I almost don't want to post in this thread, but you did put it in the debate section, so...
Forgive me if this has already been said, but that is atheism.
There are no words for how deeply I sympathize. I've been there, EXACTLY. I'm sure the details differ, but I could have written this post at one point. :hug:
The thing is, that's not a good reason to disbelieve. It comes from anger, not reason. It's spite. God isn't a vending machine.
I think this is a major flaw in the popular conception of God as a loving, protective parent. Life sucks sometimes, and all the faith in the world can't change that.
You're right, those are excuses, and they p***ed me off, too. But I've come to see that it's just that God doesn't work that way. Our expectations are too high. The way it does work is it opens you up to reserves of strength you didn't know you had. It's all you, in the end.
But are you really? I said the same thing, but looking back, I was just having the spiritual equivalent of a temper tantrum.
I don't mean to belittle what you're going through. Quite the opposite in fact - I'm hoping my perspective can help you make peace with whatever worldview you choose.