blackout
Violet.
Manage?
I'm quite sure they wouldn't want to be "managed" either.
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Polgamy - what are your views?
- Thread starter VenatorAnima
- Start date
Manage?
I'm quite sure they wouldn't want to be "managed" either.
tomato1236
Ninja Master
Haha ok fair enough. I didn't mean manage like I would be their manager and they would report to me as their boss...
I just mean with all the different tastes, desires, discontents, expectations, needs, and unpredictable emotional behavior, it might be pretty traumatic at times. Not to mention the jealousy. I might not be able to manage, or in other words, get by.
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Pegg
Jehovah our God is One
I'd be interested to see it actually,
but as for the outcome?
Most regualr monogamous marriages are dismal failures.
That's why we have serial polygamy.
(ie, divorce and remarriage)
i'll hunt around and see if i can find it
i agree that many marriages fail...just think that if marriage is difficult for even just two people, then imagine what it would be like for several
not easy at all.
VenatorAnima
Member
Twice I have had the experience of 3 women(my wife and 2 single women) living with me. For me it was the best time of my life and it got me thinking that 3 women and 1 man is the perfect balance.
2 women is no better than 1 and I believe more than 3 would be to much. I have never spoke to my wife about it but I think the women where more happy living together than just with their spouces which they now all have.
There's a bonding with the women and the Man gets his quiet time. There is also a team up of 2 against 1 that varies on the womans moods and I as the man get to be the listener. Even without the multiple sex partners both times were the most consistant happy times of my marriage. I can only dream of 3 woman all as wives.
2 women is no better than 1 and I believe more than 3 would be to much. I have never spoke to my wife about it but I think the women where more happy living together than just with their spouces which they now all have.
There's a bonding with the women and the Man gets his quiet time. There is also a team up of 2 against 1 that varies on the womans moods and I as the man get to be the listener. Even without the multiple sex partners both times were the most consistant happy times of my marriage. I can only dream of 3 woman all as wives.
tomato1236
Ninja Master
Interesting.
Midnight Pete
Well-Known Member
And what would you know about monogamous marriage?
tomato1236
Ninja Master
My monogamous marriage is working out terrifically.
Midnight Pete
Well-Known Member
In my life I am surrounded by successfully monogamously married people.
Smoke
Done here.
Mine too. This is the longest I've ever been married.
blackout
Violet.
And what would you know about me?
Oh right, Nothing.
Me aside, I think we all know how common divorce and remarriage is. No?
I think if all of these monogomous marriages were so wonderful,
if these spouses were so happy with one another,
and their life together in general
they might have stayed together.
Ya think?
Just a consideration.
Father Heathen
Veteran Member
Please tell me you're just trying to be funny. Btw, the OT supported polygamy, so apparently it is, or at least was, a-ok in god's book (literally, wakka wakka).
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blackout
Violet.
This was the context actually
that preceeded my own earlier (dismal failure) comment...
By pointing out the failure rate of monogamous marriages
I was attempting to address and diffuse the (inevitable)
"you see? it was a dismal failure, (therefore we have evidence that)
it doesn't work"
conclusion, that dissenters would selectively put forth,
from ONE negative Poly example.
Nowhere did I say that ALL monogomous committments
were dismal failures, or that they never work.
In my OWN experience, and of the few people I know,
whose marriages stood/stand out as healthy, loving, non-controling,
positive, nurturing, dynamic best friend relationships--
most of them
came AFTER a previous divorce or two.
But this is not to say that monogomy doesn't work.
This is to say that people often choose the wrong partner/s.
Even one at a time, in a row.
and....
...not only is/are the RIGHT partnerships necessary,
but also
the right family MODEL,
for the unique and particular individuals involved.
We are each/all different.
WE need to find what works for ourSelf.
Sometimes (unfortunately) that requires finding out
what DOESN'T work first.
It's a shame our society shuns other family models though.
It makes it so much HARDER for those of us
who are better suited to some kind/form
of Polyamory.
Monogomy IS NOT right for everyone.
This also, I'm sure, is why some people
just cannot ever make the long haul
in a single partner committment.
Still we give them no "legitimate" committment alternative
as a society.
It's wrong.
that preceeded my own earlier (dismal failure) comment...
By pointing out the failure rate of monogamous marriages
I was attempting to address and diffuse the (inevitable)
"you see? it was a dismal failure, (therefore we have evidence that)
it doesn't work"
conclusion, that dissenters would selectively put forth,
from ONE negative Poly example.
Nowhere did I say that ALL monogomous committments
were dismal failures, or that they never work.
In my OWN experience, and of the few people I know,
whose marriages stood/stand out as healthy, loving, non-controling,
positive, nurturing, dynamic best friend relationships--
most of them
came AFTER a previous divorce or two.
But this is not to say that monogomy doesn't work.
This is to say that people often choose the wrong partner/s.
Even one at a time, in a row.
and....
My monogamous marriage has lasted 40 years and is going strong. On the other hand, my great-grandfather was a polygamist, and his marriages were happy ones, too.
...not only is/are the RIGHT partnerships necessary,
but also
the right family MODEL,
for the unique and particular individuals involved.
We are each/all different.
WE need to find what works for ourSelf.
Sometimes (unfortunately) that requires finding out
what DOESN'T work first.
It's a shame our society shuns other family models though.
It makes it so much HARDER for those of us
who are better suited to some kind/form
of Polyamory.
Monogomy IS NOT right for everyone.
This also, I'm sure, is why some people
just cannot ever make the long haul
in a single partner committment.
Still we give them no "legitimate" committment alternative
as a society.
It's wrong.
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VenatorAnima
Member
This thread seems to have really taken off.
So, let me pose another question, do you think polygamy should be legalized?
So, let me pose another question, do you think polygamy should be legalized?
Smoke
Done here.
Yeah. I used to think it would be very complicated, but on another thread somewhere Autodidact proposed a model for legal polygamy that shows it doesn't have to be.
Edit: Found it:
Any group of two or more adults can create a family. I'll use the word "familia" just to distinguish it from any colloquial usage. So Adults can come into the familia only by consensus of all adults in it. People can leave (divorce) the familia. If they can't reach agreement about division of property, the court will divide it. All members of a familia have a legal relationship to one another. If a member dies without a will, their property belongs to the other familia members. People in the familia don't necessarily have an intimate/sexual relationship with everyone else in it, that's up to the individuals. So straight, gay and bisexual people can all join. Children born to the familia are children of the familia, legally. All the adults in the familia have custodial interest and responsibility for all the children. If an adult parent leaves, the presumption is that any children will remain living in the familia, with visitation for the parent, biological or otherwise, unless they can show it's in the child's best interest to leave. Property acquired while in the familia is presumed to belong to all members equally, with right of survival, unless received by gift or inheritance. Familia members are presumed legally responsible for each other, including debts for familia purpose. They all have an interest in each other's pensions, all have rights to social security dependent coverage, etc.
Katzpur
Not your average Mormon
I see no reason not to legalize it. But just in case anybody asks, I'd say it would be highly unlikely that the LDS Church would permit it even if it was legal.
Twilight Hue
Twilight, not bright nor dark, good nor bad.
It ought to be legalised seeing the potential benefits it would bring, and the risk being comparable to that of a single couple in making the union work.
There should be absolutely nothing standing in the way of people who wish it to be so same as what homosexual and lesbian couples are fighting for. To be with the people they care for in a recognised fashion on par to what the traditional nuclear family enjoys.
Pegg
Jehovah our God is One
but it doesnt mean there is something inherently wrong with monogomous marriage
the fact that some marriages do last a lifetime and the couples are still very much in love and happy shows that they can work.
the problem is that often people rush into marriage with someone who they are not a good match for. They may have personalities that clash and cause friction. Perhaps they do not agree on important issues and are both pulling in different directions
there are many factors that make marriage difficult, but there is nothing wrong with marriage in itself...its what we make of it that determines if it will last or not. Sometimes we give up too quickly and let our emotions get the better of us.
Pegg
Jehovah our God is One
Nowhere did I say that ALL monogomous committments
were dismal failures, or that they never work.
In my OWN experience, and of the few people I know,
whose marriages stood/stand out as healthy, loving, non-controling,
positive, nurturing, dynamic best friend relationships--
most of them
came AFTER a previous divorce or two.
But this is not to say that monogomy doesn't work.
This is to say that people often choose the wrong partner/s.
Even one at a time, in a row.
I should have kept reading.
Interesting comment that their successful marriages came after one or two divorces. We do learn from our mistakes and I think we make a lot of mistakes in marriage...we can certainly learn from those mistakes and work towards successful relationships.