What makes somebody attractive?

[Black_Shuck]

I would like to add my two cents into it, I believe attractiveness is a two part combination of personality and body. I had an ex that had a beautiful body, she was stunning and many men like her I dumped her after two months of dating her. She was pretty vicious to people, She left someone she called her best friend at a gas station at night and told her to walk home because she didn't like someone the girl said. (The girl called me to pick her up crying.) My ex wasn't very intelligent either but she had all the right curves and all the right places for most people. I couldn't take it so I dropped her.

My current GF is homely by most people standards but I love her to death because even thought she is a little chunky and has a bad smoking habit(A turn off for me) She is compassionate, understanding and caring, I have told her the worst of me and instead of trying to immediately change me she took time to understand it before deciding on how she would react, we have our bad times but the best part about her is that she is my other half in personality and I would take her over any beautiful woman, I would put her but against beyonce, J'lo, Halle berry and any of those supposed paragons of beauty.

In a nut shell I believe what makes people attractive is a combination of personality, intelligence, loyalty and trust. I would rather have someone I can enjoy a good conversation with than a pretty face with all the depth of a blow up doll.

 

[Madhuri]

Looking through the "Pictures of Attractive People" thread got me thinking... What exactly is it about a person that makes them attractive?

So... What makes a person attractive to you?

Amount of money.

Kidding!

There are different kinds of attraction. I can be attracted to someone because my body response to them sexually. I can be attracted to someone because their personality and/or features cause sentimentality. I can be attracted to someone physically (different from sexually) because they are beautiful or have a nice voice or are really intelligent. I have fallen for people who individually fit into one of these groups.

It depends mostly on your motivation. For instance, I will react more strongly to a sexy man if I am...you know...horny. But if I am experiencing one of my more romantic phases then I will be more attracted to someone who is sweet and wonderful. Sometimes if I am feeling more serious in terms of relationship then I will be more attracted to someone with nice features and a good brain or personality.

Now I just need to find someone who fits into all three categories at the same time!

Oh, and a very attractive quality in a man is confidence. Many mistake this for attraction to power and perhaps some women are attracted to external confidence but a man who is obviously confident in himself (so rare) without being arrogant is very, very attractive. Confidence can make an average looking man very attractive indeed. I think that a good example of a deeply confident man is...well, a god. I always start picturing handsome and muscular Greek or Roman gods when I think of confidence. Or Mr. Darcy, toward the end of the story...

Ok, I'm getting side-tracked

 

[Erebus]

It depends mostly on your motivation. For instance, I will react more strongly to a sexy man if I am...you know...horny.

Damn, it all adds up!

I've noticed that for a lot of the female members, confidence is a huge priority, while the males are all desperately avoiding saying "Ok, ok, big boobs, nice arse, no brain, sorted!"
What is it about confidence (in your opinion) that makes so much difference?

 

[Madhuri]

Damn, it all adds up!

I've noticed that for a lot of the female members, confidence is a huge priority, while the males are all desperately avoiding saying "Ok, ok, big boobs, nice arse, no brain, sorted!"

Which doesn't make sense to me from that evolutionary perspective that deals with reproduction. Women are said to be attracted to men based on the kind of offspring they want but I don't understand this fascination with boobs and arse that men have. Women are much more psychological when it comes to attraction.

What is it about confidence (in your opinion) that makes so much difference?

Like I said, women are much more psychological. Woman also love to be wanted. To be honest, I am not entirely sure of why confidence is so attractive but I can guess based on my own feelings or reactions to such people. For instance, a confident person is also a strong person. They have a certain air of power to them and a woman could easily feel secure with a person who exudes that kind of confidence (again, different from arrogance). A confident person is also likely to be a good emotional supporter and great role model (for children). The idea of being wanted or accepted by someone with great confidence makes me feel a lot better about myself and also ups my self esteem. A confident person has less inhibitions and is thus more exciting, especially in a sexual context . Many women like the idea of a dominant male and a male with confidence represents a kind of dominance. A dominant man knows what he wants and will probably get it

These are the main reasons I can think of at the moment.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

I like confidence in both sexes. :yes:

Confidence = strength. I love a strong man, and I also love me a strong woman.

I have yet to come across anyone who considers a weak woman more attractive.

 

[Draka]

I have yet to come across anyone who considers a weak woman more attractive.

Perhaps I could introduce you to my first husband? I guess I was too "strong" for him, as he couldn't control me easily, and that's why he resorted to physical violence. His little girliefriend, though, was submissive and believed anything he told her and did anything he said. Some guys want a woman they can control. Though...he was/is (I haven't heard from him in over a decade) crazy, so that could have had something to do with it. D.I.D. and all. :seesaw:

 

[Reverend Rick]

Looking through the "Pictures of Attractive People" thread got me thinking... What exactly is it about a person that makes them attractive?

So... What makes a person attractive to you?

I believe if they don't look better naked, they might not be attractive.

 

[Shia Islam]

so it is self-confidence?

.

In order for not to be misunderstood in what i am going to say, I'd like at the beginning to emphasise that according to Shia Islam (and many other faiths ) taking care of one's appearance is very important.

However I did not mean that it's confidence that makes one attractive, it's not considering it important to be seen as an attractive person through the eyes of the others, that makes the person attractive.

Why a man for example wants everybody on the street to turn their heads toward him and consider him attractive?

with respect to all humans, the question is this: What value can these pretty looking creatures bring to others?

One should not seek recognition from others.

People obsessed with the desire to be attractive have real problems.

It's enough for a man to be happy with his family, and his look is not that important.

Successful people were not all attractive.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Perhaps I could introduce you to my first husband? I guess I was too "strong" for him, as he couldn't control me easily, and that's why he resorted to physical violence. His little girliefriend, though, was submissive and believed anything he told her and did anything he said. Some guys want a woman they can control. Though...he was/is (I haven't heard from him in over a decade) crazy, so that could have had something to do with it. D.I.D. and all. :seesaw:

Let me re-phrase, then....

I have yet to find a functional healthy-minded human being that would prefer a weak woman.

I think your first husband, like my own first husband, were weak men.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Oh, and for further clarification:

An inflated ego does not equal confidence. A confident person doesn't need attention but also doesn't shy away from attention either.

 

[Erebus]

I have yet to find a functional healthy-minded human being that would prefer a weak woman.

I was just about to say that submission can be very sexy in a girl but nevermind Besides, I suppose there is a difference between submissive and weak...

I don't understand this fascination with boobs and arse that men have

From an evolutionary viewpoint, it's probably to do with a child bearing figure. Women are wired to look for the best supporter, while men look for the best conciever.

Everything else you said I agree with apart from one minor detail and that's the notion of "being wanted". Obviously I'm coming from a male perspective on this one so it's inevitably wrong (I know how this one works ) but I've found that girls like a challenge far more than men. They may want to be wanted, but they don't want it to be unconditional or easy to acquire, the more unobtainable a person's affections are the more desirable they are. Obviously they don't want somebody who doesn't care about them at all, but most of my exes have admitted that they like people with a "bring them down" attitude more than somebody gentle/caring.
Basically I've found that girls like guys who are harder to get, while guys like girls who are easier to get. Personally I've always hated "playing games" and only do it out of necessity. I absolutely loathe people playing hard to get, because call me boring, but I like this kind of thing to be as smooth as possible. If I've gone to the effort of starting a conversation with you, flirting, buying a drink etc then the least I would hope for in return is enough decency on their behalf to not make it as hard as they possibly can. It takes a lot of guts to "make a move" and you put a lot on the line. I guess I just find it incredibly ignorant (even if it is actually a good sign in its own way) when somebody then expects you to play these games while they and their friends judge how worthy you are. It doesn't really seem fair at all and I've yet to meet a guy who hasn't felt the same way. In fact, it would be nice for a girl to come over to a group of lads, and buy the best looking one a drink (me) and try to seem confident despite actually thinking I don't know anything about you so I'm pretty much having to guess my way through this conversation and I really need the bathroom because cider goes straight through me, but I know for a fact that as soon as I leave, that's my chance gone. I don't mind a little objectification since when I go out with friends, I usually make damn sure that either I'm the best looking one or anybody better looking than me is gay/taken
Went off on one there didn't I? wow. Yeah, bottom line, don't play head games. Maybe it's just me but there's very little that can put me off somebody quicker than them playing head games.

 

[Madhuri]

I was just about to say that submission can be very sexy in a girl but nevermind Besides, I suppose there is a difference between submissive and weak...




From an evolutionary viewpoint, it's probably to do with a child bearing figure. Women are wired to look for the best supporter, while men look for the best conciever.

Everything else you said I agree with apart from one minor detail and that's the notion of "being wanted". Obviously I'm coming from a male perspective on this one so it's inevitably wrong (I know how this one works ) but I've found that girls like a challenge far more than men. They may want to be wanted, but they don't want it to be unconditional or easy to acquire, the more unobtainable a person's affections are the more desirable they are. Obviously they don't want somebody who doesn't care about them at all, but most of my exes have admitted that they like people with a "bring them down" attitude more than somebody gentle/caring.
Basically I've found that girls like guys who are harder to get, while guys like girls who are easier to get. Personally I've always hated "playing games" and only do it out of necessity. I absolutely loathe people playing hard to get, because call me boring, but I like this kind of thing to be as smooth as possible. If I've gone to the effort of starting a conversation with you, flirting, buying a drink etc then the least I would hope for in return is enough decency on their behalf to not make it as hard as they possibly can. It takes a lot of guts to "make a move" and you put a lot on the line. I guess I just find it incredibly ignorant (even if it is actually a good sign in its own way) when somebody then expects you to play these games while they and their friends judge how worthy you are. It doesn't really seem fair at all and I've yet to meet a guy who hasn't felt the same way. In fact, it would be nice for a girl to come over to a group of lads, and buy the best looking one a drink (me) and try to seem confident despite actually thinking I don't know anything about you so I'm pretty much having to guess my way through this conversation and I really need the bathroom because cider goes straight through me, but I know for a fact that as soon as I leave, that's my chance gone. I don't mind a little objectification since when I go out with friends, I usually make damn sure that either I'm the best looking one or anybody better looking than me is gay/taken
Went off on one there didn't I? wow. Yeah, bottom line, don't play head games. Maybe it's just me but there's very little that can put me off somebody quicker than them playing head games.

Yeh I don't really understand head games. Not purposeful ones at least. To be honest I am not really even sure of what kind of game a girl would play during a first meeting or first date. Do you have any examples?

I don't know if I like a man who is hard to get. I would much rather be pursued than to pursue. I like knowing that an attractive man likes me and acting as though I don't realise it. But in the mean time I talk to him more and show him attention. But in the end I want to know that this guy has deep passion for me and makes the first move. I am a little insecure, and that plays into this. I don't easily trust that a guy likes me for me in which case if I make the first move and everything happens quickly then I will wonder if it is just about the sex. The first scenario helps me to understand if the guy actually likes me specifically and the playing innocent for a while seems to encourage those feelings.

Based on the above it sounds like I've had plenty of experience, though I really haven't. But I know what I want and what I am like based on the little experiencing I have had.

 

[Erebus]

Yeh I don't really understand head games. Not purposeful ones at least. To be honest I am not really even sure of what kind of game a girl would play during a first meeting or first date. Do you have any examples?

Jealousy games are a popular one, flirting with somebody else and checking to make sure you're looking. It's a little difficult to explain, but it's about mixing messages enough to let somebody know that they might be interested, but you're going to have to jump through some hoops. One of my exes did an awful one where she would flip between friendly and sociable and cold as ice multiple times during the same night. I guess it worked, because I was crazy about her, but she just wasn't a pleasant person to be romantically involved with, far too fickle.

I don't know if I like a man who is hard to get. I would much rather be pursued than to pursue. I like knowing that an attractive man likes me and acting as though I don't realise it. But in the mean time I talk to him more and show him attention. But in the end I want to know that this guy has deep passion for me and makes the first move. I am a little insecure, and that plays into this. I don't easily trust that a guy likes me for me in which case if I make the first move and everything happens quickly then I will wonder if it is just about the sex. The first scenario helps me to understand if the guy actually likes me specifically and the playing innocent for a while seems to encourage those feelings.

Personally speaking, that's definitely the kind of thing I appreciate. "Playing the game" can be pretty awful, because ultimately it stops being about genuinely caring and becomes simply looking for somebody. Unfortunately I kind of look like the sort of person who isn't after romance, so I usually attract the girls who like to play, and not the girls who like a relationship.

 

[blackout]

At my age, the WHOLE package is important.

Physically? I tend to notice women around my age more often.
I like full hips and breasts.

Women who OWN their womanhood, though...
that is the BIGGEST turn on for me.
(whatever age/figure etc)

I am easilly smitten with Russian/Romanian women for some reason.
sexay.

I like english accents... lots of european accents actually.
An accent will attract my attention, male or female.

Men... I just really don't even know anymore.

Physically, younger guys turn my head more often,
(I always liked the "bad boy" look)
but if I'm gunna be with a man,
at this point,
he's got to be established.
Established, besides being sexy, is practical.

You rarely find that in a younger guy.

I think my taste in men has expanded to include
a certain more conservative appreciation.

I have no time for people who aren't "real".
I have no time for pretence, charades and games.

Of course I'm more deeply attracted to those
of a more Occultic nature. :bat:
I will always prefer Dark.
I like sexual. A difinitively sexual nature.

What I find attractive,
and who I could be with,
are not necessarilly (or always) the same thing.

 

[Madhuri]

Jealousy games are a popular one, flirting with somebody else and checking to make sure you're looking. It's a little difficult to explain, but it's about mixing messages enough to let somebody know that they might be interested, but you're going to have to jump through some hoops. One of my exes did an awful one where she would flip between friendly and sociable and cold as ice multiple times during the same night. I guess it worked, because I was crazy about her, but she just wasn't a pleasant person to be romantically involved with, far too fickle.


Personally speaking, that's definitely the kind of thing I appreciate. "Playing the game" can be pretty awful, because ultimately it stops being about genuinely caring and becomes simply looking for somebody. Unfortunately I kind of look like the sort of person who isn't after romance, so I usually attract the girls who like to play, and not the girls who like a relationship.

That sucks. So you're more romantic than you look?
And by the way, what do you find attractive? I havent read this whole thread...

 

[Erebus]

I like english accents... lots of european accents actually.
An accent will attract my attention, male or female.

Physically, younger guys turn my head more often,
(I always liked the "bad boy" look)

Of course I'm more deeply attracted to those
of a more Occultic nature. :bat:
I will always prefer Dark.
I like sexual. A difinitively sexual nature.

Excellent :flirt:

he's got to be established.
Established, besides being sexy, is practical.

You rarely find that in a younger guy.

Ahhh damnit

 

[blackout]

Jealousy games are a popular one, flirting with somebody else and checking to make sure you're looking. It's a little difficult to explain, but it's about mixing messages enough to let somebody know that they might be interested, but you're going to have to jump through some hoops. One of my exes did an awful one where she would flip between friendly and sociable and cold as ice multiple times during the same night. I guess it worked, because I was crazy about her, but she just wasn't a pleasant person to be romantically involved with, far too fickle.




Personally speaking, that's definitely the kind of thing I appreciate. "Playing the game" can be pretty awful, because ultimately it stops being about genuinely caring and becomes simply looking for somebody. Unfortunately I kind of look like the sort of person who isn't after romance, so I usually attract the girls who like to play, and not the girls who like a relationship.

I hate jealousy.
I hate games.
(unless they're games of the fun :drool: variety...)

 

[blackout]

I actually used to be one of those,
"on and off" people.

I was interested.... but I wasn't...

I think now, knowing that I'm of a Polyamorous nature,
it explains alot,
about how I never wanted to commit to one person,
though maybe I did like that one person very much.

It's too bad.

 

[blackout]

Excellent :flirt:

Do I have a match? :flirt:

Ahhh damnit

It'll take me a good year or two to re'establish My Own Self.
You still have time....

(hope I"m not too old by then! )
lol

 

[Erebus]

That sucks. So you're more romantic than you look?
And by the way, what do you find attractive? I havent read this whole thread...

Well I'd like to think so, but tattoos, piercings and leather jackets don't usually appeal to romantic girls. Having said that, the best valentines gift I ever got was a black rose. I loved that.

Personally I don't have a particular "look" so long as whatever style a girl has is her own. I tend to go out with mosher/punk girls a lot mostly, because of shared music taste, but I recently went out with a Muslim girl who adored RnB. It really doesn't matter to me what a person likes as long as they genuinely do what THEY want and not what other people expect of them.
If a girl has something a little unusual about her, that catches my eye too. One girl I find quite attractive, but is unavailable is kind of a typical geeky girl. Very shy, very well spoken, not very outgoing, but it somehow works for her. I have a few friends who share a flat with her and she came into the living room with us for a while. She didn't have a drink so I offered her one of my beers and she said, "Oh yes, that would be absolutely lovely, thankyou." Now that kind of charm might not be appealing to some of my friends, but for me it made her a hell of a lot more attractive because it was a little different.
Basically I think that as long as somebody has their own style and pulls it off, I find them attractive. Airheads and sheep do nothing for me.