I would have given anything to experience God in my life when I was a child and when I was a devout Christian. But despite all of my efforts to experience God during these times, I never had any of the positive experiences that other Christians talk about having with God in their lives. I didn't feel peace and joy in my life from believing in God. In fact, I didn't feel any peace and joy in my life until after I disavowed my belief in God and renounced my Christian faith. I began to feel peace in my heart after I finally let go of what I refer to as the fearmongering beliefs of Christianity: fear of God's wrath; fear of sinning against God; fear of losing salvation; and fear of going to hell. I can honestly say that believing these things was very detrimental to my mental, emotional, and physical well-being.
I can't speak for other people about their experiences with God, but I genuinely believed in him when I was a child, and I'd frantically pray to him, pleading with him to stop my adopted mother and older brother from hitting me. But despite all the years I prayed to him, I was still abused at home and perpetually bullied in school. I suffered abuse for 13 1/2 years growing up, and I was bullied for the entire 12 years I was in school. To be honest, I don't believe that God is any different than my extended family, all the neighbors, my teachers in school, the pastor and church congregation, and everyone else in the town where I lived who knew that I was being abused at home and bullied in school. None of these people ever lifted a finger to save me from being abused or bullied, and neither did God. Based on the fact that God never bothered to save me from being abused when I was growing up, despite my desperate pleas, I no longer believe that God is loving and merciful towards me or towards the rest of humanity as I was indoctrinated to believe.