Would you marry outside of your faith?

[ayani]

What about a supplementary question;

Most of you are quite good evangelists, and so one would assume that you have made a few converts. Supposing, while you were at your work, somebody was calling on your wife with their particular denominational message. After a few weeks or months, she announces that she is no longer one of your denomination, but she is now a different one, and she is going to bring the children up in her new faith. Would you divorce her if her decision was final?

to answer the first part of the question, i don't think i'd be with someone whose spiritual outlook was very different from my own. in general, other tolerantly-minded, humanist type people of any religious back ground.

if my partner suddenly became othwise and decided to raise the kids her way? i would ask that we both expose out kids to our religious views, and work towards not letting our differences in faith compromise our relationships with them.

 

[Merlin]

I wouldn't divorce her, but I would be devastated. It would be a rejection of the marriage covenant that we made.

Yes it would be terrible. However, as you are going round converting people, you must be causing this occasionally where you convert one partner and not the other. Do you ever think about this?

 

[alowyn]

Personally, as a romanticist, I'd marry out of my faith with little problem. My parents would be vicious towards me for the rest of my life, undoubtedly. But it's my life and my love.

As for the point of raising children, that's actually crucial. And divorce is certainly not the answer here: why go through all the trouble to marry out of your faith, only to give it up later?
So the answer is this. First ensure that you and your spouse agree on enough things to raise the children together. Since all religions have similarities, that's probably the best base to work on, but there needs to be a decision on what to say regarding major differences. The different festivals can probably be celebrated together, unless they contradict each other. But if you're thinking of getting married, chances are you've already worked out the differences.

 

[Aurelian]

Well I've mostly been involved with others outside my beliefs, and even with christians it's perfectly fine with me because my beliefs aren't far from theirs anyway. I Hardly ever had any problems involving religion in my relationships cuz we just chose not to go there. I'm just beginning the "single" thing again though and finding a pagan girl would be really nice for a change!

 

[jonny]

Yes it would be terrible. However, as you are going round converting people, you must be causing this occasionally where you convert one partner and not the other. Do you ever think about this?

Yes, I have and my church STRONGLY encourages us to teach families as missionaries. I believe religion is a family decision as much as a personal decision. Unless they are in a relationship where the other spouse doesn't care (and from this thread you can see that those people exist) it is probably best that they make the decision together with their spouse.

Also, please lay off the "going around converting people" comments. It's really getting old. I don't convert anyone. I haven't converted anyone. I will never convert anyone. Conversion is a personal process between a person and the Lord. If a person chooses to convert to another religion it is their decision. This will be my last response to such a statement. Does every single thread you create have to end up with debating my mission?

 

[angellous_evangellous]

I follow the below scripture on this. I don’t believe that in my faith that I would marry someone outside of my faith. I did marry someone of the same faith as me. I believe this scripture is where the the term equally yoked came from (correct me if I'm wrong).



Yoked Definition - To couple; to join with another.

However, that doesn’t mean that you should get divorced if you are already married to someone with different beliefs (as seen in the scripture below). Many times people will change there belief while married. That wouldn’t give anyone the right to divorce someone. Yea, I know, this is a little off topic, but had to bring this up as I think this is somewhat related.

Todd,

2 Cor 6.14 has nothing to do with marriage. It is a command for Christians not to be willing participants in idol worship, specifically eating meat sacrificed to idols in a "pagan" temple. By implication, it would not be wise for a woman to marry a man that would force her to do this, but the word "unequally yoked" is found in only one place elsewhere in theological Greek (here I include the patristics, the LXX's, and the NT), and it has to do with the sowing of different seeds into the same field in Lev. 19.19. The ideas surronding it form a holiness code for Israel - they are to remain pure from any influence of surrounding pagan religions, which did include prohibitions to marry foreign women. However, this cannot apply to Paul for three very important reasons. First, Christians are seen as the new Israel, and foreigners are included in this promise. Therefore, Paul understood that marriage between unbelievers and belivers has redemptive value (see 1 Cor 7).

The believing spouce sanctifies the unbelieving spouce, and their children are holy - it is NOT so in the Hebrew understanding of mixed marriage. However, in the book of Ezra, both the foreign woman and her children are to be put away to be faithful to God. See Ezra 10.1:

"While Ezra was praying and confessing, weeping and throwing himself down before the house of God, a large crowd of Israelites—men, women and children—gathered around him. They too wept bitterly. 2 Then Shecaniah son of Jehiel, one of the descendants of Elam, said to Ezra, "We have been unfaithful to our God by marrying foreign women from the peoples around us. But in spite of this, there is still hope for Israel. 3 Now let us make a covenant before our God to send away all these women and their children, in accordance with the counsel of my lord and of those who fear the commands of our God. Let it be done according to the Law. 4 Rise up; this matter is in your hands. We will support you, so take courage and do it."

Compare to 1 Cor. 7
12To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. 13If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 14For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

So Paul did not have the same understanding of marriage to unbelivers, and understood it to be a redemptive relationship.

However, eating in the temple did NOT have any redemptive value. See 1 Cor. 10.1, "You cannot drink the cup of the Lord and the cup of demons too; you cannot have a part in both the Lord's table and the table of demons."

Paul understood that demons were behind the idols, so Christians were not to participate in 2 Cor because they are the temple of God, not the temple of idols (2 Cor 2.16). Paul contrasts the church as Temple and idol worship with several dualistic metaphors: light/darkness, righteousness/lawlessness, and Christ/Satan..

To interpret "unequally yoked" as marriage grossly and perversely ignores the context of the passage. I have recently written a scholarly paper on the topic and can make it available to anyone if requested.

 

[alowyn]

I Hardly ever had any problems involving religion in my relationships cuz we just chose not to go there. I'm just beginning the "single" thing again though and finding a pagan girl would be really nice for a change!

Ah. that would be a problem, since if you're starting a family you're not going to be able to avoid religious issues.
However, all the best and i hope you find someone soon

 

[michel]

Ah. that would be a problem, since if you're starting a family you're not going to be able to avoid religious issues.
However, all the best and i hope you find someone soon

Religious issues ? ah! American religious issues - take a leaf out of our book; CHILL OUT!:jiggy:

 

[Merlin]

Yes, I have and my church STRONGLY encourages us to teach families as missionaries. I believe religion is a family decision as much as a personal decision. Unless they are in a relationship where the other spouse doesn't care (and from this thread you can see that those people exist) it is probably best that they make the decision together with their spouse.

Also, please lay off the "going around converting people" comments. It's really getting old. I don't convert anyone. I haven't converted anyone. I will never convert anyone. Conversion is a personal process between a person and the Lord. If a person chooses to convert to another religion it is their decision. This will be my last response to such a statement. Does every single thread you create have to end up with debating my mission?

My mistake, sorry. I thought you said you were in Germany trying to convert people! If I am wrong, accept my apologies.

I am also sad that you think I am constantly attacking your mission. Why would I? I am trying to understand it, but is that not reasonable in this forum?

Even if you talk to any married couple together, one might accept the teaching and one might reject it. You have to acknowledge that this could lead to a breakup of a family. I am not suggesting this should prevent your doing it, I was just wondering whether it had been considered.

 

[Merlin]

Does every single thread you create have to end up with debating my mission?

You are a sensitive soul.

 

[Mike182]

this thread was suggested by Michell, and I think it is a very good idea if we all found out what our views are on this

Perhaps we could add, and if you did what would be the attitude of your family?

erm, trying to get marriage rights first, then ill think about this

 

[Kowalski]

If she's good looking, and sweet, and never has headaches, who cares, she'll do for me

Cheers

K

 

[muichimotsu]

The fact is, I'm already outside my family's faith, as is my girlfriend, so it technically wouldn't matter that much. I'm Zen Buddhist and she's Wiccan (I know, we're a pair!) and our parents...might not care that much. If we're in love...they'd just say "Fine...go ahead..." I only hope they'd be supportive of our marriage...that's assuming we get married though...lol

 

[Katzpur]

My mistake, sorry. I thought you said you were in Germany trying to convert people! If I am wrong, accept my apologies.

I am also sad that you think I am constantly attacking your mission. Why would I? I am trying to understand it, but is that not reasonable in this forum?

Even if you talk to any married couple together, one might accept the teaching and one might reject it. You have to acknowledge that this could lead to a breakup of a family. I am not suggesting this should prevent your doing it, I was just wondering whether it had been considered.

Hi, Merlin.

Since jonny's not here any more, I hope you won't mind if I attempt to answer for him. Jonny served an LDS mission to Germany teaching the gospel. LDS missionary service generally lasts two years. Jonny has been home for several years now.

I think he explained our Church's position very accurately, though. First, although we obviously teach our Church's understanding of Christian doctrines and are, without question, seeking converts, we are first and foremost, concerned with family unity. If our missionaries were to teach a husband and wife and only one were to be interested in converting, I don't believe we would push the matter if serious marital problems would result. We would try to encourage the non-believing spouse to respect his or her partner's desire to get baptized, but if it appeared that her conversion was going to jeopardize the future of the marriage, we would probably suggest that she hold off until such time as the issue could be resolved amiably. The same would hold true with respect to under-age children. As a matter of fact, Aqualung's parents did not want her to be baptized into the LDS faith. The missionaries could have simply gone against her parents' wishes and baptized her anyway, but they counseled her to just be patient and wait until she was of age. There is probably not a Christian denomination around with a greater focus on family unity. Consequently, we take the idea of "breaking up families" pretty seriously.

Kathryn

 

[Katzpur]

If she's good looking, and sweet, and never has headaches, who cares, she'll do for me

Are you sure? Suppose she were good looking, sweet and never had headaches -- but was a Mormon? I bet you'd care then! I'm not trying to pick a fight, but it's not just religious people that this question should matter to. I don't think you'd be any happier with a devout Mormon, Catholic or born-again Christian than such a person would be with you. Do you agree?

 

[Feathers in Hair]

The fact is, I'm already outside my family's faith, as is my girlfriend, so it technically wouldn't matter that much. I'm Zen Buddhist and she's Wiccan (I know, we're a pair!) and our parents...might not care that much. If we're in love...they'd just say "Fine...go ahead..." I only hope they'd be supportive of our marriage...that's assuming we get married though...lol

OOo, is that Shigure on your avatar? Speaking of people I'd like to marry...

 

[Snowbear]

Although there have been many girls who have wished that I would marry outside of my faith, I don't think I would ever do it.

Is breaking someone's heart Christian?

So I gotta ask... is it "enough" to be a Christian for you to marry her, or does "outside of your faith" mean non-mormon?

 

[Snowbear]

Back when I did marry, it was outside of my faith - he was a christian, I was an atheist. He started out inviting me to his church a few times. I of course declined. By the time we married, he no longer went to church any more. We didn't discuss religion much.... it didn't matter to me and to him I think he just didn't want to have any conflict? I dunno.... though our communication wasn't that great, at least we didn't argue much.

A few years after the divorce, he wanted to marry a caholic girl, so had to have the original marriage "annulled". I was still non-religious at the time, but cooperated in the process. I even talked to a local catholic priest and found out what was required to have the annullment granted ... his local diocese in CA had no problem calling his original marriage of 5 years "invalid" because from the beginning I expressed and stood by the desire and intent to have no children.

IMO, since the marriage didn't work out, I'm really glad we had no kids... to the kids who are often stuck in the middle, divorce truly sucks

Since I'm an unattractive, strong (aka "tomboy"), independent, opinionated, strong-willed and generally otherwise hard to get along with, not to mention intimidating to men who want an attractive, submissive, needs-to-be-taken-care-of-by-her-man woman, it's highly unlikely that I'll ever date again, much less marry. So I guess my answer would have to be... no, I won't marry inside OR outside of my faith

 

[Merlin]

Hi, Merlin.

Since jonny's not here any more, I hope you won't mind if I attempt to answer for him. Jonny served an LDS mission to Germany teaching the gospel. LDS missionary service generally lasts two years. Jonny has been home for several years now.

I think he explained our Church's position very accurately, though. First, although we obviously teach our Church's understanding of Christian doctrines and are, without question, seeking converts, we are first and foremost, concerned with family unity. If our missionaries were to teach a husband and wife and only one were to be interested in converting, I don't believe we would push the matter if serious marital problems would result. We would try to encourage the non-believing spouse to respect his or her partner's desire to get baptized, but if it appeared that her conversion was going to jeopardize the future of the marriage, we would probably suggest that she hold off until such time as the issue could be resolved amiably. The same would hold true with respect to under-age children. As a matter of fact, Aqualung's parents did not want her to be baptized into the LDS faith. The missionaries could have simply gone against her parents' wishes and baptized her anyway, but they counseled her to just be patient and wait until she was of age. There is probably not a Christian denomination around with a greater focus on family unity. Consequently, we take the idea of "breaking up families" pretty seriously.

Kathryn

Thank you

That is a very responsible attitude. You are to be congratulated.

Ken

 

[Merlin]

Hi, Merlin.

Since jonny's not here any more,
Kathryn

I hope nothing has happened to him. We had some enjoyable debates

K