Saving Yourself for Marriage?

[Sunstone]

I come from a family, who for generations, have held loyalty in high regard. My grandfather recently died - my grandmother is still alive, they were one week short of being married for 75 years when he died... I guess if you don't have an example like that in your life - to see people who went through things like WW2, and losing a child, in poverty, in sickness and in health.... anyways, I have that example in my life, I know what my grandparents had, and I want that too.

You should have seen how many people came to the funeral, all of the stories they told about how my grandparents home was a refuge to them when their families were falling apart, how my grandparents taught them what love and devotion was, and why it was needed, how they changed so many lives... the sheer number of Christmas cards they get every year is amazing, and it all stems from their ability to be loyal to one another, to be bonded to one another, and share that ideal of love with others.

And all of that took place because nobody ****** before marriage? What a remarkable line of reasoning.

 

[Me Myself]

And all of that took place because nobody ****** before marriage? What a remarkable line of reasoning.

You missed the point of the story. If they have had sex before marriage, they would have become awful people, because bible sex bible sex bible no bible good bible bad bible bible bible sex good bad bible do what I tell you bible bible whore bible bad bible you are thinking stop it bible bible bible bible

Do you see now?

 

[DallasApple]

Love and sex doesn't "run out" after the cherry is popped is all I know.Lets not forget sex isn't "once". And there IS a grand finale.Maybe its more "spectacular" and meaningful than the "first time"???What about the "last time"?...And what about the 1,000's of times in between?

 

[Me Myself]

I honestly think any person that feels any less loved because of what hir lover did even before s/he knowed hir is someone who is defective.

Malfunctioning on some deep vital human way and needs to be fixed.

 

[DallasApple]

I honestly think any person that feels any less loved because of what hir lover did even before s/he knowed hir is someone who is defective.

Malfunctioning on some deep vital human way and needs to be fixed.

How would you know? You have sex without affection.
Why would you even question people who do but under certain circumstances?

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

exactly - and isn't that a romantic idea, to think there might be someone who would be so devoted to you, that they would choose you above everyone else - that you would be good enough for them, that they would not have to go looking to anyone else to be fulfilled, that they hold you to a higher esteem, and a closer relationship than anyone else?

have people forgotten what love really is?

there are the deep relationships - where you cleave to one another, support one another through thick and thin, covenant before God to one another...

and then there are the casual relationships between people who are not willing to put the time and effort into something long term - they won't sign a contract with you, you are easily replaceable to them, etc. etc.

So... in your view, telling horny teenagers and 20-somethings that the only way they can get laid is if they marry someone will result in them having lifelong relationships based on love and respect?

 

[lewisnotmiller]

Marriage is not a piece of paper - it is a covenant, a covenant of loyalty, love, steadfastness, family, soul-mate bonds, and sex is only a small part of what that covenant is about.... sex is the proving grounds, if you have enough self-control to save yourself for your one and only - that shows your ability to be devoted and loyal. If you can stand by one another and be loyal in terms of sex, that means you will probably stand by one another and be loyal in other circumstances too, that you have the ability to be united with someone - a supporter of them, that they don't have to worry about you playing for someone else's team, but that you will be there for them through thick and thin, that they can count on you - that you put one another first above all others - that your relationship is different with one another than all others.

*blinks*

Okay. So what is your experience, first hand, in the subject matter? I didn't see a single reference in that post to anything that requires marriage. All those things can be achieved without marriage.

And this from someone who is married. And who has only slept with one woman, and did so before marriage, once I knew she was 'the one' (not as in soul-mate...the one I wanted to spend my life with), and slept with her after marriage, and knows the difference.

ie. nothing.

Everything you mentioned in your post is ABSOLUTELY worthy, in terms of honesty, trust and commitment to a relationship. There is nothing in any of that I find fault with. ALL of that is about the relationship. I know a lot of married people who don't have that. I know unmarried people who do.

 

[DallasApple]

So... in your view, telling horny teenagers and 20-somethings that the only way they can get laid is if they marry someone will result in them having lifelong relationships based on love and respect?

Right.You cant have sex unless you get married.Or you are a friggen sinner.

So you need a "legitimate outlet for sex release" i.e marriage.

WOW isn't that special!

Bunch of horny 18 yo's getting married just to screw and WHHOOPS! we must multiply..baby one, baby two,baby three..He wont clean enough she is tired and now HATES sex...and they broke..DIVORCE...Someone HELP ...So she doesn't "get the prizes and cash".Cuz you been 'tricked" with the bait and switch!

I've been around TOOOOOOO long.

 

[dgirl1986]

If I was going to save myself for marriage, I would be waiting a reeeeeally long time lol. I think there are advantages and disadvantages to waiting. One disadvantage is you start to get this wrapped in golden and lace and unrealistic idea of what sex is I think. At least that is what I found when I was "saving myself for marriage". I had this mills and boon idea of what it was meant to be like.

 

[Sha'irullah]

Well Sunstone, your answer can be found in history honestly....

The obvious desire for females to remain virgin atleast from the male perspective is that if the female is a virgin she is in a state of total purity. Women are often regarded as "used' when they enter a marriage without their virginity. Such emphasis is heavy in Jewish and Islamic tradition. Muslims for example can divorce their wives if she lies about her virginity.

This is an age of staple found in both Sanatana Dharma and Hellenic mythology. Artemis was a goddess praised for her virginity and was viewed so because of the pure immanence it brought the person. Virginity and objectification really go hand in hand from a male perspective as history has unfathomed tales about it.

 

[DallasApple]

[QUOTEWomen are often regarded as "used' when they enter a marriage without their virginity.][/QUOTE]

Well then obviously they are "used" after marriage right? By her husband ?

De-flowered?

 

[dgirl1986]

Well then obviously they are "used" after marriage right? By her husband ?

De-flowered?

I think a man who gets to deflower a woman sees her as a holy grail of sorts.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

Well Sunstone, your answer can be found in history honestly....

The obvious desire for females to remain virgin atleast from the male perspective is that if the female is a virgin she is in a state of total purity. Women are often regarded as "used' when they enter a marriage without their virginity. Such emphasis is heavy in Jewish and Islamic tradition. Muslims for example can divorce their wives if she lies about her virginity.

This is an age of staple found in both Sanatana Dharma and Hellenic mythology. Artemis was a goddess praised for her virginity and was viewed so because of the pure immanence it brought the person. Virginity and objectification really go hand in hand from a male perspective as history has unfathomed tales about it.

While I recognize that many cultures valued intact hymens more than the women who the hymens belonged to, this is a tradition that I for one am happy to discard. Call me crazy if you want, but I prefer to value the women themselves.

 

[dgirl1986]

While I recognize that many cultures valued intact hymens more than the women who the hymens belonged to, this is a tradition that I for one am happy to discard. Call me crazy if you want, but I prefer to value the women themselves.

*thumbs up*

 

[Willamena]

I think a man who gets to deflower a woman sees her as a holy grail of sorts.

Sure, if you buy into a 1950's patriarchal society.

 

[Caladan]

Are there any advantages to not having sex before marriage? If so, what are those advantages? How important are they when compared to the advantages, if any, of having sex before marriage?

Suffice to say that I would never get involved with someone who is a virgin, no offence to anyone but I would take it as a sign of poor social skills, questionable psychology, potentially archaic and primitive values, etc.
I like people who are not afraid to express their sexuality and do not have hang ups about sex.

For any younger readers (teenagers) I'm not really referring to you, take your time and do things at your own pace and according to your own standards and don't let anyone pressure you into anything. Me? I'm in my 30's and I had more than a decade of diverse sexual experience before getting married and bringing all the techniques I gathered to perfect them with a loved one.

 

[dgirl1986]

Sure, if you buy into a 1950's patriarchal society.

Its actually true, I think its just a turn on for men and a bit of an ego boost. Plus they know they wont be compared to anyone.

 

[dgirl1986]

Since I outlined a down side to waiting...an upside to waiting is that you would get a fair idea of whether the person just wanted fun times with you or whether they wanted you for you.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

Me? I'm in my 30's and I had more than a decade of diverse sexual experience before getting married and bringing all the techniques I gathered to perfect them with a loved one.

That's a take on things that isn't often addressed. It's just as valid to approach sex with the attitude of "you're the person I was getting good for" as it is "you're the person I was saving myself for."

In any other field of human endeavour, if you don't practice at all before the big performance, this demonstrates that you don't care about the performance... and by extension, that you don't care about the person/people you're performing for.

Edit: I think the "save yourself for marriage" position is a bit conflicted: on the one hand, they elevate sex to this uber-important position where it's absolutely vital that it only be done under certain circumstances, but on the other hand, they minimize it by implying that it's fine just to "wing it" with no practice at all, and that sexual compatibility shouldn't even be a factor at all in deciding on your lifelong romantic partner.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

I think some men who get to deflower a woman see her as a holy grail of sorts.

Edited it for ya. Now I can agree with it.