That I have a faith is the most annoying misconception, but not in the sense that I'm annoyed by the suggestion that I might adhere to religion.
In the West of Scotland a lot of people look at you through shades that only register 'Catholic' and 'Protestant'. You don't often get asked what religion you follow, or encounter debates about the finer points of theology. You get asked, "Catholic or Protestant?"
Depending on your answer you can get anything from a smile, a pint, or a joke to a punch in the face.
In our charming sectarian way, Catholics are denoted as 'Tims' or the slightly stronger term, 'Fenian'. Protestants are often called 'Proddies', 'Huns', and 'Orange [word not allowed - means sons of no fathers]'. When I am asked whether I am a 'Tim' or a 'Hun' I employ words to the effect of 'neither since I am not a believer in Christ'. That rarely puts them off though since genuinely religious people are somewhat scarce here. The next question is, "Rangers or Celtic?"
Fans of
Glasgow Celtic are presumed to be 'tattie' (potato) munching Catholics of Irish descent who are rabid supporters of republicanism and terrorism in
Ireland. Fans of
Glasgow Rangers are to be Protestants of no particular descent, but loyal to the Crown and fierce protectors of the six counties of Northern Ireland. The should also support the Ulster paramilitary movement, love King Billy (William of Orange) and hate the Pope. It's worth noting that there are infact 40
Scottish Football League Clubs of which many outside the
Old Firm (Rangers and Celtic) are professional. Believe it or not there are also a host of other sports to watch. Nevertheless, the cultural myopia of the West dictates that you're either Celtic or Rangers (and therefore either Catholic or Protestant - a rule I've witnessed being applied to Pakistani Muslims who'd rather watch cricket!).
I was brought up to love Rangers (and I still do). I was also brougt up to love the Virgin Mary (never did). So I get it in the ear from both sides. And if you're still not convinced here an example of a conversation I had in a pub one day:
Man asks Scott (Scott is Jaiket's real-life pseudonym), "Where ye from, son?"
Scott tells man, "Airdrie."
Man asks Scott, sinisterly (I was in a Catholic area), "So yer a proddy then?"
Scott says, "No."
Man ask, surprised, "Whit team d'ye support?"
Scott pretends he's not worried, "Rangers, mate."
Man's accusingly, "Ye are a [word not allowed - means lovemaking] proddy then!"
Scott replies, while hoping his bladder should not fail, "No, I'm not."
Man's eyes narrow on Scott's, "Whit School did ye go tae?"
Scott says, bladder creaking, "St. Andrew's in Airdrie."
Man smiles "Oh, so yer a tim. Why'd ye no say so? Want a pint?"
Bladder survives intact.
Thus ends the lengthy tale of why Jaiket is bugged by the misconception that he has a 'faith'.
