Why are Incels such hateful people ?

[Yerda]

It's supposed to be one of the major roles of religion - religion is very much about connecting to something bigger than yourself. For better or worse, that role has gotten lost in some traditions or been co-opted into something else.

I thought I was a revolutionary socialist when I was a teenager.

It helped though. Daft as that was, it instilled in me a sense of responsibility towards others. I don't think my life would be worth living if I wasn't able to love people just for being people.

 

[Alien826]

This can be your support group.

People coming to terms with their own unimportance to the world around them often experience significant frustration and alienation that grows dark and bitter if allowed. I think the same forces driving incels towards hiding and hating also push young men towards political extremists like the neo-nazis and Islamists.

As young men we're mostly running on the fumes from our own ego mixed with deep and unsatisfiable insecurities. A few defeats too many and a good fraction of us will withdraw and grow toxic. At least until we get over ourselves.

This is my just-so story, anyhow.

I wonder if our (Western nations) culture of "success" has anything to do with it.

We're brought up with the idea that we need to "win" to be worth anything. We pay talented people millions to throw a ball about, while people doing essential jobs like cleaning get little cash and less respect. It's not good enough to simply live comfortably, you have to be "rich" to be admired. Is this why people become "fans" of sports teams that may not even be situated near them, and base their mood on how that team does against other teams? Are their lives so devoid of success that they need the reflected glory of a group of strangers?

 

[Revoltingest]

I noticed that on incel Fourms....

You're judging a larger group by a
self selected sub-set who post there.
Others might not be that way.
Let's cut them some slack, eh.

 

[Spice]

I believe we enjoy hearing other's complaints, so long as they are entertaining enough. Its similar to the reasons why people listen to rumors. After hearing only one side we nevertheless feel informed, unless we are anxious or have experience. Some people who tend more towards anxiety will be more likely to see problems with the one side, but most people will feel fine. Anxiety is such a curse when hearing one side only.


I think incels are the result of the anxiety surrounding marriage. Most incels are probably older, but there are plenty of young ones. I think a good place to look for causes is Japan where young people are opting out of marriage. People have seen how unhappy married life can get, however without marriage or civil unions relationships get a lot harder to establish.

Also nobody is taught to dance, and families put a lot of religious strictures on their kids. Its like pressure to be something you are not confluxed with pressure to be honest. Families have this crazy belief that they can genuinely make their children believers, and there is a lot of emphasis on acting like a believer. Go into almost any church. You must act as if you are the biggest believer on the planet, or you are a space alien in there. And nobody dances. I mean the alternative is a dive bar. That's it. You meet people at church or in a bar. Those are your choices.

Maybe we should go back to family arranged marriages. Unfortunately my sons want no part in my "matchmaking," or anyone else's attempts either.

 

[Brickjectivity]

Maybe we should go back to family arranged marriages. Unfortunately my sons want no part in my "matchmaking," or anyone else's attempts either.

If tribal families reappear, however its not suitable for the situation we live in.

 

[Quagmire]

@Massimo2002 so let me see if I'm understanding you: You're upset because you've been rejected by a bunch of losers?

 

[Stevicus]

Maybe we should go back to family arranged marriages. Unfortunately my sons want no part in my "matchmaking," or anyone else's attempts either.

I recall even as far back as the 60s, computer dating and matchmaking has been a thing, and now, with computers and AI being so much more advanced, it hasn't really gotten any better.

You'd think with all the personal data and other information which is gathered on hundreds of millions of internet users, they'd be able to have a program to crunch all the numbers and find everyone's perfect match.

 

[JustGeorge]

I recall even as far back as the 60s, computer dating and matchmaking has been a thing, and now, with computers and AI being so much more advanced, it hasn't really gotten any better.

You'd think with all the personal data and other information which is gathered on hundreds of millions of internet users, they'd be able to have a program to crunch all the numbers and find everyone's perfect match.

That would be convenient. Just get a letter in the mail with the announcement. No search required.

 

[We Never Know]

I recall even as far back as the 60s, computer dating and matchmaking has been a thing, and now, with computers and AI being so much more advanced, it hasn't really gotten any better.

You'd think with all the personal data and other information which is gathered on hundreds of millions of internet users, they'd be able to have a program to crunch all the numbers and find everyone's perfect match.

"as far back as the 60s, computer dating"

I did not realize that and had to google it.
Got this...

"When it made its debut in 1965, the point of Operation Match was to combine "the irrationality of two particular social evils: blind dates and mixers." It worked like this: You sent in three dollars, filled out a questionnaire, mailed it in, and then potential matches were chosen for you through a computer algorithm."

 

[Quagmire]

I recall even as far back as the 60s, computer dating and matchmaking has been a thing, and now, with computers and AI being so much more advanced, it hasn't really gotten any better.

You'd think with all the personal data and other information which is gathered on hundreds of millions of internet users, they'd be able to have a program to crunch all the numbers and find everyone's perfect match.

Maybe computers are intentionally mismatching everybody as a gentle way to nudge us into extinction.

Edit: sort of like Skynet from Terminator, only with more patience and a better sense of humor.

 

[Spice]

I recall even as far back as the 60s, computer dating and matchmaking has been a thing, and now, with computers and AI being so much more advanced, it hasn't really gotten any better.

You'd think with all the personal data and other information which is gathered on hundreds of millions of internet users, they'd be able to have a program to crunch all the numbers and find everyone's perfect match.

Many claim to be able to do that. Unfortunately people still lie. Both of my sons are in their 40s, straight, and never been married or anywhere close to it. I met one girlfriend of each, both who turned out to be users.

I can't blame them. I gave up trying, myself, 20 years ago.

 

[JustGeorge]

Maybe computers are intentionally mismatching everybody as a gentle way to nudge us into extinction.

Edit: sort of like Skynet from Terminator, only in slow motion and with a better sense of humor.

Now that you say it... my family members that used such services never did reproduce....

(We'll forget that most of them were to old to do so...)

 

[lewisnotmiller]

Yeah, I read The Conversation fairly regularly - because it's information written up by a bunch of experts with Ph.D.s complete with citations - so most of my awareness of the movement comes from more scholarly sources analyzing social movements.

It's gross. Like, super gross. To the point I become concerned about anyone who participates in any of it. Sadly, as the research shows, those who join these communities are already misogynist. They don't pick up their hatred of women entering those spaces, they already had it and carry it with them going in. More disturbing are the connections these groups have to real world violence. While not all participants engage in these acts of violence, the correlation is undeniable enough that they are increasingly flagged by antiterrorist watchdogs.

Not much to add except...
1. The Conversation is a consistently good source on a range of topics.
2. The risk is less that non violent men will be turned to violence and more that violent expressions are more normalised and even encouraged in these sort of online echo chambers.

It's interesting to me in terms of social psychology, but quite distasteful otherwise.

 

[Yerda]

Maybe computers are intentionally mismatching everybody as a gentle way to nudge us into extinction.

Edit: sort of like Skynet from Terminator, only with more patience and a better sense of humor.

That's brilliant.

 

[Hermit Philosopher]

Why are Incels such hateful people?​

Likely for the same reasons that hateful people are hateful in general: unaddressed and/or misdirected hurt.

Humbly,
Hermit

 

[crossfire]

Well, let's look at the situation: a whole lot of young people doubt that they will ever be able to buy a home, and thus attract a mate and raise a family. It's not young women's fault that the real estate market is in such a state. Perhaps if the incels channel their energy towards the housing problem, instead of towards young women, there might be a chance something might improve.

 

[Revoltingest]

Well, let's look at the situation: a whole lot of young people doubt that they will ever be able to buy a home, and thus attract a mate and raise a family. It's not young women's fault that the real estate market is in such a state. Perhaps if the incels channel their energy towards the housing problem, instead of towards young women, there might be a chance something might improve.

I observe that people enduring emotional distress
have difficulty diverting their energy to issues
unrelated to their immediate woe.

We can't just tell them "Be better people". That's
the kind of simplistic useless advice that I'd give.
Be better than I am.

 

[crossfire]

I observe that people enduring emotional distress
have difficulty diverging their energy to issues
unrelated to their immediate woe.

We can't just tell them "Be better people". That's
the kind of simplistic useless advice that I'd give.
Be better than I am.

That wouldn't be addressing the unaddressed or misdirected hurt mentioned here:

Likely for the same reasons that hateful people are hateful in general: unaddressed and/or misdirected hurt.

Humbly,
Hermit

 

[Massimo2002]

This can be your support group.

People coming to terms with their own unimportance to the world around them often experience significant frustration and alienation that grows dark and bitter if allowed. I think the same forces driving incels towards hiding and hating also push young men towards political extremists like the neo-nazis and Islamists.

As young men we're mostly running on the fumes from our own ego mixed with deep and unsatisfiable insecurities. A few defeats too many and a good fraction of us will withdraw and grow toxic. At least until we get over ourselves.

This is my just-so story, anyhow.

But why are some people unimportant ?

 

[ChristineM]

But why are some people unimportant ?

Basic all people are unimportant. Just one person of 8 billion + people.

Some people get themselves noted for something or other, fame for 15 minutes until the press find something else to sell their news