I have previously posted this a few times. Enjoy!
1) Are you made of complex cells with internal organelles? If so, you are a eucaryote.
2) Do your cells have membranes made of lipids rather than walls made from glucosides and are they surrounded by an extracellular matrix composed of collagen and glycoproteins? Then you are an Animal.
3) During embryo development, does the blastopore (the first opening) become the anus? Then you are a Deuterostome.
4) Do you have a head, backbone, brain, red blood cells, and kidneys? Then you are a Vertebrate.
5) Are air-breathing, have hair, three ear bones, sweat glands, the ability to regulate internal temperature and specialized teeth? Then you are a Mammal.
6) Do you lack an epi-pubic bone and do females like you have a uterus which produces a placenta during pregnancy? Then you are a placental Mammal.
7) Do you have a collar bone, opposable fingers, a flat nail on fingers and toes, eye sockets made from bone, stereoscopic vision, an enlarged cerebral cortex? Then you are a Primate.
8) Do you have a narrow nose and downward pointed nostrils, broad rib cage, a fused frontal bone, convoluted cerebral hemispheres, a large brain for his size of mammal, color vision, a lack of tail, and a lack of cheek pouches? Then you are an Ape.
So, yes, if you are human, then you *are* an ape.