and outsmart my parents and think I know better, and then I can get what I want.
My body needs food to survive, but I only want food that my tastebuds agree with.]

You won't find any poor African children who'll throw a tantrum and act out of line if you put broccolli and other greens infront of them, for Dinner.

The soap thing?

You have got to be kidding me?

Having soap crammed in your mouth growing up will prevent a child from cursing?

Well, it worked for me. I don't think it's exactly the most effective form of punishment, all I'm saying is that it happened to me and I barely swear, and two friends that only recieved verbal warnings swear in almost every sentence.

And you said "very often"..I want you to force feed your self a bar of dial soap next time the "not very often " fails with you on the cursing matter...Thats what you would do to a child right?Now you are an adult..EAT soap if you curse..YOu deserve it MORE than a child does because you know better .

The difference is, I'm an Adult now. Adults tend to be more responsible because we've "learnt our lessons", children need to learn what's right and what's wrong. When I swear, I know I shouldn't be doing it, and I also wouldn't argue if a Police Officer fined/punished me on the spot for swearing in Public.

Shouldnt you be punished as an adult with detergent in your mouth if you break the rules of cursing?

Why or why not?

Because Adults are usually more able to understand what they've done wrong, and to be reasoned with, they've already been punished whilst growing up, so they already know why they're being punished. That doesn't mean an adult who swears in public shouldn't recieve a form of punishment, it's just that since they're more mature, they don't need as extreme punishments as having, for example soap in their mouths.

Believe me, if kids were more able to mentally understand the neccessity of punishment and discipline, and if they were more responsible then they wouldn't need to be punished. But that's the same for Human's, if we're not burn't then we'd just play with fire.

Let's say you have a group of Yobs messing around with lighters and aerasol cans, making portable flamethrowers. The one who was burnt as a kid or had a bad experience with fire will be the first person to walk away from them and not get involved. The spoilt one who never had any bad experiences with fire will be the one who's eager to push it too far, and will be the first one in A&E with half his body covered in burns.

 

[Kilgore Trout]

This thread isn't at all about what I thought it was going to be about.

 

[DallasApple]

I got all excited when I saw the topic of this thread

It didnt last long

:sorry1:

Love

Dallas

 

[DallasApple]

This thread isn't at all about what I thought it was going to be about.

I hate being predictable.

:sorry1:

Love

Dallas

 

[England my lionheart]

Hi Dallas,
I've never slapped any of my kids and please God I never will. If I slapped them it would be more to do with my frustration than their behaviour and I would find that difficult to live with.
Also any physical punishment I received as a child only made me resist harder.

Well put,it is the frustration of the Parent losing control of a situation and i totally agree with it makes you resist harder.
When i was at School the cane was used and all it taught me was defiance and when i was 14 i hit a Teacher back,Children require patience not spanking.

 

[Autodidact]

I'm speaking now as a parent, not from scientific research, but from my own experience and philosophy. Spanking is counter-productive. Parenting is based on the bond you have with your child. Your child does what you say because they love you, they trust you, and they want to be like you. Spanking undermines all of that.

Further, it's unnecessary. You're the parent. You already have all the marbles. You don't need to spank. You have the candy, the money, the car, the time to play with the child, everything you need to give positive reinforcement. And positive reinforcement is that magic wand that works. With positive reinforcement, you can teach a bear to play basketball.

It takes time, consistency, and conscious effort, but it works. Spanking doesn't.

 

[Aquitaine]

I don't agree with parents loosing their control, flipping out at the child and giving them a smack as a result. Of course not.

I think that, if the child is disobedient and ignores all other verbal or "soft" warnings/punishments, then the parent should remain assertive, calm, and administer a swift hit (a spank, not punch) to the child, along with a brief lecture on why they've done it.

Parents hitting kids out of frustration or because of short-temperedness doesn't seem good to me, if anything it woud probably make the kid fear their parents personally.

Whereas, what you want to achieve (atleast in my opinion), is a status/relationship where your child loves you, and trusts you, and respects you enough not to disobey you - yet fears your assertive punishment, not you personally.

But that's just my two cents, or pence 'cause I'm British ^_^

 

[DallasApple]

Hi Dallas,
I've never slapped any of my kids and please God I never will. If I slapped them it would be more to do with my frustration than their behaviour and I would find that difficult to live with.
Also any physical punishment I received as a child only made me resist harder.

Hey!

Thats what happened to me too.Never helped me a bit.You hear the people(not many) saying they "appreciated" being spanked.I saw it as a sign of weakness..(not consiously).as a child.Anytime you whale on a child and Im sorry its "hitting"..anytime you hit a child its the adults loss of control or lack of control and you are resorting to behaviors that are quite frankly non intelligent.

The "controlled" spankings are even creepier.How anyone could pre-meditate to inflict physical pain on a child is beyond me.

I watched it happen to my cousins.They would "prepare" for the spanking to come later..(with a belt )They had to wait like an execution .It was diabolical.It was a "war".No amount of the parents saying .."I love you this is why Im doing this" changed their attitude.They just took the beating walked off with a sigh of relief..(no begging or negotiating got them out of it)...and continued on.They hated both their mom and dad..feared them like enemies..

Love

Dallas