Sgt. Pepper
All you need is love.
I think that you have a good and healthy attitude, Eddi. Your post reminded me of what I wrote in another thread, and I'd like to share it with you.
My post is rather long, but I hope that you will read it anyway.
Speaking as a former devout Christian, I can attest that this is true. I was deeply indoctrinated in Christianity and spent the majority of my life as a devout evangelical Christian. I read and extensively studied the Bible numerous times when I was a devout Christian, including extensive study of the Bible and Christian theology while I was training to be an evangelism team leader and street preacher. I also extensively studied the Bible and Christian theology while assisting my nephew in his extended theological studies to become an ordained minister. However, I read and studied it through the rose-colored glasses of my indoctrination. It wasn't until I began to acknowledge my doubts about God and be honest with myself that I was able to read the Bible objectively, which ultimately contributed to my decision to abandon my faith in God and leave Christianity. Truth be told, I essentially studied my way out of believing the Bible, which led to further research in and out of Christianity. It ultimately led me to disavow my belief in God and my faith in Jesus. There were other circumstances that contributed to my decision to abandon Christianity, but I basically studied my way out of believing in the Bible and God.
To be honest, I'm grateful to finally be free from what I consider to be the entrapment of Christianity. It was a dreadful way to live my life, and I know many other former Christians who feel the same. I truly believe that being a Christian can be detrimental to a person's mental health and emotional well-being. It certainly was for mine, and it was for the other former Christians I know. To be honest, renouncing my Christian faith and belief in the Abrahamic God has brought me a great deal of comfort because I am no longer scared of what I believe to be the fearmongering tactics of Christianity, such as being afraid and feeling shame for allegedly sinning against God, fear of his wrath, and fear of going to hell. Being a Christian was an awful experience for me, whereas being a Wiccan and druid has been liberating and a very positive experience. It's definitely better for my mental health and emotional well-being. My life is far less stressful than it was when I was a Christian. I take it one day at a time, and I'm not gung-ho about either Wicca or Druidry.
I learned to let go of the fears I had when I was a Christian, such as fearing God, fearing sinning against God, and my fear of going to hell. And once I did that, my mental health and emotional well-being significantly improved. It was a slow process of detoxing from a lifetime of Christian indoctrination, but I finally experienced inner peace in my life, which is something I never experienced as a Christian. For the record, I was a devout evangelical Christian for thirty years and genuinely believed in God for a decade before I converted to Christianity at the age of seventeen. I was also a street preacher and an evangelical team leader for many years, while I was a Christian as well. I was deeply indoctrinated in Christianity, so it was difficult for me to be freed of it.
I felt trapped in it, so I was shackled in emotional bondage to it for the majority of my life. Christianity was a prison for me. I felt like I was imprisoned, but only my cell door was always open, and it took me a long time to realize that I could leave whenever I wanted to. I never once felt "freedom in Christ" or genuine peace in my life as a Christian, as other Christians claimed to experience in theirs. I freed myself from the Christian indoctrination that I had been subjected to after spending the majority of my life trapped in it. I feel no more shame for allegedly sinning against God or for allowing myself to be guilt-tripped by Christians accusing me of being a sinner, and I no longer fear any alleged future wrath or judgment from the biblical God or fear going to hell.
As a Wiccan and druid, I don't feel pressured to obey or appease any particular god, nor do I feel threatened by any god. Other than saving myself from abuse when I was a teenager, I cannot think of anything more empowering than finally understanding that I don't have to believe in the biblical God or follow Christianity or any other deity or religion in order to feel emotionally whole or make moral decisions in my life. I maintain a rational perspective on my present spiritual beliefs so as to avoid repeating these mistakes. I'm well aware of the potential emotional downfalls I could face from overly trusting in spiritual beliefs or in any god (or other deities). My beliefs are important to me, but not to the extent that I rely on them or that I feel like I can't make a moral decision without them. I don't regret my decision to renounce my belief in God and faith in Jesus, as well as leaving Christianity, but I wish that I had found the strength to do so years ago rather than holding onto the false hope and trust that I had in the biblical God. It would have been better for me.
