The Proverbs 31 woman... who can find her? I have some thoughts on this... I wanted to share with you. I said that the proverb was about her, as an independent woman. I was assailed for that.
But, I want to share why I would say that. Proverbs 31 is not about the husband or about his being the head, not at all.
It is about the "finding" of a woman who is already productive and independent in her own right, before she is found.
First of all, the proverb is written from Solomon's mother to him in instruction to him on finding a wife. And she tells him to seek this woman who has these qualities ... this independence, to be and do things above the abilities of the every day woman. She tells him to seek this woman who has an independence in the free market, a business of her own, and who can carry the responsibility of running a complete household at the same time she is producing and trading goods of the time in the markets and ports to the point of being the CEO of her company... if you will.
Her independence sets him free to sit at the gates and to speak highly of her. Speaking at the gates, done by upward men of the day, who discussed the affairs of the city. In the midst of that he tells them, "Hey... btw... I have a wife who came to me a complete woman, I found one who knew what she was doing and what a blessing that is to me in my own place in life." He is not saying... "I have a wife who lives in submission to me by golly"... not at all.
So, where did she come from? Where did she get the gifts to be this rounded person she was... Some talkers would have us to believe it is due to her husband, she can't be independent, he is over her... I disagree. I believe she can be. And is.
Who can find her? This implies she comes to you when you do find her, already equiped to be what she is to be ... How did this happen? She had strong and involved parents is how. Someone taught her how markets are run, and how to keep books, how to run a household and to prepare for those who work for her and to maintain her "loveliness" as a woman while dealing with the situations that come with this... someone instilled a work ethic in her, someone taught her to be honorable in her dealings of finance and marketing. Someone taught the trade, and to use her hands in skilled labor to create the goods she sold and traded in the ports to the merchants. But she was already walking in these things when she is found, by the proverb.. the writing, the instruction.
So... she had all of this, when she is found, it came with her, and that means she was raised up and prepared independently of her yet to be husband by a father and a mother who understood these areas and gave that to her.
They taught her to do and be who she needed to be independent of an overseer, and someone to guide her steps, which by the way, is what set her husband free to sit at the gate... Her teaching did that. Her having these areas instilled in her BEFORE she was found by the man who was lucky to get her... by the word of Solomon's mother. They MUST have told her she was of worth, that she could do it, they built up her confidence and spoke things of honor and value into her spirit as they raised her. They had to, that is what good parents do. They spent their life giving her all that she needed to set her apart from others. She did not NEED a man, she did not have to have one to get around in the world and to prosper in her own right at all. Not everyone does get married in life, and her parents prepared her to succeed and to care for herself and others in a time when most were pushing their daughters to marry well. Or to just marry.
A man is more blessed according to this passage by having an independent and educated woman who does not need him to oversee her day to day choices and the managing of her own busines, her household, her hired employees and even the fincances to make it all work and run smooth, to the end result of finacial independence and wealth that she shares with her household in return. He FOUND one smart woman in her own right. If she was not all of the things noted about her... when he found her, he would have had to participate in the running and overseeing of her marketing ventures and all that she ventured to do... she would have needed his guidence to do it... She did not. She did it well when she came to him, she continued to do it well and to excell at it to the point that He could be part of the "men at the gate" which was a thing to be in the day... much like being on the City Council if you will.
Now, I've been accused of being some Feminazi for this thinking, but I am not... I see in her a very strong independence, and a confidence that I believe was put there by her parents in the way the raised her all of her life, she came educated and rounded to her husband. She also was a blessing to her parents in return by honoring all they instilled in her as whe went on in life to be a women worthy of NOTATION... she is noted for who she is, and what she is by Solomon's mother.
She submitted herself to the custom of the day, and married. She obeyed the regulations of the being a Jew, in the time for her not to marry would have been a shame on her parents... She did well, and in fact, she excelled above other women in what she did... that is an independent woman who has a submissive heart unto the LORD, her parents, and her husband.. not just to a man. She yeilded herself, she chose to be and do what she did. SHE CHOSE IT. And it blessed all of those around her. How can any man think that to "find" a woman such as this means that because he is her covering, that he is her mind and that she didn't do anything independent of him? That this proverb isn't about her being completely independent in her own right? Solomon's mother went a long way to speak to this woman being strong, intelligent, educated, successful and quite capable WHEN SHE IS FOUND... or married.
I think when we look at the Proverbs 31 woman, we don't NEED to look to see her husband to find her... we need to examine her parents and who she is in her self and then say to the husband... the same thing that Solomon's mother said... "You did well, to find this woman"... "You sir, truely did find a gift, and you are blessed"... Rather than to imply that she is blessed that he notes her and allows her to be who she really already was when he found her. In my humble opinion.
