Rape Victims: Do They Have a Responsibility in Getting Themselve Raped?

[Smart_Guy]

I was raped when I made it known I was leaving the relationship.
Please, go on and tell me that my experience is neither relevant, nor applicable to the conversation.
And please try to tell me I had any culpability in the assault and battery.
I won't argue with you, but you'll show your true colors to the participants and the lurkers in this thread.

No. I was alone and terrified. A woman who was attacked after I was by the same man went to the police and pressed charges. This was 20 years ago.
He is currently free and contacted me recently to let me know he's "back." I let him know what would happen if he came anywhere near me again and I haven't heard from him since.

Regardless to being relevant or anything else, you're sharing this with us and we feel for you. I'm really sorry you've been thru this experience, and no one can say you're responsible for anything in it. Did you report the phone call to the police? His records should still be there and anything you report on him should be considered. If such rape happens here, part of the penalty is lashing and I'm sure you wouldn't be sorry for him. Let alone that those who know him will despise him and his life will be like hell. No rapist will easily think again or raping like this scum.

Please also remember that this thread is not meant to bash rape victims. Someone in my position naturally has many stupid questions and exclamations about such things, as I mentioned before.

If we use the scenarios from my earlier post, a double standard would occur if the drunk person was held responsible whether they were the aggressor or the victim. It would also be a double standard if the people around them were held responsible in both cases. As it is, only the one who causes damage to surrounding objects or people is held responsible.

It is certainly possible for a person to get drunk and have nothing bad happen. What would they be responsible for then?

Understood. Thank you for the clarification.

I have a question: in your experience/thoughts (others, please chime in if possible), if someone gets drunk and gets themselves hurt, let's say fall into an uncovered manhole in a road work spot with clear warning signs and break their leg or in a car accident, would insurance companies normally cover it or the police consider it?

Please note that all this part of the thread going between you, @LuisDantas and I, is about comparing responsibility of causing harm vs receiving harm in general as a side story in this thread.

 

[That one dude...]

I have a question: in your experience/thoughts (others, please chime in if possible), if someone gets drunk and gets themselves hurt, let's say fall into an uncovered manhole in a road work spot with clear warning signs and break their leg or in a car accident, would insurance companies normally cover it or the police consider it?

Please note that all this part of the thread going between you, @LuisDantas and I, is about comparing responsibility of causing harm vs receiving harm in general as a side story in this thread.

I had an experience where I was drunk at a house party and I tripped on an uneven portion of the sidewalk surrounding the house. I was unable to stop my fall and hit my face on the sidewalk. I was taken to the hospital by a couple sober people at the party and insurance covered the medical bill to fix me up. The police were not involved. I have nobody but myself to blame for the incident.

 

[Smart_Guy]

I had an experience where I was drunk at a house party and I tripped on an uneven portion of the sidewalk surrounding the house. I was unable to stop my fall and hit my face on the sidewalk. I was taken to the hospital by a couple sober people at the party and insurance covered the medical bill to fix me up. The police were not involved. I have nobody but myself to blame for the incident.

Thank you for sharing. I hope all is well now and it wasn't serious.

 

[That one dude...]

Thank you for sharing. I hope all is well now and it wasn't serious.

It's fine, though I still have the scar to remind me.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

I don't understand. By contacting police, a rape victim has the law on their side and is not alone.

1) My experience with police during domestic violence reports and disturbances have not been positive.

2) I have seen close friends suffer at the hands of a justice system and now volunteer for crisis centers seeing the same. Rape survivors need advocates in addition to law enforcement and the justice system because typically survivors are re-traumatized multiple times during the process.

3) I was in shock, in a daze, numb to the world. I couldn't string two words together much less consider reporting.

4) Victim stigmatizing.

 

[That one dude...]

1) My experience with police during domestic violence reports and disturbances have not been positive.

2) I have seen close friends suffer at the hands of a justice system and now volunteer for crisis centers seeing the same. Rape survivors need advocates in addition to law enforcement and the justice system because typically survivors are re-traumatized multiple times during the process.

3) I was in shock, in a daze, numb to the world. I couldn't string two words together much less consider reporting.

4) Victim stigmatizing.

Thank you for the clarification. How were you able to keep going without closure?

 

[psychoslice]

yeah you raped her

In your narrow mind it may look that way, but I know that I am no rapist and could never be one, everything isn't always black and white..

 

[psychoslice]

Half way through?!
You should have stopped, maybe she wanted to fart or to pee and a shamed to tell you about it.
Imagine that you're the one who felt for urgency in the half way through, will you stop or poop,
or even for any other reason, you should have stopped.

Actually it was seconds from orgasm, I think I did have a pee afterwards ?.

 

[FearGod]

Actually it was seconds from orgasm, I think I did have a pee afterwards ?.

Last seconds, so it wasn't half way through, it was "no way back"

 

[psychoslice]

Last seconds, so it wasn't half way through, it was "no way back"

Yes no way back, well at that time there wasn't, but we are friends and made no big deal about it afterwards,

 

[Wherenextcolumbus]

In your narrow mind it may look that way, but I know that I am no rapist and could never be one, everything isn't always black and white..

Read your own words. The fact you felt bad afterwards meant you knew you did something wrong. So quite transparent that your previous posts about sometimes people do ask for it, was to justify yourself.

 

[FearGod]

Read your own words. The fact you felt bad afterwards meant you knew you did something wrong. So quite transparent that your previous posts about sometimes people do ask for it, was to justify yourself.

He felt bad because she asked him to stop in a hard situation, last seconds.
If before few minutes then he can stop with no problem, but you know it's coming, OMG

 

[Ingledsva]

I'd add that the inability to say NO also qualifies.

Yep.

The inability to say yes - is an automatic no.

*

 

[Ingledsva]

I mean like having the same person getting drunk and commit a crime because of being absent minded vs. getting drunk and getting themselves hurt one way or another because of being absent minded. Because they in the former do something wrong, they get penalized for it but in the latter they are left perfectly free of any kind of responsibility, I have this weird sense of paradox presence.

I know this sounds weird, but this is me getting lost in thoughts in my times of loneliness.

There is no double standard.

In both cases they are drunk.

However, in one case that drunk person commits a crime.

In the other, he accidently gets himself hurt. - No crime.

Now, If he gets in a car and drives drunk (a crime) - causing an accident in which he is hurt - he will be charged with a crime.

You seem to be coming from a Muslim point of view where drinking is wrong. In most countries it is legal.

*

 

[psychoslice]

Read your own words. The fact you felt bad afterwards meant you knew you did something wrong. So quite transparent that your previous posts about sometimes people do ask for it, was to justify yourself.

Oh well everything turned out good, ,no major fuss at all.

 

[Smart_Guy]

There is no double standard.

In both cases they are drunk.

However, in one case that drunk person commits a crime.

In the other, he accidently gets himself hurt. - No crime.

Now, If he gets in a car and drives drunk (a crime) - causing an accident in which he is hurt - he will be charged with a crime.

You seem to be coming from a Muslim point of view where drinking is wrong. In most countries it is legal.

*

Thank you for the contribution.

Alcohol is wrong in my beliefs, true, but this time it is about the aftermath in the state of being drunk I'm discussing, not drinking itself. I don't blame drinking where it is allowed as long as it does not cause harm, and for specific incidents, and I respect other beliefs in it.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Thank you for the clarification. How were you able to keep going without closure?

Putting one foot in front of the other, in summary. It's a long story.

 

[Kueid]

In a human perspective if we are talking about objective responsibility, then it's a NO. Subjective responsibility? Maybe. I voted YES because of this but the truth is I don't know.

 

[Father Heathen]

A long time ago a girl shared an experience with me and a group of buddies who were having a conversation over drinks. She recalled an incident from her past where she was dating this guy who dealt drugs and was involved with a gang. One night she and her boyfriend attended a party held for this gang. Well, eventually her "boyfriend" and a bunch of other guys had gang-raped her. Now, of course she's not responsible for the attack, which itself was completely inexcusable and unjustifiable. The guilt fell 100% upon the assailants.

Now that aside, would questioning her judgement in deciding to date and hang out with such people have been a form of victim shaming/blaming?

 

[MysticSang'ha]

A long time ago a girl shared an experience with me and a group of buddies who were having a conversation over drinks. She recalled an incident from her past where she was dating this guy who dealt drugs and was involved with a gang. One night she and her boyfriend attended a party held for this gang. Well, eventually her "boyfriend" and a bunch of other guys had gang-raped her. Now, of course she's not responsible for the attack, which itself was completely inexcusable and unjustifiable. The guilt fell 100% upon the assailants.

Now that aside, would questioning her judgement in deciding to date and hang out with such people have been a form of victim shaming/blaming?

As much as questioning the judgement of anyone living in a neighborhood with a higher crime rate. Or driving a car that statistically is a model that is stolen more. Or a store owner who keeps getting burglarized due to "crash and run" occurances. Or the homeless vet who gets his bike stolen after being assaulted by a group of teens under a bridge.

Basically, one can question the judgement of anyone when horrible things happen to them. Sure. It's still a really ****ty thing to do.