Question for Married People

[Rational Agnostic]

I've always wondered how many people actually do not lust after members of the opposite sex other than their spouse after they get married. I, for one, cannot see myself ever being able to refrain from checking out other women. I could love and commit myself to one woman, yes, but there is no way that I would not be checking out other women I find attractive on a daily basis. It just wouldn't be possible, or natural, to stop. I certainly wouldn't expect my wife to not check out other males. This leads me to my question: How many of you who are married (particularly married males, since males generally have a stronger sexual response to sight), actually don't check out members of the opposite gender?

EDIT: Apologies for not initially including LGBTQ couples as well. The question extends to you as well.

 

[Polymath257]

I most certainly *do* check out other women. And my wife checks out other men. We often comment to each other about people we are attracted to,

But then, we don't default to monogamy, so even 'going further' isn't a violation of our marriage. YMMV

 

[Hockeycowboy]

I wish there was an ‘honesty’ rating...you’d get it!
That is real candid of you!

You can’t help but notice what is beautiful, but you just don’t dwell on it...look away. Form no desire.

Myself, I think about Job 31:1 all the time.

 

[Mindmaster]

I'm not sexually interested at all, not even one bit. Though, I can and will readily admit a woman is attractive even in front of the wife. I married a 10, or I wouldn't bother... She's still a 10, just the 40 year old version of one. The younger models will age too and probably not as gracefully to my eye. The only thing hotter than my wife to me is the younger version of my wife. But, she could say the same for me...

Admittedly, I am not very body fixated and more spiritually or intellectually fixated. The type of person I am attracted to is rare. In fact, there is only one.

 

[Kenny]

I wish there was an ‘honesty’ rating...you’d get it!
That is real candid of you!

You can’t help but notice what is beautiful, but you just don’t dwell on it...look away. Form no desire.

Myself, I think about Job 31:1 all the time.

I don't think anyone is exempt.

You may get the thought but you can also decide not to dwell on it, turn your head in a different direction and think on something else

 

[Mindmaster]

I most certainly *do* check out other women. And my wife checks out other men. We often comment to each other about people we are attracted to,

But then, we don't default to monogamy, so even 'going further' isn't a violation of our marriage. YMMV

Throwing more people into the mix just adds more drama, and more STDs.

 

[Mindmaster]

I wish there was an ‘honesty’ rating...you’d get it!
That is real candid of you!

You can’t help but notice what is beautiful, but you just don’t dwell on it...look away. Form no desire.

Myself, I think about Job 31:1 all the time.

If you have none, you don't have to worry about it.

I can admit when a single version of myself would go for whoever I'm not blind, but I also have a deep spiritual bond with my wife and am perfectly happy with her. Though as I age, I find I have even less and less interest and find myself even more attracted to her specifically.

 

[Polymath257]

Throwing more people into the mix just adds more drama, and more STDs.

That depends on how you do it.

 

[illykitty]

Well, I do check out other people and say who I find attractive to my husband and he does the same. We just don't actually go further than that because that's not the nature of our relationship. We're monogamous and love each other too much to cheat or even consensually involve more people. And on a practical level, I know for certain that adding more people in would result in pain, complications, drama, potential diseases or pregnancies, and other things that aren't worth the trouble. Plus neither of us have an overly big libido, if anything I was more than him (though my drive has gone down since then). The only thing I sometimes wish I had done before getting married would have been to explore my bisexuality, but it doesn't bother me that much, since I'm pretty certain he's my partner for life.

All this to say that I am secure in sharing my lusty gaze to my husband and he to me without feeling we're not good enough for each other, because I know he wouldn't cheat on me and same for me to him.

I guess it depends on the people involved. Some people have arrangements that suits them better. I know I'd personally prefer someone to be frank from the start than to find them cheating down the line. I have far more respect for someone who can say "I have different needs, so could we find a way to make this work without dishonesty" than to keep secrets and lie.

 

[columbus]

EDIT: Apologies for not initially including LGBTQ couples as well. The question extends to you as well.

One of the advantages of being married to another guy is that we can talk about hot guys we see the way straight boys talk about women.

We have somewhat different tastes, he tends to go for younger pretty boys, I like burly daddy types. But if I see one I know he'll like I can be sure he sees him too. And vice versa.

But being a competent adult I know the difference between looking and touching. In fact, I tend to keep hot guys at a bit of a distance. I avoid temptation. Because I know what boys are like, and that I am one.
Tom

 

[sayak83]

I've always wondered how many people actually do not lust after members of the opposite sex other than their spouse after they get married. I, for one, cannot see myself ever being able to refrain from checking out other women. I could love and commit myself to one woman, yes, but there is no way that I would not be checking out other women I find attractive on a daily basis. It just wouldn't be possible, or natural, to stop. I certainly wouldn't expect my wife to not check out other males. This leads me to my question: How many of you who are married (particularly married males, since males generally have a stronger sexual response to sight), actually don't check out members of the opposite gender?

EDIT: Apologies for not initially including LGBTQ couples as well. The question extends to you as well.

I switched from checking women to checking their dresses, to see if the dress or the jewelry would look nice on my spouse.

 

[Revoltingest]

.....I like burly daddy types.

You called?

 

[Hockeycowboy]

I don't think anyone is exempt.

You may get the thought but you can also decide not to dwell on it, turn your head in a different direction and think on something else

Good point! That’s it.

Jesus didn’t say regarding married men, “Anyone who looks at a woman (is unfaithful)”, he said “Anyone who looks at a woman, so as to have a passion for her, has already committed adultery in his heart.”

In fact, the NWT says “...who keeps on looking...”.

 

[Mindmaster]

That depends on how you do it.

I've had swingy friends... Basically, they all follow a pattern that I find undesirable.

1) They basically never stop dating. They're always trying to find another monkey for the middle.

2) They live together for tax benefits, but do whatever and whoever they want.

3) No kids, that gets in the way of the freak show, etc.

4) STDs, they all have them. They used protection, but the number of partners in the mix made that irrelevant. There is no 100% protection from STDs other than just staying with one clean partner or abstinence.

5) Extra drama - fighting over the third partner, leaving with the third wheel, etc.

When they get older and less attractive the behavior slows down, but mostly because every single person they know knows about the STDs.

I'm not interested mostly because I'm not sharing, lol.

If the one you picked can't get the job done you picked the wrong one. Move the hell on.

 

[Polymath257]

I've had swingy friends... Basically, they all follow a pattern that I find undesirable.

1) They basically never stop dating. They're always trying to find another monkey for the middle.

2) They live together for tax benefits, but do whatever and whoever they want.

3) No kids, that gets in the way of the freak show, etc.

4) STDs, they all have them. They used protection, but the number of partners in the mix made that irrelevant. There is no 100% protection from STDs other than just staying with one clean partner or abstinence.

5) Extra drama - fighting over the third partner, leaving with the third wheel, etc.

When they get older and less attractive the behavior slows down, but mostly because every single person they know knows about the STDs.

I'm not interested mostly because I'm not sharing, lol.

If the one you picked can't get the job done you picked the wrong one. Move the hell on.

Again, it depends on how you do it. Your description doesn't describe my marriage at all.

My wife has had one other partner (and still is involved with him). I have yet to have another partner. We've been together for 12 years now.

 

[Jainarayan]

One of the advantages of being married to another guy is that we can talk about hot guys we see the way straight boys talk about women.

We have somewhat different tastes, he tends to go for younger pretty boys, I like burly daddy types.

Same here. He's more about the muscular but not ripped type, I'm a bear-chaser and chubby-chaser (big burly types), being somewhat both m'self.

 

[Jainarayan]

I switched from checking women to checking their dresses, to see if the dress or the jewelry would look nice on my spouse.

Leaving that poor woman undressed!?

 

[Mindmaster]

Again, it depends on how you do it. Your description doesn't describe my marriage at all.

My wife has had one other partner (and still is involved with him). I have yet to have another partner. We've been together for 12 years now.

Whatever floats your boat, but this would just not be acceptable to me. I both demand and provide exclusivity toward my partner. There is nothing sexually that either of us couldn't do for one another or learn to do so no reason to go shopping outside our relationship for something else.

 

[Woberts]

There is no 100% protection from STDs other than just staying with one clean partner or abstinence.

Wow. That's 'bout a 7 on the ignorance scale.

 

[metis]

I, for one, cannot see myself ever being able to refrain from checking out other women.

I even told my wife that she has my heart but not my eyes. Even since then I've had two black eyes.