The Parenting Thread

[jacquie4000]

Mostly Harmless....DCF is not a place I would just call. Alot of times through family and friends and neighbors and churches...etc these problems can be solved to help the child instead of just reporting it to someone. The DCF although may have it's good points it also has many bad. If you really research they have been responsiable for losing children in their care. Children have ended up in a more abusive home then what they were in before. They are so backlogged they don't know what to do themselves. I would much rather take on a child myself, then to turn them over to who knows what. That is just me though.

 

[Arabis]

Alright, I've got one that for the past few years, hasn't really bothered me, but now, with my son's age, is starting to become a problem.. for me.

My son is 8 and still sucks his thumb.

He doesn't only suck it at night, he sucks it constantly, and I kind of think he's even doing it while at school. I even catch him playing video games with the paddle up to his mouth so he can suck his thumb and play his games at the same time.

I know I shouldn't have let it go this long, but I always just figured he'd grow out of it. I did. I sucked my thumb until I was almost 11, but the difference is, after the age of 6, I only sucked mine when I was in bed, getting ready to sleep. Justyce sucks his ALL the time.

WHAT DO I DO??

I'm totally at a loss and feel horrible for having let it go on this long. Help, please!

My kids don't do this, but my little brother did until I can't remember him not doing it. My mom tried painting his thumbnail with some spicy nail polish used to stop kids from sucking their thumb and taping popsicle sticks, like a splint to advert him. But to no avail, finally I think just pure embarassment was what convinced him to stop sucking his thumb. I think one of his friends spent the night and made fun of him the whole time, sad that that is what happened, but he stopped shortly after that. I hope you have more luck.

 

[yippityyak]

I have a question:
My son is 2 and a half. We have just got him to fall asleep in his own bed with his bunny at night. We are up for maybe two hours more than him and we go to bed. We sleep for about 2 hours and then he wakes up again. Before, he used to climb into bed with us. We cant do that anymore because he takes up 3/4's of the bed! So to keep him in his bed, i normally sit with my back to him on the floor of his room. Now i am trying to move away from that and get him to sleep through. I just dont know what to do! We are in the same room in seperate beds, so he is not alone at night. But if he doesnt get his own way, he screams so loud that it wakes the whole neighbourhood up!!!

Please help!!!

 

[MysticSang'ha]

My kids don't do this, but my little brother did until I can't remember him not doing it. My mom tried painting his thumbnail with some spicy nail polish used to stop kids from sucking their thumb and taping popsicle sticks, like a splint to advert him. But to no avail, finally I think just pure embarassment was what convinced him to stop sucking his thumb. I think one of his friends spent the night and made fun of him the whole time, sad that that is what happened, but he stopped shortly after that. I hope you have more luck.

I think that is what happened, too, with my mother. She was a thumbscuker at 8 years old, too, and used to relate how one thumb was named "Vanilla" and the other "Chocolate."



Habits are easily stopped. Needs aren't. C1, I think you know your kiddo better than anyone else here, and you know better whether this is a simple habit or if there's an unmet need. I can only assume that at 8, he can communicate to you verbally somewhat about why he's continuing. I'm sure you've brought it up to him before, so does he answer?



Don't be so hard on yourself, either. It's not like he's sucking on a knife. Thumbs would definitely be the better option there. LOL



Peace,
Mystic

 

[MysticSang'ha]

I have a question:
My son is 2 and a half. We have just got him to fall asleep in his own bed with his bunny at night. We are up for maybe two hours more than him and we go to bed. We sleep for about 2 hours and then he wakes up again. Before, he used to climb into bed with us. We cant do that anymore because he takes up 3/4's of the bed! So to keep him in his bed, i normally sit with my back to him on the floor of his room. Now i am trying to move away from that and get him to sleep through. I just dont know what to do! We are in the same room in seperate beds, so he is not alone at night. But if he doesnt get his own way, he screams so loud that it wakes the whole neighbourhood up!!!

Please help!!!

Oh, you need a hug. :hug: Been there. Done that.



This is a tough age, I think, since your son is going through so many leaps and bounds in his development (although one could say that's true through the entire first 3-4 years). He's just only beginning to define his own boundaries, and that's exciting and terrifying at the same time. Not only is he psychologically reaching out to control his immediate environment, but he's just becoming aware of controlling his own bowel movements, his speech, and his fine motor skills.



Whoa. Think about that. That's a big deal!


I know when my kids were that age, they wanted desperately to have their own play-space, but at the same time, they still needed their mummy around for that bit of security. 'Tis a part of growing up. Give yourself some credit.......he's agreeing to try his own bed alone. That takes guts for a little guy!



If you haven't tried this already, try to have a solid and consistent bedtime routine. We took the standard route when our kids were being introduced to their bed from ours (they actually started later than your child, so take heart).


Relaxing bath (with some lavendar scent or something soothing)
Help them choose their pajamas and get them on
Brush their teeth
Read a story or tell a story from my childhood, or just talk and cuddle
Give them sippy cup with water, or a stuffed animal, or a favorite picture, and kiss them good night



Absolutely not ever perfect, but it helped a lot. To this day, if our kids don't do their bedtime routine, they tend to have a restless sleep and have a harder time waking up in the next morning. We're just there to remind them, but they're old enough now, though, to make that distinction and can correct their own behavior. At 2-3 years old, children just don't understand why they feel the way they do.



Remember that this is a process, and because of that, your own sleep patterns are continuing to adjust, too, in order to help your son along. I know it doesn't feel that way right now, but you're doing A-OK, and things will work out with your son sleeping soundly in his own bed at night.




Peace,
Mystic

 

[Arabis]

I have a question:
My son is 2 and a half. We have just got him to fall asleep in his own bed with his bunny at night. We are up for maybe two hours more than him and we go to bed. We sleep for about 2 hours and then he wakes up again. Before, he used to climb into bed with us. We cant do that anymore because he takes up 3/4's of the bed! So to keep him in his bed, i normally sit with my back to him on the floor of his room. Now i am trying to move away from that and get him to sleep through. I just dont know what to do! We are in the same room in seperate beds, so he is not alone at night. But if he doesnt get his own way, he screams so loud that it wakes the whole neighbourhood up!!!

Please help!!!

My son is doing this too, he is 20 months. The past week we have put him from his crib into a "big boy bed" he seems to be doing better in there than in the crib. What I think helped the most is consistent routine for bed, same time, same activities. And not overstimulating him around the evening time. We have been staying home from 5 pm on and not letting the kids watch TV after 4 pm. So they play quietly, doing puzzles or reading stories, things like that. I don't know if it will work, but he has only been waking up 2-3 times in the night instead of 7-8 times.

Let me know if you come up with any good ideas, I'm willing to try anything to get a whole nights sleep.

 

[Booko]

Wind down time is really essential for kids, even older ones.

My daughter is nearly 16 and sometimes her dance night ends at 9pm. She's back about 9:15 and there's *no way* she can sleep any sooner than an hour before. She's trained herself to get ready for bed, have her snack, and just go hang in her room and listen to some calming music or quietly read a book before she turns in for the night.

When our kids were really little, we tried to be careful about what we fed them also. Sweets can keep them cranked up much later. :cover:

Others have already mentioned the importance of a bedtime routine, and that's so true. Young kids (hey, even adults) do much better if they have a predictable schedule going up to bedtime.

One thing we did with our son was to keep the radio on all night, low volume, on the classical music station (no commercials either...yay!). It's not only calming and dampens sudden noises that can put a kid into wakefulness, but you'd be surprised how very early exposure to music helps train the ear for music later in life.

We had our tough time with sleeping issues when our eldest was 9 months old, but that was a matter of overstimulation, and our moms were dead right on how to fix that problem. :yes:

 

[Arabis]

Update:
Joshua, my 20 monther, only woke up once last night!!! Hooray!!!

We do the classical music at night too, when I start the CD (put on repeat, so it plays all night) the kids know that it is time for bed. Plus, I like to hear the music through the baby monitor.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Update:
Joshua, my 20 monther, only woke up once last night!!! Hooray!!!

We do the classical music at night too, when I start the CD (put on repeat, so it plays all night) the kids know that it is time for bed. Plus, I like to hear the music through the baby monitor.

:clap2:



On that note, I need to step off now to help the kids finish getting ready for their day. Friday tends to be the more exciting morning because of the approaching weekend. Right now, they're lollygagging, and I gotta go.



Peace,
Mystic

 

[yippityyak]

Thanks guys so much for your responses!
I do have one other question though, if I may!
I have heard people, as well as a few internet sites, say that if he wakes up in the middle of the night, i should just ignore him and wait until he falls asleep. It will take 3-4 nights for him to realise that his crying will not get any attention.
I dont know how i feel about this. I would HATE for him to think that i have abandoned him and dont care and love him! But if it is the only way, should i try it?

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Thanks guys so much for your responses!
I do have one other question though, if I may!
I have heard people, as well as a few internet sites, say that if he wakes up in the middle of the night, i should just ignore him and wait until he falls asleep. It will take 3-4 nights for him to realise that his crying will not get any attention.
I dont know how i feel about this. I would HATE for him to think that i have abandoned him and dont care and love him! But if it is the only way, should i try it?

It's definitely effective in getting him to stop until he reaches another milestone, and then he might try again albeit not as insistent.


It's not the only way. We never let our kids cry it out, and they grew into the nighttime sleep patterns without that kind of method. I think it's entirely up to the parents, because if disruptive sleep is causing more problems during the day than it's worth, then that's when sleep-training becomes more attractive.



I've talked with parents who are ardent supports of "ferberizing" who did it and felt great about it, and I've talked with parents who regretted every moment of it. I don't agree with the militants of either sway, whether they say that babies and toddlers HAVE to go through it (they don't, my kids are perfect examples), and those who want to push the practice into being defined as abusive in childhood neglect.



For me, the answer was simple. I asked around to find out if the moms who didn't let their kids cry it out had children who never learned to sleep by themselves. 100% of the time, that isn't the case, so the sleep-trainers who say so are basing that statement on false assumptions. I never liked the idea, and so I never did it. But not everyone is like me, either.



We did the co-sleeping thing until the kids started showing interest in having their own sleeping space. That was when we began to introduce them into their beds slowly and surely.



I say, that if you are the least bit apprehensive about it, don't do it. Nothing in parenting is ever one-method-fits-all, so get creative. And don't listen to any of the "experts" out there, especially if you run across any literature that says that if you don't do their method or a hybrid of it that your kid is going to self-destruct.



That's why at baby showers, when activities as part of the get-together include writing down your best advice, mine usually look like this:


Feed the baby
Don't throw the baby
Don't drive away without the baby
All else is commentary..........




Peace,
Mystic

 

[mostly harmless]

That's why at baby showers, when activities as part of the get-together include writing down your best advice, mine usually look like this:


Feed the baby
Don't throw the baby
Don't drive away without the baby
All else is commentary..........


Peace,
Mystic

I love that...mind if I use it next time I go to a baby shower??

 

[MysticSang'ha]

I love that...mind if I use it next time I go to a baby shower??

Sure. I actually stole it from someone else, so it ain't copyrighted or anything.




Peace,
Mystic

 

[Arabis]

Thanks guys so much for your responses!
I do have one other question though, if I may!
I have heard people, as well as a few internet sites, say that if he wakes up in the middle of the night, i should just ignore him and wait until he falls asleep. It will take 3-4 nights for him to realise that his crying will not get any attention.
I dont know how i feel about this. I would HATE for him to think that i have abandoned him and dont care and love him! But if it is the only way, should i try it?

I have asked other moms, whose children have always slept through the night how they did it. They let their kids cry it out while still infants. They are the only ones who say the crying approach works.
I could never do it. Especially when they figure out that I am ignoring them. I hate to listen to them cry, even when it is just for attention's sake.
My little boy was going through some sort of separation anxiety I think. So I figured that if he knew I was going to be there for him when he needed me then he would get over that faster. I would lay down by him the first couple of nights so he would know that I was going to be there when he woke up. Last night I didn't lay by him until he woke up the first time and he only woke up once the whole night, maybe tonight will be better. You just have to do what works for you.
Good Luck!

 

[yippityyak]

Thanks guys.
One thing is for sure, I HATE to hear my little boy cry. And I think if it gets to a point where I am too exhausted to function, then I think I might attempt the crying out method. But its not life or death right now, so I think I am going to try the "weaning" method, if you could call it that. Sit with my back to him at the foot of his bed for a few nights when he wakes up, then slowly move closer to my bed. I am sure he will get used to the idea that I am only three steps away from him at night. I think it is just something he has to go through in order to realise that I am there for him if he needs me.
I REALLY dont feel comfortable doing the crying out thing. It would break my heart! But I think I needed to hear that there are other ways of doing it!
Thanks so much!
x

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Thanks guys.
One thing is for sure, I HATE to hear my little boy cry. And I think if it gets to a point where I am too exhausted to function, then I think I might attempt the crying out method. But its not life or death right now, so I think I am going to try the "weaning" method, if you could call it that. Sit with my back to him at the foot of his bed for a few nights when he wakes up, then slowly move closer to my bed. I am sure he will get used to the idea that I am only three steps away from him at night. I think it is just something he has to go through in order to realise that I am there for him if he needs me.
I REALLY dont feel comfortable doing the crying out thing. It would break my heart! But I think I needed to hear that there are other ways of doing it!
Thanks so much!
x

You're welcome. It only took one time for me to hear about it and then ask around for me to decide it just wasn't for us. But I think it's important to remember, like you'd stated, that you might change your mind.



As much as I hate reading or hearing that ferberizing is essential to a healthy child's development, I cringe just as much when I hear that co-sleeping or other attachment parenting methods are essential, too. No parent needs to go through that.........fear, guilt, or shame.



I know parents who thought that they HAD to have their baby sleep with them in order to create a secure bond with their kid, and it nearly ruined their marriage because of the lack of privacy they honestly preferred. Other moms who thought they HAD to go and answer all their babies cries at night and felt trapped by it............it's not black and white, folks.



We're all just doing our best, and it's our kids, too. Everyone needs to decide what's best for them and their family. That's why I usually suggest throwing all the parenting books away, since one size really does not fit all..........even within the family. One method that works wonders for one kid doesn't necessarily mean it works for the next child.



Peace,
Mystic

 

[evearael]

I love my daughter! She is so funny. We upgraded her from a crib mattress to a twin bed yesterday. I talked to her while I unwrapped the mattress telling her that it was 'just for her.' She was so happy and she proudly helped place her pillow-cat, various stuffed animals and bedding. Then I went to remove the crib mattress (we need it for the baby), and she literally flung herself across the mattress and had the most distraught look on her face. I explained that she had a big girl bed now, so this bed needed to go away. She was quiet for about thirty seconds and requested 'apple juice.' It was a fair trade. After I gave her the apple juice, she didn't care that I dragged the mattress away.

 

[lunamoth]

I love my daughter! She is so funny. We upgraded her from a crib mattress to a twin bed yesterday. I talked to her while I unwrapped the mattress telling her that it was 'just for her.' She was so happy and she proudly helped place her pillow-cat, various stuffed animals and bedding. Then I went to remove the crib mattress (we need it for the baby), and she literally flung herself across the mattress and had the most distraught look on her face. I explained that she had a big girl bed now, so this bed needed to go away. She was quiet for about thirty seconds and requested 'apple juice.' It was a fair trade. After I gave her the apple juice, she didn't care that I dragged the mattress away.

Congrats on successfully passing one more milestone! My six-year-old did not have a problem going to her 'big' bed (a twin also), barely batted an eye. My four-year-old (who has now been in the twin bed for two years) had a much harder time. She's had a harder time with each step, to cups and self-feeding, away from diapers, to the big bed...she just wants to stay a baby. Anyway, she slept on the floor by the door for over a year, even when we put the crib back in her room. We had switched her to the bed because she was climbing out of the crib and we were concerned about her doing that at night. Well, it did not kill her to sleep on the floor, we did not make a bid deal out of it, and now she sleeps in her bed each night.

 

[Arabis]

I love my daughter! She is so funny. We upgraded her from a crib mattress to a twin bed yesterday. I talked to her while I unwrapped the mattress telling her that it was 'just for her.' She was so happy and she proudly helped place her pillow-cat, various stuffed animals and bedding. Then I went to remove the crib mattress (we need it for the baby), and she literally flung herself across the mattress and had the most distraught look on her face. I explained that she had a big girl bed now, so this bed needed to go away. She was quiet for about thirty seconds and requested 'apple juice.' It was a fair trade. After I gave her the apple juice, she didn't care that I dragged the mattress away.

What a cutie! I think that kids are so great to know just when to trade for something that they want. Hope everything goes well for you and your daughter in her big girl bed. My kids seem to like the big beds better than the crib.