The Parenting Thread

[Booko]

When should you potty train a child? My daughter is fourteen months and the inlaws are pressuring us to train her. That said, how?

Think of the stupidest person you ever met in your life with the most incompetent parents you've ever seen.

The person did grow up and learn not to doo doo his pants, did he not?

People sometimes see late potty training as some sort of indication of intellectual inferiority. It's just not true.

Have a kids potty available. Let them play with it. They can sit on it. They can wear it for a hat. Whatever.

When they're ready, they'll do it all by themselves. Kids always want to act big like Mom and Dad.

Oh, and moms out there, potty advice if you have boys:

LET THEM CLEAN THE TOILET.

That way they learn good aim.

Hope this helps.

Booko
Mom of 2 effortlessly potty trained kids. <whew!>

 

[Booko]

Currently, my son has been pretty easy (since I can't really do anything for the late night feedings, and he's been pretty good at going to sleep soon after eating durring the night). We have run across one issue - we think he gets heartburn (or reflux, as it's called in the book we have). He will be eating just fine, and then all of a sudden will start to scream. He also gets a lot of 'bubbles'. We have some drops that we give him, I'm not sure what they are exactly, but he seems to enjoy the taste if nothing else. Anything else we can do to help him stay comfortable when he eats?

Consider the possibility he may have some sensitivity to what you're feeding him.

The most common allergens are: milk, soy, wheat

Keep a log of what you feed him and see if there's any pattern.

The digestive system can be off for many other reasons as well, but this is a good place to start, at least at his age.

And if there's any history of alcoholism ANYWHERE in your family, even generations back then wheat/soy sensitivity is a fair possibility.

If you can find a kinesiologist in your area, they can test your son to see if he's sensitive to any of these. It's quick, non-invasive and definitely works, even if it is labeled "alternative" medicine. Your insurance likely will not cover it, unless you have some chiropractic coverage maybe, but it's worth the bit you'll to spend on it.

 

[Booko]

Does she drink cow's milk? Most people look at milk as milk, but a lot of babies are allergic (or at least highly sensitive) to the cow's milk they get in breast milk. Chocolate is another real no-no from that standpoint.

(I speak from experience and from what my son's pediatrician told me.)

Cow's milk is for baby cows.

It took me 40+ years and being not too far from dying to figure out I was allergic to casein (the protein in milk), so I do get kinda opinionated on this topic.

May the Dairy Council and the AMA rot in Hades. :149:

 

[Booko]

Help! My daughter (14mo.) has been spitting out food all day. She doesn't seem sick... in fact, she is quite happy about it, and gets really annoyed when I stop putting food in her mouth. She has actually eaten a moderate amount of food today, but no where near the amount she normally eats. It doesn't matter what food I give her: bananas, cheerios, peas, cheese..., the result is the same.

What, is she just playing around with you?

The terrible twos really run from 14 mos to 2.5 years, you know. She might just be asserting her independence a bit, if she doesn't seem sick or anything.

 

[michel]

How can you ever treat your children all the same?

My wife and I said many years ago, that what we did for one, we would do for the other...............that seemed like quite a good theory at the time.....

Our older son has never been good with money; when he has had it, he has spent twice as much as he was receiving, and we have needed to 'bail him out' on quite a few occasions. I should imagine he 'owes us' (because these were supposed to be loans) about $18.000 and has absolutely nothing to show for it. For all I know, he is struggling now, but at least he is trying to 'make it' on his own.

(To give an example, a credit card bill of his was addressed here, by mistake, and one of us opened it without realizing it wasn't for us); there were entries for dinners out, for concert tickets, for hotels that made my and my wife's jaw drop. We wouldn't spend that sort of money at our age (even though we could afford to).

His younger brother is the opposite; always has been. He came up to me the other day, and said "How much do you think my net worth is, after repaying student loans etc ?" "Don't know" I answered, but it turns out that he has saved about the same amount of money as we have given to his brother (if not more0.

Now, my question is this; how do we treat them equally ? This cropped up, because, in July, James is flying off to Mexico to start a one year teaching job, and the air fare is quite a sum.

Of course, when he told me, I said to his Mum, I'd better pay him some money over, for that fare.

Mum said "Hey, no, he's chosen to go there, and will be earning money...." (which I can sort of understand). But I feel unhappy, because i almost feel that the younger one is being penalized for being thrifty.

Thoughts ?

 

[Green Gaia]

Help! My daughter (14mo.) has been spitting out food all day. She doesn't seem sick... in fact, she is quite happy about it, and gets really annoyed when I stop putting food in her mouth. She has actually eaten a moderate amount of food today, but no where near the amount she normally eats. It doesn't matter what food I give her: bananas, cheerios, peas, cheese..., the result is the same.

Sounds like she's learned a new trick to get mom jumping!

I wouldn't worry about it. When she's hungry enough, she'll eat it and keep it in. As long as there's no other problems, such as fever or diarrhea or actual vomiting and she seems overall herself, then I'd just say it's a kid thing.

 

[Draka]

How can you ever treat your children all the same?

My wife and I said many years ago, that what we did for one, we would do for the other...............that seemed like quite a good theory at the time.....

Our older son has never been good with money; when he has had it, he has spent twice as much as he was receiving, and we have needed to 'bail him out' on quite a few occasions. I should imagine he 'owes us' (because these were supposed to be loans) about $18.000 and has absolutely nothing to show for it. For all I know, he is struggling now, but at least he is trying to 'make it' on his own.

(To give an example, a credit card bill of his was addressed here, by mistake, and one of us opened it without realizing it wasn't for us); there were entries for dinners out, for concert tickets, for hotels that made my and my wife's jaw drop. We wouldn't spend that sort of money at our age (even though we could afford to).

His younger brother is the opposite; always has been. He came up to me the other day, and said "How much do you think my net worth is, after repaying student loans etc ?" "Don't know" I answered, but it turns out that he has saved about the same amount of money as we have given to his brother (if not more0.

Now, my question is this; how do we treat them equally ? This cropped up, because, in July, James is flying off to Mexico to start a one year teaching job, and the air fare is quite a sum.

Of course, when he told me, I said to his Mum, I'd better pay him some money over, for that fare.

Mum said "Hey, no, he's chosen to go there, and will be earning money...." (which I can sort of understand). But I feel unhappy, because i almost feel that the younger one is being penalized for being thrifty.

Thoughts ?

Do you WANT to help him? Just because you have felt the NEED to help out the older one because of his bad decisions, I don't see how that can reflect on the younger. If he truly is that responsible with money then giving some as a gift of "good luck" on his new endeavor won't change that.

My brother has credit card debt up to his eyeballs. I don't even have a credit card. Aside from the fact that he has a newer car (which has nothing to do with his credit cards) and a newer computer, there isn't really much differrence in what we have. He has gone to my parents many times for money and has always lived in the same town as them until just a month ago. I have lived in many places all over the country and have scraped to get by on numerous occasions. I hate the idea of going to my parents to ask for help. Most of the time if they know that I am struggling they will offer some. I am grateful for it, but still feel somewhat bad and I want to be able to pay them back.

If you truly want to "gift" him with this money then I say you should...if he will take it. It can simply be looked on as a gift of good luck on his new endeavor. Is it because of the history with the older one that there is reluctance to contribute to the younger?

 

[MysticSang'ha]

How can you ever treat your children all the same?

My wife and I said many years ago, that what we did for one, we would do for the other...............that seemed like quite a good theory at the time.....

Our older son has never been good with money; when he has had it, he has spent twice as much as he was receiving, and we have needed to 'bail him out' on quite a few occasions. I should imagine he 'owes us' (because these were supposed to be loans) about $18.000 and has absolutely nothing to show for it. For all I know, he is struggling now, but at least he is trying to 'make it' on his own.

(To give an example, a credit card bill of his was addressed here, by mistake, and one of us opened it without realizing it wasn't for us); there were entries for dinners out, for concert tickets, for hotels that made my and my wife's jaw drop. We wouldn't spend that sort of money at our age (even though we could afford to).

His younger brother is the opposite; always has been. He came up to me the other day, and said "How much do you think my net worth is, after repaying student loans etc ?" "Don't know" I answered, but it turns out that he has saved about the same amount of money as we have given to his brother (if not more0.

Now, my question is this; how do we treat them equally ? This cropped up, because, in July, James is flying off to Mexico to start a one year teaching job, and the air fare is quite a sum.

Of course, when he told me, I said to his Mum, I'd better pay him some money over, for that fare.

Mum said "Hey, no, he's chosen to go there, and will be earning money...." (which I can sort of understand). But I feel unhappy, because i almost feel that the younger one is being penalized for being thrifty.

Thoughts ?

Oh, these are always tough decisions, Michel. My heart goes out to you.




Is it really necessary to "make up" the difference of giving your money toward your younger thrifty son? One son needs help because he struggles. One son does not need help because he does not struggle. The amount of money you give out to one son does not define your love or dedication. That is, of course, just one person's view. And a mother of four children who are rapidly approaching adolesence. *eek*




If you feel guily, I would hope that you find the courage to release that guilt, because it seems that you have not caused any suffering on the part of your younger son.





Peace,
Mystic

 

[lunamoth]

I know some try to train in the infant stage. I don't quite agree with that practice myself. Most pediatricians will tell you the best time to train is around 2 years old. It is this age where they are more likely to develop a sense of pride and accomplishment. I never "trained" my daughter exactly. I always left the door open to the bathroom when I went and she would follow me in and see what mommy did. A little before she turned 2 I noticed she was tugging on her diapers and taking them off herself a lot, so I bought one of those little seats that goes over the regular toilet seat. When I got it home and took it out of the plastic she took it from me, went to the bathroom, put it on the toilet, took her pants down and diaper off, climbed up and peed.

If you don't have a problem with it, start taking her to the bathroom when you go so she start to see how a "big girl" does it. She will eventually want to on her own and it will be a thing of pride for her that she can be like a big girl.

That's at least my experience

I didn't go to the bathroom unaccompanied for four years...one of the first wods my girls have learned is 'privacy.'

hehe--have to edit to add that I mean my daughters would not allow me to leave them unattended. Now they are five and three and I finally get a little peace in the bathroom.

lunamoth

 

[lunamoth]

Pretty much you have to wait until the child is ready and that varies by child. Both of my kids were 3 before being completely trained. I introduced it to both much earlier, but they just weren't ready and there's no way to "force" them to do it without lots of tears from both kids and parents. Be patient and let her lead on this one, dispite what others think is best for her. If she seems interested in what you're doing the bathroom, go ahead and get her a little potty chair and let her try it out. Be prepared to reward and celebrate accomplishments, and to not make a big deal out of mistakes. Above all be patient and realize that some kids just will not give up the diaper until they have to.

Excellent advice. This is one thing that can't be forced and kids are all different. Do not give into the 'advice' of others, including well-meaning parents and in-laws!

lunamoth

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Potty training was very simple, straight-forward, and full of accidents. It amounted to pointing to the toilet, saying, "There it is," and letting them figure it out on their own. Our kids were 3 when they finally caught on, and our daughter was 2 when she made it a regular practice.



These early years are so precious and quick. It saddens me to see pressures being put on parents to get their children to "grow up" or advance in their development.............children develop naturally without any pushing from parents. It's values and ethics that are our responsibility to impress upon them - not getting them to sleep through the night at the earliest age possible. :areyoucra




My husband and I have four children between us. We've seen enough sleepless nights, soiled diapers, temper tantrums, sibling rivalries, and such to know that children develop on their own time, in their own way, with their own strengths and weaknesses. Children eventually sleep through the night. Children eventually stop wanting to sleep with the parents. Children eventually learn how to use the toilet by themselves. Children eventually start eating other foods than macaroni and cheese (or pepperoni pizza). And children aren't perfect, so we don't expect them to be. I also believe, sincerely, that it's useless to expect my children to act with more maturity than I.




My husband and I sometimes say to each other when bad days or weeks happen with the kids............."Well, at least we have 18 whole years to totally screw them up!"





Maybe that's my best advice? Be forgiving of yourself and your kids..........AND THROW OUT ALL THOSE PARENTING BOOKS!!!!





Peace,
Mystic

 

[Booko]

These early years are so precious and quick. It saddens me to see pressures being put on parents to get their children to "grow up" or advance in their development.............children develop naturally without any pushing from parents. It's values and ethics that are our responsibility to impress upon them - not getting them to sleep through the night at the earliest age possible. :areyoucra
...
Maybe that's my best advice? Be forgiving of yourself and your kids..........AND THROW OUT ALL THOSE PARENTING BOOKS!!!!

Frubals!!! :bow:

 

[Draka]

This question is to the women...as it doesn't apply to men...unless there have been medical advancements I'm unaware of .

With my other pregnancies I was pretty well off. I didn't have much pain or ailments of any kind. No nausea, heartburn, or anything, so this is driving me nuts. Is it normal to have severe back and side pain around the ribs all the way to the shoulders? I can't sleep well because of the pain. It's like stabbing pain all around my side...especially the right side. The left occassionally hurts, but my right side is in constant pain. Ranging from dull to severe. It has gotten to the point that I have already talked to my boss about quitting my job due to the pain. I have tried just about everything I can think of to alleviate the pain. A girl I work with told me that I should go back to my doctor with the complaint as she is adament that it is not a normal pain of pregnancy.

Any thoughts? Is it normal or should I be concerned there is damage I am unaware of?

 

[fromthe heart]

This question is to the women...as it doesn't apply to men...unless there have been medical advancements I'm unaware of .

With my other pregnancies I was pretty well off. I didn't have much pain or ailments of any kind. No nausea, heartburn, or anything, so this is driving me nuts. Is it normal to have severe back and side pain around the ribs all the way to the shoulders? I can't sleep well because of the pain. It's like stabbing pain all around my side...especially the right side. The left occassionally hurts, but my right side is in constant pain. Ranging from dull to severe. It has gotten to the point that I have already talked to my boss about quitting my job due to the pain. I have tried just about everything I can think of to alleviate the pain. A girl I work with told me that I should go back to my doctor with the complaint as she is adament that it is not a normal pain of pregnancy.

Any thoughts? Is it normal or should I be concerned there is damage I am unaware of?

This is something that you should bring to the attention of your doctor...this kind of pain isn't normal period...I agree with your friend. I had a lot of growing pains in stages with my pregnancies as ones body adjusts...but none of it was as you described...unless you are having more than one baby inside you tell your doctor! Do not forget that when in doubt during ANY pregnancy always consult your doctor!!! Ultrasound's could give any indication of any problem so there wouldn't need to be any procedure that would cause harm to your child. Make sure you get plenty of fluids as well and lots of fiber to keep you regular bowel wise since this can cause the kind of pain you describe...but always consult a doctor when something feels wrong...if he has no good answers see a different doctor...you know your body...don't second guess yourself...and should it turn out to be nothing to be concerned about then GOOD but why take any chances...when there is pain there is something going on...CALL YOUR DOCTOR!

 

[Booko]

This question is to the women...as it doesn't apply to men...unless there have been medical advancements I'm unaware of .

With my other pregnancies I was pretty well off. I didn't have much pain or ailments of any kind. No nausea, heartburn, or anything, so this is driving me nuts. Is it normal to have severe back and side pain around the ribs all the way to the shoulders? I can't sleep well because of the pain. It's like stabbing pain all around my side...especially the right side. The left occassionally hurts, but my right side is in constant pain. Ranging from dull to severe. It has gotten to the point that I have already talked to my boss about quitting my job due to the pain. I have tried just about everything I can think of to alleviate the pain. A girl I work with told me that I should go back to my doctor with the complaint as she is adament that it is not a normal pain of pregnancy.

Any thoughts? Is it normal or should I be concerned there is damage I am unaware of?

Yes, if your due date is June and you're having this pain, I would definitely consult a doctor. At least they can do an ultrasound and maybe see what's going on.

If they don't find anything wrong and you're still having this pain, is your mattress good? Are you sleeping with a pillow between your knees?

Other things you can do about the pain if the baby's ok: see a chiropractor and a massage therapist. If possible, find someone who does a fair amount of work on pregnant women. There are specific training courses massage therapists can take for pregnancy massage.

If you have a difficult time tracking down the massage therapist, PM me and I'll call my massage therapist and see where to search online for one in your area, or you might pull of the official organization by Googling "pregnancy massage certification."

btw, I wouldn't exclude the men on this thread...my husband could've told you all this, and in some areas, probably more. He hasn't given birth, but he's come as close to it as a guy can get.

 

[Draka]

I've had an ultrasound just a couple weeks ago to address the problem of pain and uterus size discrepancy. I'm measuring too big for how far along I am and the doctor thought there might be a twin hiding so he ordered another U/S. It showed everything normal. The baby is normal in size for the amount of weeks along. My uterus is abnormally large though and it appears to be a large accumulation of fluid. This boy thinks he needs a Lexus ride or something. Everything else is fine; BMs, sleeping positions with pillows, using correct stretching and pregnancy exercises. The pain is just there. My doctor did say that back pain was to be expected due to the rapid rate at which I have gained in size and weight. I went from 2 cm too big to 5 cm too big and have already gained about 35 to 40 lbs...twice as much as I gained total with my other pregnancies, and I still have 2 months left to gain in.

I will try to call my chiropractor and see if I can set something up with him. I have very little money but I think I heard he takes title XIX. We shall see.

 

[dawny0826]

This question is to the women...as it doesn't apply to men...unless there have been medical advancements I'm unaware of .

With my other pregnancies I was pretty well off. I didn't have much pain or ailments of any kind. No nausea, heartburn, or anything, so this is driving me nuts. Is it normal to have severe back and side pain around the ribs all the way to the shoulders? I can't sleep well because of the pain. It's like stabbing pain all around my side...especially the right side. The left occassionally hurts, but my right side is in constant pain. Ranging from dull to severe. It has gotten to the point that I have already talked to my boss about quitting my job due to the pain. I have tried just about everything I can think of to alleviate the pain. A girl I work with told me that I should go back to my doctor with the complaint as she is adament that it is not a normal pain of pregnancy.

Any thoughts? Is it normal or should I be concerned there is damage I am unaware of?

Yes, especially during the latter part of the third trimester. All of the muscles along your sides and in your ribcage are stretching to further accomodate a growing baby.

Your uterus continues to grow...and your internal organs and muscles have to accomodate that growth. Baby gains much weight in the latter weeks of pregnancy. The aches and pains are your body's response to a growing uterus.

Aches and pains are a very normal part of third trimester pregnancy. I do think it's worth mentioning to your doctor but I would try not to worry and would do what you feel is best to keep yourself comfortable and rested. Warm wishes.

 

[Draka]

I've already done one thing I quit my job. I'm always in far more pain when I'm at work and when I get home. So I talked to my boss and as of Monday I'm off the schedule.

This pregnancy is just so different from my others and I have to finally admit it to myself that this one is harder than the others. Time to take time to myself and rest up. Goodness knows I won't have any once the baby comes

Thanks to all.

 

[Booko]

So I talked to my boss and as of Monday I'm off the schedule.

This pregnancy is just so different from my others and I have to finally admit it to myself that this one is harder than the others. Time to take time to myself and rest up. Goodness knows I won't have any once the baby comes

Thanks to all.

Deliveries and pregnancies can all be quite different. My two kids pregnancies and deliveries couldn't have been more opposite. Hm, come to think of it, they're pretty opposite as teenagers still.

I know it's common for pregnant moms to have aches and pains later on, but honestly, I never did have them, because I was seeing my chiropractor fairly regularly, and my massage therapist pretty much weekly. They're the people who coached me in "pillow use 101," keeping postures that wouldn't cause the aches and pains in the first place, and doing some stretches especially to keep in shape for handling the extra weight.

Even with all that, Ellen still kept me up all night kicking. She's quite a dancer now too.

I wouldn't worry about it too much either, but then a phone call to the doctor is free, so it's still better to put your mind at ease.

Congrats for you changing your job schedule. Sometimes you just have to. With my first I was at work when I was in labor. With the 2nd, I quite 6 weeks early. It was funny: my ob/gyn practice wouldn't sign the paperwork, even though I said I nearly drove into a tree from sleep deprivation (I was getting maybe 1 hour a day at this point?), so I went to my M.D. who is very gay and is not really around children, but he interviewed me and said that obviously I was sleep deprived and it would be silly to make me go to work and kill myself in the name of having a "normal" pregnancy. Well, he never did like insurance people telling him how to practice medicine.

 

[EnhancedSpirit]

I've already done one thing I quit my job. I'm always in far more pain when I'm at work and when I get home. So I talked to my boss and as of Monday I'm off the schedule.

This pregnancy is just so different from my others and I have to finally admit it to myself that this one is harder than the others. Time to take time to myself and rest up. Goodness knows I won't have any once the baby comes

Thanks to all.

When I was pregnant with my son, he was positioned in such a way that he would hit my ribs with both his feet and his hands, this would cause the kind of pain you describe. Sometimes he would just hit them or give a quick kick, and sometimes it was as if he was using my ribs for a foot rest, putting a constant pressure on them, and there were sometimes when it felt like he was just rubbing my rib, back and forth, I could feel his little hand 'petting' the inside of my ribcage, but it was painful because those parts of your body are not designed to be touched like that, so the nerve endings send out pain signals.

Both times I was pregnant, I worked in strenuous jobs, (working with horses, and cleaning pools). Both times the doctor said, do whatever your body is used to doing, unless it hurts, if it hurts, stop doing it. I was lucky, (sort of), my kids always sleep while I was working, hardly ever moving during the day, but as soon as I would sit down and try to relax, they'd start kicking and flippin, and doing somersaults inside me, all night long. (I was very sleep deprived). I think you are right to quit working and make yourself as comfortable as possible.