Rape Victims: Do They Have a Responsibility in Getting Themselve Raped?

[Buttercup]

Thank you your so sweet, I had a bad experience with a girl friend, she left me for a lesbian, I was very upset about the whole thing, I then never trusted women. I then started to experiment with the gay life, which also didn't turn out great, I have always been confused about sexual relationships, these day I stay away from the whole thing, I am much happier on my own.

I tell ya, love sucks sometimes.

My 15 year marriage ended a little over a year ago and takes time to get over these things. Being alone definitely has its advantages.

 

[psychoslice]

Still, it does happen people change their minds, even at what for others seems like the last moment. To suggest they are responsible then for being raped would seem to risk suggesting they have no real right to change their minds.

Besides, the consequences to a man or woman of being raped are far and away greater than the discomfort of blue balls is to the would be rapist. There is no comparison.

Yes so true, but I suppose it all depends on the situation, such as alcohol involved, we all do stupid thing when drunk, and having someone all of a sudden wanting to stop, can lead to well, anywhere, yes but still its not an excuse.

 

[psychoslice]

I tell ya, love sucks sometimes.

My 15 year marriage ended a little over a year ago and takes time to get over these things. Being alone definitely has its advantages.

Yes I use to think that, but then I realized that it wasn't love, for me it was wanting to be wanted, I was afraid of being left alone and I would cling to whoever I was with and was always afraid of them leaving me. Over some time I started to realize that I was insecure, and this security that I needed was what I called love.

I now have friends who are close to me, but I no longer needed them, or have a relationship with, I just let them be who they are, this has made me realize that I do truly love being by myself, and I need no one to make me whole, for I am already whole. Sorry went overboard there lol.

 

[psychoslice]

The closest thing I have had to rape after being raped, is being shot by a stranger, I see being shot like being raped, penetration by a bullet, this may sound strange, but I have always felt that, the two bring up the same emotions.

 

[Revoltingest]

No, there is nothing wrong with giving safety advice. But the people who stole his pants are guilty. They are not 50% guilty because the man was out alone. They are not 80% guilty because the man decided to wear nice pants. They are guilty.

And there is nothing wrong with providing practical advice on how women can reduce the risk of being assaulted. But that does not shift the responsibility to the women making them responsible for being assaulted.

It should be noted that in the case of rape, sometimes judgement, condemnation, and victim blaming is delivered in the guise of "advice to women". But none of this makes the woman guilty (even partially guilty) of her own rape.

Are men also blamed under the guise of "advice to men"?

 

[fantome profane]

Are men also blamed under the guise of "advice to men"?

I suppose that happens. Please don't misunderstand me. I am not saying that all safety advice is disingenuous, not saying that at all.

But have seen certain self righteous preachers and politicians condemn women who don't behave the way they think they should and do this in the form of "advice". I am sure they do this to men as well.

 

[Revoltingest]

I suppose that happens. Please don't misunderstand me. I am not saying that all safety advice is disingenuous, not saying that at all.

I'm only exploring the issue because I've seen many a claim that all such advice is "rape apologetics".
Your responses are countering that. (And so I'm exploiting you toward this end.)

But have seen certain self righteous preachers and politicians condemn women who don't behave the way they think they should and do this in the form of "advice". I am sure they do this to men as well.

Preachers.....don't get me started.

 

[lostwanderingsoul]

Perhaps part of the problem is that women change their minds. A woman might go out with a man ten times and have mutual sex every time. Later after she thinks about it or gets mad about something completely different she decides the tenth time was rape. How can a man protect himself from something like this?

 

[Ingledsva]

Perhaps part of the problem is that women change their minds. A woman might go out with a man ten times and have mutual sex every time. Later after she thinks about it or gets mad about something completely different she decides the tenth time was rape. How can a man protect himself from something like this?

It is only rape if he or she says NO - and you continue.

*

 

[Revoltingest]

It is only rape if he or she says NO - and you continue.
*

I'd add that the inability to say NO also qualifies.

 

[lostwanderingsoul]

But if she changes her mind after it is over she could claim it was rape and the man would have no way to prove it was not. I am sure the police would believe the woman instead of the man. So consual sex turns into rape becaused she got mad later and decided to say it was rape when it really was not.

 

[Deathbydefault]

Hello all.

Some say rape victims are completely and always never responsible for getting raped, some others say that they are and they should have considered "this and that". Or does it depend for different cases, and on what?

What do you think of this?

Don't see how a person can be responsible for someone else deciding to rape them.

 

[Smart_Guy]

Don't see how a person can be responsible for someone else deciding to rape them.

Yes, this is part of the OP. I want to know how it is with those seeing it can. Some say that yes one can be responsible for it.

 

[That one dude...]

A drunk person is responsible for the things they do, but not the things done to them.

 

[Smart_Guy]

A drunk person is responsible for the things they do, but not the things done to them.

Wouldn't this statement be considered double standard?

Forgive my ignorance, but could please explain how come? We don't have common drinking problems here, so I don't really know.

 

[psychoslice]

Many young people here in Australia who go out at night, in the late hours and who become drunk, are causing so much pain, they are smashing people in the head and we have had a few who have died because of this behaviour. Now would these same people smash others in the head if they weren't drunk ?, of course not, and the same applies to rape when people are drunk, its not a pretty picture, but that's the way it is.

 

[That one dude...]

Wouldn't this statement be considered double standard?

Forgive my ignorance, but could please explain how come? We don't have common drinking problems here, so I don't really know.

Drunk people can damage property or cause harm to the people around them because of their uncontrolled behavior. They are held responsible for that damage or harm they caused as applicable under the law because they were the aggressor.

Also, they may be easier to take advantage of if someone wants to exploit their drunken state. Unlike the first scenario, they are the victim. They should notify the police so that the offender(s) are brought to justice.

 

[LuisDantas]

Wouldn't this statement be considered double standard?

Forgive my ignorance, but could please explain how come? We don't have common drinking problems here, so I don't really know.

I appreciate the sincerity and the willingness to learn.

I don't think it is a double standard, but I want to understand why you find that conceivable. There are some troubling aspects to drunkeness, not least among them that it is often intentional and meant to separate a person from the responsibility for his or her own actions.

Still, it seems to me that both the drunk person and the would-be rapist have the basic responsibility for what they actually do, so no, not a double standard at first glance.

On the other hand, I do consider willing intoxication to be a moral failure, so I guess the drunk person is at fault for certain, while someone who wants to rape but stops short might not be. But that is not really what you meant, now is it?

 

[FearGod]

Responsible for being intoxicated?

Some died from drugs, they don't harm anyone except themselves,
don't you think they were responsible for killing themselves, otherwise
i don't know what responsibility means to you.

 

[Smart_Guy]

Drunk people can damage property or cause harm to the people around them because of their uncontrolled behavior. They are held responsible for that damage or harm they caused as applicable under the law because they were the aggressor.

Also, they may be easier to take advantage of if someone wants to exploit their drunken state. Unlike the first scenario, they are the victim. They should notify the police so that the offender(s) are brought to justice.

I appreciate the sincerity and the willingness to learn.

I don't think it is a double standard, but I want to understand why you find that conceivable. There are some troubling aspects to drunkeness, not least among them that it is often intentional and meant to separate a person from the responsibility for his or her own actions.

Still, it seems to me that both the drunk person and the would-be rapist have the basic responsibility for what they actually do, so no, not a double standard at first glance.

On the other hand, I do consider willing intoxication to be a moral failure, so I guess the drunk person is at fault for certain, while someone who wants to rape but stops short might not be. But that is not really what you meant, now is it?

Hey guys, thanks for the feedback.

I thought it was double standard because it is done by the same person doing the same actions in two different scenarios but treated differently. It was just a wild thought.

I of course don't mean that it makes a difference with the offender. The offender is guilty and does not deserve special treatment based on the status of the victim unless maybe the crime was done for self defense, which is not related to this discussion.