The Breast Question

[Smoke]

The basic idea you're presenting here is that mothers shouldn't bring their babies out in public just because it annoys you. Frankly, I find that to be rude, selfish, and a very good illustration of the "me first" philosophy that seems to permeate our culture. Sure, you could argue that the mother is doing the same thing, but your attitude is no less rude or selfish.

On the contrary, I don't do anything at all to ruin those women's dinners, not even give them stern looks. I have resigned myself to the fact that there will always be people who have no sense of what's appropriate and no consideration for the other paying customers around them. I simply have an opinion about their self-centered behavior.

 

[MaddLlama]

So, it isn't rude to expect people to conduct themselves in a manner that you approve of?

 

[Smoke]

So, it isn't rude to expect people to conduct themselves in a manner that you approve of?

No, it's not rude to expect people conduct themselves in an appropriate manner in public accommodations. However, it's extremely unrealistic. As you've demonstrated rather effectively, there are people who not only have no intention of doing so, but find the suggestion that they should do so extremely offensive. Going out in public always puts one at risk of being exposed to such people. I expect nothing.

 

[darkpenguin]

I really don't see what the problem is, no wait I do see what the problem is, narrow minded people would be the problem.
What on earth is the world coming to when women have to ask if people mind if they breast feed? What, is feeding an infant suddenly offensive? Does it upset you? Does it stir 'inappropriate' thoughts and feelings inside you? If so then I suggest it is you in the wrong and not the mother for feeding the infant which next to child birth is the most natural thing in the world.
Shame on you people for thinking it's wrong and being offended, shame on you.

 

[Mercy Not Sacrifice]

No, it's never necessary. It's self-centered and rude. The fact that a woman has had an exhausting day, every day, for a long time doesn't give her the right to ruin everyone else's dinner or movie. If she doesn't have even one friend or relative who is willing to keep her child for a couple hours, if she doesn't have a husband or boyfriend who can keep his own child for a couple hours while she goes out with her friends, if she can't find a babysitter or a daycare center no matter how hard she looks, she should stay home with her child.

But I don't really believe there are that many women who can find no one at all to keep their children for a couple hours. They just assume that the amazing, exhausting feat of reproducing and caring for a baby gives them the right to impose on perfect strangers -- people who very likely include other mothers with a baby who have made appropriate arrangements for their own infants, as well as people who don't have an infant but nevertheless have hectic and exhausting lives of their own and would desperately like to have a nice evening out without being seated next to someone who is virtually certain to pee, poop, cry, and barf during dinner.

And why is this woman doing everything by herself in the first place? Does the father of her child imagine that he has no new obligations? Does it never occur to him to take care of doing the laundry or fixing dinner sometimes?

Come on, man. Have a heart, eh?

 

[Daquine]

Quite honestly, I can see both sides of the argument. On one side, no matter how well I know the person, I'd feel a tad, and I repeat, just a tad awkward with the breast feeding. Not to say I find anything wrong with the act itself.

But of course, on the other hand, just because it comes time to feed the baby, does that mean that mom has to leave the room? On that hand, it would seem a little unfair to her. Should the baby go unfeed? No.

I guess I would just have to say there would have to be a compromise on the matter. And as long as you're covering yourself up via a small blanket when you're feeding and not exposing yourself to the world, that's all good. No problem.

 

[Isabella Lecour]

What in the world happened to minding your own bussiness while in public?
If it's not breaking the law; breastfeeding in public does not break US law, then why have any concern about it when someone is doing so in public?

There was a time when children were taught that it is rude to stare at people in public. When did that change and when did it cease to apply to adult behavior too? I stand by my previously stated opinion. Basically as long as I'm not breaking the law of the land, mind your own business and I'll stay out of yours.

I find it sad that there are some folks who can't see God's humor when he gave us kids. I mean come on, the hilarity of two parents unable to manege a single child. Or what about the infinite sadness when everyone gets upset at the next generation, forgetting how trying they were on their parents as well. Children should be cherished, not hated or rejected or even made to feel a nuisance. What do those emotions teach a child, anyway?

As long as my child is fed, it is no bussiness of yours how it's done.

 

[Smoke]

Come on, man. Have a heart, eh?

I do. I enjoy children. Nine times out of ten, I like them better than adults. Anybody who comes to my house is welcome to bring their children, including infants, and is welcome to whip out a breast to feed one whenever and wherever she wants, and I will be the first to make fun of anybody who has a problem with it.

However, babies should not go anywhere and everywhere. It's not enjoyable for innocent bystanders or for the babies themselves when babies are taken to restaurants and movies. (Note: When I say restaurants, I mean restaurants, not places like McDonald's.)

 

[Isabella Lecour]

What about places like IHOP? Can we define what makes one restraunt better than the other?

Just why would it be ok for McD's but not another place?

 

[Sola'lor]

And as long as you're covering yourself up via a small blanket when you're feeding and not exposing yourself to the world, that's all good. No problem.

I agree with this.

I think the problem here is whether people are being selfish or caring about others. the selfish person says, "It' MY RIGHT to feed my baby where ever I want! So if anyone else has a problem with it, TOUGH!"

Yes, it is your right. You should be able to feed your baby.

Also a selfish person says, "I don't want to see that, EVER! Leave MY presence if you are going to to it!"

And yes, they too have the right to not have to see mother's breast everytime their baby needs fed.



But, common people. We're all human beings, we're all people with our own feelings and our own views. We should take care of each other and help eachother. That's the problem with society everybody thinks only of themselves. A mother should care enough about other people that if they find it offensive she should respect that. But also, the other people should realize the mother's position.

Is this such an unrealistic attitude? To actually care about other human beings? To care about what they think and feel and respect that? Seriously, we're all in this together.

Should a mother have to ask if it's ok, when her baby needs to be feed? If she has respect for other people then I would say, Yes she should ask. If the people she asks have any respect for here then they should understand her situation and say that it's ok. If there are those who find it inappropriate that should be respected too.

For me if a woman wants to breat feed her baby that's fine, because I understand that need and I respect that. But that woman should also respect that fact that I don't want to see her pop her breast out and start feeding. So she should cover herself with a small blanket or something.

Is it really that hard to care about other people?

 

[Smoke]

What about places like IHOP? Can we define what makes one restraunt better than the other?

Real restaurants don't have paper napkins.

However, you should also never take a baby to IHOP, because it's not a good idea to get them in the habit of staying up all night, and besides, you should have left them with somebody responsible before you got drunk.

Just why would it be ok for McD's but not another place?

By eating at McDonald's, people have indicated that they have no standards or expectations worth worrying about.

 

[s2a]

cardero asked:

Should a women who breast feeds their children excuse themselves from other’s company?

I dunno. Does anyone typically "excuse themselves" from mixed company when they feel they are about to experience a bout of flatulence?

Should a woman breast feed their child in a isolated area away from the public?

If you equate the meaning of "should" with "must", I would say no.

When did the explicit practice of breastfeeding a baby become a movement?

Since the "explicit practice" of human bowel movements began, I would imagine...

Could this decision to breast feed in front of family and relatives simply be settled by the polite question of “Do you mind…..?”

It could...but I'd have to "politely" wonder upon the legitimacy of any raised objections to such an utterly natural and completely benign "practice"? I can't imagine any non-religious person ever objecting to a woman breast-feeding her child under any circumstances.

 

[Isabella Lecour]

Real restaurants don't have paper napkins.

Well I never. :areyoucra My daughter has her own linen napkin that I bring everywhere. So that makes every restaurant a "real" restaurant. Besides those high class establishements would have a fit if I tried to enter with my daughter in tow. They would be ill prepared to deal with this suituation of breastfeeding and more likely flub it up. Yea and they have the right to reject patronage at the door too.

However, you should also never take a baby to IHOP, because it's not a good idea to get them in the habit of staying up all night, and besides, you should have left them with somebody responsible before you got drunk.

Whoa Nelly!! Wow, just wow. More that a few pre-conceptions there. Not everyone who goes to IHOP goes late at night or even after getting drunk. Besides they've got paper napkins...so why should you care?
Oh yea....opionions.....well I know what to do with those....oh hum.

By eating at McDonald's, people have indicated that they have no standards or expectations worth worrying about.

:no:
Um...I know this is a fourm but in real life....where do you draw the line on interaction with another human being who's breastfeeding at like McD's or even 4pm at IHOP?

 

[Grappleberry Punch]

Naturally, women technically have a right to breastfeed wherever they want. But realistically/personally... I live in the US, there are a lot of prudes (including myself, I admit...my mother breastfed my brother and I think that was the most uncomfortable thing for both of us) and I think it's to be expected that women with their breasts hanging out are going to get some stares. Remember nipplegate?

Personally, I hope that we eventually can get over it. We aren't going to get over it if women always excuse themselves and go feed their babies in toilet stalls and such.

 

[Smoke]

Whoa Nelly!! Wow, just wow. More that a few pre-conceptions there. Not everyone who goes to IHOP goes late at night or even after getting drunk.

But it's easier to stomach if you're drunk. Definitely. Don't know why sober people eat there at all.

:no:
Um...I know this is a fourm but in real life....where do you draw the line on interaction with another human being who's breastfeeding at like McD's or even 4pm at IHOP?

It's never come up. I've never been in a restaurant or even a fast food joint with a friend or relative who was breastfeeding. If it came up, I'd assume that the baby wasn't interested in the conversation and talk over its head. If a stranger were breastfeeding, well, I don't normally go up to strangers and start talking to them, and I'm not going to start just because they have a baby to feed.

I hope I didn't give you the idea that I go around telling women and restaurant managers what to do. I don't have a crusade against babies in restaurants, just a strong opinion about it. I'm one of those people who says, when the manager asks, that "everything's fine" -- even if I've already made up my mind never to come back again. There are two things I object to in a restaurant: bad food (and I mean really bad, there's-just-no-excuse-for-this kind of food) and poor service. I would definitely have a problem with it if my server were breastfeeding an infant while she waited tables, but even then, I'd probably just say, "I'm sorry; we've changed our minds," and leave before I ordered drinks and appetizers, rather than register a complaint.

I've actually seen women change their babies' diapers at the table; on one memorable occasion, I saw I a woman change the baby on the table. In those cases, I certainly had something to say to my dining companions -- something along the lines of, "Oh, my God, the manager of this place must be an idiot" -- but I still never confronted the women involved. Really, what is there to say to somebody like that?

 

[methylatedghosts]

I've actually seen women change their babies' diapers at the table; on one memorable occasion, I saw I a woman change the baby on the table. In those cases, I certainly had something to say to my dining companions -- something along the lines of, "Oh, my God, the manager of this place must be an idiot" -- but I still never confronted the women involved. Really, what is there to say to somebody like that?

I'd say "you know, your baby is leaking into your food..."
Whether or not the baby actually is leaking, I can guarantee you she won't eat...

 

[nutshell]

I just returned from my mother’s cousin’s house this weekend and I was informed that one of her daughters did not make the trip to her mother’s house over a dispute about her breast. Let me explain.

10 months ago this daughter gave birth to her first child and has decided to breast feed it. This daughter has been attending classes (??) or meetings about breast feeding her baby and I guess one of the things that they encourage is a sort of pride and necessity for breast feeding. In other words when the baby is hungry there is no inappropriate time or place to perform this act. From the way the mother was explaining this to me it seemed like a paternal movement.

The mother went on to explain to her daughter that if she wanted to come over and meet this company (which consisited of mrscardero, my father and myself) that a certain courtesy or respect may have to be implememted in regarding the time and moments of the baby’s feeding. As I understood it, the daughter was very open and frank about this performance and the mother was concerned about the company feeling uncomfortable. The daughter became offended by this suggestion and had decided to forgo the visit and any future conversation with her mother (so far).

My questions are what are the guidelines about something like this? Should a women who breast feeds their children excuse themselves from other’s company? Should a woman breast feed their child in a isolated area away from the public? When did the explicit practice of breastfeeding a baby become a movement? Could this decision to breast feed in front of family and relatives simply be settled by the polite question of “Do you mind…..?”

I don't get it. Was there only one room in the whole house?

Just sounds like people being ridiculous (mother and daughter).