What if You Found Out That a Friend Was Racist or Otherwise Hatefully Prejudiced?

[Kathryn]

Having mixed children a racist "friend" cannot be tolerated.

Having quite a few gay friends, if i found out one of my other friends was homophobic I don't know what I'd do, it depends on the friend and how he/she reacts to my gay friends.

Same with anti trans and religious hatred. If they showd overt hatred to anyone then goodbye. If they kept their hatreds bottled up, under control then they have a chance.

Same completely. I mean, around me they would HAVE to behave themselves and be kind to other people, or they would not be a friend of mine anyway.

 

[Debater Slayer]

Same completely. I mean, around me they would HAVE to behave themselves and be kind to other people, or they would not be a friend of mine anyway.

If they didn't express their beliefs around you or act unkindly toward anyone in your presence but you still knew they had hateful prejudice toward others based on race, what would you do?

 

[Eddi]

As far as someone's views go, where do you draw the line after which you could no longer be friends with someone? Which beliefs would be beyond the red line?

The guy I ditched basically implied that he wanted to exterminate the LGBT population

But I would have still ditched him if he had been even much less homophobic

I think any belief that violates my principles would find itself on the wrong side of my red line

Note that there is a big difference between having different beliefs and having objectionable beliefs!

I am friends with people who have very different values to me

But none of them want to exterminate sections of the population that they happen not to like

 

[Jayhawker Soule]

What would you deem as constituting unproductive engagement?

By unproductive engagements I mean engagements that persistently result in dismissal and/or entrenchment.

 

[The Kilted Heathen]

Suppose you found out that one of your friends was racist, homophobic, anti-trans, or hateful toward any given religious group. How would you respond to that, and how would you handle the friendship?

My own answer depends on many variables and is not uniform for everyone or all situations, so I'm asking out of sheer curiosity about others' thoughts.

I have cut out very long-standing friends over racism, homophobia and transphobia. Hate towards a given religious group is a case-by-case issue, largely dependent on what that hate is and how's it's being manifested.

 

[Audie]

I have cut out very long-standing friends over racism, homophobia and transphobia. Hate towards a given religious group is a case-by-case issue, largely dependent on what that hate is and how's it's being manifested.

When did fear and hate become the
same word?

 

[The Kilted Heathen]

When did fear and hate become the same word?

1880. More commonly after 1912.

 

[Audie]

1880. More commonly after 1912.

Newspeak equivocation goes back that
far. Who knew.
We still haven't gotten to that point
here.

 

[RestlessSoul]

I have a cousin who started sending me racist and, in particular, Islamaphobic “jokes” on WhatsApp. I asked her to stop, she did. She’s a kind person in many ways, helpful to family, friends and neighbours; including her black friends and neighbours.

And she’s still my cousin, I love her. Just don’t be sending me racist memes about London’s Moslem mayor etc.

 

[The Kilted Heathen]

Newspeak equivocation goes back that far. Who knew.
We still haven't gotten to that point here.

Language evolves, who knew. And where exactly is "here"?

 

[Daemon Sophic]

Suppose you found out that one of your friends was racist, homophobic, anti-trans, or hateful toward any given religious group. How would you respond to that, and how would you handle the friendship?

My own answer depends on many variables and is not uniform for everyone or all situations, so I'm asking out of sheer curiosity about others' thoughts.

Good topic!

I would (as many here have suggested) try to educate/reform the friend back toward reality. Over how long a period, and to what degree, would depend on the nature of our friendship, and the nature of their folly.
As with most such things, I would not be the first to cry, “Hold! Enough!” We could keep associating, but they would have to realize that at every encounter they would have me raking them over the coals.
Friends don’t let friends live stupid.

 

[Audie]

Language evolves, who knew. And where exactly is "here"?

We is Chinese in China.
To be more specific about "here", its
chez moi, Repulse Bay, H.K.

And on topic, true that language evolves,
true too that equivocation and misuse, bad
grammer, etc do exist and are problematic.

Words and usage do matter. Like I don't
care for "chink".

But never mind that. Do you thnk dislike, distaste for,,
prejudice weak or strong, is all properly diagnosed
as a clinical phobia, and, hatred?

 

[Jayhawker Soule]

When did fear and hate become the
same word?

Circa 1895 ...

phobia (n.)​

"irrational fear, horror, or aversion; fear of an imaginary evil or undue fear of a real one," 1786, perhaps based on a similar use in French, abstracted from compounds in -phobia, the word-forming element from Greek phobos "fear, panic fear, terror, outward show of fear; object of fear or terror," originally "flight" (still the only sense in Homer), but it became the common word for "fear" via the notion of "panic flight" (compare phobein "put to flight; frighten"), from PIE root *bhegw- "to run" (source also of Lithuanian bėgu, bėgti "to flee;" Old Church Slavonic begu "flight," bezati "to flee, run;" Old Norse bekkr "a stream").

The psychological sense of "an abnormal or irrational fear" is attested by 1895. Hence also Phobos as the name of the inner satellite of Mars (discovered 1877) and named for Phobos, the personification of fear, in mythology a companion of Ares.

Why does it matter?

 

[Regiomontanus]

Circa 1895 ...



Why does it matter?

You did mot answer her question.

Fear and hate are not the same thing.

 

[The Kilted Heathen]

And on topic, true that language evolves, true too that equivocation and misuse, bad grammer, etc do exist and are problematic. Words and usage do matter. Like I don't care for "chink".

Yes, there is such a thing as misuse and bad grammar. This application is not an example of either and is quite common. Neither is it equivalent at all to a racial slur. Stop invalidating bigotry by mincing long-standing terms and words.

Do you thnk dislike, distaste for, prejudice weak or strong, is all properly diagnosed as a clinical phobia, and, hatred?

Applications such as xenophobia, homophobia, islamophobia, transphobia, etc are not clinical disorders such as tropophobia, arachnophobia, or acrophobia. This is well-known, and is not a new revelation. However, those forms of bigotry are born from a base fear and ignorance of what those things are, often relying on caricatures and stereotypes to propagate further fear and hatred.

 

[Regiomontanus]

Yes, there is such a thing as misuse and bad grammar. This application is not an example of either and is quite common. Neither is it equivalent at all to a racial slur. Stop invalidating bigotry by mincing long-standing terms and words.

Applications such as xenophobia, homophobia, islamophobia, transphobia, etc are not clinical disorders such as tropophobia, arachnophobia, or acrophobia. This is well-known, and is not a new revelation. However, those forms of bigotry are born from a base fear and ignorance of what those things are, often relying on caricatures and stereotypes to propagate further fear and hatred.

So, you are saying that if someone thinks transgenderism represents a disordered view of human nature, that is "base fear and ignorance?"

 

[Debater Slayer]

I have cut out very long-standing friends over racism, homophobia and transphobia. Hate towards a given religious group is a case-by-case issue, largely dependent on what that hate is and how's it's being manifested.

Would you have been open to discussing your former friends' views with them? Would they have been open to that? And in either case, would it have made a difference to your decision of whether to end the friendships?

 

[The Kilted Heathen]

So, you are saying that if someone thinks transgenderism represents a disordered view of human nature, that is "base fear and ignorance?"

Yes.

 

[The Kilted Heathen]

Would you have been open to discussing your former friends' views with them? Would they have been open to that? And in either case, would it have made a difference to your decision of whether to end the friendships?

I usually try to hold a discussion first and educate, yes. I'm willing to give the benefit of doubt unless it's something just absolutely off the wall. There have been some cases where friendships have been maintained, and even recovered from the misconception or miscommunication.

 

[Debater Slayer]

Good topic!

I would (as many here have suggested) try to educate/reform the friend back toward reality. Over how long a period, and to what degree, would depend on the nature of our friendship, and the nature of their folly.
As with most such things, I would not be the first to cry, “Hold! Enough!” We could keep associating, but they would have to realize that at every encounter they would have me raking them over the coals.
Friends don’t let friends live stupid.

Which views do you consider to cross a line enough to warrant trying to, as you put it, "educate/reform the friend back toward reality"? For example, since there are various manifestations and degrees of racial hatred, at which point would you find that your friend needed to be talked to about it?