Saving Yourself for Marriage?

[lewisnotmiller]

Or to rephrase that...
Less than half the women that have one-night-stands actually regret them. The huge majority of them have no problems with them.

Or at least, if you read what the articles say

And yeah, perhaps it does have something to do with conditioning. As young girls we are taught to be all about love and romance. We show our emotions easier as it is more allowed for us to do so growing up. So for some women to emotionally attach when it comes to sex isn't exactly a surprise, but I don't think it's because of why you seem to think it is.

I also struggle with the leap from pre-marital sex to one night stands. The two don't equate.

 

[Me Myself]

Exactly.

Therefore, there's nothing but pure economic reason and sense for women who want to compete for the upper status males, no amount of complaining will change this fact.

I prefer a woman who has developed good skills to satisfy and knows what she wants in sex.


From a purely sexual perspective of course. Wile it is a nice side bonus, hthe sex aspect is the leadt. Important thing to me if I am looking for partner.

If I like her personality and everytng else (and she is not visually displeasing to me) theit goes. If she happened to be a virgin I would be kinda more worried even. Cause honestly, I think its easier for her to wonder what it would have been with other people, and I think its less tempting if she just knows already.

 

[Me Myself]

A huge amount of women woefully regret their one night stands, whereas very few if any men do. Why could they POSSIBLY regret it? Ah, must be just years of societally conditioned guilt or something, right.

Are one-night stands wrong? | Almost half of women regret one-night stands | The Sun |Woman

Yahoo! Shine - Women's Lifestyle | Healthy Living and Fashion Blogs

**** shaming.

The quickest it goes away the better.

 

[DallasApple]

There are also couples who were not virgins before marrying but only had sex with each other before.For years.

So was she a **** and he a man whore user before they got married then after they got married they were a loving couple making love to each other?

 

[lewisnotmiller]

There are also couples who were not virgins before marrying but only had sex with each other before.For years.

So was she a **** and he a man whore user before they got married then after they got married they were a loving couple making love to each other?

It's the same point I already made.
IN my specific case, I was a virgin when I first slept with my (now) wife. She wasn't a virgin. She had some thought that she should have been, which I just found...weird. I mean, I know it's a common thought, I just have no way to process why.

 

[Vinayaka]

It's the same point I already made.
IN my specific case, I was a virgin when I first slept with my (now) wife. She wasn't a virgin. She had some thought that she should have been, which I just found...weird. I mean, I know it's a common thought, I just have no way to process why.

Hey that was me too.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Great! Now let me know when the grand majority of women stop giving this "hoot".

Oh, with a "grand majority", this ought to be fun. I get plenty of targets to practice misogynist-bashing. It'll feel like the old "Whack-a-Mole" game at the carnival.

Women can perpetuate patriarchal oppression just as easily as men can - if not better. Partly because some are terrified of social exile. Partly because some prefer to remain in a submissive and infantilized position (they feel happier being guided and protected). And partly because some just don't know better and prefer to remain in willful ignorance.

An appeal to numbers, no matter how large the numbers may be imagined or real, doesn't win points. Tradition only for traditions sake only perpetuates myths about the human condition and the meaning of a civilized community.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

**** shaming.

The quickest it goes away the better.

Couldn't agree more.

 

[DallasApple]

It's the same point I already made.
IN my specific case, I was a virgin when I first slept with my (now) wife. She wasn't a virgin. She had some thought that she should have been, which I just found...weird. I mean, I know it's a common thought, I just have no way to process why.

Because its "romantic" for one.You can say "I've only ever been with YOU" .So its more "special" too.Like saving the the whole pie for you! You and only you have the "key to unlock the garden ".

I definateley have regrets and use to have self loathing for my sexual mistakes.But I learned it really was because they were mistakes.I WAS in fact letting myself be "used".And then I 'used' sex myself for the wrong reasons.Causing me guilt and emotional pain.

Having said that?When I have sex with my husband today after 25 years of marriage there is no way I think its "less special" because of previous partners or mistakes /wrongs on both our parts.They aren't even connected or related.

And who knows...Since I cant go back time not do those things and then back to the future without those expereinces how do I not know its not MORE special because I know the difference? Or since I lived through that I have more appreciation?

I think its better sometimes to appreciate what we DO have right in front of us.But we forget.Or we have the "grass is greener' thinking going on.

 

[DallasApple]

Oh I KNOW ONE! ...not having sex before marriage and never having sex with anyone else but that spouse after marriage is winning a contest!

The advantage is you get bragging rights !Because you belong to a very unique /elite group!

I think my grandmother (who died by the way since i have been here last. at 98 she died)

was practically a spinster when she married my grandfather when she was mid 20's .Then he died in her mid 50's and she never even went on a DATE after that.I think she was a virgin again when she died!

 

[lewisnotmiller]

Because its "romantic" for one.You can say "I've only ever been with YOU" .So its more "special" too.Like saving the the whole pie for you! You and only you have the "key to unlock the garden ".

Yeah. But meanwhile, it made me less nervous that one of us had some clue what the hell was going on...lol

I definateley have regrets and use to have self loathing for my sexual mistakes.But I learned it really was because they were mistakes.I WAS in fact letting myself be "used".And then I 'used' sex myself for the wrong reasons.Causing me guilt and emotional pain.

Thing is, we all have some degree of regret (or even self loathing) over mistakes, sexual or otherwise.

Having said that?When I have sex with my husband today after 25 years of marriage there is no way I think its "less special" because of previous partners or mistakes /wrongs on both our parts.They aren't even connected or related.

Bingo!

And who knows...Since I cant go back time not do those things and then back to the future without those expereinces how do I not know its not MORE special because I know the difference? Or since I lived through that I have more appreciation?

I think its better sometimes to appreciate what we DO have right in front of us.But we forget.Or we have the "grass is greener' thinking going on.

Umm..Bingo...times...two??!!

 

[idea]

it comes down to those who want the real thing, vs. those who are content to settle for a cheap, superficial, temporary imitation.

How so? I mean, going beyond your idle rhetoric, just how does marriage magically transform something into the "real thing"? Witch doctory?

Marriage is not a piece of paper - it is a covenant, a covenant of loyalty, love, steadfastness, family, soul-mate bonds, and sex is only a small part of what that covenant is about.... sex is the proving grounds, if you have enough self-control to save yourself for your one and only - that shows your ability to be devoted and loyal. If you can stand by one another and be loyal in terms of sex, that means you will probably stand by one another and be loyal in other circumstances too, that you have the ability to be united with someone - a supporter of them, that they don't have to worry about you playing for someone else's team, but that you will be there for them through thick and thin, that they can count on you - that you put one another first above all others - that your relationship is different with one another than all others.

 

[The Sum of Awe]

I think it makes the one you married more proud, feel special that they are the lucky one and there were no others he/she were in love with beforehand, they are the ONE.

But I'm sure there are more pro's for having sex before marriage than having sex after marriage, such as you're more experienced, in chance you never do get married, etc.

 

[idea]

I think it makes the one you married more proud, feel special that they are the lucky one and there were no others he/she were in love with beforehand, they are the ONE..

exactly - and isn't that a romantic idea, to think there might be someone who would be so devoted to you, that they would choose you above everyone else - that you would be good enough for them, that they would not have to go looking to anyone else to be fulfilled, that they hold you to a higher esteem, and a closer relationship than anyone else?

have people forgotten what love really is?

there are the deep relationships - where you cleave to one another, support one another through thick and thin, covenant before God to one another...

and then there are the casual relationships between people who are not willing to put the time and effort into something long term - they won't sign a contract with you, you are easily replaceable to them, etc. etc.

 

[Me Myself]

Marriage is not a piece of paper - it is a covenant, a covenant of loyalty, love, steadfastness, family, soul-mate bonds, and sex is only a small part of what that covenant is about.... sex is the proving grounds, if you have enough self-control to save yourself for your one and only - that shows your ability to be devoted and loyal.

Thats one of the stupidest things I have ever heard/read, and trust me there is fierce competition.

Judging someone's loyalty based on something they never cared about in the first place is like judging someone's speed based on them not finishing a race they never cared to start.

There is nothing to save because there is nothing to lose.

Sex is an experience.

Scratch that, sex is a lot of experiences, and you can only gain from those experiences. You may gain things you dont like or even hate if you had bad sexual experiences but you have absolutely nothing to lose.

I mean what kind of accident happened in your thought process so you could fall on such an idiotic excuse of a conclusion?

 

[Me Myself]

I think it makes the one you married more proud, feel special that they are the lucky one and there were no others he/she were in love with beforehand, they are the ONE.

But I'm sure there are more pro's for having sex before marriage than having sex after marriage, such as you're more experienced, in chance you never do get married, etc.

The OP doesnt make any assumptions about whether or not the married persons had any past loves, only says they didnt have sex.

 

[The Sum of Awe]

The OP doesnt make any assumptions about whether or not the married persons had any past loves, only says they didnt have sex.

Good point, but the fact that you hadn't made love with anyone beforehand makes it a little more comforting.

Not that I support saving yourself for marriage, it's totally up to the person, I personally don't, but in retrospect I can see how it can be good.

 

[idea]

I mean what kind of accident happened in your thought process so you could fall on such an idiotic excuse of a conclusion?

I come from a family, who for generations, have held loyalty in high regard. My grandfather recently died - my grandmother is still alive, they were one week short of being married for 75 years when he died... I guess if you don't have an example like that in your life - to see people who went through things like WW2, and losing a child, in poverty, in sickness and in health.... anyways, I have that example in my life, I know what my grandparents had, and I want that too.

You should have seen how many people came to the funeral, all of the stories they told about how my grandparents home was a refuge to them when their families were falling apart, how my grandparents taught them what love and devotion was, and why it was needed, how they changed so many lives... the sheer number of Christmas cards they get every year is amazing, and it all stems from their ability to be loyal to one another, to be bonded to one another, and share that ideal of love with others.

 

[Me Myself]

I come from a family, who for generations, have held loyalty in high regard. My grandfather recently died - my grandmother is still alive, they were one week short of being married for 75 years when he died... I guess if you don't have an example like that in your life - to see people who went through things like WW2, and losing a child, in poverty, in sickness and in health.... anyways, I have that example in my life, I know what my grandparents had, and I want that too.

You should have seen how many people came to the funeral, all of the stories they told about how my grandparents home was a refuge to them when their families were falling apart, how my grandparents taught them what love and devotion was, and why it was needed, how they changed so many lives... the sheer number of Christmas cards they get every year is amazing, and it all stems from their ability to be loyal to one another, to be bonded to one another, and share that ideal of love with others.

What on that make you think that it is reasonable to judge someone's speed based on a race they never cared to run?

I mean the person could simply be really scared and be not loyal at all. The woman can very well be terrible on everything but being too scared of having sex.

Thats not a virture on any regard, assuming she didnt have sex because she is committed is... Well, extremely naive to be honest. It is one possible reason, sure, that is true. Te only possible reason? Extremely naive.

 

[Me Myself]

Good point, but the fact that you hadn't made love with anyone beforehand makes it a little more comforting.

I can have sex without affection, and make love with my gaze.