Video: Texas judge allegedly beating 16 YO daughter

[Alceste]

You keep on trying. It sometimes takes a while.

If it continues without improvement, you might consider a counselor or a psychologist.

But IMO - and even though I don't have kids myself, I speak with conviction on this point - if a person beats their child with a belt or any other weapon, they have implicitly declared that they are a failure as a parent.

Not only that, but an unimaginative coward. It takes a lot more backbone and courage to become a person who is deserving of respect than it does to beat on people who won't respect you despite your lack of merit.

 

[FreeTHinker4eva]

I know what you mean - I can see it. As much as I do my best to keep an even keel with kids, I have lost my temper from time to time. Nobody's perfect. When I have raised my voice, spoken in anger or stopped them from doing something irritating using physical force, I have seen an instant wall of distrust slam down. Luckily, all it has ever taken to restore a healthy relationship is a sincere apology - some kind of acknowledgment that I know as well as they do that I was being a jerk, and that I'm going to try to do better.

yep=parenthood=the hardest job you'll ever love-no-one grows you up like your children-if you let them-and no-one slays you like your children will either-if not yet-they will-hang on -no wonder some moms have wine with their play-dates-others just have 'whines' with dinner :rainbow1:

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

Not only that, but an unimaginative coward. It takes a lot more backbone and courage to become a person who is deserving of respect than it does to beat on people who won't respect you despite your lack of merit.

I think it might just be a matter of mindset. While I don't have kids of my own, I have done volunteering with schools and had to shepherd a gaggle of 10 or 11 8-to-14-year-olds around several times. Even though it was frustrating sometimes, it never even occurred to me that hitting them was something I should do.

It wasn't even a matter of thinking "it'd help if I hit him, but I'm not allowed"... I just never even considered it as a disciplinary tactic.

 

[not nom]

As much as I do my best to keep an even keel with kids, I have lost my temper from time to time. Nobody's perfect.

that happens... and what you temporarily loose through that, you can get back by apologizing. I think what happens (verbally or physically) is secondary to why it happens, and how it happens. I'd rather get slapped because someone looses control over something I did, or that others did to them, than be verbally put down because they want to hurt me because of issues THEY have, you know? to be furious and angry out of fear or because you're strained for various reasons, is worlds apart from "showing who's boss" like in that video IMHO.

Luckily, all it has ever taken to restore a healthy relationship is a sincere apology

hehe. I wrote the above before even coming to that part of your post. that makes it a bit redundant but hey

 

[Alceste]

I think it might just be a matter of mindset. While I don't have kids of my own, I have done volunteering with schools and had to shepherd a gaggle of 10 or 11 8-to-14-year-olds around several times. Even though it was frustrating sometimes, it never even occurred to me that hitting them was something I should do.

It wasn't even a matter of thinking "it'd help if I hit him, but I'm not allowed"... I just never even considered it as a disciplinary tactic.

Same here. As frustrating as it can be, it's never crossed my mind to spank, hit, push, shake, or otherwise threaten the physical security and autonomy of a child in my care. I've physically restrained toddlers who hit or bite until they exhausted themselves struggling or until I could deposit them in a crib or bedroom to calm down, but not once has it ever crossed my mind that a good smacking would be just the thing. What kind of person would it make me to feel the need to smack somebody a quarter of my size to exert control over them? It doesn't even bear thinking about.

The best thing about kids is that they are totally transparent. You can easily see what the problem is if you bother to look. Most of the misbehavior I see is out of boredom (pent-up energy), sugar overdose or physical discomfort (tiredness, hunger, illness). All three of these conditions are easy to manage. None of them are ameliorated by a smack.

 

[Alceste]

that happens... and what you temporarily loose through that, you can get back by apologizing. I think what happens (verbally or physically) is secondary to why it happens, and how it happens. I'd rather get slapped because someone looses control over something I did, or that others did to them, than be verbally put down because they want to hurt me because of issues THEY have, you know? to be furious and angry out of fear or because you're strained for various reasons, is worlds apart from "showing who's boss" like in that video IMHO.



hehe. I wrote the above before even coming to that part of your post. that makes it a bit redundant but hey

Yeh - as much as being a bit of a hothead sometimes is a problem, I can at least be thankful that my occasional outbursts are very short. Almost at the same second I snap, I repent. I hate that side of myself, but it's a fact of life that I get tired, hungry, sick, bored and overdose on sugar (well, caffeine) just like they do, and I'm not always in total control of everything I say and do. They can probably relate. lol.

 

[FreeTHinker4eva]

that happens... and what you temporarily loose through that, you can get back by apologizing. I think what happens (verbally or physically) is secondary to why it happens, and how it happens. I'd rather get slapped because someone looses control over something I did, or that others did to them, than be verbally put down because they want to hurt me because of issues THEY have, you know? to be furious and angry out of fear or because you're strained for various reasons, is worlds apart from "showing who's boss" like in that video IMHO.



hehe. I wrote the above before even coming to that part of your post. that makes it a bit redundant but hey

Whipping a child and later declaring; "it was a long time ago and it wasn't that bad"=severe lack of empathy(!), He shouldn't be allowed near children until he gets just how bad, how heinous his behavior was and remains-and to whip her while helpless in a wheel chair yet!? WHOA! can't even run away from the blows? Would any sympathy [if there even is any] be given him if the child was bound hand and feet by duct tape? She is just as helpless in that wheelchair as if she were duct taped to it. Her father has admitted to whipping her. no more allegedly about it.
-The mirror is hard when it's pointed your way and no-one aims that mirror with more precision than your own children-whew- :run:

 

[FreeTHinker4eva]

Yeh - as much as being a bit of a hothead sometimes is a problem, I can at least be thankful that my occasional outbursts are very short. Almost at the same second I snap, I repent. I hate that side of myself, but it's a fact of life that I get tired, hungry, sick, bored and overdose on sugar (well, caffeine) just like they do, and I'm not always in total control of everything I say and do. They can probably relate. lol.

QFT LOL to all of that

 

[Songbird]

Same here. As frustrating as it can be, it's never crossed my mind to spank, hit, push, shake, or otherwise threaten the physical security and autonomy of a child in my care. I've physically restrained toddlers who hit or bite until they exhausted themselves struggling or until I could deposit them in a crib or bedroom to calm down, but not once has it ever crossed my mind that a good smacking would be just the thing. What kind of person would it make me to feel the need to smack somebody a quarter of my size to exert control over them? It doesn't even bear thinking about.

The best thing about kids is that they are totally transparent. You can easily see what the problem is if you bother to look. Most of the misbehavior I see is out of boredom (pent-up energy), sugar overdose or physical discomfort (tiredness, hunger, illness). All three of these conditions are easy to manage. None of them are ameliorated by a smack.

Aw. I think the only people who have never lost their temper with kids are non-parents. :hug:

 

[not nom]

Whipping a child and later declaring; "it was a long time ago and it wasn't that bad"=severe lack of empathy(!), He shouldn't be allowed near children until he gets just how bad, how heinous his behavior was and remains-and to whip her while helpless in a wheel chair yet!? WHOA! can't even run away from the blows? Would any sympathy [if there even is any] be given him if the child was bound hand and feet by duct tape? She is just as helpless in that wheelchair as if she were duct taped to it. Her father has admitted to whipping her. no more allegedly about it.
-The mirror is hard when it's pointed your way and no-one aims that mirror with more precision than your own children-whew- :run:

she was in a wheelchair?!

holy mother of god.

for downloading music, no less. instead of snitching to the cops on her (wouldn't that be showing faith in the system, being a judge and all???)

I'm glad I didn't see much of the visuals of the video (the sound made the hair on my neck stand up kthx), and I'm not going to go back to catch what I "missed".. it's so silly to feel rage at a person of 4 years past I don't even know, but I can't help it. and I don't need those chemicals in my system when they serve no purpose. just gah

 

[Draka]

The girl in the video wasn't in a wheel chair, though by her own admission she is disabled. She has Ataxic Cerebral Palsy.

 

[not nom]

Yeh - as much as being a bit of a hothead sometimes is a problem, I can at least be thankful that my occasional outbursts are very short. Almost at the same second I snap, I repent. I hate that side of myself, but it's a fact of life that I get tired, hungry, sick, bored and overdose on sugar (well, caffeine) just like they do, and I'm not always in total control of everything I say and do. They can probably relate. lol.

I think kids appreciate it when adults are just normal people... I know I did. I never really respected those who thought they had special privileges because they were adults, and ask something of kids they don't do themselves. sometimes (rarely) I behaved to avoid the consequences, but that always carried some resentment with it. that is, the teachers and adults in general who weren't unfair and hypocritical in that way, automatically had a HUGE bonus - when those were angry with me, that actually hurt, and I tried to correct it. when the others were angry, I just got insolent, or at best held my feet still, while snickering behind their back. those I hated I hardly remember, the ones I liked (because they respected me and other kids just like other adults) I still think fondly of. and that's what teaching should be IMHO: give them something they can keep (not just memorize until the test), because it's not packaged in pure ****.

/rant ^^

 

[FreeTHinker4eva]

The girl in the video wasn't in a wheel chair, though by her own admission she is disabled. She has Ataxic Cerebral Palsy.

I thought she was in a wheelchair- Cerebal Palsy- same/same=hitting the disabled child- yep Not nom for the reasons stated and her father did say those quotes-if not in a wheelchair thanks for the correction

 

[not nom]

The girl in the video wasn't in a wheel chair, though by her own admission she is disabled. She has Ataxic Cerebral Palsy.

ah okay, thanks.

it's not like it matters :/ I mean, it's bad either way. but I did wonder why a 16 year old, that seemed genuinely afraid/hurt, would not fight back. they were two and he was stronger... disabled or not, pointless brutality is pointless brutality.

 

[Alceste]

I think kids appreciate it when adults are just normal people... I know I did. I never really respected those who thought they had special privileges because they were adults, and ask something of kids they don't do themselves. sometimes (rarely) I behaved to avoid the consequences, but that always carried some resentment with it. that is, the teachers and adults in general who weren't unfair and hypocritical in that way, automatically had a HUGE bonus - when those were angry with me, that actually hurt, and I tried to correct it. when the others were angry, I just got insolent, or at best held my feet still, while snickering behind their back. those I hated I hardly remember, the ones I liked (because they respected me and other kids just like other adults) I still think fondly of. and that's what teaching should be IMHO: give them something they can keep (not just memorize until the test), because it's not packaged in pure ****.

/rant ^^

Sure - that raises a good point. Not only does "discipline by temper tantrum" fail to instill respect and obedience in children, it can actually inspire additional misbehavior as children go out of their way to provoke outbursts for fun. Children flock like vultures to adults they perceive as weak, and there's nothing like an inability to control your temper to show kids you're easy pickin's. I recall several teachers who were pushed to a nervous breakdown because the minute their students realized misbehavior would provoke an amusing angry outburst, they began to misbehave constantly.

 

[Songbird]

Alceste, whoops, I meant to post this:

Aw. I think the only people who have never lost their temper with kids are non-parents. :hug:

under this post of yours:

Yeh - as much as being a bit of a hothead sometimes is a problem, I can at least be thankful that my occasional outbursts are very short. Almost at the same second I snap, I repent. I hate that side of myself, but it's a fact of life that I get tired, hungry, sick, bored and overdose on sugar (well, caffeine) just like they do, and I'm not always in total control of everything I say and do. They can probably relate. lol.

Maybe trying to cook, parent, and post at the same time is being ambitious.

 

[Alceste]

Alceste, whoops, I meant to post this:



under this post of yours:



Maybe trying to cook, parent, and post at the same time is being ambitious.

I figured as much. Thanks for the kind squeeze. :hug:

 

[blackout]

Alceste, whoops, I meant to post this:



under this post of yours:



Maybe trying to cook, parent, and post at the same time is being ambitious.

Oh come now Birdie,
we all know you were beating while posting.

You could save yourself the trouble of all that cooking as well
by sending the kids to bed without dinner.

 

[blackout]

Maybe just lock them all in the basement.

Then you won't have to beat them again
for not making their beds.

 

[Songbird]

Oh come now Birdie,
we all know you were beating while posting.

You could save yourself the trouble of all that cooking as well
by sending the kids to bed without dinner.

:biglaugh:At first I thought you meant something else by "beating".

And homemade lasagna is now served, folks!