Question for Married People

[Flame]

There is nothing sexually that either of us couldn't do for one another

That's how it is with my fiancee and me. Being into BDSM tends to open a lot of doors for sexual exploring.

 

[BSM1]

I even told my wife that she has my heart but not my eyes. Even since then I've had two black eyes.

I told my wife that if I ever cheated on her it would be with someone she can be proud of. That didn't work either.

 

[Polymath257]

I've had swingy friends... Basically, they all follow a pattern that I find undesirable.

1) They basically never stop dating. They're always trying to find another monkey for the middle.

2) They live together for tax benefits, but do whatever and whoever they want.

3) No kids, that gets in the way of the freak show, etc.

4) STDs, they all have them. They used protection, but the number of partners in the mix made that irrelevant. There is no 100% protection from STDs other than just staying with one clean partner or abstinence.

5) Extra drama - fighting over the third partner, leaving with the third wheel, etc.

When they get older and less attractive the behavior slows down, but mostly because every single person they know knows about the STDs.

I'm not interested mostly because I'm not sharing, lol.

If the one you picked can't get the job done you picked the wrong one. Move the hell on.

I'd also point out that there is HUGE difference between swinging and polyamory. I don't expect to be the only person my wife loves, nor does she expect the reverse from me. Not all love relationships are sexual, but some are.

 

[Orbit]

I've always wondered how many people actually do not lust after members of the opposite sex other than their spouse after they get married. I, for one, cannot see myself ever being able to refrain from checking out other women. I could love and commit myself to one woman, yes, but there is no way that I would not be checking out other women I find attractive on a daily basis. It just wouldn't be possible, or natural, to stop. I certainly wouldn't expect my wife to not check out other males. This leads me to my question: How many of you who are married (particularly married males, since males generally have a stronger sexual response to sight), actually don't check out members of the opposite gender?

EDIT: Apologies for not initially including LGBTQ couples as well. The question extends to you as well.

I'm married, and I just don't have the energy or the urge to lust after other people.

 

[The Kilted Heathen]

I don't really consider "window shopping" as "lusting after" members of the desired sex. (For me, the opposite sex). To me, "lusting after" someone would be actively trying to have sex with them, whereas noticing a hot woman is just that; a fleeting moment of sub-sexual appreciation.

 

[oldbadger]

I've always wondered how many people actually do not lust after members of the opposite sex other than their spouse after they get married. I, for one, cannot see myself ever being able to refrain from checking out other women. I could love and commit myself to one woman, yes, but there is no way that I would not be checking out other women I find attractive on a daily basis. It just wouldn't be possible, or natural, to stop. I certainly wouldn't expect my wife to not check out other males. This leads me to my question: How many of you who are married (particularly married males, since males generally have a stronger sexual response to sight), actually don't check out members of the opposite gender?

EDIT: Apologies for not initially including LGBTQ couples as well. The question extends to you as well.

My Missus would drag Tom Hanks into a hedge, anywhere, rip his clothes off and do some seriously shocking things to him. Apart from that she doesn't bother about other men.

She was an 8 when we met and I really fancied her, but as the years have gone by she's increased to a 14, and as this has happened I've gone totally bats over her........ can't stop looking at her. About once every few weeks I might see a woman who could attract me as much, but she will only look similar to my wife but nowhere near as enticing......... I've come to the conclusion that I'm just very lucky, because nearly all the blokes I know talk about how they have wandered, and I just feel sad for 'em.

 

[Jainarayan]

I told my wife that if I ever cheated on her it would be with someone she can be proud of. That didn't work either.

Spouses have no sense of humor. It's no different on this side of the fence.

 

[ADigitalArtist]

I don't really, for similar reasons as @oldbadger. Husband and I have been together since sex was something we even conceptually understood. I never really built up a 'type' nor do I see other people in sexual ways.
Actually I'm a bit weirder than that. I've been doing physical therapy and massage therapy for so long that I'm completely and utterly desensitized by bodies. I don't see bodies as sexual, only situational contexts as sexual. If someone were to rip off their clothes in front of me my first thought would be 'Huh, you guard your right shoulder and your left hip is hiked, probably from a shortened QL' and then I'd walk away, leave someone else to deal with the horror and phone calls to the police.

 

[Jainarayan]

I'd also point out that there is HUGE difference between swinging and polyamory. I don't expect to be the only person my wife loves, nor does she expect the reverse from me. Not all love relationships are sexual, but some are.

Hey, why not? In the Mahābhārata Draupadi had five husbands... at once... all brothers.. Really. It was all because of a curse and one of the brothers (husbands? ) goofing around. He came home to his mother and said he had won a great prize, not telling his mother he won the hand of Draupadi. His mother said he had to share the prize with his four brothers. Oops!

 

[Jainarayan]

If someone were to rip off their clothes in front of me my first thought would be 'Huh, you guard your right shoulder and your left hip is hiked, probably from a shortened QL'

Even if it were a big, burly, muscular Grizzly Adams type... ?

Ye Gods, it's warm in here!

 

[ADigitalArtist]

Even if it were a big, burly, muscular Grizzly Adams type... ?

Ye Gods, it's warm in here!

Just for giggles I looked him up on Google Image (what can I say, I'm in my 30's.) And while scrolling down through the images, and this is the honest to god truth, my first thoughts were 'He canted his head to the right, probably because of the slightly lazy eye on the right side. I bet he had all sorts of neck issues. You can even see his SCM shortened.'

 

[Rational Agnostic]

I wish there was an ‘honesty’ rating...you’d get it!
That is real candid of you!

You can’t help but notice what is beautiful, but you just don’t dwell on it...look away. Form no desire.

Myself, I think about Job 31:1 all the time.

Nah, I don't deserve an "honesty" rating for admitting something that's so obviously true for most people. But thanks anyway.

 

[Rational Agnostic]

Again, it depends on how you do it. Your description doesn't describe my marriage at all.

My wife has had one other partner (and still is involved with him). I have yet to have another partner. We've been together for 12 years now.

That's interesting. I'd be open to a relationship like that but I'd definitely get involved with other women if my wife was involved with another man. Not out of jealousy or anything, but I'd hate to not take advantage of an open marriage if my partner was taking advantage of it.

 

[Deidre]

You can check out other people of the opposite sex and not want to have sex with them.

 

[Polymath257]

That's interesting. I'd be open to a relationship like that but I'd definitely get involved with other women if my wife was involved with another man. Not out of jealousy or anything, but I'd hate to not take advantage of an open marriage if my partner was taking advantage of it.

It's more that I have not yet found someone that I am interested enough in and who is interested in me. I'm certainly *open* to another relationship, but it hasn't been forthcoming. Such is life.

 

[Mindmaster]

I'd also point out that there is HUGE difference between swinging and polyamory. I don't expect to be the only person my wife loves, nor does she expect the reverse from me. Not all love relationships are sexual, but some are.

I find it trying to give one relationship my full attention let alone more than one though I do make every effort. Also, if there are children in the situation it just gets really ****ed up really quick. For me, it's just a useless pursuit because I'd gain absolutely nothing from it. If someone else is happy with it that's fine with me.

That's how it is with my fiancee and me. Being into BDSM tends to open a lot of doors for sexual exploring.

All of that is fine with me, and obviously there are things I like more and she likes more that either of us likes less. But... we will still occasionally do them to satisfy the other. That's also probably why we're not looking around.

 

[oldbadger]

That's interesting. I'd be open to a relationship like that but I'd definitely get involved with other women if my wife was involved with another man. Not out of jealousy or anything, but I'd hate to not take advantage of an open marriage if my partner was taking advantage of it.

One of my friends had a very beautiful fiancee, and they looked so good at their wedding. They were 'swingers' and their swing group had very strict rules so as to help to preserve member-couple's marriages and partnerships. Couples only, No acquaintances to swap etc........ My friend said that they would never part from each other, an unthinkable thought....... they did. I've often wondered what chances loose-marriages really do have....

 

[Trailblazer]

I don't think anyone is exempt.

You may get the thought but you can also decide not to dwell on it, turn your head in a different direction and think on something else

Maybe it is a male thing. I never looked, even when I was younger.
Now that I am older I could care less about sex... boring.
I never think about it unless I see it posted on a forum, and then I forget about it as soon as I log off.
I used to be a sex addict so this is a 180 for me... I am so happy to be free of it.
Thank God I am free... I have MUCH more important things to think of and do, like serving God.
I think it is really just a matter of making a decision not to allow it to rule over you, IMO.

 

[Vinayaka]

I've always wondered how many people actually do not lust after members of the opposite sex other than their spouse after they get married. I, for one, cannot see myself ever being able to refrain from checking out other women. I could love and commit myself to one woman, yes, but there is no way that I would not be checking out other women I find attractive on a daily basis. It just wouldn't be possible, or natural, to stop. I certainly wouldn't expect my wife to not check out other males. This leads me to my question: How many of you who are married (particularly married males, since males generally have a stronger sexual response to sight), actually don't check out members of the opposite gender?

EDIT: Apologies for not initially including LGBTQ couples as well. The question extends to you as well.

I don't check out other women, although I do admit to noticing physical beauty. I'm not blind.

 

[Kirran]

I switched from checking women to checking their dresses, to see if the dress or the jewelry would look nice on my spouse.

That's what you tell yourself, sayak? :O