UU joke of the day/week

[lilithu]

today's special - two jokes for the post of one: :biglaugh:


Q: What do you call a dead Unitarian Universalist?

A: All dressed up with no place to go.


and


Q: What is a Unitarian Universalist?

A: Someone who believes in life before death.

 

[Green Gaia]

Have you heard the latest UU miracle?

Someone saw the face of Ralph Waldo Emerson on a tortilla.

 

[Green Gaia]

Q: What is a Unitarian Universalist?

A: Someone who believes in life before death.

OR


What is a Unitarian Universalist?

An atheist with children.

 

[lilithu]

Have you heard the latest UU miracle?

Someone saw the face of Ralph Waldo Emerson on a tortilla.

That's awful!

 

[Pah]

That's awful!

Awfully funny!!

 

[Feathers in Hair]

"No you just winged him, now he's a Unitarian."

Thankyouthankyouthankyou!

I've been repeating this for years since seeing it, but I wasn't sure if I'd gotten the words right. All that worrying for naught!

 

[Green Gaia]

Three children were talking about their religions. "I'm a Catholic," said one, "and our symbol is the cross." "I'm Jewish," said the second, "and our symbol is the Star of David." The third child said, "I'm a Unitarian Universalist and our symbol is a candle in a cocktail glass!"

 

[lilithu]

A group of UU church school children were trying to determine the sex of a rabbit. "There's only one way to decide," said one child, "let's take a vote on it."

 

[Green Gaia]

A confused nine-year-old boy goes up to his mother and asks, "Is God male or female?"

After thinking a moment, his mother responds, "Well, God is both male and female."

This confuses the little boy so he asks, "Is God black or white?"

"Well, God is both black and white."

This further confuses the boy, so he asks, "Is God gay or straight?"

At this the mother is concerned, but answers anyway, "God is both gay and straight."

At this, the boy's eyes light up with understanding and he triumphantly asks,
"Is God Michael Jackson?"

:areyoucra

 

[Scuba Pete]

A convict on Death Row, the night before his scheduled execution, was visited by the warden. The warden, in talking with the condemned man, said,

"Usually at this point, persons in your situation find great comfort in talking to a member of the clergy. With that in mind, would you like us to send the prison chaplin over for a visit?"

The convict replied, "Well, warden, I have to tell you - I was raised a Unitarian Universalist."

The warden then said, "Well, then, would you like to talk to a math professor?"

 

[Green Gaia]

Didja hear the one about the UU monastery. All are welcome, but to allow for peaceful contemplation, you must take a vow of silence -- unless you think of something REALLY good!

 

[Green Gaia]

A UU family moves into a new neighborhood. Their little girl finds a new playmate, and they are happily getting to know each other. One day, the playmate says, "We're Episcopalians, what are you?"

The UU child thinks for a minute and says, "I'm not sure, but I think we're League of Women Voters."

 

[Green Gaia]

What's the difference between an agnostic, an atheist, and a Unitarian?

I don't know, and I don't care one way or the other.

 

[Green Gaia]

The clergy in other denominations have a hard time figuring us out.

One time at an ecumenical service the Episcopal rector said, "Let us pray. And for you Unitarians, do whatever it is you do."

 

[Scuba Pete]

You know,

as a former UU, I just love these!

 

[lilithu]

I'm baaack!!


A visitor to a Unitarian Universalist church sat through the sermon with growing incredulity at the heretical ideas being spouted. After the sermon a UU asked the visitor, "So how did you like it?"

"I can't believe half the things that minister said!" sputtered the visitor in outrage.

"Oh, good -- then you'll fit right in!"

 

[lilithu]

Two jokes today because I missed you guys sooo much!!


Conversation overheard:

Person A (Mainstream Protestant Denomination): I hear that you allow all sorts of weirdos in your church. Atheists, Buddhists, Pagans...

Person B (Unitarian Universalist): We allow Christians too -- we're very open minded!

:biglaugh:

 

[lilithu]

The copy machine broke down at the Unitarian Universalist church -- a disaster of biblical proportions! Because it was Sunday, no repair person could be called until the next day, and they desparately needed more copies of the morning hymn. After fluttering around the machine in distress for some time, a member more mechanically inclined than the rest found the problem.

"It's just out of paper. The flashing box said right there 'Replace Paper in Tray 2.' Sheesh, can't anyone here follow directions?"

Another member retorted, "If we were the kind of people who followed directions we wouldn't be Unitarian Universalists!"

 

[lilithu]

Did you hear about the man at a Unitarian Universalist revival? He worked himself up into a frenzy - if you can believe that - and then said, "Use me, O Lord! Use me in an advisory capacity!"

 

[LordZer]

These were all just really damn funny