The Random, Meaningless Announcements Thread 3!

[columbus]

Not really "jokes" per say, not until morphed into them, but a girl who inserts tampon, applicator, and plastic wrapper without even opening it, the story doesn't need much "engineering" to be made a joke. Other than that, not really.

Do what @Wirey did.
Get a tampon and a bottle of catsup.
When the ladies room is full, drench the tampon with catsup. Race into the bathroom licking it, look around at the women, then throw it in the trash. Saunter out.

At least someone told me Wirey did that. I might be mistaken.
Tom

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Do what @Wirey did.
Get a tampon and a bottle of catsup.
When the ladies room is full, drench the tampon with catsup. Race into the bathroom licking it, look around at the women, then throw it in the trash. Saunter out.

At least someone told me Wirey did that. I might be mistaken.
Tom

We have two single-occupant restrooms. That, and catsup, ketchup, however it's spelled and whatever it's called, is kind of gross. So, it must have been Wirey who did that.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Maybe if you had a couple of jokes or a story that might be enough to overcome the "cover your ears" thing.

I don't know. It usually doesn't take women very long to realize there's something different about me, and it's not unusual for them to think I'm gay. I really have no idea what is making this place different, other than people here for some reason tend to put a lot of emphasis on being male or female, and from there in a box you go.

 

[columbus]

We have two single-occupant restrooms.

Here's how Wirey would probably handle that problem. Go in the restroom for a couple of minutes. Open the door a bit, then flush the toilet to get everybody's attention. Then walk out licking the tampon.
For added effectiveness, put it in a Ziploc bag. Put that in your purse. Announce to the room that you always keep one in your purse for emergencies.
You'll never need to remember a joke for as long as you work there. People will always remember them for you.
Tom

 

[Shadow Wolf]

My knee hurts today. Cool, damp air today, and it's not a good or fun hurt.

 

[Revoltingest]

A warm (35F) foggy day awaits me.
Pretty good weather for January.

 

[SalixIncendium]

Thank you Dell bios update for transforming my laptop into a very expensive paperweight.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

I'm feeling tired and depressed today, and not really looking forward to this week at work since I have a whole lot of nothing going on.

 

[SalixIncendium]

Well, Best Buy was no help whatsoever. Wanted me to spend $200 for them to do what I can do for free.

 

[Wu Wei]

This may be blaspheme, but I am wondering why I spend my time on the internet and not doing other things that make life more interesting

 

[SalixIncendium]

On a brighter note, while at Best Buy, I bought a Bluetooth keyboard to pair with this tablet. I'm kinda liking it so far...

 

[Revoltingest]

This may be blaspheme, but I am wondering why I spend my time on the internet and not doing other things that make life more interesting

Tis obvious.
You find us inspiring & edifying.....and slow moving tasty prey.

 

[beenherebeforeagain]

Tis obvious.
You find us inspiring & edifying.....and slow moving tasty prey.

YOU may be slow moving...and all I need be is a step or two faster than you...

 

[Revoltingest]

YOU may be slow moving...and all I need be is a step or two faster than you...

I've never had a squirrel attack me before.
But if one did, I could always glare at it.

 

[beenherebeforeagain]

I've never had a squirrel attack me before.
But if one did, I could always glare at it.

But not while a bear is mauling you.

Squirrels are bears' friends...we gather nuts together in caches that they can discover and devour

 

[Revoltingest]

But not while a bear is mauling you.
Squirrels are bears' friends...we gather nuts together in caches that they can discover and devour

You're friends until he wants a nosh.
Then it becomes an eatee & eater relationship.

 

[beenherebeforeagain]

You're friends until he wants a nosh.
Then it becomes an eatee & eater relationship.

silly janitor, humans are for bears!

Us squirrels have to worry about dogs and cats and hawks...we're too small and jumpy for bears to show much interest!

 

[Revoltingest]

silly janitor, humans are for bears!

Us squirrels have to worry about dogs and cats and hawks...we're too small and jumpy for bears to show much interest!

Bears lie!

But then.....

 

[beenherebeforeagain]

Bears lie!

But then.....

It would take one slow and probably sick or aged squirrel to get caught by a bear...and as that's part of the circle of life, we accept that...it's entirely possible that the squirrel had already died, as bears are known to eat carrion as well a nuts, fruits, honey, fish and the occasional backpacker...

 

[Revoltingest]

It would take one slow and probably sick or aged squirrel to get caught by a bear...and as that's part of the circle of life, we accept that...it's entirely possible that the squirrel had already died, as bears are known to eat carrion as well a nuts, fruits, honey, fish and the occasional backpacker...

Bears have been doing research into genetic engineering so they can up their speed.