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The Parenting Thread
- Thread starter Draka
- Start date
Draka said:
Awww, as much as you might be bothered by it, it still has to be adorable.
Hmmmmmm. I remember Tyler having such an intense need to suck, that even though I practically nursed him every 15-20 minutes - he was nearly permanently attached to my breast - he still wanted to suck his thumb. I remember him starting to lessen when he was starting to sit up and crawl, and eventually before all his teeth came in, he didn't do it at all. The dentist was happy with that development.
I'd hate to give you the wait-and-see advice since you really want to stop Jamie from this behavior, so I'd suggest doing some detective work with him: does he do it mostly when he's sleepy? bored? overstimulated? I think finding out what prompts him to do it the most might give you an idea of when and how to intervene.
Oh, and there are different types of pacifiers, too. Have you tried some of the more "natural" versions of the binky where it's a silicone tip rather than a latex one? The shape of the pacifier can make a difference, too. They're pricier, but it might be a good investment.
This website doesn't have working links for ordering any pacifiers, but it does give pictures of what I was thinking about:
http://www.mambabyusa.com/pacifiers.html
Just keep trying, Draka.
Peace,
Mystic
Draka
Wonder Woman
Mystic, I just got back from shopping and read your post just now. Ironically, one of the things we got while out was a couple MAM pacifiers. We have been using Nuk pacis and athought we'd try out the MAMs.
As for when he sucks...most the time. The only time it seems that he doesn't stick his hand in his mouth is when he's outright crying and screaming for some reason. He'll suck when he's upset, happy, playing, being soothed. He just loves to suck. If I let him do it all the time on his fingers they'd be looking like raisins by the end of the day. That's just not healthy. He doesn't suck much when you have him actually on you and actively playing with him, but you just can't do that all the time you know?
We're going to try out he new pacis and see how they work. Thanks for help.
As for when he sucks...most the time. The only time it seems that he doesn't stick his hand in his mouth is when he's outright crying and screaming for some reason. He'll suck when he's upset, happy, playing, being soothed. He just loves to suck. If I let him do it all the time on his fingers they'd be looking like raisins by the end of the day.
That's just not healthy. He doesn't suck much when you have him actually on you and actively playing with him, but you just can't do that all the time you know?We're going to try out he new pacis and see how they work. Thanks for help.
I made a terrible mistake: I second guessed myself. I thought my daughter needed to take her nap early today. Her napping schedule has been erratic this past week from various doctor visits and yesterday it was late by an hour because it took longer than expected to get a shower gift for a friend. Anyway, I allowed her to get back up after putting her down because I doubted that I read her sleepiness indicators correctly. Within a minute of releasing her, I had absolutely no doubt that I had been right. It's been over two hours since then and she just won't go back down. I usually go in and return her to her bed... and usually it works but not today. I'm finally moving to my back up plan of listening to techno and industrial to relax and drown out the fussing, occasional screaming and incessant pounding on her door. She's almost two and I can tell the power games are beginning: noncompliance with orders that were previously obeyed by either ignoring them or gleefully doing the precise opposite.
On the bright side, I made banana pancakes from scratch for my family before dawn and my daughter had been a sweetheart up to the whole naptime issue. I've also had some lovely dreams about the baby and I now have a guess about the gender, but I'm not telling until it is confirmed by an ultrasound in January.
On the bright side, I made banana pancakes from scratch for my family before dawn and my daughter had been a sweetheart up to the whole naptime issue. I've also had some lovely dreams about the baby and I now have a guess about the gender, but I'm not telling until it is confirmed by an ultrasound in January.
lunamoth
Will to love
evearael said:I made a terrible mistake: I second guessed myself. I thought my daughter needed to take her nap early today. Her napping schedule has been erratic this past week from various doctor visits and yesterday it was late by an hour because it took longer than expected to get a shower gift for a friend. Anyway, I allowed her to get back up after putting her down because I doubted that I read her sleepiness indicators correctly. Within a minute of releasing her, I had absolutely no doubt that I had been right. It's been over two hours since then and she just won't go back down. I usually go in and return her to her bed... and usually it works but not today. I'm finally moving to my back up plan of listening to techno and industrial to relax and drown out the fussing, occasional screaming and incessant pounding on her door. She's almost two and I can tell the power games are beginning: noncompliance with orders that were previously obeyed by either ignoring them or gleefully doing the precise opposite.
On the bright side, I made banana pancakes from scratch for my family before dawn and my daughter had been a sweetheart up to the whole naptime issue. I've also had some lovely dreams about the baby and I now have a guess about the gender, but I'm not telling until it is confirmed by an ultrasound in January.
Oh dear! Hugs of support for a hard day!
A tip about power games: avoid them whenever possible and when you engage make sure you win (ideally without breaking a sweat). You can't make them: eat, sleep, use the bathroom, stop yelling, or most anything that has to do with body functions, but you can can control the environment so what they choose in these areas are OK for you, them and everyone else involved.
Good luck!
Thanks for the hugs! She's still going... *groan* ...and she will be hungry soon. brb.
Alrighty... It's been three and a half hours, she still looks sleepy. I've changed her twice and just fed her and gave her some water and lots of hugs. I hope she goes down this time. She built herself a mountain of stuffed animals beside her in bed, so maybe she intends to stay put.
Hmm... it's been a couple minutes since I fed her. Maybe she's finally asleep?
Alrighty... It's been three and a half hours, she still looks sleepy. I've changed her twice and just fed her and gave her some water and lots of hugs. I hope she goes down this time. She built herself a mountain of stuffed animals beside her in bed, so maybe she intends to stay put.
*Nods* I just love her so much and want her to be happy. She's always so miserable when she misses a nap, but of course she doesn't understand sleeping will make her happier later.
Hmm... it's been a couple minutes since I fed her. Maybe she's finally asleep?
lunamoth
Will to love
evearael said:
My second girl Ella always had trouble with naps. She just did not want to miss anything. It was hard (brace yourself) for over a year, when she was old enough to make herself stay awake during naptime but young enough that she really needed the sleep. It pained me too, seeing her going around bleary-eyed and we all suffered from the crabbiness. The worst thing was that she'd no longer be able to stay awake by dinnertime and she'd pass out unless we made sure to keep her up and moving. Arrrgh. She just grew out of this a few months ago.
luna
She just emitted some half-hearted fussing, so maybe now she's asleep. Too bad I can't take any effective medications for this headache with the pregnancy.
She'll be two next month and she is just as stubborn as I am. I'm in for lots of fun! (..and I'm sure somewhere on the other side of the country my parents are grinning.) She's a good girl and I'm sure we will make it through all this. I just really needed to vent.
That's pretty much what I was worried about.
She'll be two next month and she is just as stubborn as I am. I'm in for lots of fun! (..and I'm sure somewhere on the other side of the country my parents are grinning.) She's a good girl and I'm sure we will make it through all this. I just really needed to vent.
lunamoth
Will to love
Well, maybe today is a fluke. My older daughter was a great napper... two-three hours every afternoon until she was four and a half!evearael said:She just emitted some half-hearted fussing, so maybe now she's asleep. Too bad I can't take any effective medications for this headache with the pregnancy.
That's pretty much what I was worried about.
Well my daughter will be turning two in a couple of days (yay!) and she has started to request the potty... usually right after she goes. She's really excited about it and already has an elementary knowledge of what she's supposed to do from all the books we read together. It's strange because she insists on being nude while on the potty. Then I read her books for about thirty minutes while she sits there happily. She decides she is done (though nothing happened) and I put her back in her diaper and clothes with lots of praise.
So... I know lots of kids go through the naked phase, but I would prefer she keeps her clothes on, especially considering she hasn't figured out how to relieve herself in the potty. However, I'm really thrilled she wants to go potty and I'm afraid telling her she's got to keep her shirt on will discourage her and delay things. Should I stand my ground on the shirt thing and turn back the potty training schedule or let her go through her phase, potty train her and convince her to keep her shirt on after she is trained? Any other advice would be wonderful!
So... I know lots of kids go through the naked phase, but I would prefer she keeps her clothes on, especially considering she hasn't figured out how to relieve herself in the potty. However, I'm really thrilled she wants to go potty and I'm afraid telling her she's got to keep her shirt on will discourage her and delay things. Should I stand my ground on the shirt thing and turn back the potty training schedule or let her go through her phase, potty train her and convince her to keep her shirt on after she is trained? Any other advice would be wonderful!
jacquie4000
Well-Known Member
o.k. here is one, not even to do with myself. I was talking to a friend of mine. One of my sons freinds is never home. The child is always at my house on weekends. His mom disapears Friday through Sunday in the evening. I feel so bad for the kid. Well this past weekend my son was away on a retreat. This boy came knocking at my door on Friday wanting to spend the night. I told him Kyle was away. He hesitated at the door. I realized he had no where to go. He said his mom cut her hand and would be in the hospital all weekend........yeah right ...Of course I told him to come in. It was his Birthday, and his mom left him can you believe it. I took him shoping and out to eat. My problem is...If I would report it this kid would most likely be worse off then he is now. What would you do?
jacquie4000
Well-Known Member
Note...This is all the time every weekend not just one time. I call her on her cell she does not answer till the next day.
lunamoth
Will to love
No hard and fast advice from me except that it sounds like what you are doing is fine. My kids never went through a naked phase, although for some reason my older one likes to undress completely when she is in the bathroom for *ahem* more serious business. She's always done this and now she's six and still does it when she's home. 
Do what is right for you and your family and ignore all other advice. Good luck!
luna
My kids never went through a naked phase, although for some reason my older one likes to undress completely when she is in the bathroom for *ahem* more serious business. She's always done this and now she's six and still does it when she's home. Do what is right for you and your family and ignore all other advice. Good luck!
luna
Aaahhhhh, the nekkid phase. Air flowing on bare skin just feels so good, that even the hubbie likes to simply walk around in his underwear.
The whole potty training phase can be lengthy, and can come and go, start and stop..........I'd say don't rush it. It sounds like your little girlie's doing beautifully. You and she will find your routine soon enough.
Jacquie, how old is this boy? Are there any other family members of his in the area that you are aware of?
Peace,
Mystic
The whole potty training phase can be lengthy, and can come and go, start and stop..........I'd say don't rush it. It sounds like your little girlie's doing beautifully. You and she will find your routine soon enough.
Jacquie, how old is this boy? Are there any other family members of his in the area that you are aware of?
Peace,
Mystic
Draka
Wonder Woman
jacquie4000 said:
False. As is now, the boy is forgotten, neglected, and uncared for, at least on the weekends and who knows about the rest of the week. If you have been unable to contact or reconcile things with his mother and there is no father or other parent in the picture (which by the sounds of it there isn't), then the next step is to contact a social worker. Voice your concern about his care. They will send a worker to appraise the situation and they will also check into any close relatives that may be able to care for the child if need be. You didn't mention the age of the child, but I am assuming that we're not talking about 16 or up, and therefore there should definitely be some kind of care in place for the times his mother is gone. Do not be afraid to call a social worker. They can get in the home and see what's really going on. It could be the best thing for the child. At least you'll have the peace of mind knowing that you are taking some action on his behalf.
Circle_One
Well-Known Member
Alright, I've got one that for the past few years, hasn't really bothered me, but now, with my son's age, is starting to become a problem.. for me.
My son is 8 and still sucks his thumb.
He doesn't only suck it at night, he sucks it constantly, and I kind of think he's even doing it while at school. I even catch him playing video games with the paddle up to his mouth so he can suck his thumb and play his games at the same time.
I know I shouldn't have let it go this long, but I always just figured he'd grow out of it. I did. I sucked my thumb until I was almost 11, but the difference is, after the age of 6, I only sucked mine when I was in bed, getting ready to sleep. Justyce sucks his ALL the time.
WHAT DO I DO??
I'm totally at a loss and feel horrible for having let it go on this long. Help, please!
My son is 8 and still sucks his thumb.
He doesn't only suck it at night, he sucks it constantly, and I kind of think he's even doing it while at school. I even catch him playing video games with the paddle up to his mouth so he can suck his thumb and play his games at the same time.
I know I shouldn't have let it go this long, but I always just figured he'd grow out of it. I did. I sucked my thumb until I was almost 11, but the difference is, after the age of 6, I only sucked mine when I was in bed, getting ready to sleep. Justyce sucks his ALL the time.
WHAT DO I DO??
I'm totally at a loss and feel horrible for having let it go on this long. Help, please!
jacquie4000
Well-Known Member
The boy is 13. He is a nice kid. I do not believe Social Services is the way to go. He has no other family other than his older brother and sister but they are busy running around. As of now myself and another girl mostly have him on weekends.
mostly harmless
Endlessly amused
jacquie4000 said:
How terrible..
Last year, when my daughter was in 1st grade, she had a boy who was her friend. He is a PEANUT!! This kid practically lived at my house. His mom didn't work, he has older siblings but they all are off doing their own thing (one is my age and has 4 kids of her own). He would be LOCKED OUT of his house after school until someone finally got there which usually wasn't until late in the evening, no matter the weather. On half days it would be the same deal, and if a day was called a half day because of snow, still no one would be there.
I found him out several times last winter in our Nor'easter's...I kept telling him, if no one is home just come on over. I finally talked to his teacher about the situation (about halfway through winter). The principal called the family and TOLD them I was going to call DCF. They should never have put my name out there even if I was going to call. The kid's sister (the one with 4 kids) called me up (they gave out my number) and started yelling at me.
So I told her off. Then explained the situation to her. Her response was that her mother forgets.
And that she, herself, can't deal with another kid. So, she says she is going to talk to her mother about this. Next thing I know, the kid can't come over anymore because I'm mean (his sister told him that). Nothing else changed, I would drive by and there he would be sitting on the porch because no one is home.His homework was still not getting done (I had been making sure it got done), my daughter used to come home everyday telling me he was in trouble again for not having his homework done. When he first started coming to my house, he wouldn't really talk. He didn't play, he just sat there with my dog. It took my daughter about a week to get him to start playing, and about the same time for him to start talking to me.
They moved right before 2nd grade started. I know he is probably still being ignored and left out like an unwanted dog. I wish everyday that I HAD called DCF.
If you get DCF involved, that kid will not be worse off. Someone will be 'officially' looking out for him.
jacquie4000 said:
You are doing the right things..
I doubt thet even if you manage to talk to her, his mother will pay any attention to what you say. She would (most likely) tell you to mind your own business.
If you don't mind looking after the kid, and can afford to feed him, I would just go on as you are doing; poor lad, I feel really bad for him - and how very lucky he is to have a lovely caring person like you around...
Just one thought; if your own son is not at home, it might be good for there to be someone who knows he is with you, and can vouch for you...........
mostly harmless
Endlessly amused
Here's one for ya's...
My neighbor has an almost 3 y/o boy. This kid is kept inside everyday, laying around or sitting on the couch. He is not allowed to play or watch tv. If he makes too much noise he gets screamed at (there is always screaming going on down there). The mother of this child lets her boyfriend scream at him (he screams at everyone all the time, even when he is just having a conversation), I am pretty sure he gets spanked a lot (or worse).
No one talks to this kid, he can barely put words together coherently. He doesn't go anywhere except maybe the front porch when his mom has a cigarette. His mother is now pregnant again. Nobody wants this little boy, and now her and her boyfriend are having a baby. The boyfriend has kids littered all over the state, he has a coke habit and tends to run off on the mothers...
This kid is sweet. I keep hearing complaints about his behavior and my usual response is- Look at what he's being taught. He is being taught that screaming at people is ok, hitting is ok and the only things he is allowed to do is sit quietly by himself or take a nap. How many 3 y/o's do you know that can do that for even 5 minutes without getting in trouble. Sometimes when he gets 'in trouble' he gets kicked out of the apartment and is left on the second floor landing screaming at the door. He could fall down the stairs, he could fall off the porch.
Plus, the mom (when she works) will go to work and leave this kid with her boyfriend, who in turn will just take off to go get high..leaving the kid basically alone. The addicts sister and her husband and 2 kids share the apartment (that is where I hear alot of this from) The sister was pregnant (just had her baby) and her brother would take off when she was in her room sleeping, that's why I say basically alone. She didn't want to keep getting stuck with this kid. And, unfortunately, I did overhear her telling him that once as she was coming down to the bus stop with him because he had been left alone again.
I was really disappointed to have heard her saying that to him, he can't be blamed for the actions of the adults who are supposed to be taking care of him. I haven't called DCF yet because she says she is trying to talk to her brother and his girlfriend.
I don't know what to do. Plus, I live on the third floor of this house. If DCF gets called they will know it was me. I have enough problems dealing with my bad-tempered ex husband. I don't want to deal with this bad tempered coke addict if he decides to retaliate. I know that probably sounds horrible, but I have a 7 y/o child and I am not as capable of defending myself as I once was due to my illness. I don't want to put my daughter or myself in a potentially bad situation.
What do you think?
edited to add: I do try to take him out places with me when I can, or I let him come up and play when the 7 y/o daughter of the addicts sister comes up to play. But taking him out with me doesn't happen often.
My neighbor has an almost 3 y/o boy. This kid is kept inside everyday, laying around or sitting on the couch. He is not allowed to play or watch tv. If he makes too much noise he gets screamed at (there is always screaming going on down there). The mother of this child lets her boyfriend scream at him (he screams at everyone all the time, even when he is just having a conversation), I am pretty sure he gets spanked a lot (or worse).
No one talks to this kid, he can barely put words together coherently. He doesn't go anywhere except maybe the front porch when his mom has a cigarette. His mother is now pregnant again. Nobody wants this little boy, and now her and her boyfriend are having a baby. The boyfriend has kids littered all over the state, he has a coke habit and tends to run off on the mothers...
This kid is sweet. I keep hearing complaints about his behavior and my usual response is- Look at what he's being taught. He is being taught that screaming at people is ok, hitting is ok and the only things he is allowed to do is sit quietly by himself or take a nap. How many 3 y/o's do you know that can do that for even 5 minutes without getting in trouble. Sometimes when he gets 'in trouble' he gets kicked out of the apartment and is left on the second floor landing screaming at the door. He could fall down the stairs, he could fall off the porch.
Plus, the mom (when she works) will go to work and leave this kid with her boyfriend, who in turn will just take off to go get high..leaving the kid basically alone. The addicts sister and her husband and 2 kids share the apartment (that is where I hear alot of this from) The sister was pregnant (just had her baby) and her brother would take off when she was in her room sleeping, that's why I say basically alone. She didn't want to keep getting stuck with this kid. And, unfortunately, I did overhear her telling him that once as she was coming down to the bus stop with him because he had been left alone again.
I was really disappointed to have heard her saying that to him, he can't be blamed for the actions of the adults who are supposed to be taking care of him. I haven't called DCF yet because she says she is trying to talk to her brother and his girlfriend.
I don't know what to do. Plus, I live on the third floor of this house. If DCF gets called they will know it was me. I have enough problems dealing with my bad-tempered ex husband. I don't want to deal with this bad tempered coke addict if he decides to retaliate. I know that probably sounds horrible, but I have a 7 y/o child and I am not as capable of defending myself as I once was due to my illness. I don't want to put my daughter or myself in a potentially bad situation.
What do you think?
edited to add: I do try to take him out places with me when I can, or I let him come up and play when the 7 y/o daughter of the addicts sister comes up to play. But taking him out with me doesn't happen often.