YOU feel that way. I feel that is a violation of my personal space. I do not want it. I do not need it. I do not die without it. My father felt that sex was just one of many ways to dominate women. As far as I'm aware he's never raped me, but there have been creepy moments. I will never be able to see sex as loving even though I concede others do. I should not wish to legislate my own psychological hang-ups. Hell, I don't even masturbate. I literally want NOTHING going up there. It takes all my willpower just to consent to a pap smear.
We only have the illusion of "will power". The only power we voluntarily control is our "won't power". This is our conscious ability to ignore whatever the body is telling us not to ignore. Not only is the brain plastic and adaptable, but so is the body. Unfortunately the body must compensate for the "won't" decisions we make, or the habits we acquire(law of natural compensation). There will always be consequences as a result of decisions we make. It is certainly not unusual for some people to close down to any situation that they feel will bring them pain and discomfort, although I have never seen this level of sexual and social misanthropy. When we replace our tendency for avoidance and isolation, with the capacity for wonderment and an abject eagerness to participate, the pain and apprehensions associations with sex will become eye opening. To chose never to experience the ecstatic rapture of both pain and pleasure, or the feeling of total mutual abandonment, is simply unthinkable. But if it is by choice, it is simply a personal tragedy.
Although, I agree that correlation is not causation, but loneliness and isolationism can be more of a cause than a symptom in most mental health issues. The loneliness that arises from a lack of human closeness can easily bring about any number of mental health conditions(depression, social anxiety, addiction, lack of eye contact, sexual autism, even hording). In humans, closeness and bonding are fundamental to our mental well-being. They are the results of evolution and are genetically expressed. If we can't bond to each other naturally, then we will certainly bond with something else(drugs, possessions, porn, foods, routines, gambling, etc.), as a substitute for human closeness.
Although this is none of my business, the obvious question is why? There are a few questions I would need to ask, but certainly not in open forum. I have seen similar conditions before, but certainly not to this extent. True sex is not about the domination, debasement, subjugation, exploitation, or the submission of women as depicted in porn. It is about mutually satisfying, understanding, and knowing the sexual needs of each other, with compassion, patients, passion, without fear, guilt, or judgement. To achieve this level of self-discovery, contentment, and completeness in a relationship, is certainly worth the experienced gained through trial and error. With porn there is no mutual understanding, no intimacy, no chemistry exchanged, and no verbal or non-verbal communications. I would suggest for those who need the instant sexual gratification of virtual love, to save your money and try a sex worker. At least they are real, and professionals. I think you for sharing. I sincerely hope that you will not continue to isolate yourself away from any possibility of true intimacy and true pleasure, because of some root cause from your past. You seem too intelligent for that. Don
