S&M

[Liu]

Even as an atheist wouldn't you say that this sexuality is intrinsically disordered and wrong, even if both parties are enjoying it?

Wouldn't you agree that both the sadist and a masochist who enjoy these fetishes need serious help?

Not exactly an atheist, but I see nothing wrong with it. As common as it is, and as few problems as it seems to cause if done with consent, I see no problem with it whatsoever. I'd even assume a relationship with involves BDSM has the potential of being even more intimate than a general relationship as it demands a lot of trust, a lot of self-knowledge, and a lot of openness.

I regularly see a therapist due to being transgender, and he as someone who has studied psychology also doesn't seem to have any issues with sado-masochism, or fetishes in general. Not like we'd have talked about that much so far, though. I don't know about his religion, but probably atheist or similar.

What do you think causes a person to have these fetishes?

I would assume that in some cases it can be influenced by circumstances.
Until some years ago I used to have a lot of violent fantasies (besides one or two other fetishes those were basically the only kind of sexual fantasies I had in my teens), and I assume it might have to do with the fact that I was bullied a lot in school.
But now that I'm much more self-confident and don't really have much reason to get aggressive towards anyone, my submissive and at least slightly masochistic aspects get stronger.

Besides circumstances I would assume that sadism at least gets caused by two or more instincts getting tangled up with each other.

One thing studies have noted is that men tend to be overall more inclined towards a sexual 'fetish' than women. So women are more likely to be sexually 'vanilla' while men are more likely to be sadistic or masochistic. Further, masochism is, according to more studies, more common. So for girls like me finding a sadistic male parter is difficult, because they tend to be masochists like me! Or they can switch and go from sadist to masochist, which leaves me cold because I am an exclusive masochist. Annoying!

I heard that, too, there even were theories that fetishes is something that only males have.
I very much doubt it, having encountered too many counter-examples.
But if it's actually the case then it's proof of me being transgender

Also, such statistics of course are also very much dependent on the honesty of the participants (both towards the one making the survey and towards themselves).

 

[Rival]

I heard that, too, there even were theories that fetishes is something that only males have.
I very much doubt it, having encountered too many counter-examples.
But if it's actually the case then it's proof of me being transgender

Also, such statistics of course are also very much dependent on the honesty of the participants (both towards the one making the survey and towards themselves).

Yes, they very much depend on reliability and honesty.

I highly doubt it is just men who have fetishes, indeed, being a girl and having many myself, but the empirical data suggests they are much, much more prone.

 

[PureX]

Sadism and Masochism

The practice of using pain as a sexualstimulant. Some variants of S&M include

Even as an atheist wouldn't you say that this sexuality is intrinsically disordered and wrong, even if both parties are enjoying it?

Wouldn't you agree that both the sadist and a masochist who enjoy these fetishes need serious help?

What do you think causes a person to have these fetishes?

I think the determinant between fetish and illness has to do with control and functionality. When a behavior becomes an impediment to necessary and desired functionality, and one cannot disengage, it becomes a problem rather than a choice.

 

[Spiderman]

It is interesting that s&m couples love each other but get off degrading and abusing the partner.

I guess if both parties consent, it isn't abuse. Some women want a guy that's going to control them and be abusive.

A woman takes pride in getting beaten by her husband:
'My husband beats me when he is at the peak of his love for me': The place where domestic violence is a sign of love
I felt like an animal that had to be disciplined,” she said.

 

[McBell]

Even as an atheist wouldn't you say that this sexuality is intrinsically disordered and wrong, even if both parties are enjoying it?

Based on what, exactly?

Wouldn't you agree that both the sadist and a masochist who enjoy these fetishes need serious help?

Again, based on what?

What do you think causes a person to have these fetishes?

No idea.

The thing is, if it wasn't about sex, would it be such a thing?

To me, it is likened to "putting ketchup on scramled eggs is intrinsically disordered and wrong...."
Based on what?

 

[Rival]

It is interesting that s&m couples love each other but get off degrading and abusing the partner.

It's how we express our love. I 'accidentally' break a rule and he punishes me. It's a kind of foreplay.

 

[oldbadger]

While I agree, it's not something that I find even remotely erotic.

Ummmm..... do you dress up in that Mickey-Mouse-Devil outfit by any chance? And is there a Minnie-Mouse-Angel outfit?

Corrr......

 

[Spiderman]

Based on what, exactly?


Again, based on what?


No idea.

The thing is, if it wasn't about sex, would it be such a thing?

To me, it is likened to "putting ketchup on scramled eggs is intrinsically disordered and wrong...."
Based on what?

Based on the Golden Rule I guess... But I guess if a person wants to be abused, that is following the Golden Rule to abuse them... Therefore in the O P, I was mistaken

 

[DavidFirth]

It's how we express our love. I 'accidentally' break a rule and he punishes me. It's a kind of foreplay.

So how do you repent of that?

 

[Spiderman]

It's how we express our love. I 'accidentally' break a rule and he punishes me. It's a kind of foreplay.

I must confess, I think you have a beautiful sexuality

 

[McBell]

Based on the Golden Rule I guess... But I guess if a person wants to be abused, that is following the Golden Rule to abuse them... Therefore in the O P, I was mistaken

I do not know that you are "mistaken".

I merely do not understand why one would assume it "bad" in the first place.

 

[McBell]

So how do you repent of that?

Why would there be need to repent?

 

[McBell]

I do not know that you are "mistaken".

I merely do not understand why one would assume it "bad" in the first place.

Though, upon further reflection, it seems to me that if you can answer for yourself why you assume it bad, it may very well help you to understand why others do not.

 

[Spiderman]

I do not know that you are "mistaken".

I merely do not understand why one would assume it "bad" in the first place.

It's just, it naturally strikes me as being unhealthy to get pleasure from someone else's humiliation and suffering.

 

[Mister Silver]

It's just, it naturally strikes me as being unhealthy to get pleasure from someone else's humiliation and suffering.

If the two people involved enjoy it, is it not you projecting how you would personally feel in the situation onto one of them?

 

[YmirGF]

Ummmm..... do you dress up in that Mickey-Mouse-Devil outfit by any chance? And is there a Minnie-Mouse-Angel outfit?

Corrr......

I don't generally wear my uniform to bed. Jeeeez

 

[McBell]

It's just, it naturally strikes me as being unhealthy to get pleasure from someone else's humiliation and suffering.

Like with eating chocolate, if taken to extremes, I agree.

 

[oldbadger]

I don't generally wear my uniform to bed. Jeeeez

So it doesn't turn Mrs YmirGF on, then?

 

[Milton Platt]

Sadism and Masochism

The practice of using pain as a sexualstimulant. Some variants of S&M include


* Breast torture
* Spanking
* Whipping
* Blood play
* Vaginal torture
* 'CBT,' (torture of the penis, scrotum and testicles)
* Asphyxiation
* Hot wax

Slave and Master

Even as an atheist wouldn't you say that this sexuality is intrinsically disordered and wrong, even if both parties are enjoying it?

Wouldn't you agree that both the sadist and a masochist who enjoy these fetishes need serious help?

What do you think causes a person to have these fetishes?

You clearly don't have any real knowledge in this area

 

[Flame]

It should also be noted that all the dominant/submissive and sadist/masochist relationships that I know of (including my own) the submissive/masochist is "in charge". She sets our pace in the bedroom and she also decides when its over via our safe word.