Quiet, introverted people

[Kathryn]

Thank you, Mystic.

I am the same way - I am very comfortable with people, individually or in a group, or up on a stage speaking to a thousand people. I enjoy parties, get togethers, or events, large or small. If I'm in a line at the grocery store, or in a waiting room, I will often strike up a conversation with someone next to me - but, I'm not going to ask them rude things or be loud or all up in their face, OF COURSE. I find people interesting though - fascinating, really - so it's easy for me to find common ground with just about anyone within a few moments of conversation.

Of course, if someone doesn't respond, I don't keep pushing on them. That would be ridiculous and rude. But I don't consider it rude at all to make an innoccuous comment and see if they "bite" - the weather, local events, grocery prices, whatever. The vast majority of people respond pleasantly and it's all cool. And sometimes, very interesting conversations spring up, with both parties actively and enthusiastically involved, and to me, that's great fun!

I am also very comfortable alone, working in my yard or painting a mural on a wall. I don't have to be running around the streets like a chicken with my head chopped off, pushing into people's personal space and spraying spittle in their faces while I ask them what color of hair dye they use and where their children go to school and why they are walking with a cane and how much money they spend each week on groceries! Come to think of it, I've never done that...

I am about to push some Germans, French, Austrians and Belgians a bit out of their comfort zone though. We're going on a European vacation in a few weeks, and both my husband and I are extroverted Americans. When we've traveled there before, we've realized that even smiling widely at someone on the street is often unexpected and unsettling.

We won't get all up in their faces, but I think it's funny that they often seem alarmed if you just grin at them and say, "Guten Morgan!" as you pass them on the street!

Good times, good times...LOL! Now I really DO sound like an ornery extrovert. However, I will not ever be convinced that a smile and a greeting as you walk into a store or scoot past someone on a busy street is rude.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Last weekend I was a terrible extrovert. I spent an entire day alone backpacking through the highest points in Missouri enjoying the quiet and solitude.

The scenery was majestic. :yes:

 

[Kathryn]

All day yesterday I was an insufferable extrovert. I cleaned my house from top to bottom, then went to Pier One and bought some doodads for the house (rug, stuff for the mantle, centerpiece, candles, etc) and came home and did some decorating. Then I went to the grocery store and I actually only struck up a conversation with one person - the cashier - though my husband was chattering away with the bag boy about football or some such nonsense.

Heck, I didn't even speak much to the cashier at Pier One - I let several opportunities to be extroverted pass right by me!!!! I'm losing my touch!!!

 

[Noaidi]

Last weekend I was a terrible extrovert. I spent an entire day alone backpacking through the highest points in Missouri enjoying the quiet and solitude.

When I'm walking alone, I still feel there are one too many people around...

 

[AfterGlow]

Speaking as an extrovert, I'd like to point out that many extroverts strike up conversations with others because they are truly interested in the other person. They see casual conversation as something pleasant, a way to learn more about other people, a way to share commonalities and the human experience.

As an extrovert, I can assure you that my urge to include others in conversation is a trait that I cannot change. What I can (and do) do is try to be sensitive to the needs and feelings of others. Whether we are introverted or extroverted, that principle should be lived in social situations.

When we embrace that principle, it manifests itself in kindness to others, and in a generosity of spirit and lack of judgmentalism that I find quite lacking in your post.

Maybe if you read it properly you wouldn't?

I wasn't talking about people who strike up conversations, or who try to include others in conversations. I was talking about the kind of people who use you as an object to talk at, who don't care what you have to say, only that you're there to hear them talk. The kind of people where the "conversation" is one way, whether I want it to be or not.

 

[Kathryn]

Maybe if you read it properly you wouldn't?

I wasn't talking about people who strike up conversations, or who try to include others in conversations. I was talking about the kind of people who use you as an object to talk at, who don't care what you have to say, only that you're there to hear them talk. The kind of people where the "conversation" is one way, whether I want it to be or not.

I did read your post correctly. It was very plainly written. Maybe you didn't express your opinions correctly.

Here's what your post said:

I listen though, and usually what I listen to coming out of the mouths of "extroverts" is pure verbal diarrhea. If I wanted to know how your kids were doing at work, why your football team is great this season or what you had for dinner last night I'd ask, the fact that I don't should tell you something. It doesn't though, and I figure it must be due to them having low self esteem, if they aren't the centre of attention/conversation then they feel unappreciated, or whatever, I don't know, I'm no psychologist.

From my POV, if you're spending your whole life spewing forth whatever trite thought enters your dilapidated brainspace, and craving the attention and approval of other people at every possible opportunity, you must have a very tiring and ultimately immensely unfulfilled time.

You didn't differentiate between rude extroverts, and extroverts en masse. You lumped ALL extroverts into your diatribe.

If you meant SOME extroverts, you should have clarified that. Of course I would find such a person as you described to be rude, boorish, irritating and self absorbed. However, the last time I checked, those traits weren't limited to extroverts, and certainly not all extroverts embody those traits.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Maybe if you read it properly you wouldn't?

I wasn't talking about people who strike up conversations, or who try to include others in conversations. I was talking about the kind of people who use you as an object to talk at, who don't care what you have to say, only that you're there to hear them talk. The kind of people where the "conversation" is one way, whether I want it to be or not.

That isn't the definition of "extrovert", though. That's just a description of rudeness.

That would be like me saying that introverts don't like people at all, are cold-hearted, miserly, and frightened little ninnies. But that would be silly of me now, wouldn't it?

I mean, I married an introvert.

 

[Dezzie]

Well, since this is coming from an introvert, yes... it can be difficult. I have always had an issue with socializing with people. When I don't, I am looked at like there is something wrong with me. People have thought that I was a stuck-up "B" word. That's far from true. I've just never been good at social situations. Too many people like to drink and party... that's just not my scene. It's always been hard to find people similar to me too. It's not like I hate people... I may not like the things they do... but that doesn't mean they all do the same things. I just don't know where to look for friends.

 

[AfterGlow]

If you meant SOME extroverts, you should have clarified that. Of course I would find such a person as you described to be rude, boorish, irritating and self absorbed.

Yes, that was my mistake. I apologise.

However, the last time I checked, those traits weren't limited to extroverts, and certainly not all extroverts embody those traits.

I guess what I meant was, I'd prefer the company of a very shy, silent person to the kind of person I described and, to my knowledge, you don't get introverted people who are as I described.

 

[Falvlun]

Heh. I tend to prefer the company of extroverts to fellow introverts. That way I don't have to feel responsible for keeping the conversation going, as the extrovert tends to naturally be able to fill it in. The company of people, though enjoyable at times, is draining, and it's even more draining when you're hanging with another introvert.

 

[Madhuri]

Heh. I tend to prefer the company of extroverts to fellow introverts. That way I don't have to feel responsible for keeping the conversation going, as the extrovert tends to naturally be able to fill it in. The company of people, though enjoyable at times, is draining, and it's even more draining when you're hanging with another introvert.

I agree!!
Although I have some introverted cousins and when we get together its basically the group of us sitting around on our computers. Not draining at all. That's how we bond :cover:

 

[Falvlun]

I agree!!
Although I have some introverted cousins and when we get together its basically the group of us sitting around on our computers. Not draining at all. That's how we bond :cover:

Hehehe. That sounds about right. My idea of bonding with an introvert is taking a hike together, just listening to forest sounds, or maybe reading our separate books in a living room on a rainy day. I think that sometimes we just get it in our heads that maybe we should interact more "normally" and then that just gets us into a stressful, awkward mess.

 

[Kathryn]

I like most introverts, and from what I can tell, many of them like me as well. I like that they are such excellent listeners and observers, and they like that I am so expressive and encourage that in them as well.

They calm me down and I rev them up. It works well.

 

[7he4uthor]

introvert
introspect
innersight
innerpeace
know yourself
extrovert = predator
introvert = defense mechanism

 

[Kathryn]

introvert
introspect
innersight
innerpeace
know yourself
extrovert = predator
introvert = defense mechanism

extrovert = predator

Ridiculous.

By the way, as an extrovert, I also am very introspective, I know myself well, and I have a very deep and constant sense of inner peace. All that's well and good, but it's not my point. My point is that I find it strange that some people would think or imply that introverts are "better" at these traits than extroverts.

 

[Chisti]

The relationship between introverts and extroverts is often very similar to the one between Tuvak and Neelix.
Make of it what you will.

 

[ChristineES]

Do you find it hard to live in this world where anyone 'outgoing, charming, extroverted' is considered normal, and anyone 'reserved, quiet' is abnormal, weird?

Are you kidding? I don't talk much with people I don't know well and I have always been called "strange" because of it. The thing is that people expect me to want to chat, but I usually don't want to chat. I am terrible at small talk. (Once in a while with certain people I will talk and sometimes talk a lot but never with a lot of people around). I get nervous in crowds and I actually find it hard to speak out. I have even have people get angry about it, although I can't imagine why. This is just something I have had to learn to deal with in my life.

 

[no-body]

I think people confuse introversion with having a social phobia and extroversion with being inappropriately loud and chatty. Nothing wrong with being introverted or extroverted most people will probably cycle through both.

As to having general anxiety about social situations though well that SUCKS. People think you are rude if you don't engage in mindless minutiae with them and you are quiet, more so than if you where an actual *******.

 

[ChristineES]

Like a lot of introverts, I like hanging around extroverts because they can keep a conversation going. My husband talks and talks and never lets anyone else talk, but that is not what I mean! My hubby is a talkative introvert and he doesn't have social phobia like I do.

 

[Chisti]

Like a lot of introverts, I like hanging around extroverts.

Really? I'd rather hang around with Godzilla.

(no offense, extroverts, but let's face it: you suck)