A poll for the women of RF

[Light On]

I'd much rather him tell me then and there than find out he's been cheating on me later.

I could have been going on with my life by then!

 

[Aquitaine]

I have to say, back in high school when my large group of friends were talking about bisexuality, myself and one other girl were the only ones who claimed to have no interest in sexual relations with other females. Most wanted to experiment even though they prefered men.

*Starts looking for cheap flights to Australia.*

Why can't British girls be like that?

 

[Madhuri]

*Starts looking for cheap flights to Australia.*

Why can't British girls be like that?

LOL! The English prudes sent all the bad girls Down Under.

(reminds me of the quote: good girls go to heaven, bad girls go down under)

 

[Gharib]

Somehow I don't think this discussion is going the way eselam anticipated. We women don't conform to his expectations.

i didn't have any expectations to start with.

well i was actually expecting that they would all say marriage is about one on one, but this double dating stuff is quite new, now thats what i wasn't expecting at all.

i never thought that non muslims didn't mind multiple wives of husbands as long as they both do it.

 

[Gharib]

You have to understand that these two Polls are in responce to a debate on Polygyny in Islam.

Unfortunately, eselam hasn't quite worded the questions in favour for an equal, balance Poll.

One of the Poll options should be:

"No. I do not want my Husband to cheat on me or marry another Woman, Monogamy between us is what's important."

All the current Poll options are based around the Man already attempting to cheat on the Woman, just in different ways.

Instead of it being about how you'd best prefer your Man to cheat on you, it shoudl be about whether or not you'd want your Man to cheat on you.

isn't the 4th option already about that?

 

[Gharib]

eselam, if you (or any other Muslim male) wants to understand most Western Women's attitude to Polygamy, then simply just flip it upside down.

Imagine you and your Wife were together, and then she decides to marry a second, third, and forth Husband. You'd hit the roof.

It's funny how Islam permits Polygyny with such "righteousness", yet if the -gyny of Polygyny is replaced with -andry, then there is Hell to pay and the Woman responsible is condemned to Hell.

Then again, Islam, like most religions is made by Men, run by Men, for the purpose of serving Men.

can you please think before you write next time? it would be much appreciated.

look i did say there are follow up threads so be patient, i can't answer everything at once. and there will be a thread about what you have said, nanda asked that yesterday so it would be fair to see the results.

 

[Madhuri]

Btw Esalam,
if option 4 had been avaiable when I voted I would have voted for it instead of option 2. Just so you know.

 

[Gharib]

Btw Esalam,
if option 4 had been avaiable when I voted I would have voted for it instead of option 2. Just so you know.

yes i got that from your previous posts, i just didn't think about option 4 at the start.

 

[Gharib]

Hey Esalam,
some really good points made here by members. I have to say, back in high school when my large group of friends were talking about bisexuality, myself and one other girl were the only ones who claimed to have no interest in sexual relations with other females. Most wanted to experiment even though they prefered men.

Also, Paul made a really good point. Basically, many western women would consider their husband having numerous women as offensive and hurtful as you would feel if a woman took on numerous husbands.

You also have to consider how a society views marriage, for what purpose. In western society we have very romantic notions. Two people complete each other. More than two people create jealousy, favouritism, and really weird psychological phenomenons. Except for a very few people (who all seem to be on this site!), the idea of polygamy is unacceptable.

what you have said in the last 2 paragraphs also applies in islam, you see if by marrying another woman, leads to having problems with the first wife, then polygamy in that case is not allowed by islamic law.

the reason why it is not allowed is because another woman would bring up problems to the man and his first wife, and islam forbids things that are harmfull not only to humans but all other living creatures.

 

[Gharib]

Basically, eselam's poll seems to be leading in the direction of all the women at RF joining one big women-only commune. Sounds good to me.

:slap:

wow there, back up a little, i'm not a woman, just incase you didn't know.

and there is paul and msizer around. both males btw.

 

[Alceste]

My man would never cheat on me secretly. (He said so in your other thread, bless him). I trust him completely. If either of us ever wanted to experiment outside the relationship or bring someone else in (which seems unlikely at this time), we'd probably talk things through and it would come to nothing if there was even the slightest chance of hurt feelings on either side.

That said, my opinion is not so black and white, generally. I had a fiance before and my feelings were different. He was more of a "best friend" than "love of my life", for one thing, and he was not cut out for monogamy. He just doesn't have it in him. He's never once in his life managed to pull it off, and I've known him a long time. So early on when we got together, I said "if you want to see other people, I'm OK with that, but you have to tell me before hand, and you have to understand that if it's an open relationship it's going to be open for both of us - not just you". I also told him if he ever lied to me I'd kick his *** to the curb so fast his head would spin and we wouldn't even be friends.

Anyway, he didn't like the idea of me being with other guys so he turned down my offer of an open (and honest) relationship, and instead cheated on me and lied to me about it for years. Finally I found out about one of his affairs, and of course I kicked his *** to the curb so fast his head spun (as promised) and we are no longer friends.

 

[Aquitaine]

My man would never cheat on me secretly. (He said so in your other thread, bless him). I trust him completely. If either of us ever wanted to experiment outside the relationship or bring someone else in (which seems unlikely at this time), we'd probably talk things through and it would come to nothing if there was even the slightest chance of hurt feelings on either side.

That said, my opinion is not so black and white, generally. I had a fiance before and my feelings were different. He was more of a "best friend" than "love of my life", for one thing, and he was not cut out for monogamy. He just doesn't have it in him. He's never once in his life managed to pull it off, and I've known him a long time. So early on when we got together, I said "if you want to see other people, I'm OK with that, but you have to tell me before hand, and you have to understand that if it's an open relationship it's going to be open for both of us - not just you". I also told him if he ever lied to me I'd kick his *** to the curb so fast his head would spin and we wouldn't even be friends.

Anyway, he didn't like the idea of me being with other guys so he turned down my offer of an open (and honest) relationship, and instead cheated on me and lied to me about it for years. Finally I found out about one of his affairs, and of course I kicked his *** to the curb so fast his head spun (as promised) and we are no longer friends.

It's either, MSizer, Angellous Evangellous, or Sandy Whitelinger - am I right?

 

[Gharib]

It's either, MSizer, Angellous Evangellous, or Sandy Whitelinger - am I right?

i wana know too. so who is it?

i think it may be sandy.

 

[MSizer]

It's either, MSizer, Angellous Evangellous, or Sandy Whitelinger - am I right?

Hey! (insert frown here) Honesty is the foundation of an open marriage, just like any other marriage.

 

[Autodidact]

:slap:

wow there, back up a little, i'm not a woman, just incase you didn't know.

and there is paul and msizer around. both males btw.

But the poll is not directed at any of you, is it?
The women seem to be heading in the direction of some kind of poly/bi/free love commune.

 

[Storm]

But the poll is not directed at any of you, is it?
The women seem to be heading in the direction of some kind of poly/bi/free love commune.

Not I, but you guys feel free.

 

[Alceste]

But the poll is not directed at any of you, is it?
The women seem to be heading in the direction of some kind of poly/bi/free love commune.

Yeah, I could get on board with that if I can bring Wampus.

 

[Aquitaine]

Yeah, I could get on board with that if I can bring Wampus.

Scarlett Wampus!

Do'h!

I honestly thought it was MSizer.....

 

[Alceste]

Scarlett Wampus!

Do'h!

I honestly thought it was MSizer.....

Ha - no doubt we both stink of Montreal. An understandable mistake.

 

[dawny0826]

to the women, would you rather have your husband:

cheat on you behind your back and later find out about it

OR

would you rather have him come up to you and say "i want to marry another woman also" and discuss it with him?
(if he was to marry another woman, then you should both have a house each, be free to work if you wanted but to keep the money for yourself etc)

whats the reasoning behind your answer?


there will be a few follow up threads to this. i will post the links to this OP.

EDIT: here are the links

A poll for the men of RF

I'd let him go, in either scenario. If I wasn't good enough to be my husband's one and only, I'd want free of him.