Titanic
Well-Known Member
Sometimes...
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Seeing That Women Can Go Topless Now Do You Suppose A Lot More Rapes Will Happen?
- Thread starter Titanic
- Start date
Sometimes...
Wherenextcolumbus
Well-Known Member
It makes me doubt it when people say "most men aren't like that" I think a lot of men have something, they have something people. A lot of straight men at least.
Titanic
Well-Known Member
We are not all bad. At least I know I am not.
Huey09
He who struggles with God
I second that
I would say you are lucky to live in a place with little rape, then. Its far from very rare where I live.
DallasApple
Depends Upon My Mood..
:hug:
Its odd.Its one of those things that I'm "mad" at myself because I didn't KNOW I was being attacked.I was in my 20's before I "remembered" about the incidences at my grandmothers house and "realized" I had been victimized.Then I minimized it.Then the memories of my cousin hit me.Its like it "dawns on you " something bad happened to you and you said nothing and did nothing.So I "participated" in it.
I think not being "warned" about things like that could happen and are WRONG then it happening and seeing it happen to my cousin (she was a teenager when I saw my uncle doing things to her I was maybe 9 or so) then stuff kept happening I thought it was just to be EXPECTED.There was nothing to blame anyone for.There was no right or wrong "just is".
Then you wake up one day.Realize it.Then you get angry .All the times I just sat there .The times I walked straight into situations.The times I let people use me even.
Most the time believe it or not I'm "o.k" its just "triggers" BUT I don't want to stuff and keep quiet if I start to feel that way..I hope sometimes I can be "part' of awareness AND i can learn and "shed" off some of the negative emotions. its just ends up a flood sometimes..Some of the old feelings and anger comes in i thought were gone... .And I start to shake.Other times I can talk about it like a robot and feel nothing.
But thank you .Your words mean a lot.
Wherenextcolumbus
Well-Known Member
Never said you are all "bad"
Titanic
Well-Known Member
Okay.
DallasApple
Depends Upon My Mood..
What helps me is having 3 sons.
They are not "bad" they are gentle and kind .They are not womanizers let alone rapists/molesters.
They are not "bad" they are gentle and kind .They are not womanizers let alone rapists/molesters.
Dont be too hard on yourself. It doesnt matter how much you fought back, you are still not to blame. Besides, even if you would have black belt in 5 martial arts you could still end up in situations you cant handle. Life has no guarantees.
:hug:
Titanic
Well-Known Member
That's good to hear. Although women usually overpower me...
Freelance_Policeman
Member
DallasApple
Depends Upon My Mood..
I wasn't "stupid ,poor ,or working class" .I was vulnerable.
When I was date raped for example I was 14 .I wasn't "working" anywhere I was going to school.My father was a professional with a college degree my mother worked part time on commission for a dept store.We lived in a "wealthy" community in a 5 bedroom 3,000 square ft house with a pool.
Also if its "stupid poor working class" as you call it women ,how does that explain all the women who have been date raped while attending college?
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For what it's worth, I don't think you are to blame at all for being assaulted. Anyone is prone to something like that; there are no guarantees that one will always be safe, so I wouldn't call a victim of an assault "stupid" merely for being attacked.
You have my support. :hug:
DallasApple
Depends Upon My Mood..
I think the ones that are "like that" get around.They are "repeat" offenders.And they look for vulnerable women.I also think due to "ignorance" some guys /men aren't even clear on what is rape and what is not.I guess that goes back into the whole "rape fantasy" idea.No doesn't "really "mean no ...if she doesn't scream and punch and scratch to get away from him then call 9-11 it wasn't "rape" etc...
DallasApple
Depends Upon My Mood..
I really appreciate all ya'll's reasurence and kind words.Really I do from the bottom of my heart.:flower: Its soothing to my soul.
I understand. I remember how when it happened, I went numb. All I wanted to do was live through it, but it wasn't like I was thinking that I wanted to live through it. It was instinctive. I was being completely overpowered and felt utterly helpless.
I know how that is. One man that I dated back in the day in NYC told me that I didn't realize how much rage I had inside of me. I thought I was going about my life, but I was also very defensive in many ways. I was also "in-between religions" as I'd left the Christian community, so I felt more alone seeking solitude, quiet, and a sense of security. But I was sad to hear that others saw how much I had my defenses up and how I showed to them subconsciously how angry I was that I didn't see the attack coming myself.
But I was perpetuating the myth that 1) rape is something that I can do about potential attackers with preventative measures, and 2) that I as a survivor was doing something to turn him on. I remember at that time I also nearly exclusively dated women even though I was still attracted to men, I wore no makeup, I dressed in overalls and doc martins, etc. IOW, I was doing whatever I could to protect myself from men who I thought were just potential rapists eyeing me and becoming overwhelmed with desire.
That's when I started seeking a counselor. I had to go through a good many before I found a VERY good one who didn't let me spin my stories, and allow me to convince myself that the attack was still happening.
Oh my goodness.....I know exactly what you're saying. I've been there, done that, got the t-shirt for it. As much as I can seem together, I still have my triggers. I have a thing about certain fabric softeners, country roads, fingers around my throat, etc....or anything that thrusts me into a feeling of complete helplessness. Next thing you know, I'm either numb to the world, or I'm starting to sob, or my claws come out and I'm ready to hurt somebody. I think you do the same. It's a coping mechanism, but it takes cognitive behavior therapy techniques for me to remind myself that it's not happening again.
:hug:
Yours too. Remember that the more you stand against rape culture, continue to speak out, and remind others that survivors are not faceless beings or cardboard caricatures, you make a big difference. You show that survivors are human beings who can have a sex drive, can love partners, and can open up to experiences. We don't have to be victims.
Wherenextcolumbus
Well-Known Member
by "like that" I wasn't trying to say that most are rapists, I meant most have some sort of contempt for women.
Wherenextcolumbus
Well-Known Member
Yep. I'm a rapist.
I wasn't saying most men are rapists, if you follow the conversation I was saying talking about rape brings out peoples generally hidden sexism and misogyny.
I was saying I don't really believe when people say most men aren't sexist, as in "most men aren't like that" I think most men are sexist in some way.
Aquitaine
Well-Known Member
To be fair, most people are probably sexist in some way.