Teaching kids about sex.

[Valjean]

I'm shocked!

People hesitating to discuss sex candidly, completely and casually with children?!
Why would anyone treat reproduction any differently than digestion or respiration?

There is an inverse relationship between reproductive/sex education and early sexuality, premarital pregnancy, &c. Ie: the more you talk about it the less they do it.
This has been a tenet of basic Psychology since my classes 30 years ago, probably before.

 

[Valjean]

I don't have a problem with the parents allowing their child to watch, if it's in the correct context. None of us were there, so we don't know, do we?

Such a thing can be handled with grace or horror. It depends on the skill of the parents to explain what is happening. Most parents would freak out and yell and such. This shows their lack of skill in dealing with the subject.

It takes either very wise or very perverted parents to allow their children to witness lovemaking.

None of you are capable of sitting in judgement of the parents. You were not there.

Don't allow the imagination to fill in the missing blanks.

Wisely put, Xenon.

I re-iterate. Shielding children from sexuality or witnessing the sex act is an entirely new thing in human history; utterly unprecedented. Through 99% of human history people did not have the luxury of private bedrooms -- or privacy in general, for that matter. It never occurred to anyone that a child witnessing people coupling would have any more psychological impact than witnessing people eating, and, marvelous to say, it apparently did not.
Suddenly, in the past few hundred years, sex became secret and psychologically dangerous. Whence this sudden and unprecedented vulnerability?

Sex is ordinary, humdrum and unremarkable. We made it remarkable. We made it covert. If there is any psychic harm in it, it is in our communication of our own insecurities to our children.

 

[nutshell]

Wisely put, Xenon.

I re-iterate. Shielding children from sexuality or witnessing the sex act is an entirely new thing in human history; utterly unprecedented. Through 99% of human history people did not have the luxury of private bedrooms -- or privacy in general, for that matter. It never occurred to anyone that a child witnessing people coupling would have any more psychological impact than witnessing people eating, and, marvelous to say, it apparently did not.
Suddenly, in the past few hundred years, sex became secret and psychologically dangerous. Whence this sudden and unprecedented vulnerability?

Sex is ordinary, humdrum and unremarkable. We made it remarkable. We made it covert. If there is any psychic harm in it, it is in our communication of our own insecurities to our children.

You can't escape the fact that today's western culture is unlike that of hundreds of years ago. It is a logical fallacy to think the "rules" that applied then apply now.

 

[nutshell]

Look, I don't know what your problem is here. Again, I am not deliberately or maliciously twisting your words for any purpose. I explained how it read to me. If that's not what you meant, that's fine. Normally, I wouldn't have any problem with just agreeing that it was a misunderstanding, but apparently that isn't acceptable for you.

My problem? Why don't you reread the posts and figure it out. I accept it if you say you weren't twisting my words, but I think my meaning was plain enough. I'm happy to hear if it was just a misunderstanding.

 

[Valjean]

You can't escape the fact that today's western culture is unlike that of hundreds of years ago. It is a logical fallacy to think the "rules" that applied then apply now.

Basic, hard-wired hominid psychology hasn't changed in a few hundred years.

 

[Comprehend]

I'm shocked!

People hesitating to discuss sex candidly, completely and casually with children?!
Why would anyone treat reproduction any differently than digestion or respiration?

mostly because I WANT my children to be digesting and respirating right now and to do them both as well as possible, but I certainly do not want my children having sex any time soon. In my religion sex is not bad, it is very sacred though, it is not something that should be taken lightly.

There is an inverse relationship between reproductive/sex education and early sexuality, premarital pregnancy, &c. Ie: the more you talk about it the less they do it.
This has been a tenet of basic Psychology since my classes 30 years ago, probably before.

Your information is admittedly 30 years old. More importantly, Mr. Nixon, your dog checkers wasn't the issue here. We are not talking about sex education in general. I am sure many agree that sex education is a good idea. I know I do. The issue here is letting your 9 year old kid watch step daddy and mommy go at it on the bed all the time and calling it educational.

A few people have pointed out that sex education is not all or nothing. We are talking specifically about the particular type of "education" that this young child had.

If watching sex was the kind of education young children need then you would surely agree that buying your 9 year old a bunch of porno's would be a great time saver, no?

What if she say's "Mommy, what is beastiality?" would you go grab the family dog to "educate" her?

 

[love]

To have your 9 year old in the bed with you while having sexual intercourse is nothing short of sexual deviance on the part of parents. It is probably a form of exhibitionism to enhance their own perverted pleasure. They would probably be doing it on the front lawn if they were not afraid of getting their sorry butts hauled off to jail. If they want to give their child a "crash course" in the sex act (not to be confused with a healthy sexual education) they should sit them in front of the television, turn off the parental controls, give them the remote and let them have at it. Has society regressed this far?

 

[MysticSang'ha]

I'm shocked!

People hesitating to discuss sex candidly, completely and casually with children?!
Why would anyone treat reproduction any differently than digestion or respiration?

There is an inverse relationship between reproductive/sex education and early sexuality, premarital pregnancy, &c. Ie: the more you talk about it the less they do it.
This has been a tenet of basic Psychology since my classes 30 years ago, probably before.

How about bowel movements and urination? Why in the world are we treating that differently than eating or breathing?


*all in good fun, my friend*


I'm an admitted moron when it comes to psychological theory, studies, etc.....but I am aware of how open we are with our children. With pre-teen and teenaged kids now, we are extrememly candid with our kids about sex..........but only about the details they want. They've asked us plenty of times about masturbation, and we've given them the scoop and our permission that they CAN do it without guilt or shame. But the difference here is they've never asked us if we've masturbated, so we've never gone there in our discussions.



We're also the kind of parents who let our kids run around butt-nekkid in the house until they thought about putting clothes on. Every now and then they still walk around at night in their underwear, but then again, so does the husband.



And yet, our kids have somehow naturally developed this sense of privacy that we never forced..........it just..........came about on it's own. I have nothing against cultures like the Inuits with the family bed since we practiced it, too. But when it came time to have sex, we either moved the kiddo into another room or we just took it into another room. But that was for practical matters more than saving face - we usually move around quite a bit in our moments of intimacy. :foot:




I DO think we need a more collectively healthy attitude toward sex and matters of the genitalia, so I find myself on your side if this is the point you're trying to make.




Peace,
Mystic

 

[Westy]

So why not shelter them from all potentially confusing stimuli? Throw out the TV. Stay away from animals, construction sites, sports, and, for heaven's sake, don't let them see you eat!
Why are we singling out this common and ordinary act to shelter them from?

I dont think you can compare watching your parents eat, which is seen by everyone, every single day! In public, on the street, on the bus, in everyones homes! To watching your parents have sex.

If people were having sex on the street, in bars, restaurants, cafes, on the train, then yes it would be deemed 'normal' for children to watch in modern society! BUT its not, its a private, intimate act between 2 people!

I remember hearing my parents having sex when i was younger, i asked them what it was the next day and they were honest and open, as they always have been and explained. But i remember it completly freaked me out and i never fully understood!

 

[BFD_Zayl]

they need to be taught, if not then their natural instincts will take over (people know how to have sex, without being taught, not saying it will be good) thus, not know the proper etiquette, which might result in a large number of serious lawsuits

 

[Valjean]

How about bowel movements and urination? Why in the world are we treating that differently than eating or breathing?


*all in good fun, my friend*

This reminds me of Taro Gomi's children's book: Everyone Poops. http://www.kanemiller.com/book.asp?sku=25&sc=i

by the same author: Breasts and Passing Gas.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

This reminds me of Taro Gomi's children's book: Everyone Poops. http://www.kanemiller.com/book.asp?sku=25&sc=i

by the same author: Breasts and Passing Gas.

Everyone Poops is such a great book.




We had it in the library for our local La Leche League groups, I believe. At least I remember that's where my daughter and I sat down to read it together.



Peace,
Mystic

 

[SoyLeche]

Everyone Poops is such a great book.




We had it in the library for our local La Leche League groups, I believe. At least I remember that's where my daughter and I sat down to read it together.



Peace,
Mystic

What are you talking about. It's about the most worthless book that I've ever had the misfortune of reading.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

What are you talking about. It's about the most worthless book that I've ever had the misfortune of reading.

To each their own.



Dana was very happy to read about all other animals having the ability to poop. She just had this thing about going to the toilet at around 18 months to 2 years. Even though she caught on pretty quickly, she still was rather scared of the very idea until we came upon books like that.



And eventually she caught on with the real-life examples of dogs, cats, horses, and eventually our hamsters that pooping is not to be feared.



Peace,
Mystic