Though I label myself as an atheist,a disbeliever in God,but I personally do not feel comfortable with that title.Deep down in my heart,there is a profound emptiness Although I am rich,have a lot of money,a lot of friends and all the material things,I am not as happy as I should be.Being an atheist,I do not have to perform any religious duties,ceremonies,etc and I have no rules to follow and I do not have to remember God. Yet I do not feel free.My heart feels loaded with a burden that is indescribable.there seems to be a huge void in my life without feeling the support of God.What is this,I wonder!I have forsaken christianity for there i find are many abstruse and logically unexplainable concepts,which even after consulting several priests ,I couldn't find an answer to.I do not believe Jesus to be God(he never claimed to be so.)but I love and respect him and his teachings a lot.
For a time period I even believed in Darwinism but I found flaws wtihtin his theory of evolution as well. I have not come across even a single fact that can explain how life came into existence,the concept of death or soul ,neither have I ever found those facts that oppose creationism(i am talking abt established facts not theories).I do believe that evolution could have taken place,but can't accept the evolution of man from apes.Imagine having monkeys as you forefathers!I also wonder that how could the whole universe come into existence on its own and yet have such an impeccable system of laws on the basis of which it works
if it has come into existence on its own,why is there only perfection and no error or shortcomings.And why did universe come into existence.Why do not sun or moon or earth collide with each other.Who has created for them fixed,flawless orbits?who created the laws of of universe.why has universe come into existence at all ,since nothing happens without a reason ?Who created the original matter from which was created the universe?If we have come to life on our own,how has death come into existence?What happens to us after death?why do we and not other animals, have free will?THere are many such questions which are yet unanswered to me and have really made my life a ''QUESTION MARK".I do not find a purpose in life.
Is It just about eating and drinking and letting the world go ruin?No one has ever been able to evade death,even Darwin himself!
I know that one day even I would willy nilly meet death.
What after that.What purpose did I fulfil?What for had I lived?
I am so confused,I am searcing for my Lord.I feel that he exists and is watching me all the time .I know that science cannot deny the existence of God.on the contrary,it proves the opposite. THEREFORE,I am looking for Him by combining Science and logic and I am also studying major world religions.I am too far from christianity and do not feel like returning back to it.Atheism too seems to have disillusioned me.Next I am considering to study Judaism and Islam.Other religions that believe in paganism and idolatory seem repusive to me.
Let's where this quest of truth takes me.Wish me luck!
Ciao!